Nightmare on the Wrong Street

I had my first wedding nightmare a few nights ago.

I dreamt that I was at our apartment (the one we live in now, not the one that we (or at least I) will be living in then)  and I was all dressed and prettied up – but there was NO one there with me.  Someone was supposed to be coming to pick me up – and they never came. I was stuck in the house, makeup all made up, dress on, shoes on – and the wedding was going on without me (the nightmarish part). When the person who was supposed to take me finally showed up –around five hours late – I went mildly ballistic.  Heh. I hate dreams like that because then I wake up all grumpy and sour at the world.

Any how – isn’t it just a weeeee bit early in the game for me to be having wedding nightmares? I mean ugh – the wedding isn’t for well over another YEAR. 

The dress I had on was UGLY too.  It was an old dress – an icky off white in color and just nothing like what I want.

I have to admit though, I have been having fond semi-thoughts of going to the courthouse and just getting it over with.  Heh.

Jasmyn

Cheerful Chic

I feel totally wonderful now, and I am most likely going to ruin that by getting some coffee.

Actually – I feel almost totally wonderful – I have this weird little crick in my neck right where my skull starts in the back – but that’s not too bad…it’s actually kinda nice – letting mek now that I have gotten WAYYYY too much sleep in the past three days.

Let’s see – I was off Sunday, and Monday, and Tuesday – from both jobs. I don’t think I have had three days STRAIGHT off since – since – oh I can’t even REMEMBER. It was WONDERFUL. I am soooo well rested, and so relaxed and so at peace – it’s AMAZING!

Also – we found an apartment AND the site for the wedding. *claps with joy*

We went to see the Hide Away spot – and it’s PERFECT. I mean totally hogswonkingly PERFECT. A huge kitchen, a gorgeous patio, chairs, tables, EVERYTHING. AND – it’s only 60.00 an hour with a 4 hour minimum. We are thinking about whether we want to get the place for a full day – or if we want to just get 5 or 6 hours. *grins* I’m thrilled – now all I have to do is be SURE to be there the day after Labor Day to insure that we can get the date that we want. I will take the day off if needed – oh yeah. So – that’s more or less done…

And the apartment!! Oh – it’s SOOOO cute. We’re going to be on the third floor, big balcony, 2 bathrooms, 940 sqft, 2 bedrooms, a big ole kitchen, carports – just EVERYTHING for about 560.00 – which is LESS than what we are paying now. *does a little dance* It’s futher out – south of Indy, and it’s in a complex – but that means that we have a POOL and someone to pick up our packages and a clubhouse! *giggles* I’m so thrilled – Corey’s pretty darn thrilled too. And – because Lilly is a preferred employer – we get a 5% discount, and no application fee. Can I be thrilled? Can I? *bounces*

We’re going to fill out the applications this weekend and drop them off at the complex. *grins*

I’m still broke – and now we need to start looking for movers – cuz I KNOW that is going to be expensive (moving from the first floor of an old building to the third in a place with NO elevator) *sighs* much loot. I’m not sure if I will be able to afford driving to PA – time or money wise. Testing will have started back up here, and I know it’s going to be like pulling teeth just to get the first week of July off – so trying to get two more days off might be close to impossible. Besides the fact that I always spend WAYYYY too much money when I go home…

Argh!


But I’m still in a damn good mood. :)


Jasmyn

Stufffff....

*WARNING* - I'm going to start talking about this blasted thing more and more and more....until I get sick of it again. *END WARNING* 

Grr – just got off the phone with dudette from the Hide-Away  (wedding site). I HOPE I misunderstood when he said that you can’t book the site until the first working day after Labor Day.  Im hoping that what he meant was that is when you can start booking it for next year – not that you can’t book the site for a day BEFORE that – if that makes any sense.  I first thought that he meant you can’t book it for September 1, 2003 – but maye he meant that I can’t book it for September 1, 2003 until September 3, 2002. I hope. Really. 

GAAHHHH!!!

*pant pant*  Me and Corey have come to the agreement that if any of his or my family starts to drive up batty over the wedding – we will run off to Jamaica and still get married there.  Heh.  We think we might be able to get the cake for free – one of his friends mother’s makes wedding cakes and she said that she would make the cake for his wedding – so that will be nice.  So – next the caterer…*sigh*…I wonder what comes first, the caterer or the menu?

