Challenges

C and I are going to train for the BRAT (Bike Ride Across Tn) in 2009. *dizzy* I think that we can do it. It gives us a solid 18 months to train for it - and - well.

I think we can do it.

I read this on a forum I'm on - and I thought it was one of the most valuable things I could have read.

First: You need to face the facts - You are not lazy. Lazy doesn't exist. You may be comfortable, you may be afraid, you may be injured, you may be a million things, but you may not be lazy. Lazy is a lame excuse when we're afraid to face the real issue. Face it and deal with it.

Ouch! Youch! Hello!?

So, yeah. Still haven't done my homework. I'm about to work out a training schedule instead.

It's gonna be part Body For Life (for Women), part Couch to 5K, part strentgh training, and part Nourishing Traditions.

Should be interesting.

Slacking

Homework 1 is those letters to myself - due 04/02/2008
Homework 2 will be my Treasure Map - due 04/09/2008

Haven't done my first homework yet. Was hoping to work on it some at work - but I wanted to acknowledge that I'm slacking.
I have gotten the boards and some papers for the TM, though. I need to look up the colors for the bagua's.... hrmm, let me do that now.

This list follows the colors clockwise around the grid, concluding with yellow at the center.
Purple for Money and Prosperous Living.
Red for Fame and Reputation.
Pink for Romance and Marriage.
White indicates the area of Children, sometimes called the Creativity side.
Gray, or tan is the Helpful People area.
Black is the Career area.
Blue indicates the Knowledge area.
Green marks the Family area, also called Stability.
Yellow is the Health area, in the center of the board

So - that would relate to the other TM stuff I had as follows....

123
456
789

1-Abundance (Purple)
2-Fame/Reputation (Red)
3-Relationship (Pink)
4-Family (Green)
5-Health (Yellow)
6-Creativity (White)
7-Self knowledge & Skills (Blue)
8-Work (Black)
9-Helpful people & Travel (Gray/Tan)

I actually think I have all of those colors, too, which rocks.

I also got some patterned paper, and some vellum, in case we feel like being extra creative. The boards that I got are the huge (36 x 48) 'bendy' display boards, and the paper is 12 x 12 scrapbooking paper. I plan on cutting my board to make it 36 x 36, and using some of the leftover to 'stabilize' the bendy bit, and then using a single square in each spot - 12 x 3 = 36, so most convenient.

I'm also thinking about what magazine I want to get. We both need to buy a new one on Saturday - C will most likely get a food one, and - I don't know. I'll have to rumamge through the magazine rack and figure something out.
Or - I realized we might get a magazine in the mail on Saturday - which would totally rock. I'm making plans to go out and buy one though, because otherwise, I really won't leave the house.

Also, haven't started working out yet - and I think that I'm going to have to revamp my timing. I think - I don't think I'm going to be able to get up at the crack of dawn to work out. It too easy for me to fall back asleep (granted, I usually AM pretty tired), so I'm thinking of doing it when I come home, instead. Drop my stuff off in the house, change, grab some water, and head back out to the gym. *sigh* Get it out of the way, so to speak......

I really think that would be best, for me. Maybe if I get more energy, I can shift it to an early morning type thing, but for right now - no.

If I do that, though, we are also going to have to shift dinnertime/dinner prep up some - let's say i get home at 6, work out til 7, I guess I could go back in the house, take a shower (7:30) chill for 30 minutes, then start cooking at 8, eat at 9, be in bed by 10:30?

Bah. BAH! Fucking job taking up all the good hours.

Speaking of which, I need to do some work. Mrr.

Ah, it's almost the end of the year. I usually do a year in recap, around here, but meh. I'm not quite feeling it.

This last year, really, was largely about internal journeys. I think that outwardly, I haven't changed much - if any - but inwardly, my mind is at an entirely different place than it was at the start of the year.

Generally, I'm more peaceful. I'm less stressed. I'm more loving. I'm more honest. I'm more open. I'm more generous. I'm more selfish. I've knocked down some walls and strengthened some boundaries. It's been - transformative. That's the right word.

Going forward into the new year? Ah, I expect that the transformation will ramp up - and I'm really looking forward to seeing how 2nd Realm plays into that. But, that transformation is going on the simmer setting (which is essential, for any good stock) and I'm turning my focus to my health.

I'm going to go sugar and grain free for a while, to see how it makes me feel. I'm going to start exercising (finally - I actually set the timer last night!) because I know it'll make me feel better. I had my last clove today (and I got a nicotine buzz from it too, which I haven't gotten in a WHILE) because I KNOW I'll be healthier.

It's funny, how I've delayed myself. Maybe I needed that time - that year - to prove to myself that yes, things MUST change. I've always KNOWN that I would have to change my diet, my exercise habits, and my weight to get pregnant. I wasn't really fooling anyone but myself, and as the months went by, and my belly stayed - well, we'll have to say unoccupied, as it's already nicely round - the - dread - almost, began to sink in on me. It's not an option, anymore Kiya dear, and in all honesty, it never was.

Health. That's the theme of next year. Emotional, Physical, Mental, Financial, Spiritual - I want to be a glowing ball of HEALTH. The real health, the health that makes your soul sing and your face smile, not the dry, dull, popping four pills for four ills health.

I suspect I'll journal here, a bit more, as I always do at the the start of a year, just to iron things out, and to keep a personal track of what's going on.

Note, do, that I'm not calling this a resolution, of anysort. And, it's mostly accidental that it's close to the new year. I'm on the brink, and I'm ready.

Emotional: Open up more to DH. Make more friends.
Physical: Eat as my body needs. Exercise.
Mental: Reduce TV/Computer time. Read more. (what a shocker that I HAVE to include that!)
Financial: Return to a 0 CC balance. Tithe 15% by June.
Spiritual: Daily Medition. Maintain my altar.

Sounds so simple, written out here, doesn't it? Hah. I'm certain it won't be as simple as it sounds.

I'm getting sick.

I HATE being sick, and it's such a rare occurance for me, that I don't really know how to deal with it.

I rest, a lot. I drink, a lot. I eat what my belly wants. I stay warm.

The basics, ya know? It's still irksome - and I'm hoping that I haven't caught the flu from someone who got the vax shedding. *glares at coworkers* I was getting a couple of hot flashes today - that might have been from me moving around fast with a sweater on, though.

It's also officially cold now, which is irritating. I desppppise cold weather. Suck, suck, suck.

