Last night I told him that I can't wait until we've been together longer than we've been apart. Which, funnily enough, is NOT the sentiment we were actually voicing on the night before the wedding. In fact, if I remember right, we were in the midst of a HUGE fight.
For life, til death do us part.
Happy 3rd Anniversary, My Love!!
In my 'Ask me anything' entry, BlessedBeauty left me a note, asking how I became rich. Really, I've always been rich, and I simply wasn't aware of the fact.
I first watched that video - oh, a few months ago now, and it really - brought home to me, in a way that nothing else ever has, how wealthy I - and most people who are able to read this entry - are. And yeah, it's kinda sappy, in a 'We are the World' sort of way - but it's also been VERY personally peaceful for me.
I was ALWAYS the one fretting about money - will we have enough? why don't we have more? Oh, only if I had X dollars I would be able to do W, and Y, and maybe even G! - and honestly, it stressed me. It wore me down. It drove my husband BATTY. I was always so 'forward-focused', and so busy looking at all the stuff OTHER people had, and wondering why I didn't have quite as much stuff, and wondering if I would EVER have quite as much stuff.
Then, I really started thinking about it - about how I deal with money, and how it works (or doesn't work, as the case may be) with what I claim is my worldview - that money is energy & time, condensed into a form that can be given and taken away. That money, really is, a means to an end, and simply because the money isn't there, doesn't mean that the end won't ever be reached - it might be harder, it might take more effort and time and energy - but if it's worthy, if it's truly WORTH it - it'll happen. It'll get done.
And then, I really started thinking about all the grandiose PLANS I had for the 'money' that I didn't have, and I realized that most of them were actually experiences - things I wanted to learn/try/do - and that the MONEY aspect of it was really all around me getting more 'stuff' to be able to do something. Did I REALLY need a 250 dollar sewing machine to start sewing? Nope - a 3 dollar one from the thrift store is all I really need - and most women, across the WORLD, make do with even less. Do I really need the full set of gardening tools to get my ass outside and digging in some dirt? Nope - all I REALLY need is my hands and a hoe - what most people in the world use to feed themselves when they don't have enough 'money' to pay someone else to feed them.
It's really been a seachange in how I deal with money, and how I percieve wealth. I have my health, I have a roof over my head, I have enough clothing to last me for years, I have a college education, I have a computer (of my own!) and can afford the electricity to run it, I have a fridge and a deep freezer and a car, and dammit, I'm rich!! And to even consider myself anything less than rich is denying the reality of exisitence of most of the population of the world, and only focusing on the microgasm of the world that is represented as Amercian Culture (built half on debt, and half on denial) and comparing myself - with my very different goals and plans and lifepaths - to that.
So yeah - that's how I became rich.
I'm - content.
Today, I told a friend that over the last few weeks, I've come to accept two things...
1) Looking at it from a global level, we're quite wealthy.
2) People do dumb shit.
I've been enourmously peaceful through/because of those two revalations. While sometimes 'The Hate' (as I like to call it) overwhelms me, and I hate everything breathing within a 20 ft radius (20 yds if I'm driving), most of them time I'm disgustingly zenlike & happy.
I feel like I'm finally - doing things - to get me where I want to be. I'm not just standing still, marking time - I'm traveling. And - I'm traveling, without moving, because most of my travel is - mental? viewpoint? I'm changing, gradually, into the woman that I've always wanted to be, and it feels odd, and lazy, and - far too easy.
I feel superstious, like everytime I even think of how wonderful things are, I should complain and bewail it, so that mischevious fairies don't come along and screw the whole thing up - and even as I think that, I laugh at how foolish it is - and yet how right it feels.
It's scary being this - satisfied. It's not like I WANT drama in my life - it's just that - I've never lived a life as - suitable - to me as this one is. I'm worried that - I'm scared that I might start to take it for granted, and that I might lose sight of how precious and wonderful and lovely my life is.
*grins* So. New and new and new.
I'm happy.
WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *deep breath*
I said a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*grins* I got the apartment. Now I can let my mind go utterly buck wild and plan & design & plot and so forth & so on. I have a place to live, a job, and almost a degree!!!! *bounces* yes yes yes yes yes
*happy & joyful grin*
Annnnnd... I got a notice in the mail today regarding a magazine subscription that I had paid for but they lost track of me... so I get another year of Popular Photography. Is this a message that it is about time I pull my camera & film back out and start expressing myself again?? *grins* Life is JOOD. and i have an apaaaaaaaarrrtment!!!
*happy sighs* Can things be annny better???
Stay Jazzed.
