Vict. It's an interesting prefix - goes the gamut from victorious to victim.

I'm - gods, I'm impatient lately. Easily irritated with - everyone. Everything. Life. Just - like I have a pebble in my emotional shoe, and I don't know how to take my shoes off.

So, instead I walk about, hobbled and limping, but at least I'm not being a raging bitch - which would be my usual reaction to the pebble. It's not their fault I'm persnickety.

I don't like being persnickety. I don't like FEELING persnickety. I'm a generally nice, level headed, non-confrontational person who is about good at keeping her mouth shut when - well, when it's not really my place to speak.

Oh, and I'm just BRIMFUL with good advice, and wisdom and such, don'tchaknow? I realized (bugger, need to do my Second Realm reading tonight!) that I've had those particular traits for quite a while, actually - the deep seated desire/need for people to do things MY way. I'm adult enough now to realize that it won't happen, but I'm not mature enough to TRULY gracefully accept that fact.

Yeah, I've got a bad case of Queen of the World going on, over here.

Whatever. Admitting it though, does feel pretty darn good. *sigh* Maybe it will blunt the sharpness of my tongue.

Though, there are the days when I wonder just WHY I should be less - blunt. Probably because I don't like hurting people, and I think my tongue (and my insight) can be a deadly weapon, if not used with caution. It's not a butter knife, it's a bloody broadsword.

And I'm DREADING the drive I have to take tonight - I'm going to pick up some fresh maple syrup, and I have to go into the 'riche' section of town to do so, and it'll be rush hour, and oh MY but how rude and - inconsiderate! - drivers tend to be in that area. *sigh*

I'm pretty sure the fact that I've been cold most of the day, AND I haven't eaten today doesn't help my mood, either. *sigh* I want to go home cheerful, though - that's the least I can do.

Usually a little music helps - so hopefully I'll unwind a bit.

I really want a bloody cigarette.

*sigh*

Ah, the joys of Friday.

It's been a looonnggg week - between work inploding/exploding and me trying to hold all the pieces together, TTC (why is the TWW so stressful? Is it just the limbo-like uncertainty??), and the weather - it gets cold, then warm, then cold again...... so I'm really happy it's about over.

C got his last paycheck of the year last night, so I'm going to sit down, and try to work out our taxes. I'm almost POSITIVE he didn't change his withdrawing correctly, as it didn't look like they were taking out nearly enough in taxes - but, murph - neither here nor there, as I suspect that I've given the feds enough loot to cover us both. *sigh*

I wanted to check-in on my oracle - so far, this has been (as above noted) an interesting week. There was a meteor shower last night, but it was overcast, so I totally missed it - and it was cold. I don't do wintertime stargazing very well. I won't be testing on the 22nd, as apparently, I didn't really ovulate (go figure). I'm still going to get a lottery ticket - but I need to go back and read what this second week of the month was supposed to be all about.

Dec 13, 07 12:00PM

Crescent: We will receive information, we will research a bit more, perhaps get feedback on stuff that we planted on new. Perhaps get some information that will help down the road on a seed we planted a while ago. We can collect some data now. Even if you think you are not getting information, stop, and re-look at everything. Who called you? Even the silliest things, when they come up during Crescent are note worthy. A parking ticket? An argument with a spouse? A refund check from the phone company? All of it needs to be considered a message from the universe. How can this information help you?

Focus on:

Information from groups of like minded people who may cross cultures.
Information about things that are electric.
Information from cyber space.
Information which is Sympathetic without sentimentality.
A time for cooler heads.

Hrm. Haven't gotten much information, lately. Ah - got pointed to freebirth yesterday, stumbled across a new cool sort of hair tie, and.... that's about it. But then, it's the start of the cresent.

Hrumph. Woowoo.

Bitchin...

At least I'm healthy again, but now, I hate people.

I really don't want to be at work (and ooh, look, it's only noon) but that's most likely my eagerness to get home and start my vacation time.

C & I had a huge, stupid, fight last night, mostly because of a straw that broke this camels back, and him being thickheaded - I hate it when people agree with me just to shut me up - no, the conversation ain't over til it's done. *sigh*

Anyhow, now I'm all moody today because I know he's gonna be grumpy for at least two more days (oh, the delights of being married to a man moodier than you are)

And there's the trip 'home' that I have not planned for, thought about, prepped or packed for, and I know that I need to do all of that, as well, otherwise we'll leave Monday sometimes and spend the whole time at GMIL's house - and ugh. At least I've figured out our answer - we just brought a house, we're in no rush to have a baby! I have no issues whatsoever with lying to that bunch.

Hrm, what else? Had a wonderful potluck at work, and made a really good beans and rice recipe - used some Zatar, which gave it a nice full-bodied flavor. It really needs a hunk of ham to simmer with it, but I made it vegetarian so our veggie coworker would be able to eat it.

