I know.....

I’ve decided just what to do with myself. I’m going to take life slow now. Take my time in doing the things that I want to do, to be sure that I do them right like I should have done the first time. I’m going to take love slow, sex slow, relationships slow, school slow, EVERYTHING slow. Not slow in the sense that I won’t do it.. or will drag my feet, but slow in the sense that I won’t rush it. I won’t greenhouse my life, trying to force experiences and people and tings to come to me before they are ready. I’m going to wait until it is ripe to reach for it, wait until it is full and whole and complete. I’m going to fill up every step & every breath of my life with development & purpose – To take life at it’s fullest.

I know I’m impatient. I want things now…and preferably yesterday. I know I’m not good at the long haul...or at seeing the big picture. I know that I’m focused on a few things to the almost exclusion of all others. I know that I love too easy & too much…sometimes. I know that I ask for too little sometimes…and give too much. I know that my silence can hurt…and my temper can wound. I know that I have a long way to go to get where I THINK I might want to be…and I also know that for all I know…I might be there already. I know that for me…holding on is harder than letting go…and letting go is sometimes impossible…even when the other person is gone. I know that I have bright eyes…which hide little from those who know me well. but…..

I think I know how to wait…when waiting is all you can do. I know I’m strong enough for the long haul…even as I curse every step of it. I know the big picture is there…and that I AM a part of a lot more than me. I know I love fully and freely…and I try to resist the urge to hold back because of pain. I know that sometimes…silence is the only way to control my temper. I know that I am happy here…and I think I will be happy with where I am tomorrow. I know that letting go…sometimes helps you to hold on…and that people….like me do change and come back. I know I have a silent heart…that whispers to me what will truly make me happy.

Stay Jazzed.