Wednesday, August 15, 2001

This is how I really feel....

Cookies make my tummy hurt. They also make me something else, but I’m going to keep that tidbit of information to myself.


I got another indicator today of just how odd I am… relatively speaking. Or maybe not. I have never been one who just knew that she was going to be getting married at some point. I was more of the mentality that I would get someone to knock me up, and me and my many babies would live in happy solitude. Okay… actually I wanted to live in a commune with me and a few wonderful people who would be good friends and occasional lovers. That was about it.


Now I’m faced with the concept that – Oh my GOD – I have met someone that I would very much so like to marry, and I have no clue how to do it. Okay, I have a rough idea of what married life would be like from here – real life in all it’s glory and misery – and a general idea of what I would want my married life to be like. I want it to be rather like my relationship life, only longer…and sweeter and stronger and more steady. I have a general idea of how I want to have and raise my kids. I have a good idea what I want my ring(s) to look like.


The problem is, you see, unlike a grand majority of women, I have utterly no CLUE what I want to wedding to be like. I have joked about getting married in all black (which I look damn good in I might add) or eloping… but other than that *shrugs* No clue. Isn’t that wonderful? And cool and amazing all at once? I get to maybe do something that I haven’t planned for. *grins* How interesting. Just for an idea of a cool wedding… there is a commercial where this guy and girl are standing on the beach in Hawaii and they are being married by a very much so Hawaiian guy. Then they dubbed the video, tossed in some music, and sent it to their parents. Now THAT… is a wedding. The white dress, catering, cake, reception halls, bridesmaids, grooms *starts groaning* Nope… nope…nope. Too much damn money. And stress. And expectations.


Anyhowwwwwwwwww…. I think I’m jumping the gun anyway. We have agreed that at some point we want to marry each other, but I’m not engaged. Nope… not at all. *LOL* I shan’t be engaged until one of us gives the other a proposal. *grins* Maybe I should propose to him… and get him a ring… *LOL* I don’t know. I’m happy and excited and I think that I am getting this way waaaaaayyy too far in advance and it might be years and he might change his mind (cuz I’m NOT changing mine) and maybe maybe maybe *deep breath*


I don’t know what might be. I just know what I am hoping for. And what I’m looking forward too is a long, mostly joyful, wonderful life with my Corey. The maybe wedding is just a blip on the road. Oh my .


Stay Jazzed.

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