Hmmm, yes, it's high time to start detangling the hair. I've got a couple of small knots in the back, and my number of fairy knots has just gone through the roof. Hopefully some water and conditioner will get them out. I think the glycerine doesn't help either, as it's slightly - tacky - and thus attracts lint, and if my hair has something to twine around, it will. Hrrmmm - I think that just means I HAVE to do daily rinses - whether in the morning or at night, to be sure that the glycerine doesn't hold onto any lint - cuz my hair DOES love my mister mix - gylcerine, jojoba, tiny bit of TTO, and a splush of HoneyHemp, and water. Ooh, I added some rosewater too this last go around, to sweeten up the smell of the TTO. Man, but that stuff (TTO) is strong!

I haven't used any Lenzi's all week - I realized that would be WAY too much manipulation of my loose hair, and I would regret it come the end of the week. However - since skipping the Lenzi's, I've noticed that my scalp doesn't itch AT ALL. So - is the Lenzi's too heavy for my scalp, or am I just too heavyhanded with it? I think I'll try to lighten up on the Lenzi's a little - still use it, but use much less.

I think I might henna tonight - though - I HAVE said that I don't wanna sleep on Henna. I might jsut have to bring the old pillows to bed. Hrm, no - I take that back. I'm going to Amla/Shikaiki/Conditioner my hair tonight, Henna tomorrow, practice yarn twists tomorrow night, leave it alone Saturday, and then do the yarn twists Saturday night and Sunday and Monday.... That SHOULD give me enough time to finish before I go back to work on Tuesday, along with everything else I plan on doing.

I'm switching up my henna recipe this go around, after a question/thought was raised on LHCF about mixing coconut milk, lime, and henna together - the ultimate natural decurler. I don't THINK it'll do much - but I'm willing to try. I actually have some of the coconut/lime mix in my freezer left over from last time. I think it has some conditioner in it, and some honey too - so that'll be a perfect mix to add my FNWL henna to. I'll use the leftover C/L stuff as the liquid (I'm not going to heat it up - I'll jsut leave the henna on the porch - it's warm enough for that again!), and make my usual thick as all get out mix. Then mix in extra condish to make it hair worthy, and freeze the rest again. I've also promised (Hi Just_Isabel!!! :lol:) pictures of my head wrapped in saran wrap, so I think that I'm going to do a photo montage of my hennatype adventures - have to remind DH to leave the camera home.

Hrrmmm. It's taken me almost an hour to write this, as I take pauses to work, read other forums, play in my hair (the breakage is still close to NOTHING - I get a few, but they are either red, or obvious splits, so I'm happy - shedding is about 4-5 caught a day.... I'm sure it's a whole HORDE of shed hairs waiting for me) - but it's almsot time to go home.

I'm sure I'll be back. :lol:

Hairsta la Vista!

*kisses & Meez*

Hullo.

 

 

Aren't I adorable? I wish C could be on the couch, playing a video game. That would be about perfect.

*happy dance*

About a month or so ago, in a fit of hopeful anticipation, I requested this Friday and Monday off, so that ya know - in CASE TheBoy actually wasn't working, we would be able to go someplace - nothing too fancy... we were thinking of jsut riding down to Tunica, getting a hotel room and a massage, and relaxing.

But. Since Mr.Man is not only the Exec, but also the Iterim F&B Manager, and his 'sous' chef does stupid shit like buying Velveeta for a cheese platter when they have an entire fridge full of cheese (Doh!), he's going to be at work for most of the weekend. We ARE still going out to dinner - and he actually made the reservations, which REALLY makes me feel special, as I'm usually the one to do that. Ahhh, love.

Now, a normal type girl would be - a little down maybe - that an aniversary wouldn't be celebrated with a big shindig. Me, though? I'm kinda stoked. For two reasons.

1) We aren't spending money- even the dinner is mostly free. Yeah, I'm THAT cheap.
2) It gives me a 4 day weekend! With no plans!!

