The Dash Between

So, ten pound loss!! Whooohoooo! And all that.

*sigh* So why don't I feel like I've actually acheived something? I've lost 4% of my body weight - which ain't half bad - and it's just - meh. 

Thinking back, I think this is a large part of the reason why I backslid so severely last time I lost weight - I was seeing the numbers change  - but I wasn't really impressed with the results. And then, when I hit the period where the numbers just WOULDN'T change - and I thought that 'shocking' my body by increasing carbs and calories might work - and well, I shocked 60 pounds right back on. 

Once again, this solidifies the need for PICTURES.  Dated, pictures - because I'm sure that if I looked at a picture from last month, and a picture from today - I know that I WOULD see a difference. The camera doesn't lie.  

*thinks* Let's see - I've lost the tiny bit of a double chin I was forming (I realized that when I was looking down, I could feel this little lump of fat - that scared me! I've never had a double chin!), and my wedding rings are fitting better. *thinks*  I've only got another 16 pounds to lose to fit my short term goal - and I've got two months to lose it in! 

Blah!! It's jsut that - I want - so badly - to have the hot body. And I'm only 10% of the way there - of course, that's a hell of a lot better than being only 1% there - or 0% there! It is! it's just - soooooo slow. That's what it is - slow, slow, slow. I want this to happen in a blur - and I know that looking BACK at it - it will happen in a blur. Hell - those first ten pounds vanished while I was gardening, camping, reading, drinking, laughing, loving, praying for the lottery, and just generally - LIVING life.  And I can keep living life, and stay fat - or I can live life, and lose weight at the same time! Wow! What a notion!  

Yes, I'm being snarkily sarcastic - it's just. Bleh. I don't know.  I'm certianly not DOWNPLAYING my loss, it's just - *sigh* it's just that I so wish it was so much more. And I know that I will have to keep 'ramping up' my - challeneges to myself, I guess - in order to keep this sort of progress going. I still haven't gotten the key to the Fitness Center *ggrrrrr!!!* so I'm not able to workout yet. *sigh*  I have been eating right, drinking lots of water, and taking my vitamins though - the vitamins alone are damn near a miracle, as I hate swallowing pills, but managed to find some Centrum Chewables, so I'm happy. 

*sigh* I really should have taken pictures yesterday - I refuse to document this journey in front of my hubby - he loves me JSUT as I am, and I don't want him getting any ideas.  

How scary is that?? I've just realized - just like the mirror lies to me, I honestly do believe that his eyes lie to him - and I don't want him to see me without a filter....because then I'm afraid he wouldn't be nearly as attracted to me as he is now - and man, that would break my heart. So he's  not allowed to help in any way shape or form, except for gently supporting my food choices. 

I can tell that my metabolism is ramping up though - I'm actually MORE hungry than usual. *sigh* I realize, that's one distinct downfall to have a working metabolism - it's such a HASSLE eating so much of the times. Especially eating aware! Before, I could go - hours at a time (12-14) without eating, and I MIGHT get hungry - once - and then I'd drink a lil water or something, and I'd be fine. NOW? Phsshh! I'm actually HUNGRY enough to eat breakfast (and that's BEFORE I start working out), and lunch time, as well as snack times, make themselves QUITE well known to me. I have to look at it as a good thing, not as my body trying to distract me from whatever I'm actually focused on just so that it can get fed. Humph, demanding creatures, bodies are, ain't they? 

It's definitely an encouragment to ensure that I have plenty of pre-prepped stuff ready for me to eat - esp. at work! We have a full sized fridge here, and I bring about a week/week&a half's worth of food, and just leave it here - that way, if I decide I want yogurt for breakfast, and for a snack, I've got enough here - and there's less chance of me 'forgetting' to bring my lunch to work - it's already here! 

Okay, I think I'm done whining now.