Did I mention that I get whiny when I'm sick, too? No? Well I do. It's all poor me, and hate that, and this sucks. Hrm, I wonder if that's why I was so. damn. grumpy! yesterday - oncoming sick.

I still haven't planned out our Thanksgiving trip.

So far - I know we will be stopping in for greek food (ooh, a hoagie would be lovely tonight! But all that cheese and bread would stop me up, for sure!) and maybe going to the head shop. I should get my other tattoo too - stop in at the same place where I got my first one. I should swing by Lilly, and see my excoworkers, but I don't know.

We'll most likely be in Marion the 22/23/24, then drive back the 24/25.... not sure how we are going to do the drive up thing.

And Trans-Siberian Orchestra is coming to Memphis! I'm so excited - must get tickets.

And I SO can't believe it's only 3pm - why is this day draggggiinnngg so? I think I'll be leaving around 4pm, for inconsolable sickness. I also need to get some air in my poor, poor mostly flat tire. *sigh*

Dreamt this morning during snoozetime that I was pregnant - well, that I had gotten a positive test. I was sitting in the floor of the living room, meddling with something, and picked up a test that was leaning in a cup (??) and looked at it. It was an odd test, as it had one line on the end that indicated whether it worked, and then at the other end, there were two lines - instead of the usual one. I looked at it, looked at C (who was sitting behind me) and was like - huh. I'm pregnant. I grinned at him, and then went right back to what I was doing.
It was a very non-event. *lol*

But then, at this point, I'm thinking that's what it is - just in general. Well. Hrm. TTC'ing, for me, right now, is a matter of a waiting game. I'm doing what I can, on the outside, to get things moving. I'm not doing ALL that I could, in any way shape or form - but I'm doing some things, and those things are just - part of my life, now. So, yeah.

Then, as I was getting ready to go to work this morning, my fertility stone bracelet fell off the shelf and hit my foot - so I put it on today.

I'm STILL fucking bleeding though, so I don't know what - if any - significance any of that has. Hurmph. I'm also mildly horny (which is a biggie for me) and I plan on pouncing him repeatedly as SOON as I stop bleeding. It seems to be getting a little lighter - I don't know. *sigh* I really don't.

The accupunturist changed my herbs, though - I should look up the one she took me off of, and see what it's side effects are. I'm almost CERTAIN that this period is my bodys reaction to all the stuff I'm doing - both herbally and energetically - and that I just need to ride it out. Still. *sigh*

I'm impatient, more so than anything else. And really, it's jsut a matter of time - that, if nothing else, I believe.

Differences....

It's funny - after I posted that last entry, I realized just how superficial I've become when it comes to journaling - I mean, really? Camping? *laugh* Okay, not to say that the time I spend with C isn't infinitely valuable and worth writing about, but really - there is more going on in my head than just grocery lists of what I'm doing from day to day. That's a calendar, not a journal.

Anyhow, I suppose I'll get into something interesting, eventually. I still need to finish transferring all my other words here, too. Ah, that might be a nice way to muddle through the rest of the day.

---

Still not pregnant - about to start my period in fact. I had a tiny little vein show up on the TP yesterday afternoon, and when I checked CP today, there were little gobs of blood there. They remind me of the little 'sections' in citrus - I don't know what they are called - the tiny nobules that actually form the fruit? Like that.

I'll be able to take the Fertell test, too - if I start good and 'light' today, I'll mark today as CD1, and Thursday would be CD3 - the new moon, how appropiate. Maybe that's a good omen, that the moon will be waxing then.

It's officially past the six month point, now, and it's almost to six cycles. It's interesting how my attitude about TTC'ing has changed. I still think that a LOT of women go a little crazy - but I can see how easy it is. I mean - my mind slams shut the door that even murmurs that we might never have children - it's just - not in my mental view right now. We have a good way to go before that door should even be approached - it's the dark at the end of the tunnel, for me.

---

Ugh. Coworkers are getting flu shots enmasse - *headshake* I don't even bother commenting - pumping themselves full of all that crap before the season even STARTS and they know what strain is going to be a problem is SO freaking pointless. I think vaccines are the modern day equivalent of raindances to the Gods of Health - when they work, it's all 'Seeee!!' and when they don't (or when they kill) it's all convientently something/someone/God's fault. (The other god, not the medigods). Whatever, man, seriously. *makes a note to get some Echinea tea* What? I can still dance my own dance in my own way, I'm just saying, taking posion shots straight to the bloodstream just ain't MY way.

---

So, I've finally given up on getting the cheaper/clearanced treadmill - and Sears finally took it off of its site, so I'm satisifed in my determination to wait. I just ordered another one - but it won't be delivered until the 27th, because it won't be available to deliver this weekend, and next weeked is FOS and I don't know if C will be home, so it'll be the weekend AFTER that. Hopefully, that'll give me enough time to clean all the JUNK from in front of the garage (I swear, if people were judged by the outside of their house, we are SUCH slobs. Okay, fine, the inside too, but I'm just SAYING!) and pull it to the junk pile in the back of the house. It'll still be there, but it'll look nicer.
I might try to go to Sears and get a TV for in there too - I need to start doing my Qi Jong every morning - oh, and we're going to need a small heater, too. I think that'll just about wrap up the stuff we need for the gym.

---

I still need to gather my thoughts together on the life change that's opened up in front of me - I'm not sure how to explain it to myself, much less make others understand what I'm thinking.

Hrm. More later, I'm sure.

I Will Not.....

be self defeated. I will not expect things to happen instantly. I will not allow not seeing the success that I want now to give me a reason to give up - if I give up, I'll NEVER see the change that I want. 

Instead, I'm going to challenge myself more. I'm going to push a little further, a little harder, a little stricter. 

I'm seriously - sweet mother of god - seriously considering going back on Atkins.  At this point, I feel like I have the physical activity side DOWN - I'm working out at LEAST 3 times a week (on a bad, bad week) and at BEST 5 days a week.  I'm doing cardio AND weightlifting. I'm - I'm doing that right. 

Eating, on the other hand? Meh! Gah! Ugh!  I'm eating SO horribly - I'm eating REGULARILY - which is certainly a change from how I normally ate, but WHAT I'm eating? *shudder* I hang my head in shame, seriously. And - okay, maybe I don't need to go as strict as Atkins, but I HAVE to set up a 'plan' around food.  It's so much easier for me to exclude than it is to include - which isn't a good thing, but it's me. 

