J said - Lovin You (cont')

(That is the only problem with doing stuff you are not supposed to do at work. Sometimes you get rudely interrupted!)

As I was saying... I'm waiting for it all to blow up. It isn't...human for someone to be so closed in and confused. any way.... all that was to say that I have to Acknowledge the power ofa first love, and at the same time realize that it no longer has a HOLD on me. It is still ther, oh yeah. And I expect it to be there until the day I die.. but it won;t hurt anymore. *grins* THe mind ROCKS!


I moved, and the place that I have moved to dosn't have a telephone yet, so I haven't been able to get on the net at home. So of course, being bored, I had to find something else to do. I designed some really nice graphics for my sorority, and worked on this idea for a gift for a frined of mine that recently came to me. Then. out of boredom I started reading what I had already but on there, ya know old stuff, stuff I wrote a while ago and never read. WOW. I miss being able to write like that. I mean.. i felt like I was reading someone else's writing becuse it was that good. I know that i wrote it, but it showed a clarity of ideas and of spirit that i forgot that i had. *grins* Back in the peaceful days. Anyhow, I have been considering getting published again. I mean until September, I have nothing to do but work, save money, and deal with my sorority business. *grins* I can't go out alot because I'm saving all the money I can. There fore, also, doing alot of photography is out of the picture, because film and developing is EXPENSIVE. hello! So i will be in the house,,, thinking and stuff *laughs* Also, riding the bus for nearly 4 hours every day will give me plenty of observational material to work with. I wonder if I wrote something whether those folx who I Include that i have seen on buses or trains will recognize themselves in my words. Would I recognize me if someone wrote about me? I still ahve that dream of taking pictures and then writing a story to go with it. Or writing a story or poem and then taking pictures to hit that mood. *grins* Picture books for grownups.. why should the kids have all the fun?


speaking of kids... what is going on with Christmas? Two things i overheard reminded of how much Christmas is intertangled with children. The first thing was that someone said " this season is all about the joy and wonder in the coming of a tiny child." and in many ways that is true. It is about the birth of Christ, the death and birth of the winter King, the material things that children receive. The other thing that sparked a line of thought was a woman saying that her boss told her that yesterday (Dec. 21) was the darkest night of the year. And that is the truth... sorta. While is was the longest night of theyear, and is WAS awful dark because f the clouds, the reason that it was called hostorically the darkest night of the year is because the hmmm...lets call them counry folx from hundreds of years ago... (we are talking back before Christ... ) were afraid that the sun would not rise again after that long night. Therefore they would sacrifice the Winter king to the sun, and as the sun rose, the Queen would give 'birth' to a new King. ... better known as Mid Winters Day. We have all heard of MidSummers Night... when the focus is on fertility (maypole...) but there is jsut as an interesting story behind MidWinter... the acknowledgement that death is here, and the hope of a new day and new life. Which brings me back to christmas. It IS a symbol of something new...whether it be gifts, religion, an infant or the dawning of a new year. But..now all that Christmas is is a money fest... see how much I can get and give and spend and save. It no longer feels like a celebration of something new to me. It is more a celebration of the almighty dollar.


Therefore I am banning Christmas this year. NO christmas gifts will i give..and hopefully none will I get. Instead.. I;m giving my gifts at New Years. SOmething new, something of beauty, something to bring a sense of joy. Something to herald in the NEw year with a nod at what is past...and a warm welcome for what is to come.


Happy Holidays.