I could hang out with the SG folx - they have bowling Saturday night, and then a Looney Tunes rit on Sunday, but I'm not.

Instead - I'm going to set up the garden!! I have to empty the car of all the HDespot crap that I've been carting around all week (what? I haven't felt like unloading the car! ) to make room for MORE home despot crap.

So far - these are my plans for the Four Day Weekend.

1) Set up the Garden. This includes making the raised beds, tilling/ripping the last bit of greenery still alive under the carpet and leveling the ground a little, setting up the beds, and filling them with dirt and compost. If I'm feeling REALLY froggy, I'll try to plant some seeds, too.

2) Install at least ONE ceiling fan. We got four (replacing all of the fans in the house, and that's what's been rattling around the 'trunk' all week), but I think that the one in the bedroom is the most important, as Mr. Hotblooded decided to turn on the upstairs A/C last night. Dude! It's really NOT that hot - but without air circulation, it gets purty darn warm upstairs.

3) Give myself extensions. I've been saying that I'm going to put in yarn twists for MONTHS - but I was waiting til all the red was out of my hair. It's all out - and I don't know the next time I'll have a really FREE weekend (where I can be at home allllll weekend) so, I'm going to at least TRY.

*happy dance*twirling*singing*breaks out into a musical routine*

So.

I plan on taking LOTS of pictures, so I can record the hard HARD work I'm about to put in tomorrow. I'm actually kinda hoping that it rains, as the rain keeps down the squeeters, and makes the dirt softer.

Anything in particular ya'll wanna see pictures of?

Woot! Time to go - have a lovely weekend, ya'll!

12:59

 

I took the cup out tonight - just a few minutes ago in fact. It's CD26.

I'm slightly scared to go to sleep - worried that I'll wake up in a pool of blood. At least, I have the waterproof (and thus blood proof, I would assume) mattress pad on the bed - so at the worst, I'll just have some sheets to wash.

I'm starting to cramp a little - I wonder if that's my ute's sigh/sign of joy at finally being free of the bloody cup.

I THINK the OPK was a little darker than it's been tonight - something else to remember - always take pictures, no matter how light the test line might be.

Seriously, I might need to get C his own camera, cuz I mean, SHEESH. The man downright bogards mine.

I'm happy. It might still be possible - this month. Oh, squee! Seriously. I'm Squeeworthy, over here.

G'night

1:05

One. Two. Three.

Last night I told him that I can't wait until we've been together longer than we've been apart. Which, funnily enough, is NOT the sentiment we were actually voicing on the night before the wedding. In fact, if I remember right, we were in the midst of a HUGE fight.

For life, til death do us part.

Happy 3rd Anniversary, My Love!!

I had a really lazy weekend, and totally did NOT feel like combing my hair - so I didn't. I'm rocking the same wee fro that I've had all weekend - and I'm actually kinda liking it. I didn't take pictures of my products either. I didn't use the amla/shikakia either. :lol: I clarified with some BS & conditioner - though really, I used it to get my hair as curly as possible.

My mullet is more or less gone in the back - I can FEEL that the hair is two different textures, but it's at least shrunk up about to its limit. Interestingly enough, I also have mulletworthy hair on the sides, right above/behind my ears. I can pull that behind my ears (thankfully), but it likes to puff out. In general though, shrinkage is AMAZING. My hair looks like it's about 3/4 of an inch long - prompting several of my coworkers to ask me how I liked my new hair cut. :lol:

I'm playing in my hair, of course, and I'm VERY VERY pleased with how it feels and how much hair is coming out.
I've switched up my mister already - water, a tiny bit of TTO, glycerine, Humectress, and some jojoba :oops:. Yeah, there was some tucked in my cabinet too. I like how my hair feels - it's smooth and soft, but not too soft. And when I pull it straight, it boings right back into place. And it's DENSE - dear god, is this dense. Talk about a fabulous sunscreen. I've got this funky cool little patch of red hair right at the front top of my hair too - it's interesting. Looks like I did highlights, but I didn't, actually.

