Twisting...

I've been writing in my hair journal like a mad woman - I didn't realize I had so much stored up, viz-a-viz hair.
Anyhow, I wanted to write about my ears, and I think I might get a little - messy - and intense, so I'm going to write it here, and if it works, tweak it to transfer to there.

I'm odd that way - where I write an entry has a subtle effect on the tone of the entry itself - even between here and OD.

Anyhow, my ears.

I'm struggling to get them to size. The right side is being - ahh, difficult. And even the left side is being more resistive than usual - I suspect it's because I've moved a little too fast....but, I'm staying where I am, for a while.

I forced the back holes - which were silicone 6g'd for the last few weeks to accept a mother of pearl 6g plug - now, I have stable plugs in both my back holes of the right size, and I'm going to leave them there for a while. It was a struggle getting it into my left ear, but I managed it. The right ear, I had to overstretch with the 4g taper, and then push the 6g plug through - ah, the pain.
But it was warm - pleasent, useful, somehow. Even the soreness in my ears is - comfortable.

In Realm class this week, T talked about hugging the cactus. How, we, over the years, hold such pain to ourselves so closely, that the tiny pricks of pain become numb, and you don't consiously feel them anymore. But! As soon as you start to let go of the cactus, all of those spots of old pain hurt afresh - as if they were new. Hugging the cactus, you see?

I'm wondering, more and more, what pain I'm comfortable with. I think about that gap in my biography (which I still haven't picked back up) and I cringe. I think there is a big cactus there - and I'm not sure if I'm ready to let go of it, just yet.

I was reading WWWf, and there was a thread about EFT and Releasing Memories......and it struck a chord in me - it was rather along the lines of what I was doing as I laid in bed and redreamed my own history.

I've - I want to sit down and read the EFT booklet that I printed out while I meditate in the morning, but I haven't been having much success in getting up early enough to work out and meditate - and I opted to make the harder habit my higher priority.

Anyhow.

I'm trying to figure out how to stretch my ears out enough so that they will accept a 2g plug. Do I need a 0g taper? That would be a pain. I guess I could just continue to wear the dangles - the stainless steel ones at night, and the glass during the day - glass so that I'm not pulling my earlobes down - I've noticed my lobes 'hanging' a bit more than I would like them to in the latest series of pictures that I've taken of my hair - the larger the gauge, the heavier the earring, obviously - I think that I'm going to have to go to solely glass/wood stuff now. Maybe I'll try bone again - it was just too light in the smaller gauges, but now, that very lightness might be an advantage.

I have glass and mother of pearl - some lovely mother of pearl, too - plugs in 2g - damn. *sigh* I'll look and see how much a 0g taper will be.....so that I can at least wear them.