I've been spacing on taking my pills for the last few days - either walked out the house without them, or never took them at work. *shrug* I don't know - I know I need to be still taking them, but missing a day or two here and there doesn't seem to be too bad. I take them at night pretty faithfully, so it's not even a whole day, it's just a dose that I'm missing.

I SOOOOOOOOO want this day to fly by. Please?

I'm getting sick.

I HATE being sick, and it's such a rare occurance for me, that I don't really know how to deal with it.

I rest, a lot. I drink, a lot. I eat what my belly wants. I stay warm.

The basics, ya know? It's still irksome - and I'm hoping that I haven't caught the flu from someone who got the vax shedding. *glares at coworkers* I was getting a couple of hot flashes today - that might have been from me moving around fast with a sweater on, though.

It's also officially cold now, which is irritating. I desppppise cold weather. Suck, suck, suck.

Did I mention that I get whiny when I'm sick, too? No? Well I do. It's all poor me, and hate that, and this sucks. Hrm, I wonder if that's why I was so. damn. grumpy! yesterday - oncoming sick.

I still haven't planned out our Thanksgiving trip.

So far - I know we will be stopping in for greek food (ooh, a hoagie would be lovely tonight! But all that cheese and bread would stop me up, for sure!) and maybe going to the head shop. I should get my other tattoo too - stop in at the same place where I got my first one. I should swing by Lilly, and see my excoworkers, but I don't know.

We'll most likely be in Marion the 22/23/24, then drive back the 24/25.... not sure how we are going to do the drive up thing.

And Trans-Siberian Orchestra is coming to Memphis! I'm so excited - must get tickets.

And I SO can't believe it's only 3pm - why is this day draggggiinnngg so? I think I'll be leaving around 4pm, for inconsolable sickness. I also need to get some air in my poor, poor mostly flat tire. *sigh*

snarls

Snarl is actually a kinda pretty word - makes me think of my hair, but in a good way.

I'm grumpy today. It's cold, I have to deal with a meeting with the dilliest of my coworkers, I'm still not knocked up, and did I mention that it's cold?

Also, I would like to eat, but today, as like the four or five last days before this, I don't want to eat what I brought along to eat today.

So, yes, I'm generally grumpy. But!

On high notes - it's Wednesday, which means the week is almost over.
It's going to be a short week next week, because we're going on vacation (though, I cannot think too hard on the destination of that vacation, because that would make me MORE grumpy).
Urm, what else is cheerful in my life?

I think I'll go to lunch.

I don't know what I'll eat, but at least I'll be outta here.

*sigh*

Whoosh

I just deleted a very whiny entry about my impending two week trip to Switzerland, because really - what good does that do me? Instead - I'm going to handle this in a more adult manner. I'm going - at this point there is no way I could get out of going - but I can determine how I'm going to react to going.
Yes, I'm going to have to spend a good bit of money that I really didn't PLAN on spending - but the clothes I need anyway, and the cat's shots they need, and the kennel fees - well I'll just have to suck those up.
So - I've got a free weekend in SWITZERLAND!!! What should I do over the weekend? The site might set up a few suggested weekend trips, but I don't HAVE to go on those trips. And I've no problem striking out on my own - so I need to see if I can get any ideas of what to do. I've now got several errands to run - I need a guide book, and some clothes, and shoes. *gulp* I'm asking for an extension on one of my credit cards. I don't get paid until next Thursday, and I definitely need a lil extra moolah - and I don't want to use the 'specific' card.

Whoo. I think I'm just a little overwhelmed is all - I totally didn't expect to go, and to have to get ready for a two week (international) trip in a little under 4 days is well - overwhelming. And I don't think that I will really get excited until I know that everything is settled, and hell... that most likely won't be until I get on the Chicago-London branch of the trip.

I get....

I’m not single.
I’m not a mother.
I’m not in college.
I’m not all the way grown up.
I’m at a way weirder in-between stage that any I have ever experienced.
There are web sites for college people.
There are web sites for single people.
There are web sites for mothers.
The are web sites for all the way grown up people.
There aren’t any web sites for me…at this odd, weird, in-between stage in my life.
And we all know that if it ain’t on the web…well… it’s gonna be tough.

I’m not a swinging single…and I’m not a happily married.
I’m in between.
I’m not a college student…but most of my friends are still in college.
I’m in between
I’m not a mother…but I suffer from severe attacks of baby fever.
I’m in between.

I really feel… left out. Unnoticed. A non-existent demographic. But I KNOW there are people like me everywhere. Where do you gather? Where do you hang out and have intelligent, not alcohol or religiously fueled fun? For cheap? Where do you meet each other and form new friendships? To form new bonds to replace and supplement those that are growing thin due to time and distance and change?