I'm debating leaving my hair like this all week - kind of a reward for having gotten so far with it, as well as to give my hair some 'breathing' time before I do the yarn twists. Also, I'm lazy. :lol:

hrm. I thought there was something else, but I can't think of it, so oh well.

http://public.fotki.com/malaikablu/style_how-tos_produ/

Yes, Yes.

.............

I come, and I stare, and I rack my brain, and - really. Nothing is going on - new like, in my life. Well, nothing that I consider of enough gripping interest that YOU folx would want to know about.

And maybe that's it. I love ya'll dearly, I do, and treasure the wonderful ODbond that has formed.

But. This is MY diary.

And sometimes, I think that - dammit - I think that I censor myself based on what I THINK other people want/need from me. And yeah, this is about way more than just OD.

And I'm slowly coming to realize that - well, not slowly, but the realization bitch slapped me a few days ago, and I'm still slowly coming to terms with it - but I'm coming to realize that not only am I doing MYSELF a disservice, it's an insult - really - to everyone I call friend.

At the same time - it's HARD. Oh dear me, is it hard. And it really shouldn't be, ya know? I shouldn't be afraid of being me. I shouldn't be ashamed of being me. As much as I talk about not requiring approval from others - deep down, I want it. I like feeling stroked and appreciated - and I cringe - on a souldeep level - when I am shunned/ignored/pushed aside. I'm a party girl at heart - but I'm a party girl who has never been one of the cool kids - always forming my own little party of three or so in the corner.

And, over the years I've convinced myself that I'm just so - different - that it's kinda expected I would be the odd kid out. I'm from Jupiter, you see, and therefore I don't have to TRY to fit in. And really - I don't want to fit in.

I just don't want to be afraid of not fitting in.

Also (and I'm only a marginal believer in the concept of horoscopes, but after a couple of nice solid nudges, a girl has to sit up and pay attention) my last few horoscopes/inspirational emails have all had the same thing of authenticity and of selfcenteredness and selfawareness.

I've got to break out of my shell. I HAVE to. I've finally - finally - grown to the point where the shell isn't giving anymore. And it's starting to make me feel stagnant, and guilty, and withdrawn that I can't give what I know I CAN give - and oftentimes want to give - but I just can't break through fully enough to pull it off.

I want to be the full sunhearted, moonbellied woman that I KNOW I am.

I'm just terrified that being me will be an impostion on people, and I'll be left all alone.

*sigh*

Well. Looks like I did have something on my mind, afterall.

12:23

Still bleeding. *shrugs* Whatever.

I'm. I'm in a mood, really. And, I know - in my heart of hearts that coming down off of the shrooms caused the mood - but, no. It allowed me to fully experience the change.

I'm broken. Really, I am. And the only way to fix that is to acknowledge. I've got a wall 12 feet thick and 20 feet high all around me, and I don't know how to break it down. Most of the time, I don't even realize it's THERE - and last night, I literally FELT it come back up, and I was so disappointed.

Even now, thinking of it beings tears to my eyes because - it's not fair. It's - it's cruel, actually.

And I don't know how to fix it. I can barely look directly at it. But I know that I want it gone.

12:26

I'm insane, really I am.

I just added a RIDICULOUSLY long intro section to my first entry. Am I going to keep up with it? We shall see. I always love it when I go to people's diaries, and they have those sort of things there - if I can ever get some good pictures of my texture, I'll add them there too. It's a CliffNotes to the madness that is me.

And ya know, I think that I will always be public....because I want (so not about to be humble here) I want to be an inspiration to other black women who are trying to grow their natural hair - whether they are members here or not. I'm hoping to have hair down to my ass one day, and this journal will be the record of how it got there. *grins* I want to give back whatNymphe gave to me.
Hm. That reminds me, I need to back this journal up.