Umm... I need to copy this rant/thought stream on working out/losing weight here - it gives a general view of how I'm feeling.... 

---

 My ass is still - wide (hah! it hasn't been not-wide since I was 6!) but - I'm actually starting to ENJOY working out more. I can't say that I look FORWARD to it - there's always a little debbil sitting on my shoulder, asking me in sweet sweet tones whether I would really PREFER to go home and crash on the couch and burn my brain away with television - but once I get there, and once I get changed - it's - it's - good. I'm enjoying challenging myself (dammit! forgot to bring in the 8 pound weights from home!), seeing myself progress (I did 40 minutes on the treadmill Wednesday - and not 40 lesiurely minutes either - 40 sweaty, heartpoiunding, felt funny walking once I got off the treadmill and sucked down a bottle and a half of water minutes - and I felt GOOD - 2 months ago, I was sucking wind through 12 minutes!) - but..... I'm not seeing the changes in my body that I want to. Now, I KNOW that because I'm doing some serious weightlifting, that I'm going to get bigger before I get smaller, and I'm going to gain weight before I lose it, and I'm NOT doing this to see instant results - I'm doing this to be better and faster and stronger....but all I'm saying is that when I get measured week after next, if I haven't lost at LEAST 2 inches overall (which ain't much - really, that ain't much at all) I'm going to leave, buy an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's, and eat it with delighted, luxorious slowness - and then, take my ass right back to the gym to the next day.
The thing that scares me - the real devil lurking in the back of my head - is that the reason that the weight is creeping off so very very slowly is that there is something 'wrong' with me - PCOS, hypothyroidism, pre-diabetes, and that I'm simply sick, and I'll never be able to get knocked up without many rounds of fertility drugs and I'll be fat ALL MY LIFE.
But then, I have to remind myself - I'm SO not eating as cleanly (or as much protien) as I should be, and that I didn't gain it all in 2 months (more like 20 years) (okay, okay, 10 years), and I'm not going to lose it all in 2 months, and I can't be impatient because it's a slow gradual thing, and because most of my clothes are sacks anyway and I haven't worn pants in months (I've worn pants twice since it's gotten colder and they feel - ODD on me) so I don't haveany thing with a 'tight' waistline to compare my waistline too because I'm still too fat to even dream of trying on any of my skinny clothes and therefore I could be changing and I wouldn't even know it because the scale LIES and.......................
And I have muscles in new places and I can run up and down the steps a couple of times without losing breath and I'm stronger and can open bottles and hammer nails and drive screws without feeling like my hands are going numb and I'm sleeping better and I feel sexier and I think I actually have a metabolism now and it's slow - and it's minor - and I can't see it on my ass (yet) but I know it's coming. It's gotta be coming.

I've never looked forward  to someone wrapping a measuring tape around my ass THIS much before in my life.

nbsp;

Colorgenics....(and again, BAAAAAAAAA!)

Haven't even started writing today - naughty, naughty girl. I've been pounding away on a document I need to get done for SWHC that I need to finish at work so that I can print out many many free copies, so - yeeeahhh.

I may be the oddest person ever - really - I get moody for the silliest of reasons - just resentful that things aren't going MY way. *stomps foot*

Why yes, I AM a brat.

But - onto the profile!

---

You are seeking protection against anything which might seem to be exhausting you or tiring you out. It would appear that you are seeking a life of security and physical ease, free from any problem or disturbance.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

The present situation, not of your making, is forcing you to compromise. You will have to hold back and forgo some of your hopes, dreams and aspirations.

Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.

In the past your trusting attitude has often been misunderstood and so you have needed to protect yourself against your tendency to be abused and taken advantage of. As a consequence you possibly adopt an aloof and critical attitude and you are only willing to let your guard down once sincerity and trustworthiness can be assured.

---

Suprisingly on point - esp. in the particular mood I'm in. I'll have to do this again when I'm a wee bit more cheerful. *glares at nothing in particular*

*crunches into chocolate*

And - why! Why! Would you a) give away OLD candy (like stale icky old) for Halloween, and then! THEN! bring the even staler, ickier, leftovers to work to torment your coworkers? I mean damn ya'll - if ya gon give away candy from 2003, at least keep it in the freezer so that it stays FRESH.

Though, I suppose I shouldn't be eating candy ANYWAY - my ass is still - wide (hah! it hasn't been not-wide since I was 6!) but - I'm actually starting to ENJOY working out more. I can't say that I look FORWARD to it - there's always a little debbil sitting on my shoulder, asking me in sweet sweet tones whether I would really PREFER to go home and crash on the couch and burn my brain away with television - but once I get there, and once I get changed - it's - it's - good. I'm enjoying challenging myself (dammit! forgot to bring in the 8 pound weights from home!), seeing myself progress (I did 40 minutes on the treadmill Wednesday - and not 40 lesiurely minutes either - 40 sweaty, heartpoiunding, felt funny walking once I got off the treadmill and sucked down a bottle and a half of water minutes - and I felt GOOD - 2 months ago, I was sucking wind through 12 minutes!) - but..... I'm not seeing the changes in my body that I want to. Now, I KNOW that because I'm doing some serious weightlifting, that I'm going to get bigger before I get smaller, and I'm going to gain weight before I lose it, and I'm NOT doing this to see instant results - I'm doing this to be better and faster and stronger....but all I'm saying is that when I get measured week after next, if I haven't lost at LEAST 2 inches overall (which ain't much - really, that ain't much at all) I'm going to leave, buy an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's, and eat it with delighted, luxorious slowness - and then, take my ass right back to the gym to the next day.
The thing that scares me - the real devil lurking in the back of my head - is that the reason that the weight is creeping off so very very slowly is that there is something 'wrong' with me - PCOS, hypothyroidism, pre-diabetes, and that I'm simply sick, and I'll never be able to get knocked up without many rounds of fertility drugs and I'll be fat ALL MY LIFE.
But then, I have to remind myself - I'm SO not eating as cleanly (or as much protien) as I should be, and that I didn't gain it all in 2 months (more like 20 years) (okay, okay, 10 years), and I'm not going to lose it all in 2 months, and I can't be impatient because it's a slow gradual thing, and because most of my clothes are sacks anyway and I haven't worn pants in months (I've worn pants twice since it's gotten colder and they feel - ODD on me) so I don't haveany thing with a 'tight' waistline to compare my waistline too because I'm still too fat to even dream of trying on any of my skinny clothes and therefore I could be changing and I wouldn't even know it because the scale LIES and.......................
And I have muscles in new places and I can run up and down the steps a couple of times without losing breath and I'm stronger and can open bottles and hammer nails and drive screws without feeling like my hands are going numb and I'm sleeping better and I feel sexier and I think I actually have a metabolism now and it's slow - and it's minor - and I can't see it on my ass (yet) but I know it's coming. It's gotta be coming.

