Chaos Theory

i’m sorry that you seem
to think that i
must follow you
into self destruction.
i’m quite disappointed
that you
have no clue who i am
considering
that we spent a life together
that would have been better spent apart

i‘m mortified
by your insistence
that we are two halves of some
indistinct whole
when you
don’t
know
who
i
am.
i’m who you set out to be
and forgot
somewhere between loving
and living a life
that was
dictated
by some old woman
who didn’t even live in a shoe.
i‘m who you
still
dream of
when the headaches
of duality
strike you down.
i‘m who haunts you
flashing out
i mean
LASHING
out
when you stray from yourself

i’m who
lurks
behind your eyes
and whispers the doubts
that turn in to truths
or lies

i’m the dark side
of your laughter
and the joy
in your tears
i’m the pain that strikes you
and the sleep that eases your fears
i am the id to your ego
and the sun to your moon
i‘m the darkness that scares you
and the comfort you croon.
i’m you
before you knew
that you were
merely
human.
i’m mortified
by your doubts in my existence
and your hopeless longing for a watered down version
of me
i’m quite disappointed
in your
conscious avoidance of me
who has lived a lifetime with you
that would have been better spent
living apart.
i‘m sorry
that you hunt me down
in books
and stories
and television melodramas
everywhere
but here
where i lurk
behind your eyes.