One of my favorite artists is coming out with a new CD on June 4th. I’m excited – just a wee bit.

I haven’t gotten any more responses from places – I’m thinking about just cutting them off, but I’m not – instead I’m just going to call them again, politely bitch them out, tell them what a BAD impression such slackerhood towards a prospective tenant is, and then demand that they send me a freaking floorplan.
Off to call people.  Dingys are just bad for business.

Jasmyn

Suddenly sensible

My problem, you must understand, is that what I want and what I can have diverge from each other at the very moment that the idea of wanting enters my head. But, since I have no will power – what I want tends to win over the reality of what I can have. Once I’m sated – my wants fulfilled – I frown upon the state that I have willingly launched myself into.

So – once again I’m utterly broke. Went out to dinner last night at one of the places we are thinking about having cater the wedding – the food was good but ended up being just a wee bit more pricey than I had expected. *sighs* And I really need a new tire. *sighs*

Well…last night was actually quite wonderful. We left and went to go and look at the site that I found that might be nice for the wedding. The road to it was locked, so we couldn’t get close enough to it to really see it – however we were able to get to see the second choice – and I must say that place was QUITE nice. As me and Corey said back and forth to each other most of the way to dinner – ‘ If that was the SECOND choice – what’s the FIRST choice look like???’ In other words – we’re excited.

In general – I don’t know. Maybe I’ve just been super moody lately – it seems like I can’t quite put things in perspective. I’m either in a state of naïve bliss – like I am today – or in a state of pessimistic hopelessness – like I’ve been last week. The bliss bits are nice – fun – hopeful I guess. I’m just plain NOT worried about anything – why bother? But at the same time, I’m a hopeless planner.

I’ve been kicking around the thought of writing on this weeks topic – but the way I want to state my phobias hasn’t quite solidified yet. I’ve got lots of stuff that I am scared of – some of it even creeps in my dreams with me – but most of my phobias come in a very human shape. So – I’m working on expressing them right.

Hmm – I wrote not too long ago about how depressed reading/watching the news makes me…and ever since then I have been more interested in ferreting out News – real stuff that really matters that I would have to scour the pages of the Star to find – and still I would only grab a few brief lines. So…I’ve started reading other magazines – other web sites – and while it is STILL depressing – and even rather scary – it’s comforting in an odd way. It’s still mostly about scandal and death and bribery and lies on a global scale – but at least I’m not the only one wondering about certain oddities – at least I can feel rather assured that I’m not crazy – or if I am I’m not the only crazy one by far. Besides – I feel more intelligent having at least a minor grasp on world issues. Less like the average person who doesn’t know, and doesn’t care that they don’t know. My hands are still very small, and the problems are still very large – but at least I know that it’s not just my hands and head looking at these problems.

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with one of my friends about atheism, and religion in general.
I wonder if most of my beliefs are like that – I tend to hold them quite firmly, but never express them in concrete terms for myself. However, if someone asks me about them, or if I get in a conversation about them, I can almost immediately express them in a clear and concise manner that explains almost perfectly how I feel – and it tends to surprise me. I guess subconsciously I know exactly what I believe and how I feel about certain things (and most certainly NOT everything) - but because it’s my belief I don’t feel the need to defend or intensely analyze it within myself. I tend to reject almost anything that doesn’t ‘vibe’ with me – sometimes fully aware that I am allowing my own prejudices to kick something out of my life, and sometimes not until much later do I realize how much I have turned away from an idea or concept or person…just because it doesn’t resonate with me.

hmm… I think I’m done for a minute or two.

Jasmyn

Huh?

ARRRGH.

One word – six syllables: AAAA-AAAAA-RRRRRR-GGGGGGG-UUUUU-HHHHHHH. If you actually try to say that – you’ll sound like a severely sick seal.  Try it.  Heh. See??

Sugar is bad, sugar is evil, sugar makes me wanna crawl under my desk and become Jasmyn Van Winkle. *sighs* But that Chai was just so very good. 

I have work to do, but it’s all very very boring work.  And doing boring work while tired is the worst thing as far as work goes.

