When my love life gets wild...or when the rest of my life gets wild and my love life is the only thing that seems to be a safe haven...pieces of this poem by Queen Poet Nikki Giovanni drifts through my head:
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP
not the late night entamglings of you and me
not the early mornings kisses
not the lovewe share
but the intrustion of life into our love
Or something like that.. you get the general drift I am sure....And that is how I am feeling... *sighs* whoo it is so amazing to want to go forward with something and be unable to because it is simply unfeasible... stupid and emotionally dangerous. I mean...she's married. Argh. and yet all I wanna do is spend time with her...without him. *shakes head* the longer I am around her... the less men in general are a viable sexual choice to me.. yet at the same time I want a happy little family with the 3 or 4 kids and the house and all that...but will I be sharing it with a she or a he? This woman .... I'mma call her Tashi (not her real name...) is changing me ya'll...I tend to be slow in the starting of love and fasst in the ending of it...like a candle is a high wind...but somehow I feel like I am in a gentle brezze.. there is always the chance... but it is never fufilled. *sighs* Anyhoow.... I keep saying that I will write more... but these mad people who call themselves teachers at my school have severe emotional difficulties that make them do devious things to us. And when I am stressed...although I may not look it or act like it..I can write no more than I can make love...I become demonically focused... and very very touchy. *sighs* but when one teacher does something lovely...my entire life view changes....no one should have THAT much control over you....*shrugs* it sucks... but I can't imagine doing anything else.
I have been taking pictures like cameras are going to vanish in 2000. I have 12 rolls of film that need to be developed...:) Tashi said that she would take then in to this discount place and get them done for me...*smiles* such a wonderful lady....but I haven't taken any pictures of her yet...I don;t know why...most likely I have never had my camera with me.. and I don't know how I Would take pictures...somehow my mental image of her is not what hse rally looks like which is odd.. I see pictures of her and I am like who IS that woman...and then I realize.. oh...hmmm I guess her aura doesn't translate well on film. What else? I have been taking pictures of all of the open sorority functions weh ave had...I took like 4 rolls over the summer of kids in the park... :) picture so f friends... pictures during the parade.. I figure the more I take. the better my eye will get and the more likely I will be to have som really GOOD pictures... *smiles*
Diet Update: Well I am just past the two week induction phase, and I am supposed to start upping my carbs back up... but since I have ALOT of wieght to lose (close to 60 pounds) I am going to stick to induction for a while longer to insure that I stay in ketosis. *sighs* I need to go grocercy shopping and buy some ketosis sticks so I can keep track. I have lost 9 pounds so far... ( as of Saturday), butI don;t feel any different. :) I can't wait to lose enough that I can tell that I am smaller...it is odd the things that finally force you to decide oh NO..it stops here... for me it was the fact that for about 3 weeks I was falling almost everyday...I was unblanced and heavy on my feet. and I was falling HARD... it was starting to really scare me..and then the fact that I was having ahard time walking up hills and breathing right. *shake head* I was scared for my health and my bones...and at that point I decided no more...for me & for my body & for my health I have GOT to lose weight. And I will....while eating and exercising. *smiles* and since I can s till eat...most foods... it will be no discomfort to continue on this. I just have to be super aware of what is in food...like a diabetic would be..which is cool...because my problem was always in limiting how MUCH I could eat... but because of my upbringing...it has always been almost second nature to limit what I COULD eat. So... I am on this diet.. and *smiles* Hopefully my mom will notcie the poundage loss...if SHE notices... then I know am I really losing.. :) she notices any change in me.
Okay.. enough babbling.... I wanna thank all the folx who have been coming thorugh and leaving encouraging words in my notes...*smiles & hugs all a round*
Stay Jazzed.
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