Sparks

In all walks of life we must face certain things are facts, as truths that cannot be changed or violated no matter how much science, or medicine, or technology alter. There must be something that is so fixed within each of us as human, and so unique to each of us as human that the lack of that 'thing' , that 'spark' would make an individual less than human, and totally not themselves, no matter what else may not have changed.
I am looking for that spark within me. I am hunting for the totality of my essence, for the bit that makes me ME and ensures that I am no one else. I am on a hunt for Jazzybelle…for the bits and pieces that may have come from others but I have converted to something totally me. I am looking for the bits and pieces of ME-ness that depend on no one else, on no single situation, on no particular environment. I am looking for the parts of me that will never change, that root of myself that I can hold onto. I am trying to strip away all of the facades and imitations of me that exist, trying to peel off anything that I have borrowed (for convenience or protection) that isn't me…I am trying to strip my flesh and my heart and my soul down and away until all I have left is what is ME… and nobody else. I am scared….because once I am done there may be nothing left. I am resolute, because until I am done… I won't know who I am. And once I find my spark.. once I approach the point of finding that spark, I will be able to ground myself… to fix myself to one point. I will be able to root myself into myself and never have to worry about being ripped apart. Most ironically.. what it will take to get me to that point is one of the things that this self (with all the extras others have left behind) has so very little of…discipline. I will have to work.. consciously and at every moment to do what I know best… what is most truly me… and reject anything that isn't me.

Staying Jazzed.