So – I had fun last night. Went out, ate well, talked for like HOURS about all kinds of fun stuff. *sighs* It was just a load of tricks and fun. I didn’t get home until almost 10:30 – so that was bad.

*lloooonnnggg break*

Um okay. Lunch sucked *gag* afternoon snack sucked *gag* I’ve decided that I’m NOT going to do the Weight Management thing – instead I will use the 700.00 that I would have spent on that and getting a new computer.  Got a crapload of information from other complexes in the mail yesterday – I need to figure out a way to organize all of it. Heh – Friday night is going to be fun. 

I’m looking at planning this blasted wedding again and I’m all *gag* about it.   My main things are food, photography and location. I’m looking at a couple of wonderful cheap locations – but I need to go out and actually see them. Food? Ugh.  Catering (plus all the rentals) is too bloody expensive – though this one place does have a kitchen and they have tables & chairs and dammit I KNOW I can find some cheap table clothes and centerpieces. *sighs*  Hm.  *shrugs* If I ever get a Saturday off without requesting it I might go there – or even tomorrow!  *thinks* And maybe have a passed hor’derves with a early afternoon wedding. Eeek.
The thing is you see - once a location is settled on, everything else will have to settle into place. And I have to find THE place. I have a vision in my head, and dammit if I can't get married on the beach - I damn sure am going to have the woodland wedding I want!! *makes spoiled rotten brat face*

I've realized lately that I am SOOO Spoiled. I want things when I want them, how I want them, and perfect. Yet I can think of very few times in my life where I had the wherewithal to actually be able to pull it off. *sighs* I'm gonna be a bridezilla.

Rambling generally. Don’t want to go to work tonight. Sleepy.  Need to call Nee and see if she got my card.

Blargh.  Only have one hour left though. Maybe.

Jasmyn

The Magic of the Future

Not sure why I’m doing this – sparked some by reading the entirety of PhatPrincessDiva’s diary – partly because I doubt in my heart that I will ever be there – partly because I want a side by side comparison.

And some – cuz I wanna shock myself.



........ Now ..................................................... Then





So - the difference between these two pictures is about 100 pounds. The Now one is me (more or less - more like more *sigh*) now - the Then one is me (maybe) after 100 pounds are gone. The Now one actually does look like me - hips & thighs & belly - though my boobs are MUCH bigger. Heh. THe skinny one?? *shrugs* I don't know. The first time I have recorded (in my very first diary) my weight - I weighed 160 pounds - and I was most likely about 4'8. I'm 5'6 now - and the skinny version wieghs 140 pds. I've NEVER been that small. And honestly - it's scary. I think the lightest I have been in recent history was 180 - and that was while I was on Atkins - I was wearing a 16 - sometimes a snug 14. Right now, I'm wearing a 22 or somemtimes and 18/20...and you know I'm going to try to extrapolate from those two what the size of the itty bitty girly is. Okay - it looks like I might drop a size every 20 pounds or so. Which would make that girly a size 12. Which is interesting because my goal size was a 10 or a 8. However - if these little calculations are even VAGUELY on point - I would have to weigh between 120 & 110. According to a height weight chart for a medium frame I shouldn't weigh any less than 130. Hm.



If you are interested in getting a model of yourself (talk about letting OD see what you really look like!) travel on over to Virtual Models and create an avatar of your own. You can put clothes on if you want - but...ah I just didn't feel like it. :)




Corey made an odd comment a few days ago – about how whatever I get my tattoo to be, should be something that represents me now, and not something that represents who I want to be. And that’s cool – but at the same time I don’t know if that’s what I want. I’m good for needing goads – encouragements and symbols to get where I want to go. And – maybe I was thinking of getting a goad as a Tattoo – but I’m not sure.

Maybe more later.

Jasmyn

Wedding Woes

I think I may have changed my mind.  Maybe – just maybe – we can get married here and then  honeymoon in Jamaica.  If we limit the guest list to fewer than 40 people (half of what my original estimates were) and have a park wedding with chairs and an altar – we should be able to keep the price of the wedding under 2000.00.  Right now, I trimmed the guest list down to 36 – the really important people.  All family, or very close friends of the family.  If we have the reception in a restaurant (actually I was thinking of having it in a winery) – we should be able to feed everyone for less than 1000.00. 