In less self-centered, more hair-related news - it's FRIDAY!!! :hollie: Which of course means, that the hair is out. Seriously, by Friday, my hair is BEGGING to be set free. I realized this evening as I was slowly picking out my twists, that locs would drive me INSANE right now - just - *shudder* crazy. Not because they were bound together, but because I KNEW I couldn't take them apart.

Okay. I'll talk about this weekend's plans first.

So! It's Clarifying weekend! I was planning on doing my usual baking soda/citric acid two step, but then, as I was rooting around for SOMETHING in my cabinent, I stumbled across a box of Amla, and a box of Shikakai! Mind you, I thought I had used both of them all up in the CASH oil, but noooo!
I've been thinking about something herbal, to give a little 'boost' to the cleaning action - esp. since I'm actually using some sort of product EVERY day (cone/petro free or not) - and it's starting to get warm - so I might need a little something extra.
Then, I saw a thread - not sure if it was here or at LHCF (I think it was there), where they talked about mixing the herbs with CONDITIONER. Now, doesn't that just sound RIGHT up my alley? So - I think I might do that this weekend. I'm going to Ostara Ritual tomorrow, and I think I'm going to rock a wee, not pushed back fro, and then wash my hair when I come home afterwards.

Also - speaking of finding lost herbs, I'm going to finally take pictures of ALL the hair stuff I have. :oops: *hangs head in shame* You see, I collected all this stuff over a long period of time and well.... well, you'll see. I'll take the pictures tomorrow when DH isn't here - he's already ribbing me on my 'mild' hair obsession - I don't need to give him anymore ammunition! :lol:

Urm.

I'm seeing a BIT more breakage this week than last - I'm thinking that my decision to not follow up with a moisturizing conditioner after the protien was a bad one - next go around, I'm definitely going to finish it off right. However! Still WAY less than before, and still a healthy number of shed strands vs. broken ones, so I'm still content. I've noticed though, that the roots of the shed strands look lighter COLORED - almost blond. Am I going gray? Wouldn't that ROCK!??! I would have the reddest.hair.EVER. :hollie:

One thing that DID drive me batty this week was the shrinkage! My hair literally SHRUNK it's way out of the twists (esp. after I got it all nice and wet) and I had to redo one on the side (which saved it) but the back was a lost cause. I'm thinking about shifting the 'hair rinse' to THURSDAY morn, that way, I'll only have to get through one more day. But - I think my scalp would be screaming by Wednesday - esp. with the weather changing. Hmm. I can live with a severe case of the fuzzies on Friday - esp as since, as it gets longer it should hold together better.
I'll leave it on Wednesday, for now.

Also, I'm thinking about tweaking my misters. I've got the one with the strong TTO, conditioner and water - that one will stay the same - and I might even take out the conditioner and add some jojoba oil (which I really DO think I'm out of - but I could be wrong. :oops: ) since that mister main focus is the scalp. Or... ooooh. I wonder if I could use a lil MTG? I wonder what that would SMELL like though - ugh. More pondering required there - I'll stick with replacing it with jojoba oil next bottle.
The moisturizing one though - I'm thinking of doing 1/3 water, 1/3 glycerin, 1/3 conditioner - maybe the Oyin, and a fre DROPS of TTO (more for the anti-bac aspect) to use to soak my hair at night. It's starting to get warmer again, and I'm driving with the windows down, and I need someting a lil more intensely moisturizing on a daily basis. And :oops: I'm seriously starting to think about taking something to work with me, to give my hair a lil refresher in the midday. I'm not saying I WILL - I'm just - considering it, is all.



Sooo!!

