Life Ways

Hm….went out yesterday.. spent an enormous amount of money. I have realized that the only way I really eat is if I buy the food already made.. I haven’t eaten at home in….. oh…. Almost 3 weeks now. Why? *shrugs* I am hungry as all get out…but have absolutely no appetite.. therefore I don’t know WHAT I want...and having a variety of things ready to be served makes it easier.
Some people say that writing something down makes it more real…makes it solid and fixed. Sometimes I agree…sometimes I don’t…but today I’m going to write this down…and set it as true within myself. Actually.. I am going to write THESE down…two things…that I will do to set my life…not back on track…but back in the groove. ( I guess the groove could be the track tho huh? )
1) I will be celibate until my birthday…January 13, 2000.
2) I will not eat any pork or beef . Anymore. Period.
I think that the second one will actually be harder than the first… simply because I tend to eat unaware of WHAT I’m putting in my mouth. Problem?? Yes…but something I will deal with later…but limiting WHAT I will eat…I have to make myself more aware of what I am doing…what I am ordering and so forth. Argh. I was actually going to add chicken to that list…but I’m not ready to do that just YET…*smiles* I’m easing on in…into a lot of things. *sighs* I haven’t felt so relaxed in a while….though I am sleeping an awful lot.. I think of it as a way that my mind can heal itself again…*smiles* I’m taking life in a different way now…….*thinks* how to explain this?? Everything that happens…*sighs* each action that one does leads one on a different path. The missing of a bus… that leads you to get home late.. that leads you to sleep late.. that leads you to… and so forth and so on… Each thing that I do takes me down a different road.. one that didn’t even exist before I chose to make that decision. And it’s not that I believe in predestination ..because then there would be no sense in doing anything because it would all be plotted out. But instead I believe in a multitude of possibilities…and some possibilities don’t even exist until I choose to do... or not to do something. And so…I am patient with life… walking down paths that open up...and not really worrying about the paths I am missing.. because there is an infinite number of things that I am missing.. and worrying about the things I am NOT doing makes the things that I am doing a lot less enjoyable. *sighs*