Of a Chicken and It's Head

Okay.. so I'm tired. Grumpy. Hating most of humankind right now. And so...into it all it is amazing.

My labor Day weekend was lovely... I had two old friends and one new friend staying in my place for Black Pride and we ran the streets every night. The only thing that I regretted was the fact that there was not more of a mixed scene. The women had their own parties and the men had theirs. So I was living in a happy little gay world for a while. Then Monday... I was on the train..having spent and absolutely lovely day hanging out with JEH.. and I hear the comments start.... there are two obviously gay & in love Black men sitting in front of us.. and when they get off the comments.. nasty hateful cutting comments start.

My whole little happy bubble of peace and contentment crashed in hard & sudden. I felt so furious & so sad & so helpless all at once. I just left the company of men who were better then those who threw the comments.. so much so that it would put them to shame.. yet since they fuck women they are considered some sort of superior being.
I wanted to cry.
I have never felt so...so hopeless. How...why do people hate so much? It goes beyond the human thing of fearing what you don't understand...it goes beyond a social thing of thinking that it is immoral.. it goes into a whole nother level... a entirely different realm of the blackness of the human heart.
I wanted to scream.
How DARE they say such things? What gave them the right? And why...why did those two brothers have to walk out of the train hearing those words in thier ears... keeping THAT as the last memory they had of this city? How can people be so cruel...to those that they don't even know?
And...worst of all I felt ashamed.
Shamed because I kept silent...shamed because my heart wept and I could do nothing. Shamed because I was so secure in my appereance of hetrosexuality that I would be approved...even tho I love just as they do. And I wondered...as I looked around the crowded train... how many other hearts were weeping in the silence... where all we could hear echoing in our ears was

North Avenue Station. Where all the faggots and the sisses and the girly boys get off to fuck each other and fuck up the world. Man I HATE them bitches. I wish they would all die.. I wish they all had AIDS. I wish one of them would look at me so I could beat his punk ass down


I'm running around
like a chicken with no head
I have gone beyond
being a chicken head
to something far more rare
and far harder to see
a woman
who wants
the world to be
like me.

Stay Jazzed.