Glug Glug Glug

Random Thoughts:
My hair is slowly starting to lock.. by the time I graduate it should be in the wild and unruly teenage stage…. I really have nothing to write about. That is so irritating when I want to write but I have nothing to write about. Or nothing to even think about writing about. Hm. I wonder if I could pull a diary entry out about not writing. Most likely not..but… * sighs * damn. I lost her. In all ways and any way, as a friend, as sister, as a woman I once knew as a woman I could get to know better.. she is gone gone gone. And I have to wonder if there was anything that I could have done differently… anything that I could have changed without changing myself that would have led us to a different point. A point at which we would have been able to say goodbye and still have a connection. Maybe it was me… maybe it was her.. but I think it was more so the both of us. I am too cold and she wanted too much from me. And since she put so much into me… now all of that is wasted… * sighs * damn damn damn. I guess it is cruel when someone says that they hurt and you calmly say that there is nothing that you can do about it. Is that cruelty or honesty. There is nothing that I can do about it without changing who I am…and I don't want to do that. So is that cruel?? Is it wrong of me to say no… for my sake I won't do this for you…because I want to stay this way I won't do this…. This is what I meant when I said ( a while ago) that I don't think I will ever be able to fall & stay in love with someone because it requires too much compromise…. That other person expects you to change to suit them.. and you expect that other person to change to suit you.. and if you have one person who is willing to morph more than the other person is.. then you are screwed.. and if you have one person whose entire life was morphing with one who refuses to morph… * sighs * I think I understand that pattern… but where will I be able to find a middle ground?? What is the boundaries between morphing into something that is totally not you.. and compromising to keep the other person happy… when & where comes the balance?

Stay Jazzed.