J said - Lovin You

Home can be the best and the worst sometimes. I went home for a week, saw most of my family, recemeted a old relationship, and began the healing process of an even older one.

The is always that one person, that first love, that you can never forget. Not always the person you lose your vigintiy to, or not even the first person that you kissed. But that ONE person, who simply by exisiting made you belive in love. And when the ONE person is your best friend, it makes it so much sweeter somehow.


But what do you do when they don;t love you the way you do? It's hard, holding back that first fresh love, striving to keep the friendship, without weighing it down with those love things. Hm. I managed it too. For almost 5 years, I was able to balance love with friendship, the love of one and relationships with others, and the simple fact of his mercurial attitude, loving one month, evil the next. I was able to pull it off. Why? for love I guess, becuase I did and do still love him.


But the boy is crazy. He has issues, and is closed off. To everyone. Me. His momma. His other friends. His boyfriend. And wrapped al ltight in that little box his calls his mind is so much pain and love and brilliance that it is almost terrifying, because I'm waiting for it to come out.