Dreamin a New World

I wanna curl up
in the infinity
that is your eyes
and humm a lullaby
that stretches from here
to there
and connects my heart to you
I wanna lay down
under you
and let your smell
enter me
move me
take me
awwwwwaaaayyyyy
I wanna love you
like never before
and like never again
and love you
everyday
the same way
I wanna be YOURS
in a way that stamps you all
over me
and my heart
and can never be erased.

damn. I have decided that my heart is actually in my stomach.. cuz EVERYTIME something happens.. emotionally stressful to me… my stomach hurts. And ever since I have come home from home *laughs* my stomach has been aching. Between being simply SCARED as shit about going ‘back’ to school… the worries about me taking on a leadership role in my sorority, and my money issues…. *sighs* I think I have actually lost weight. And… *sighs* I don’t know….It’s odd to have so much.. undirected worry. I have really.. no reason to worry. All I have to do is be sure to…handle my business and myself well.
*sighs* but like I have always said.. I have so little faith in myself…. *frowns* I just have all these GRADIOSE plans… and no freaking follow through. *sighs* but this isn’t gonna be a beat down or a bitch session.. no not at all… This was supposed to be an uplifting moment…or at least the beginning of one. *sighs* I felt this way when I left Tech too tho…just lost & adrift & shit.
For some reason I haven’t felt like writing much lately. I have been thinking about nothing really… I feel blank. blagh. like everything interesting has been wiped out of my head.. and what is left I’m not quite ready to put down on paper yet. I’m not ready to make them real…which is what recording something has always meant to me. Somehow you are making it more real.
I have been having some… incredible dreams lately. Sadly, I can’t really remember them.. I just know that they have been simply wondrous. I think that may be one of the reasons that I sleep so much.. I simply get sucked into the dream so much that I don’t want to get up...and I think that I want to go to sleep so that I can get sucked in… *sighs* I need to start keeping a dream journal next to my bed.
I feel myself slipping into a state of depression & withdrawal.. and I’m really trying to fight it tooth and nail… because I DON’T need to be.. I can’t be down while I’m starting school. I will be really really shooting myself in the foot. I may go and get some St. John’s Wort (yeah self dosing) and try taking that an a daily basis. and I NEED to take my ass to the gym again and start getting some endorphins flowing.
*sighs* but really… all I want to do is sleep….and

Stay Jazzed.