I've never looked forward to someone wrapping a measuring tape around my ass THIS much before in my life.

Okay. I have to get back to this ^($&%$*&%$ $ document now.

Nano count later.... much later, as I might not write til I get home, depending on how the afternoon goes.

*kisses*

Still on Track.....

More or less.

As always, the eating bit is HARD for me. Hard, Hard, HARD. I try to make good choices, but - Meh. Taint the easiest thing to eat every three hours like I'm supposed to - though, I have to admit, I do tend to get HUNGRY every three hours - my metabolism is starting to ramp up. I usually screw it up over the weekends by eating throughly stupidly, but I'm going to try to get better.

In workout news - PT is still an evil, evil, man - but I'm lifting - weights! Not little girly weights either - my lowest is ten pounds (and I grunt and strain and weep through each rep) and my highest is 35 (which, okay, is still kinda girly, but definitely in the weight 'building' range, not the weight 'toning' range).
I've also found my personal miracle drug - MSM. No next day 'crippled old lady walk' instead it's just a deep achiness. And I know it's not me getting used to the routine because a) EvilMan has been changing it up every week and 2) it works when I do a new routine or go up in weights - which - really, makes things even sweeter, because there aren't really any negative repercussions from working out. Cardio is still a beast (I'm up to 40 minutes!! FORTY!!!) and I need new sneakers pretty darn badly, but otherwise - tis all good.

I can tell I'm still getting smaller - I haven't hopped back on the scale, and I have no clue when he is going to measure us next, but I know that I'm getting smaller. Clothes fit just that LITTLE bit nicer (as I have very few things that really FIT my current size), my face is getting prettier and less piggy looking, and I even have a few tiny muscles (which are still coated with WAAYYY too much fat to really be seen).

I skipped lifting on Friday (I had errands to run and a VERY busy weekend and I just couldn't AFFORD to be sore - excuses, I know - but it's the first time I've missed a weekly workout since we started, and I'm looking FORWARD to getting int there tonight (DESPITE the fact that I'm period-achy, and really just wana go home and go to SLEEP), so no harm, no foul), but I am going to fully rock the casbah tonight.

Okay - with that out of the way.... things that I am going to do better.

1) Complete a full lifting cycle - I normally haven't really been able to finish a WHOLE new routine within the first week, so tonight, I'm expecting to do all my reps.

2) Get more protien in - I'm going to start having a shake as SOON as I hit the door at home at night, and once I get paid, I will be getting some vanilla/unflavored protien powder to fix in with my oatmeal in the morning.

3) Get in more water - I've been slacking on that lately - not drinking my usual 3-4 42oz cups a day - usually maxing out at about two - at least at work. I usually drink another 1/2 liter on my way home after working out/at home......that's a little over a half gallon, so that's not TOO bad, but not as good as I could be.

My thighs.......

are rubbing together!!

Okay - normally that is something that women tend to weep and gash their teeth about - but for me, it's a GOOD thing, as they usually just STICK together - there ain't enough room between them to even rub. I was walking through Target a few days ago, and was sweating (damn weather!) and realized - holy shit!! My THIGHS are rubbing together!!

Another exciting thing - my pooch is getting 'floppier' which means there is less fat 'plumping it out, and my skin hasn't quite caught up just yet. And! The nasty little folds over my elbows when I have my arms at my sides are MUCH smaller - almost gone.

I comment on all of this - BEFORE I mention that I got on the scale, and saw that I had gained 6 pounds. Say WHAT??? But then, I thought about how muscle takes up more room than fat, and how new muscle is VERY heavy because it's holding onto water in order to restore itself. So I'm pleased.

My fitness trainer is an evil, evil man, who I appreciate the living hell out of, because I haven't seen results like this in - in ever, really. And I'm challenged to push myself a little futher, and a little harder, as long as it doesn't feel DANGEROUSLY painful - and I'm trying to stretch my limits of what that is.

I still don't like cardio, but - it's a needed thing. It's interesting - I'm starting to suspect that I'm one of those people who can build muscle easily - but who also LOSE it at the drop of a hat. So.... from that..... I've made an inner decision. I'm going to work towards becoming a 'figure' competitor. Yes, I know I'm horribly fat, and overweight, and short - but I'm going to work towards it. The very WORST that could happen is that I'm skinnier (and healtheir and in better shape) than I've ever been in my life. The very best? Who knows.

Little Things

My rings are getting slightly looser - they feel more like they are supposed to feel, and less like they are the endcaps on a flexible sausage.

My eating = dreadful. Just utterly. And we aren't even going to TALK about the drinking. But - I've been exercising like a maniac (maniac! on the dance floor!). Lifting weights (painful though it is) is downright pleasureable for me....it's a very SATISFYING feeling - a creamy contentment slides over me after I finish working out - the feeling of a difficult job well and gracefully done.

I stepped on the scale today (I know, I know!! - it was in my way, and it's going in the closet tonight!) and looked at the number, (which I'm purposely not noting) and it didn't really - mean anything. It was a number. Not an ugly number, not a pretty number - just a number.

Went grocery shopping Sunday, picked up some soymilk and some whole wheat tortillas - I need to figure out a good portable way to eat them. Hmmm - I need to see if the yogurt I have at home is still good, and I'll make some Tziki....

My boobs are fitting into the bra better too. And my back is starting to break out - the oddest (yet most reliable) sign of weightloss I have.

Happy am I, but aware that this is just the first bit of pleasure on a very LONG journey.

Little Things

My rings are getting slightly looser - they feel more like they are supposed to feel, and less like they are the endcaps on a flexible sausage.

My eating = dreadful. Just utterly. And we aren't even going to TALK about the drinking. But - I've been exercising like a maniac (maniac! on the dance floor!). Lifting weights (painful though it is) is downright pleasureable for me....it's a very SATISFYING feeling - a creamy contentment slides over me after I finish working out - the feeling of a difficult job well and gracefully done.

