So... Today's me birthday.
This is the first birthday that I've felt time really slipping by - I feel like I'm looking forward to a wall in front of me at which my life 'stops' and I don't have nearly enough time between now and then to possibly fill my life with all that I want to do before my life 'stops'. Yet, at the same time - that makes no bloody sense to me. I know that all of sudden at 30 I won't change into someone else. I know that I will still be able to do what I would like to do - hell, I might even be more able to do what I want to do.
Maybe it's the fact that the reviews of my life that I've done over the last few months, combined with this birthday are making me frustrated at the TIME that it will take for me to get where I want to be. I mean - I know what I want to do. I think I know where I want to live. I'm pretty darn sure that I know who I am (most days) and I feel like I'm forcibly stuck in neutral for a good period of time.
And then - I've absorbed so much of that stuff about a woman's fertile period of time. I KNOW that we don't want to have kids anytime soon - unless something major & almost magical happens (please, Florence, please!) - it'll be acouple of years. And I want to have several bambinos - 3, maybe even 4....or more. And dammit, unless I have twins, I might be still gestating at 35-37. And - *sigh* I don't know if I want to be doing that. So - maybe more than anything...all of a sudden I'm looking at a shift in the 'timeline' I've set for myself - where suddenly my planned timeline is a bit longer than the time I actually have. And - while I can't plan or predict the future to a tee....it's - odd to realize that what I thought of as 'the future' is suddenly HERE.
Yeah - that's it. The future is today, and I'm not quite ready to move into it.
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