*sighs* And if one more person tells me to take a class I’m gonna SCREAM. I don’t really like school…okay!?!?!

*grrrrrrrrrr*

And thus concludes my weekly bitch&moan session.

*sighs*


Stay Jazzed.

Double Vision

Well.. I hate it when I’m right. Cheffy didn’t come over. *sighs* Men. Anyway… I had the oddest dream about it last night. I dreamt that he sent me an email that said he was going home to take came of some business, and that when I wanted him to come back to give him a call. *sighs* I don’t know. He’s going north to visit his family this weekend…and I have a very much so not good feeling about this. *shrugs* I don’t know why...but…I’m worried. *sighs* I hope he doesn’t get into too much madness with his brother.

Anyway….Gio’s visit to the vet went well. He is a healthy little mite, except for the totally gross amount of ear mites he had…I’m surprised the poor baby could hear. He also got his shots, and got a blood test for feline leukemia. He’s allll healthy. And he doesn’t have fleas. They gave me some advantage to put on him, but I left him alone last night. Once we got home, he slept for like 4 hours. The vet said that he might have a low fever and that he would sleep a lot, so I wasn’t worried. He is such an adventurous little man…I definitely want to get him a harness and leash so that we can go out on walks and stuff. I’m sure he will love it. I’m slowly getting over the fact that he likes Cheffy more than me… *shrugs* I think it something in the way he smells. *grins* I think he slept on some of his clothes last night, as when I was looking for him this morning he came out of the second bedroom where Cheffy keeps some of his clothes looking all sleepy eyed. *sighs* Ah well.

I haven’t done a damn thing with my homework all week. Monday I was sick, Tuesday I was cleaning, Wednesday, I brought the computer home, but forgot the disk drive and thus could not get the stuff I had already started on, Thursday I was going to the vet, and that bring me to today. *siiigghs* And god knows I still don’t want to do it. But I’m gonna crank out something. I want to be done by Monday, so I can study for the final on Monday and Tuesday night. God I can’t wait to be DONE with this crap.

Blagh.



Yeech. I wrote almost a whole entry about my man and my cat.. and somehow it just felt like the biggest load of shit ever. Not saying that I’m not thrilled with both of them in my life, but dammit I act like that is it sometimes. Like who I am is spanned by cat, job, man, school. I’m sick of it myself, and I’m sick of writing about it. I miss writing about me, what I’m feeling and into. I know that my diary is going to vary a lot, sometimes it will be just a factual rendering of my life and other times it will be a deep examination of my navel (which I have never been able to do…examine my navel that is. My boobs are too big) and other times it will just be a random outpouring of Mercy knows WHAT.
I think that I am getting sick of myself. Makes no sense? I’m sick of me being ME. I’m tired of just being… so fucking nonchalant. UGH!!! Part of the reason that I started exercising was so that I could start a change within myself… start a shift some where. I’m tired of doing the some thing every day. But as te weather is getting better, I really don’t have an excuse to go home every day. *sighs* I’m tired of talking about it.

Blagh.

Jazzed.

super super short.

blah. I wanna go home. NOW.
I don't feel like writing a bitch bitch bitccccchhhhh entry cuz I am sick of hearing myself whine. So instead, I bid ya'll adeiu...and complain that it is 45 degrees today...ain't THAT nothin?

Stay Jazzed.

the Infectress

I’m sick. Impossibly ugly enough, I’m sick. And it isn’t even the snotty, sneezing, talking funny kind of sick. I have a very sore throat. Half of my neck feels swollen, and my neck is hot. Yech yech yech. I need to go to the health services people and see if they can give me something. I HATE being sick. It’s yeechy, and I feel just generally crappy. I am however, quite thrilled that I got sick on a Friday. That means that I can chill in the house alllllll weekend, send Chef out for Orange juice and warm teas, and basically sleep and pamper myself. It’s just getting through today that is going to drive me battty. I have never been sick like this before either. I mean HALF a sore throat? That is freaking me out more than anything else. That and I feel like somebody punched me hard in the chest. Yeech. Yes, I AM a whiny baby when it comes to being sick. I’m about three steps from being a hypochondriac, which is one of the lovely side effects to being raised by a nurse. So.. I’m wondering if I have strep throat, or mono, or even (how lovely) tonsilitis. Yeah, I still have mine. Wouldn’t that be ugly.
Anyhow, I have noticed that there seems to be a lot of sick folx in the OD, and I have to wonder if we are passing around a virus. *giggles* Okay..bad joke.
Ugh. I don’t even want to TALK.

Stay Jazz *ACHCHOOO!* ed

P.S. I just went to health services and got some drugs. I feel almost human again