I had originally taken next Friday and Monday after next off so that me & DH could go someplace Smmoopppy and LovelyDovely for our anniversary but *fondglare* he has to work. I'm not really ALL that upset, as it's just one less reason to spend money we really don't need to be spending ANYWAY. :lol:
However, I've already put in (and been approved) for vacation, so um, yeah. I'll have a 4 day weekend!!
And I'm seriously considering spending a good portion of it putting in some yarn twists. The weekend was already clear, because I planned on being laid up in some hotel room somewhere. In fact.... *sh* you guys are the only ones who know that we AREN'T going somewhere - it's going to be WONDERFUL (as if I'm really that popular! :lol: )
I said I wanted to do this once I had all the red out, and - well it's a 4 day weekend that I plan on spending at home (garden, house, hair - esp. garden as I'm taking my seeds in to be blessed at tomorrows Rit!) - so I can do the twists in bits and pieces over four days. My main concern was whether I would be able to continue with my moisture regimen - and apparently, that's one of the main reasons that you HAVE to use acrylic yarn - so that it doesn't soak up moisture like a natural yarn would, and wick it away from your hair.

Soooooo.... :smirk: I might be doing that next weekend.

And really, I think this forever long entry (number 2 of 2 tonight) is finally DONE.

Sheesh.

Trails....

So... over the last day or so, I've been working on the 42 Declarations - I gathered the listings from 6 different places - some were obviously from Budge, and others seemed to be 'rough' imitations, and organized them (I'm a big organizer) to see which Declarations all versions had, and which didn't. I love Excel, by the by. I've finished, and I've actually ended up with 50 Declarations. Some of them could be included with others, but to be most precise - 50.
I want to study and meditate and really think over them - try to feel out what the spirit is, and then write my own interpetation of them.
Oddly enough, I'm still comfortable with what I'm doing - I don't feel like I'm straying too very far from the spirit of what the Path of Ma'at should be. At the same time - well, I feel like - I'm consciously rejecting two huge sinks of knowledge simply because they DO make me uncomfortable - both for different reasons.

Firstly, there's Auser Auset, which is a very Afrocentric Kemetic organization. I tried, really I did, to just read through the forums and read up on what they were all about - but - it feels more artifical to me than me jsut making my own thing up would be. It feels - angry, almost, and as I was reading the forums I figured out why. They cannot seem to say one good thing about the African tradition/culture/heritage without comparing it to 4 bad things from the European culture. Now - being the cheerful American that I am, I can acknowledge that there are some rather screwed up things that are a part of our culture, and I can acknowledge the fact that American culture IS largely a product of Europe - but I have a really hard time dealing with a group of people who so fiercely hold onto this Grudge. And yes, the capitalization was purposeful. I also have a very hard time dealing with ANY group that still considers homosexuality to be a perversion. It's sad though - something that I haven't fully been able to come to grips with - is the fact that sometimes I feel like a traitor - or at the very least a fence sitter. I can't deal with the Diana pantheon because it's just TOO European, and I have a hard time with the Afrocentrics because they are just TOO African.

*laughs* And just writing that out helped so much. That makes perfect sense for someone like me - I'm not really African, and I'm not really European, and I don't have a problem with that. It also helps me understand more why the Path of Ma'at (Ma'atism?) feels right to me - Egypt as well was a - mixed nation. *laughs* It was always a meeting place/mixing pot of various cultures and colors.

Secondly, there's the House of Netjer. I know exactly what my issue is with them - I have a very hard time dealing with the concept of a human authority that claims to be divine. Whether their Nisut is or is not divine, is not what I am doubting - okay, yeah, I'm doubting that too. What I have a hard problem with in general is the concept that I need a buffer between me and my interactions with the Divine. Humans - divine or not - are far too corruptable for me to be comfy joining an organization that believes one womans word is Divine. I mean, really - I think that's a large part of the root of the problems with MOST religions - there is too much dogma and not enough guidelines.
And that is the wonderful thing about Ma'at, as I read and dig up more gems (I love universities that put books online!) - it's a series of guidelines - markers on the right path. It doesn't demand that you worship the Netjer - it simply demands that you honor the Gods. It doesn't demand that you wear a certain type of clothing, or eat a certain type of food - it simply demands that you honor YOURSELF. It's - something that can certainly stand the test of time, and it can apply to anyone - whether they believe in gods or not.
I don't do well with Dogma, at all. I need more flexibility in my life.