I stepped on the scale today (I know, I know!! - it was in my way, and it's going in the closet tonight!) and looked at the number, (which I'm purposely not noting) and it didn't really - mean anything. It was a number. Not an ugly number, not a pretty number - just a number.

Went grocery shopping Sunday, picked up some soymilk and some whole wheat tortillas - I need to figure out a good portable way to eat them. Hmmm - I need to see if the yogurt I have at home is still good, and I'll make some Tziki....

My boobs are fitting into the bra better too. And my back is starting to break out - the oddest (yet most reliable) sign of weightloss I have.

Happy am I, but aware that this is just the first bit of pleasure on a very LONG journey.

Did I mention that I'm not going to be weighing myself?

I had almost convinced myself of this last time - saying, quite logically too, that if this was REALLY a full life change - something that I was doing for my health, then the pleasure of doing it - and doing it better than I did before - was the only reward/carrot/result I should be looking for. The numbers on the scale WILL change - as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm serious this time - no scale.

And - I'm amazed at how sexy exercising makes me feel. Okay, that's not absolutely correct - it's more that I'm not in the depths of despondency over mah fat arse because I'm actually TRYING to do something about it, rather than continiuing to sit on the aforementioned body part and stuff dingdongs in my mouth. Not that I actually EAT dingdongs (I prefer Oatmeal Cream Pies) but, you get the idea.

I did my first independant wieght lifting workout yesterday - Oh my god! One good thing I can say, is that when I was done, my thighs hurt less. Yes, I thought that was odd too - considering I had worked out with the demon whom I shall call D (otherwise known as my personal trainer) on Monday, and had skipped a day on Tuesday (because I had taken a half day from work, and also because my thighs felt like they were going to physically rip themselves from my body) - but after working out yesterday I feel almost - normal. Nay, human even. My thighs still hurt when I first stand up and start to walk around, but - other than that - it isn't half bad. So, I guess working out isn't half bad, neh? Though, squats and shrugs are still el diablo himself - I'm delightfully satisfied when I'm done. 

The fitness center that I go to is popluated by mostly BOYS which is vaguely creepy/embarassing/oh my god I am teh suck/ but I firmly try to ignore them, make sure I have the proper form, and pretend like I'm a hawt strong girl doing this instead of an almost hawt utterly weak girl trying to get hotter & stronger. There is one girl there who dares to touch the weights, and another woman there who I don't think knows that the weights EXSIST - but other than that, it's a pretty small crowd. But then, it's late in the year..... I'm sure that after January, it'll be ass against the glass in there - for a month or so, and then people will fade away again. 

Umm - I've tweaked my points system a little, and corrected a REALLY obvious mistake, and I'm going to use it for the rest of the week, and then see how well it turned out for me....but I think that I will stick with it.  I was debating punishments/pointlosses for eating 'bad' foods - but no. This is a life long change - there is no such thing as a 'bad' food - there are jsut more supportive and less supportive foods, and if I want to eat something that has all the support of a 12 year old bra, then dammit, I will. Technically, I WILL lose a point because it won't fall into protien/starchy carb/fibrous carb - but I just really want to get away from the idea of good food/bad food. 
I need to work on a shopping list, dammit all.  Grocery shopping MUST be done this weekend.  I need to put together some meat & veggie combos for lunch - though, I suspect that sandwiches and soups will be a favorite. I had oatmeal for lunch today - YUM! I think it'll be easier for me to deal with that for lunch than anything else. I'm also thinking about making some breakfast burritos and freezing them, to give me a quick grab yum! for snacks. Hm. 
I think that's it, for now. Must do grocery list TONIGHT!

So.

Oddly enough, despite the fact that I am anal, I can't stand anal people. Maybe it's anality that hasn't been explained to me that irks me. If I understand why you are being such an asswipe, I jsut might appreciate it more.  Maybe.

Work (continuing in the vein I started with) is well. Let's just say I spend 12 dollars a week on powerball simply so that I can escape this soulsucking hellhole. I feel rather guilty sometimes, whinging over the lack of - anything - at my job, rather than having concrete idiocy to whine about. Though, maybe I paint things with too rosy of a brush, and this stuff really IS stupid. Either way, I'm still here, still wishing that I wasn't, counting down the months remaining until I am free.

The house - the house is slowly becoming a home. This weekend, the game room should be DONE (which gives us not only a game room, but also a dining room, as all the crap that should be in the game room is currently taking up 1/4 of the dining room) and sweet mother of God herself, a living room. All that is left to do in both rooms is bottom trim and the doors - and I WILL get those done this weekend. Hub was supposed to do the bottom trim in the game room yesterday, but he had to do the DMV duck hunt instead, so. Well. I'm efficient, they'll be done. If for no other reason than I am sick - SICK, I tell you! - of living in 1/3 of the space of the living room because everything is pulled 3 feet away from the walls.

I'm working out and eating right (again, for the 15hundreth time in my short life) and utterly refusing to weigh myself for love or money. I finally broke down and got a *gasp* personal trainer (who isn't really all THAT personal, as I'm in a 'group' with two other people - a lovely 72 year old woman named Jane, and a future med-school student named Justin) but it's not that much, and I know that it will be useful, and dammit, spending a few hundred dollars for health isn't that bad. I wonder if I can get reimbursed through my health care plan. I doubt that I can, just - well, just because any HMO paying for actual PREVENTATIVE care would be - well, it would be too much like right.

I'm half-assedly charting - more so keeping track of my periods and when we do the wild thang than anything else. I 'supposed' to be ovluating around now, so tonight I'm going to go home and spit on the little lens and see what it tells me. We are waiting until March to really START trying, but we are enjoying the practice. Though, hubby pouts each time I tell him we need to use a condom (which isn't ALL the time) and I just laugh. Mwhahahaa! March, you horny man you, MARCH!

I'm such a slackass OD'er lately - I've been trying to note more (which ain't much, considering my track record of noting) to make up for the half assed writing that I do, but well.... life is so - so - level and balanced that I tend to not have much to talk about.

I do keep threating to combine the *thinks* 4 different journals that I have scattered around on 3 different sites into one (body, spirit, hair, life), but I haven't come up with a way that I'm happy to do it - either here or on LJ - so I'mma keep waiting.

Because, I'm anal, ya know?

If you think you might be anywhere near the Midsouth the next to last week in October - take a gander at the previous entry. Or, just gimme an email address, and be suprised.

*smoochieboochies!*

9-26-06

Umph.