It’s odd.  When I think of the wedding I don’t include stuff like my dress, or his outfit, or the rings or any of that jazz. All I think of is the ACTUAL event – because I know that is what is going to cost the most.  The main thing that I have not priced (and I am kind of scared to price) is the photography. *sighs* I wonder if LittleOne (an excellent photographer) would make that our wedding gift. 

I feel kinda bad because I’m doing this waffling back and forth without talking to Corey. I don’t think he really cares (or minds) where we get married – as long as we do. And if we have the wedding here – he can have the officiant that he wants to have – if he doesn’t have issues with marrying people outside.  I’m kinda liking this. 

The main reason I’m waffling? I realized that I don’t want to have to be concerned about entertaining ANYONE after I’m married. I want to have that quiet time where I drag my husband (oh! oh! oh!) off and hide out somewhere away from the chaos that our families are sure to develop.  If they are on the same small island – they are going to want to hang out and have fun WITH us…. why even cause that kind of chaos? Besides – figuring out where everyone can stay (singles who want an adults only place, singles who don’t care, gay couples, straight couples who have kids…..ad infinitum)  and pay the least and have all-inclusive - *rolls eyes* my GOD!

*grins* I think I have figured out an absolutely GRAND wedding date though – and I didn’t think of it until I was putting together the wedding webpage thingy on the Knot. The date could be Sept. 1 – the third anniversary of the day we met. Cool, eh? It is also Labor Day *grins*  which may present a problem to the yucky people who don’t want to take ONE day off to come to their relatives/friends wedding. Not that I have any of THOSE kind of people on my side – and I hope Corey doesn’t either – but it’s just the THOUGHT ya know? I have been reading way to many stories of women FORCED to become Bridezilla bitches because of idiotic family and friends.  I won’t won’t won’t!! I will cancel the wedding, STILL go to Jamaica and get married there before I let folx stress me out.

Boy – that felt good to get off of my chest.

Umm…. what else? I work tonight, I work tomorrow ( and close – how yucky). I still hate my job…but *shrugs* I’m willing to live with it. My fiancé is a sweetie, my cats love me, and the weather is slowly getting more and more spring like.

:) I can’t bitch but so much …even though I have started bleeding again. Of course – that is most likely cuz my dilly ass forgot to take her pills. Thank god I’m NOT on birth control. :)

Have a Happy Friday and a DAMN good weekend.  I will.

Jasmyn

FlashJasmyn

Remember that whole bit I wrote yesterday about me taking at LEAST 45 minutes to get ready? Well – today I had an 8am meeting at work. I woke up at 7:19. I left the house at an amazing 7:34 – showered, smelling good, superficially lotioned and unwrinkled. I won’t be telling Corey about that – as then I will be expected to do this on a regular basis. Not gonna happen.

I called and talked to Mommy the Nurse about the gallbladder thing. She said go to the doctor too. *sighs* I am so freaking SICK of going to the doctor. I feel like between me and the cats all I have done for the past 3 months is go to the doctor. BAH!  But, I guess I’ll be going. Shame there isn’t some sort of test I could take that would tell me if I really needed to go.  Yes – I’m being difficult. 

Hm. I finally ordered Corey’s ring.  I can’t remember if I mentioned the fact that he didn’t like the one I got him *shrugs* and hasn’t worn it since *slightly hurt shrug*  but now I am getting him a new one so THERE. It’s titanium and it’s cute – just not my style. Ah well – we can’t surprise each other with jewelry that’s for sure.

Have I mentioned my new jewelry obsession? Antique rings.  I’m considering changing the setting of my ring for the wedding rather than actually getting a separate band. Hell – I might change the setting AND get a separate band.  But anyhow – the styles that I am drawn to are the antique ones. Mostly the filigree and engraving on them more than anything else. Maybe I will get a garnet band – that would be nice. Heh.

I need to write on the latest theme – but I haven’t quite sat down and thought about it.

Once again I have less than nothing to w rite about.  And quite naturally – no work to do. *sigh*

Jasmyn

Easy - Like Sunday Morning

Ummm…..

