I am so over....

work.

I know it's just a bit of the post vacation blues, but I REALLY wish these people would just bugger off and leave me alone.

Orlando was wonderful....I read, laid out by the pool, or chilled semi-naked on the balcony all week. We went out like twice, I went to the beach once, and we almost made it to Universal Studios on a free pass, but it started raining. Oh, darn!

I'm so ready to win the lottery.

I read all the Harry Potter books (no spoilers here) and I actually enjoyed them. Not sure why I disliked them so initially, but, I think I'll buy them all, now.

And that's it.

I just had to bitch for a hot second.

:lol

Who, Me?

Funny sometimes, how things pile up, one on top of the other, trying to encourage me/plant a solid foot in my ass.

So, yesterday, as I'm driving to First Realm class, there are these huge, fluffy, gorgeous clouds in the sky, and it took me back to being a little girl, and wanting to learn how to paint. I had a book that had those same huge, fluffy clouds in it, and I tried - oh, how I tried for WEEKS to get the color shifts just right, and tried to mimic the glow of the sun and the sheerness of the clouds, and I ended up with a white/blue/yellowish-grey mess. I think right around then might have been the time that I convinced myself I had about as much artistic talent as a brick.

Over the years, I've tried other things - and largely, they ended up being just other bricks - other failures, other perfectly shining examples of just how unartly/uncreative/unskilled I was.

I've built up a wall - a rather nice sized one too, around my own creative energy. I had help - oh, I won't claim that I did this all by myself! - and it's been - safe. It's been comfortable, telling myself that it's okay not to try, because failure is the most likely result.

And of course I'm going to fail! I don't really think I can succeed with that brick wall - or, at least not my current definition of success (which I have no clue of what it is!).

I get to class, and my teacher almost immeadiately starts asking me if I ever considered writing professionally - based solely on a (in my mind) slapped together paper that took me all of a day and a half to complete, that she RAVED over. It was - honestly, it was possibly the most emphatic 'Holy Shit, Woman, you're GOOD!' I've ever gotten on something I've done - ever.

And - looking forward down & through the years, I know that once I start staying at home, and once I get into the groove of being at home, I'm going to want to start writing. At that point, I will have no reason to NOT write. At that point, the 'roadblocks' that I've had to writing will be gone. Yeah, I'll be dealing with a whole NEW set of roadblocks, but in my mind - those will be energizing ones, not draining ones. And that time is getting closer and closer - whether I'm knocked up right now or not, I soon will be, and - *deep breath*

My teacher also happens to be part owner of a publishing business.

So. Yeah.

I found that whole series of events - interesting, to say the least. What will I do with it?

I don't know.

But I think the mortar is starting to powder.

miscellinia

“Oh ye Egyptians, they may say to you that I have not made an expedition hither for any other object than that of of abolishing your religion, but tell the slanderers, but I have not come to you except for the purpose of restoring your rights from the hands of the oppressors.”

- Napoleon Bonaparte July 2, 1798

“Our armies do not come into your cities and lands as conquerors or enemies, but as liberators. It is the hope and desire of the British people, and the nations in alliance with them, that the Arab race may rise again to greatness and renown among the peoples of the earth.

- Sir Frederick Stanley Maude, Commander of British Forces in Baghdad, March 19, 1917.

“Unlike many armies in the world you came not to conquer, not to occupy, but to liberate.”

- Don Rumsfeld, speaking to US troops, April 2003

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I had to write a paper in four days (well, I HAD a month and some change, but opted to wait til four days before it was due to start working on it), and that sparked, I think, my first return to MY world. *lol*

Anyhow, I'm reading again. I'm balancing three books now (one car, two home), and I'm seriously considering getting the Harry Potter set, and reading that. Right now, I'm reading Misconceptions, and it's sad, scary, amazing, enlightening, absorbing, and terrifying all at once.

Any ideas of something new to add to my library?? I'v been on a mad bookbuying spree for a while (how I love thee LibrarySale! How I adore your variety, BookCloseOuts.com!)

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Tis a Gaia goddess pendant, handblown by a wonderful artist friend of mine. I've been wearing it for the last two months, we've (I've?) been trying to get pregnant for the last four. I'm finally ready to mention it - publically - so to speak.

It's possibly the most - nerveracking thing I've ever done in my life, and I'm trying to not obsess about it everywhere. OD is my almost only babyfree area, and - I kinda want to keep it that way. This is for ME. When I was a preteen, I wrote to create my own space - my own identity separate from my mother and fathers child. When I was a teen, I wrote to help me understand and explore the woman I was growing into. As I woman, I write to ground me in myself, and to give me free room and space to explore and grow. As a mother, I KNOW I will need a space that is mainly for me - a space where I can still be just A'ishah - not Mom. That's one of the main reasons I sprung for a lifetime membership while I knew we could afford it - I NEVER want to have to chose to give up my safe space because of financial tightness. If OD goes under, I've got my backups, and I'll make a blog, and I'll miss you all dearly.

So. It's out there. But don't expect to hear much - directly. :lol At least not HERE.... I might be throughly Eve&Eve and make another diary. But honestly? I doubt it.

At least for now. ;)

As I've learned/learning, what I'm certain of changes almost from day to day.

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I'm still stretching out my ears too (thanks A!).... my front holes are 6g, and my second holes are being stretched to an 8g as I type.

My collection of earrings is - delightful and wide and I really need to take a picture of them all (once the other three? four? pairs show up *shamefulgrin*). I think I'm going to stop at 6g, seriously. Maybe. *grin*

I want to look into making fimo earrings. My favorite style - the dangles - dont come in very many sizes, and I'm sure I could figure out how to make some GORGEOUS earrings.

It's a thought.

We shall see.

Dinnner's done. ;)

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A thousand words....

Why must all cucumbers look naughty?

ETA: *LMAO* The keys are there for size reference only - the camera was in C's car, so I had those handy. ;) But something tells me if the cuke WAS going somewhere, well. He would get carded. *LMAO*

 

Because I was feeling all artsy and shit.

The yellow ones hadn't bloomed yet - they were half open when I left yesterday, they should be fully open today, I'm guessing.

I can't remember what color these were supposed to be, but the purple on the edges makes me eager.

 

And it's raining!! Only since I've become a 'gardener' do I really feel the full joy of rain, now. *lol*