I got slapped with a hungry stick around 9:30am, and wolfed down a yogurt. (One point) Good, that I ate, bad, that all I had was yogurt. I have to bag up some Oatmeal, and go to Family Dollar tonight.

I was only at work for half a day, and I gulped down a protien shake around 11:00 ish (hungry again- yet another sign that the yogurt wasn't enough - another point).

I ran some errands, went home, started making lunch, got interuppted several times, finally sat down to eat (a BTC sammich) around 2pm. Had chips with it, made two sammichs, only ate one. (2 points)

Then, got bust doing stuff, was full - and okay, until around 8ish, I suppose (ah, just lost a point here). Ate some leftover cheesy goulash of hubby's that I dotted with the remaining bacon. (3 points)

Took my last set of supplements around 9:30, was in bed by 10:30, sleep by 12.

I didn't work out - the whole half a day thing (lose 4 points - I refuse to count a weekday as a cheat day), but that's really no excuse as I HAVE weights at home, and I HAVE a piece of cardio equipment so - I just generally suck.

I REALLY need to set up a 'home' schedule, because otherwise I jsut sit on my ass and get jack ALL done. So. Yes.
And I need to start working on my grocery list - the monthly shoppin trip is this weekend, and I've got a whole world of supportive eating to prep for.

My God, how much do I suck?

Seriously??? 


So, it's pretty obvious that I haven't done jackall for well over hte last month.  I was in the zone, grooving and moving, and then - SPLAT. As I always do, I nicely sabatoged myself, and stopped doing EVERYTHING.  But - a couple of things have come up, and a couple of things have changed, and hopefully - sweet jesu - no, there is no hope. I am GOING to do this, gotdammit - no ifs, no ands, no buts, and any damn excuses should come out of my ASS. 
*clears throat* 

So - firstly, I finally got the key to out fitness center - it's an nice place. Has several treadmills, a couple of machines, plenty of free weights.  I hadn't bothered going until last week when I - 
Secondly - started working with a personal trainer.  It's the same fellow that I was emailing back and forth with a few months ago (most likely when I started this journal), and while it ain't cheap (but really, how expensive is 425.00 for a lifetime of health?), I think that it will be useful. On a personal level, I think he's a bit of a twit, but - it's the asskick I need. Plus there's
Thirdly - I just joined a challenge that was on one of my hair boards (we aren't going to go into that obsession right now, TYVM!) - 2007 Head to Toe challenge.  As I've begun to realize that - from my hair to my body to my spirit - I'm all one, all intertwined, and I can't expect one to truly flourish while I neglect the others, I'm on board with that. The hair aspects are in my hair journal, the spiritual aspects with be in my spiritual journal, and the body aspects will be here. 
I swear before ALL that is holy - at some point I'm going to grow a set and combine everything into one place. 

So - as part of pushing myself along (accountability, accountability) I'm going to start scoring my days.  According to the fitness trainer, I need to work out 6 days a week, and I get one cheat day a week.  I need to eat every three hours, and while he doesn't recommend a certain level of protien/carbs/fats (he just gives us this list of 'supportive' foods, which really, might work better for me anyhow - as he says, you don't have to be PERFECT, you just have to do better than you've done before).  There are two portions of my workout - cardio and resistance, and three portions of my food - protien/starchy carb/fibrous carb. 

3 points per meal - (I'm not going to specify how MANY meals I should eat a day, because on the weekends (when I sleep in) it will get thrown off. 
4 points per workout (2 points for cardio, 2 points for resistence) 
3 points per supplement (I'm supposed to be taking a supplement 3 times a day - I usually only do it twice a day) 
5 points for timing - I'll just GIVE myself five points for eating every three hours (I figure 15 hours is about my max) and lose points as I go along.

So - that's 15 points a day, which means in a perfect week, I should have 90 points.  I'm going to START by shooting for  75 points - five perfect days. Each thing that I miss - I lose a point for.  For example, if I eat breakfast at 9am, and then don't eat again until 2pm, I lose a point - if I skip cardio, I lose 2 points. If I eat a meal that only protien and starchy carbs, I lose a point (no fiborous carbs). I'm going to start each day out with five points for timing, and add the rest as I go along.

I'm officially kicking off the point system today - I'll put together a little chart in Excel that I can keep up with easily - Gods Bless GoogleSpreadsheets. I'm going to give myself a week to tweak it, and then shoot seriously for 75+ points EVERY week.

And I still owe someone a freaking workout CD - as soon as the computer room is back in shape and I can actually get ON my computer - it will be burnt and sent.

Whinging.

I've been going all over, spreading my weepy ass across the landscape, so I figured, why should my weight loss journal be any different, hmmm?

So. still at 241 - yeah. Still eating - yeah. *sigh* I'm kinda, sorta, almost, but not really wondering if I have a mild ED - let me flow of consiouness for a while.

So... over the weekend, I was thinking (and bitching) about the fact that I HAVE to eat in order to lose weight, Not only that, but I have to eat regularly - or, more realistically, anytime my body says it's hungry. Now, I've always been able to tell the difference between hunger and boredom, hunger and thirst, and real hunger - so, that was never an issue. The thing is - I usually ignored it. I ate when I was good and ready - which might have been 6 hours after my body said 'Hey, hun? FEED ME!!!'.
I realized that I've always associated a sort of - spiritual purity - to not eating. Okay, maybe not SPECIFIALLY to not eating, but to transcending what my body demanded that I do, and control it with my mind - ie. not eating because my body said so, but eating because my brain wanted to eat. It felt - it feels - cleaner, righter, more in control - than leaping to the fridge the instant my body demanding food - whether I was in the middle of something or not.
But - doing some further thinking about it, I realized that is most likely why I lost so much weight on Atkins - AND why I stopped losing weight. I was able to lose so much weight because not only was I eating frequently, I had also 'tricked' my body into feeding off of it's fat source when it would normally tell me that it was hungry. As I lost more and more weight, I started eating less and less, and despite the 'eat fat' trickery, by body started being more reluctant to let anymore weight go, because you know, I've apparently got those famine genes. So - if I had continued to eat - maybe not ALOT, but at least regularly - I might have lost more weight.

I've noticed, over these last few weeks - the weeks that I eat - all seven days of the week, and don't skimp out and eat only once on Saturday, and once on Sunday (if at all on Saturday, depending on what time I wake up) I lose weight. Period. The weeks that I DON'T eat on the weekend, or skip a lunch, or eat a low-protien dinner - I gain or maintain.

