J said - Men..among other thngs

Men crack me up sometimes… especially boyfriends. Now while at the current time, I am free as a bird, I have had enough bf’s to know of what I speak. My humor of the day is PMS. Me… personally.. it was never really a bad thing until about a year ago.. and I was quite upset. I’m usually a calm even keel kinda woman, so to have mood swings and other odd emotional upsets for no appetent reason was simply unnatural. But my b.f. of the time acted as though it was a personal insult to him..every time I was upset (righteously) quiet, sad, distant …anything but the cheery women he somehow expected me to be.. it was blamed on PMS…it irritated me, because he used it as an excuse for superiority.. *yeah me big man.. me no have emotions ahhhhhhhhhhhh* and of course this simply got worse when he was right, and I was actually going through that time. However, after about 4 months I got him to shut up.. when I calmly informed him that he should be thankful for the signs of PMS.. because that meant I wasn’t pregnant… *grins* I never heard another peep out of him.

Yeah.. I’m in the pregnancy tip…. *grins* I am a paranoid fool…. I had unprotected sex sometime ago.. *sighs* before I went home for break… he was clean (my ex) but….let me be a few days late and I get miserable.. upset..and afraid. I know what I would do… I have known for a while what I would do in the case of a pregnancy before I’m ready… and I have a definite list of things I need to have before I’m ready.

1) I have to own a reliable car
2) I need to have a reliable job
3) I reliable partner would be nice, but not VITAL
4) I have to have a home of my own…


Not much, but it’s enough…. I never want to have to get my big ole pregnant self on public transportation…. Or carry my baby on there. I never want to have to scrap for a cheap babysitter cuz I’m out of work and can’t go job-hunting with my baby. Nope.. that is agony that can be avoided.

But.. I’m an idiot all the same…. And every month.. I am overjoyed to receive the ‘curse’. Because it means that once again, I have triumphed over my own foolishness, my own bodies demands, and remained….not pregnant. And for some odd reason, I have never thought that I was infertile.. on the contrary I think that I am very fertile, and if I wanted to.. I could be pregnant in 2 or 4 months…. But… that ain’t gonna happen.

Two of my friends’ girlfriends have had abortions recently… well in the past year…and I always think…there… but for god’s grace..go I. One was a baby.. a freshman girl.. not even 18 yet…her parents were NOT amused….. the other was older.. around my age.. but she wasn’t ready either.. and god’s knows that neither of the fathers were ready to be daddies. And I wonder what it would be like if they had their children… would they still be in school?? Would they still be on the lifetrack they planned?




Tomorrow is my birthday.. so maybe that is why my thoughts have been focused on babies...little ones.. the children. But then again.. birth is a new beginning...and so many things are ending around me. Ah well… I’ll not be maudlin today….