It’s Sunday – around 1:15pm. I’m sitting on the couch watching the TLC /Lisa Lopes memorial stuff on VH1. They just got finished showing behind the music – and now they are showing their videos in order of release. *sighs* TLC is/was one of my favorite bands. Ah so…


I have absolutely nothing to write about…I just felt like writing something today so I’m spewing. I might come up with something interesting.

I haven’t heard back from my old boss yet – nor have I heard back from the friend who had a fit when I told him I was engaged. *sighs* I hven’t called back LittleOne yet either….he left me & Cor a nice little message a few days ago. I just hate calling people when I don’t really have the time or energy to totally focus on them – ya know? So…my phone communication skills suck. I need to call Nee too… I haven’t talked to her since her little sister had the baby (on my birthday nonetheless.) So yeah – duties I need to fulfill to be not a slacker. *sigh*

Jasmyn isn’t really my name (as anyone who has communicated with me from here through mail most likely knows) My real name is actually damn cool – which is why I have the whole name change issue thing going on. I actually LIKE Jasmyn Corey-Last-Name. In fact, it’s one of the pseudonyms that I love to use – it just sounds right. So – I have this issue where I use one name when I initially meet people (esp. from online) and then I forget whether or not I used Jasmyn or my real name. *grins* Well…it’s fun. Then sometime I feel goofy about using a name that’s not really mine – and I have considered changing my name to Include Jasmyn as part of it when I get married. :) So I will be making my name really really long (5 names – youch!!!) But then I can legally use any combination thereof. *grins* When (my head & heart both chimed in with IF! IF! - traitors) I get published I want to use Jasmyn Corey-Last-Name as my author name. Not sure why – maybe I think that I will just be amazingly famous, and it will be easier if I don’t use my ‘real’ name as a famous author. :) Heh. don’t I have big dreams?

Something vaguely creepy happened to me yesterday at work – I was complaining to a coworker how I have been feeling really sore and gassy and just icky about 20-30 minutes after I eat unless I ate something really light like a salad – and the lady who I was ringing up asked me if my shoulder blades hurt. I ‘checked’ and they were sore and achy feeling. She then (the customer) said that it sounds like I have a gallbladder problem and I might want to get that looked into. Then! two of my other coworkers mentioned how they had family who had a similar problem and that really! I should get that checked out. *sighs* What is UP with me?? Anyhow, I came home and checked out some info on gallbladder problems. Interestingly enough – these are the risk factors: include female sex (check!) oral contraceptive use (check!), increasing age (no- but if I remember right this was because of decreased estrogen production – and interestingly enough according to the pill popping physician that is why I have been bleeding for the past 3 freaking weeks – low estrogen. My voice isn’t getting deep or anything though), fertile (check!), obesity(check!), diabetes mellitus(no), chronic alcohol ingestion(umm –maybe – I drink every weekend – a good bit too – but what do they consider to be chronic?) , and African-American(check!) or Asian ethnicity(no).
So – out of a possible 9 risk factors – I fit into 6 maybe 7 of them. So – now I am going to start keeping a closer lookout on what causes the gas fits. Supposedly, if you have gallbladder problems they occur after every meal more or less, but they are much much worse after a fatty meal. Yesterday the meal I had that made me start complaining was a slice and a half of some rather greasy pizza. And off hand – I know that I had noticed that greasy/fatty stuff made me gassy and icky feeling. So…off to the doctor I go AGAIN. Damn.

Hm. It’s almost 1:40pm now. Corey took my car to go to work this morning – but I need to go to work at LB tonight and he said he would bring it back around 3:30…and I really need to be ready to go then. Sadly enough, it usually takes me about 45 minutes to an hour to get ready. And it’s not like I’m a primp queen (if I moisturize my face before I walk out the car that is a GOOD day) it’s just that most times I’m only half awake and besides – why rush? So…. I kinda need to go and start getting ready. Bleh. I wish I had the car cuz I would get dressed, hop in, and go driving listening to my TLC albums. Eh. Instead I guess I Will get up and figure out what I’m going to wear. Bah. I wanna wear some jeans.




Oh yeah - I'm loving these colors.




