J said - Changes

I’m exhilarated and depressed all at the same time. I don’t really like changes in my life, especially not changes that alter what I thought was unchangeable. Especially unchangeable friendships...Yeah, this is another entry about him. He sent me an e-birthday card, and I damn near cried when I saw it. Then I called him to thank him.. (breaking the promise I had made to myself to not contact him ‘til he contacted me.. but I guess he kinda did huh?) asked him how he was..and then out of nowhere he says that I’m as terrible liar. Huh? Where did that come from? *shrugs* I’m so tired, of trying to keep caring. I never thought that it would be something that he did that stomped those last few flames out… but hey.. I’m done… I’m officially DONE with him.


Nayway..the other change is that, I just realized that I have a true best friend. *grins* He is so close to me, yet I STILL haven’t seen him face to face…I know so much about him, yet I don’t really know what he looks like, or what his hair feels like, or how his faces changes when he smiles. Just yesterday I saw a sample of his handwriting and it hit me. The man knows more about the real me than anyone I have ever known, and we don’t really know each other. I might pass him in a crowd and not realize it until later. And yet, I still find out more and more about him every time we talk or ‘talk’ . *grins* the internet and computers are wonderful things..It’s funny, but I don’t even remember how we met anymore.. I know it was on a chat line, but what brought us together?? No clue…And besides that, he has given me the seed of an idea for a novel…finally... (and NO I’m not telling you what it’s about…you’ll get the first draft -J. )


So at the same time that I am drifting away from one friend, I am pulled closer to another... *smiles* hey... my life will hopefully ALWAYS be full of love.


Then, there is another friend whom I’m simply worried about. I think that he is making a majorly wrong move within his relationship, but who am I to try to tell him who to love and what to do with her?? *sighs* that is why I’m staying out of relationships.. and why I’m trying to keep all relationships that I have strictly on a mutual pleasure basis. I feel good… you feel good.. let’s keep it this way…I’m not ready for the whole..balancing his/her ego with mine thing. *shrugs* yes I’m young.. and yes I’m selfish..and dammit…I see nothing wrong with that. *laughs* as I told my momma yesterday… All I’m trying to do is Graduate.. get my car.. get my house..and get on with my life…*grins* I can even see myself having kids before I find that perfect mate…...perfect for me that is...…as Babyface and Mitchell said in B-Boy Blues (roughly paraphrased)


There are three kinds of men: Mr. Right. Mr. Wrong. And Mr. Right-For-Me. Mr. Right is a pipe dream.. he is rich, fine, intelligent, god fearing, unbelievably

honest, and can make you melt at a touch. Mr. Wrong is just that WRONG.. on drugs.. got another man or woman got issues demons or other troubles…yet you still mess with him until he breaks your heart..your wallet.. or your head... and then there is Mr. Right-For-Me. He may not be the finest person in the world.. or the richest.. or the smartest, but he treats me like a prince, and I love him and he loves me and we share some of the same goals and life paths.



What more can a woman ask for?? Anyhow…… once upon a time there was a point to this….but I’m rambling.. and trying to eat up time at work. Soo…..


I’m Out….


J.