Role Modeling

I’m better – more or less.

It’s odd how we are struggling to a conclusion to an issue that we can’t really define.

It’s frustrating and scary to have no basis on which to base how ‘THIS’ works.  We are blazing our own trail, trying to create our own paradigm of how our life together is going to work.  In most things, we have at least a little experience in how things are ‘supposed’ to work.  When it comes to money – we have two very different philosophies of how we should handle it – both individually and in unison, and it makes arguments/discussions long and drawn out and tinged with so much other stuff that may or may not really have anything to do with the current issue.

I refuse to have the relationship that my mother and my stepfather had. Hell – I refuse to have the relationship that most of the married people I knew growing up had.  So instead of a guide towards what is good and purposeful – I have a ‘don’t go there’ list.  And while I’m avoiding the stuff on that list, I don’t have a concrete idea of where else we CAN go.

He doesn’t want to have his grandparents’ relationship…but he too has nothing else to base a marriage type thing on. 

We are flying blind and  right now, we are crashing into each other.  

But we are slowly working towards a conclusion.  It’s taking a lot of talking, some compromise, and a willingness to let go of blocks that protect us from others when it comes to each other – cuz they are preventing us from really being ‘us’.

Gah.  At least I’m not tired anymore.  And I get paid today.  And I don’t have to work Sunday. 

*sighs*

Jasmyn