Jasmyn

Happy Friday Brain Purge

There was this very friendly gentleman who used to be a security guard here named Frank. And every Friday, Frank would be sitting at the front desk, greeting people with a very cheery “Happy Friday” as they came in. Most people would respond in kind…and it was cool cuz it sounded not the least bit cheesy when Frank said it, or when people said it back to him. I think it sounded so sincere because he truly was sincere about wishing people a Happy Day. *sighs* Frank retired, but every Friday that I come to work I hope it’s a happy one.

I’m still working on designing this ring o’mine. One of the jewelry boards that I participate in has had an ongoing debate about copyright laws surrounding jewelry design. It started when someone who wanted a Tacori imitation, with some subtle changes that they had approached Tacori about making, but Tacori refused to make the changes - approached one of the custom jewelers on the board to make this ring for her. So this lady went to another jeweler, and this bru-ha-ha came up. It’s an odd thing to wrap my mind around, considering how rabid I am about copyright when it comes to writing (I think plagiarists should be suspended by their writing hand over a pit of hot lava) but yet I quite casually wear a Tiffany knock-off on my left hand…and have not a scrap of guilt about it. I think it comes down to a matter of accident. There are only but SO many ways to make a solitaire ring – there’s a round part you stick your finger through, 3 to 8 prongs that hold the stone in and a rock of some sort. I’m sure someone who is more math friendly than me can figure out exactly how many realistic combinations that comes to, but I know it’s not infinite. So – if two people totally separate design the same thing at close to the same time – but one person is a designer for a major label and the other person is Jo Shmoe – that (to me) isn’t copyright violation. Taking the basic design of something and adding changes that the designer won’t make – and getting a single unique ring made – to me that isn’t copyright violation either. There are some jewelers on the board who think that both are – and while I can understand their concerns – I think it’s a bit much. Especially when the designers themselves don’t seem to mind much…unlike Disney. :)
Anyhow – that has ‘flavored’ my ring design process. I want something very unique, but I know that there is not that much that HASN’T been done (esp. in the non froofy band I want) so I’m hunting for ways to pull it off. I need to go back to those chi-chi jewelry stores I was in before and look around more. So far – I know that I want a band with multiple princess garnets set in it. I would like it to have filigree around it somehow, and I would like it to be somewhat openwork. I know that you have to have a base for the filigree (or a rim around it) so I’m not sure how well openwork will work with that – but I’m trying. So – I go out on the net at look at designers that I know are well known for their filigree work (like Tacori) to see how they did it, what designs they had, and so forth – just to get an idea of what is feasible. Now though, I feel vaguely guilty about it – like I’m stealing something - even though most of Tacori’s stuff is 1) way tooooo froofy and 2) waaaaayyyy too damn expensive and 3) most likely would not substitute garnets for the diamonds anyway. *sighs* Bleh.

I’m on call for work tonight – and while I expect that I will have to go in (enough to bring a change of clothes as we can’t wear jeans), I’m madly hoping that I don’t have to go in. *crosses fingers* Speaking of which – after weeks and weeks of getting Tuesday and Thursday off (so much so that I had made plans for next Thursday as I thought I wouldn’t have to work that night) of course, I have to work. It presents more of a problem for the Lilly job, as I already have to cut out of here right on time (4:30) so coming in late or running errands during the days that I do work at night is a bad thing. Next week I have my first dentist appt for the deep cleaning of me teeth (must talk about my TB later) on – you guessed it Thursday. And it’s at 10:30!! So, I think I might come to work super early – take an early & long lunch, then traipse on over to LB.
Okay – now to talk about my wonderful toothbrush. It’s an electric one (the Braun UltraDeluxe thingy) and it’s just WONDERFUL. It has a set two minute timer (it’s amazing how long of a time that is) and it has a small head (good for me small mouth) and my teeth just get soooo much cleaner! Anyhow – I like it…and Slate did a shopping comparison and voted it the best Electronic TB among them all.

Reading one of my new favorites, I saw an old note on her diary that was from one of my old favorites who vanished, and whose diary name I couldn’t fully remember. After respotting several of my old fav’s when we made the switch to FeeOD, I was hoping that I could find her too. Ah well – she is no where to be found (at least under the old name(s). ) So – if anyone knows who/where KateAAF, or *Wendy* (she changes her name so dang much!) is – I would love to ‘find’ them again.

Man – I have been hopping around on subjects today. Just doing a brain purge.

Happy Friday!

Jasmyn