In order for me to lose weight, it is simply NOT an option for me to skip meals. I NEED to eat breakfast, I NEED to eat lunch, I NEED to eat dinner - and I most likely should be sliding in a snack or two inbetween there to keep me going. That's so damn irksome.

I've also noticed that my blood sugar is MUCH more variable - it really is dependant on me eating, and if I go too long without eating, I can FEEL myself getting grumpy and - easily irritated. Or, I get a headache. Sheesh, is this what it's like to have a NORMAL metabolism? You have to EAT frequently?? Blargh. Too much bloody trouble is what it is. But - at least I'm learning, and I can accept the fact that for me to get what I want out of my body, I have to give it what it wants. The spoiled bitch.

In other news - I STILL don't have a blankety-blankety keycard for the fitness center. I'm - ready to start working out. Okay, I haven't fully figured out the whole clothing/shower issue - but that's just a matter of a little forethought. I suspect that once I start exercising, I'm going to be even HUNGRIER, and I'll HAVE to eat those inbetween snacks (and a more robust breakfast than yogurt) - delightful. But - I won't mind as much, cuz I'm sure my body will be routing those protiens into muscle, so, okay.

*sigh* There, I think I'm done whining. I've tried to be REALLY good with food this week (all of Wednesday that it is) and we shall see what the scale says Monday. I honestly do think I'm losing/rearranging, because some of my clothes are fitting slightly different. Can't say it's better or worse, just - different.

Whinging.

I've been going all over, spreading my weepy ass across the landscape, so I figured, why should my weight loss journal be any different, hmmm?

So. still at 241 - yeah. Still eating - yeah. *sigh* I'm kinda, sorta, almost, but not really wondering if I have a mild ED - let me flow of consiouness for a while.

So... over the weekend, I was thinking (and bitching) about the fact that I HAVE to eat in order to lose weight, Not only that, but I have to eat regularly - or, more realistically, anytime my body says it's hungry. Now, I've always been able to tell the difference between hunger and boredom, hunger and thirst, and real hunger - so, that was never an issue. The thing is - I usually ignored it. I ate when I was good and ready - which might have been 6 hours after my body said 'Hey, hun? FEED ME!!!'.
I realized that I've always associated a sort of - spiritual purity - to not eating. Okay, maybe not SPECIFIALLY to not eating, but to transcending what my body demanded that I do, and control it with my mind - ie. not eating because my body said so, but eating because my brain wanted to eat. It felt - it feels - cleaner, righter, more in control - than leaping to the fridge the instant my body demanding food - whether I was in the middle of something or not.
But - doing some further thinking about it, I realized that is most likely why I lost so much weight on Atkins - AND why I stopped losing weight. I was able to lose so much weight because not only was I eating frequently, I had also 'tricked' my body into feeding off of it's fat source when it would normally tell me that it was hungry. As I lost more and more weight, I started eating less and less, and despite the 'eat fat' trickery, by body started being more reluctant to let anymore weight go, because you know, I've apparently got those famine genes. So - if I had continued to eat - maybe not ALOT, but at least regularly - I might have lost more weight.

I've noticed, over these last few weeks - the weeks that I eat - all seven days of the week, and don't skimp out and eat only once on Saturday, and once on Sunday (if at all on Saturday, depending on what time I wake up) I lose weight. Period. The weeks that I DON'T eat on the weekend, or skip a lunch, or eat a low-protien dinner - I gain or maintain.

In order for me to lose weight, it is simply NOT an option for me to skip meals. I NEED to eat breakfast, I NEED to eat lunch, I NEED to eat dinner - and I most likely should be sliding in a snack or two inbetween there to keep me going. That's so damn irksome.

I've also noticed that my blood sugar is MUCH more variable - it really is dependant on me eating, and if I go too long without eating, I can FEEL myself getting grumpy and - easily irritated. Or, I get a headache. Sheesh, is this what it's like to have a NORMAL metabolism? You have to EAT frequently?? Blargh. Too much bloody trouble is what it is. But - at least I'm learning, and I can accept the fact that for me to get what I want out of my body, I have to give it what it wants. The spoiled bitch.

In other news - I STILL don't have a blankety-blankety keycard for the fitness center. I'm - ready to start working out. Okay, I haven't fully figured out the whole clothing/shower issue - but that's just a matter of a little forethought. I suspect that once I start exercising, I'm going to be even HUNGRIER, and I'll HAVE to eat those inbetween snacks (and a more robust breakfast than yogurt) - delightful. But - I won't mind as much, cuz I'm sure my body will be routing those protiens into muscle, so, okay.

*sigh* There, I think I'm done whining. I've tried to be REALLY good with food this week (all of Wednesday that it is) and we shall see what the scale says Monday. I honestly do think I'm losing/rearranging, because some of my clothes are fitting slightly different. Can't say it's better or worse, just - different.

Weigh-in and Whinging

Starting weight: 246
Last week's weight: 241
Current weight: 238
This week's loss: 3
Total loss:  8
STG: 220
LTG: 140

Arghh. I didn't weigh-in last week because I got on the scale and was just CRUSHED by the reading - crushed I tell you.  Especially since, in my mind, I had been eating SOO well. 
But - thanks to FitDay, I reviewed what I had eaten, and realized while I WAS eating WELL, I wasn't eating ENOUGH. Gah. Can I tell you how FRUSTRATING it is to FORCE yourself to eat in order to lose weight? The delights of a famine-trained metabolism. 

Anyhow, I ate MUCH better last week - and I see the results on the scale.  Yayy! For me.

So, I know that I have no RIGHT to whine about this - but - I must. 
I've always been a fat girl - always, always always.  And, as a side effect of that - in my mind - things got a little twisted. 
The less I ate, the more pleased I was with myself - I felt like I was trumping my natural urge to eat and eat and eat - and thus pack on more and more pounds.  I trained myself to ignore hunger signals, and to drink water to cover them up.  And even as I had this pride in eating so little, it was rather pointless, considering I was STILLL gaining weight. 
Then, I started using FitDay, and I realized that even eating a little wasn't all that hot if it was packed with fat and calories.  So - I began to train myself to eat small bits of good food - not fried, as fresh as possible, and as natural as possible - and still, I was pleased when I ate the absolute minimum - never cleaning my plate, never eating as much as my husband does. 
Then, I started talking to this hardcore fitness fellow, and he gave me some suggestions and guidelines (that I then researched myself) and I realized that I have been starving myself for YEARS - therefore every bit of fat my body could store it would, because it didn't believe that it was guarenteed a good, healthy, stable source of food.  

