I’m sitting here...at 4:30 in the morning...trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me. I would say that I am getting depressed ( that is the usual cause for be blowing everything off.. or trying to) but I am really not. I just don’t feel like doing anything. But that isn’t what I am trying to figure out anyhow... so what is??? Tashi. *sighs* Yes I know that we broke up..but at the same time I do want to stay in touch with her.. but .. I haven’t seen her online in like... a week..and I would feel weird calling her..and *sighs* I HATE being dropped. Not dumped but dropped.... if you don wan’ me....tell me so. *shrugs* I don’t know.. maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill yes? OR no? *shrugs* I don’t know....I left her a message on ICQ... we shall see
I wanted to answer one of the notes that Hammer left me in the previous entry..about a soulmate being a buzzword.... *nods* Actually I agree with you.. it is s a buzzword...and alot of it does have to do with timing and availability, but at the same time... *thinks* how to explain.... at that time.. when you need that thing.. and that person.. who fits that thing that you need so perfectly suddenly appears.... it may seem as if that person is perfect for you...and that you connect to that person in a different kind of way than you have ever connected to anyone before. And if as you grow, and change, that person grows and changes... not with you per se... but at the same basic rate, you may feel like this is the one and only person that you need to be with for the rest of your life. That is what I mean by soulmate...someone who is so perfect for you that is seems that have been made for you....someone who fits you so well that you can’t imagine anyone else fitting you half as well for half as long... and it seems so much simpler to condense all of that into the word ‘soulmate’ which everyone tends to understand on a basic level rather than try to detail all that it entails. Another symbol of laziness I suppose...
And glytchgirl..yes I do love myself... :) totally and wholeheartedly and all the bad parts and all the good parts and everything in between.. sometimes I wonder if I don’t love myself TOOM uch and have blocked out the possibilities of loving somebody else the same way.
*shakes head* I don’t believe I am talking about love this much... arrgh... she asked me if she could be forgiven for an episode of temporary insanity.. and I wanted to tell her that the whole thing was an episode of temporary insanity on my part at least....but how do you say such a thing without sounding cruel heartless and cold?? Not that I am denying that in some situations I am indeed all of the above and fully aware of it but STILL..... *sighs* I’onknow....
what else is going on in my life?? Hmmm school is chugging along quite nicely (for once) tho I think I have a crapload of reading to do that is STILL escaping me.... I haven’t been forced to live in the Computer Lab yet..which is a blessing and a curse all at once... I got a possibility of a second interview with a banking company today.. and I have a friend of mine looking for a job for me with his company... either here or in Philly.. so that will be interesting.. it looks like I will have to tell the first folx that I need an extension... :) this could be good.. or it may not make a bit of a difference
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