Departing

I don't get nervous/excited/anxious until the day of. It's almost standard procedure for me - no matter how long (or short) I have until a major event I don't really FEEL anything until the day of. I might mentally worry or fret, but the physical/emotional is totally calm. It's rather nice...

I could barely stay in bed long enough to write my morning pages today - I was intensely eager to get going. First I took the cats to the kennel - and I can't BEGIN to tell you how guilty I felt as I left them. I don't know why - but oh I felt (feel) so bad about having to leave them in a kennel. From this, I have just confirmed that it will break my heart to have to leave my kids in daycare.
After that - I ran some last errands, picked up my shoes, and got some batteries. GOt home at noon, and cooked, ate and cleaned. I'm done packing, and I just have to sit on my hands and wait until 2 when I'm going to call the cab.

My only worry is that it has been SERIOUSLY storming - tornado watches and all, and I'm hoping that they will clear out before 5 - and that they are not going west. Cuz if I have to rearrange my flight, I'm going to get a verrrah bad feeling about this trip. Eh.

Is it sad that I have an entire bag that is soley for my shoes and pocketbooks? I think I would be more traumatized if THAT bag got lost than if my clothes got lost. I hate buying shoes - I have wide flat feet, and it's rare to find a pair of CUTE shoes that fit and are comfortable. So each pair of shoes I own (and it's only like 12 pairs) is VERY valuable to me, as they are each treasures. The clothes are easy to replace.

I have to get my pilates tape back from my coworker when I get back - I'm getting back to that point I was at in HIGH SCHOOL where the everything on me is proportionate to a size but my belly. In other words - if my belly was a wee bit smaller, I'd be like a perfect 16. I lose weight from my tummy last and I don't know if I will EVER have a flat tummy since I've had a round tummy since birth, no matter how skinny the rest of me was. So - I'm going to have to start doing some intense belly toning to offset the extra fat that is there.

I've also noticed something changing about myself - I'm no longer ashamed of my body. Like if I wear something that touches my belly occasioanlly - I don't really feel the need to hunch over, or suck in, or conceal it - i just accept it. It's part of my body, and there's really nothing wrong with that. It's not like I'm talking about flashing my cellulite - but just coming to terms with the shape I'm in and not feeling like I should conceal myself from others for the sole reason that I'm bigger than most of them. I think I'm actually becoming COMFORTABLE with who I am. It's sad that I had to lose weight for this to happen... but still.

1:14....