I could cry.  All these years, ALL THESE YEARS, of eating tiny portions, and feeling so noble, and - I've been sabatoging myself the entire time. And I had - have - a certain sense of pride (even now) in being able to comfortably go for an entire day without eating.  It feels - right. It feels ever so much righter than finishing off a huge plate of chicken and greens, or scarfing down a tabuli sandwich the size of my head. But - I've seen - the difference over the last two weeks has shown me that as SOON as I start eating LESS - I gain weight.  

I suppose I should be celebrating! I should throw all of those old calorie calculations out of the window, and make sure that every day I get at lelast 100g of protien, 100g of carbs, and 50g of fat - those should be my goals.  But - I still stare at the fridge, or the food on my plate, and I groan at the thought of eating.  I don't WANT to eat, I'd much rather NOT eat, and I rarely have a taste or an appetite for anything (healthy) anyhow.  But - If I really want to lose weight - I have to force myself to eat.  I wonder how long it'll be (if ever) before my metabolism is back to normal? Or am I going to be forced to eat at that delicate line between eating the max I can and overeating for the rest of my life?  

At least I know the trick now.  It sucks, sucks majorly to have to force myself to eat, but dammit - I have to force myself to exericse, to go to bed at a decent hour, and everything else that is useful and helpful and not completely natural....I just wish something could be EASY!!!




Got throughly pissed off today, as the cleaning crew decided that RIGHT BEFORE lunch on a MONDAY was a good time to go through and 'clean' the fridge out, which really means they picked up everyones food and threw it out because one persons food smelled bad.  Now, mind you, I try to bring a weeks worth of food with me to work on Mondays so that I don't have ANY excuse to not eat lunch.  3 chicken breasts, about 5 or 6 chicken wings, and like three or four CUPS of my barley pilaf - all in the trash.  *angry face* I can't even - I mean - the - STUPIDITY - of doing something like that - I mean - DAMN!! That was a LOT of food. Thankfully, they didn't throw out my yogurt, cuz if they had, I might have had to go apeshit on them. 
*sigh* so now, I need to figure out what lunch is going to be.  I ransacked my desk drawers today and came up with Miso Soup, an apple, some peanut butter and some crackers - wayyyy too light on the protien and too high on the simple carbs (I can feel myself getting sleepy already) but - at least it'll tide me over til I get home. I'm still so PISSED that they did that though!! Sheesh!! At least give folxs a DAYS warning - just a LITTLE bit of a heads up. 
Bastids.

So, ten pound loss!! Whooohoooo! And all that.

*sigh* So why don't I feel like I've actually acheived something? I've lost 4% of my body weight - which ain't half bad - and it's just - meh. 

Thinking back, I think this is a large part of the reason why I backslid so severely last time I lost weight - I was seeing the numbers change  - but I wasn't really impressed with the results. And then, when I hit the period where the numbers just WOULDN'T change - and I thought that 'shocking' my body by increasing carbs and calories might work - and well, I shocked 60 pounds right back on. 

Once again, this solidifies the need for PICTURES.  Dated, pictures - because I'm sure that if I looked at a picture from last month, and a picture from today - I know that I WOULD see a difference. The camera doesn't lie.  

*thinks* Let's see - I've lost the tiny bit of a double chin I was forming (I realized that when I was looking down, I could feel this little lump of fat - that scared me! I've never had a double chin!), and my wedding rings are fitting better. *thinks*  I've only got another 16 pounds to lose to fit my short term goal - and I've got two months to lose it in! 

Blah!! It's jsut that - I want - so badly - to have the hot body. And I'm only 10% of the way there - of course, that's a hell of a lot better than being only 1% there - or 0% there! It is! it's just - soooooo slow. That's what it is - slow, slow, slow. I want this to happen in a blur - and I know that looking BACK at it - it will happen in a blur. Hell - those first ten pounds vanished while I was gardening, camping, reading, drinking, laughing, loving, praying for the lottery, and just generally - LIVING life.  And I can keep living life, and stay fat - or I can live life, and lose weight at the same time! Wow! What a notion!  

Yes, I'm being snarkily sarcastic - it's just. Bleh. I don't know.  I'm certianly not DOWNPLAYING my loss, it's just - *sigh* it's just that I so wish it was so much more. And I know that I will have to keep 'ramping up' my - challeneges to myself, I guess - in order to keep this sort of progress going. I still haven't gotten the key to the Fitness Center *ggrrrrr!!!* so I'm not able to workout yet. *sigh*  I have been eating right, drinking lots of water, and taking my vitamins though - the vitamins alone are damn near a miracle, as I hate swallowing pills, but managed to find some Centrum Chewables, so I'm happy. 

*sigh* I really should have taken pictures yesterday - I refuse to document this journey in front of my hubby - he loves me JSUT as I am, and I don't want him getting any ideas.  

How scary is that?? I've just realized - just like the mirror lies to me, I honestly do believe that his eyes lie to him - and I don't want him to see me without a filter....because then I'm afraid he wouldn't be nearly as attracted to me as he is now - and man, that would break my heart. So he's  not allowed to help in any way shape or form, except for gently supporting my food choices. 

I can tell that my metabolism is ramping up though - I'm actually MORE hungry than usual. *sigh* I realize, that's one distinct downfall to have a working metabolism - it's such a HASSLE eating so much of the times. Especially eating aware! Before, I could go - hours at a time (12-14) without eating, and I MIGHT get hungry - once - and then I'd drink a lil water or something, and I'd be fine. NOW? Phsshh! I'm actually HUNGRY enough to eat breakfast (and that's BEFORE I start working out), and lunch time, as well as snack times, make themselves QUITE well known to me. I have to look at it as a good thing, not as my body trying to distract me from whatever I'm actually focused on just so that it can get fed. Humph, demanding creatures, bodies are, ain't they? 

It's definitely an encouragment to ensure that I have plenty of pre-prepped stuff ready for me to eat - esp. at work! We have a full sized fridge here, and I bring about a week/week&a half's worth of food, and just leave it here - that way, if I decide I want yogurt for breakfast, and for a snack, I've got enough here - and there's less chance of me 'forgetting' to bring my lunch to work - it's already here! 

Okay, I think I'm done whining now.