I have finally figured something out…well maybe not figured it out.. but grown to a point where I can put it into words. Life…is all about choices. *nods* okay.. yeah that may be obvious as hell.. but I mean that in a deeper way. I mean it… mainly dealing with my world. Not my life as I live it per se, but the world that I move through. I have a choice to make, and I have been making one choice without even realizing that the other option was available.
In my world.. I have a choice, I can either decide to move within a very enclosed circle, only touching those who I have deemed worthy of approach…. OR I can leave myself open to everyone, opting to touch & be touched by those who I would normally not even CONSIDER worthy… much less allow to approach.
The one approach (the one I am currently taking) would keep me safe, allowing me to closely monitor and define who and what I dealt with on a daily basis. The second approach (the one I am considering) would open me so much to much more… hurt & anger & incivility…but I would learn on a daily basis…and what I would learn would be totally outside of my normal sphere of life. And by choosing to be open to life & to the world as a whole….I might meet some folx who will be what I need…even though they are not what I want. I will be able to increase my patience (which tends to be very very thin) perhaps touch up on my sympathetic side….and discover & explore so much more. *sighs* Maybe……..
Okay…. that is all of the deep & insightful stuff I have for today…. and it still isn’t finished.. but that is all that felt like coming out today….. Let’s see.. what has been going on in my life lately? School is kicking my tail….. making me really remember what hard work is all about…I miss Nee…and my friends who came down for Labor Day…. such wonderfully wonderful people : ) My tongue ring is healing very nicely….while I still have to be careful of how I chew… it works rather nicely. : ) I have been trying to figure out how my mother will react to it… but I will crosss that bridge when it comes. I have been spending entirely too much time with JEH lately… and *sighs* I don’t know. We have a very .. odd relationship. and that is where I will leave that discussion. I have my books for school ( Thanks Mom!) but the Finance commision is still screwing with my PLUS loan…. and many many many bills are rapidly approaching that due date and god only knows WHEN I will get paid. *sucks in breath* okay… ; ) but I have food in the house..and the phone and the light are still on and my rent is paid so… I am okay.. really.
My house needs to be cleaned and I need to run to the corner store and I reallly really need to get started on some of this homework….
Stay Jazzed.
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