Starting weight: 246
Last week's weight: 241
Current weight: 238
This week's loss: 3
Total loss: 8
STG: 220
LTG: 140
Arghh. I didn't weigh-in last week because I got on the scale and was just CRUSHED by the reading - crushed I tell you. Especially since, in my mind, I had been eating SOO well.
But - thanks to FitDay, I reviewed what I had eaten, and realized while I WAS eating WELL, I wasn't eating ENOUGH. Gah. Can I tell you how FRUSTRATING it is to FORCE yourself to eat in order to lose weight? The delights of a famine-trained metabolism.
Anyhow, I ate MUCH better last week - and I see the results on the scale. Yayy! For me.
So, I know that I have no RIGHT to whine about this - but - I must.
I've always been a fat girl - always, always always. And, as a side effect of that - in my mind - things got a little twisted.
The less I ate, the more pleased I was with myself - I felt like I was trumping my natural urge to eat and eat and eat - and thus pack on more and more pounds. I trained myself to ignore hunger signals, and to drink water to cover them up. And even as I had this pride in eating so little, it was rather pointless, considering I was STILLL gaining weight.
Then, I started using FitDay, and I realized that even eating a little wasn't all that hot if it was packed with fat and calories. So - I began to train myself to eat small bits of good food - not fried, as fresh as possible, and as natural as possible - and still, I was pleased when I ate the absolute minimum - never cleaning my plate, never eating as much as my husband does.
Then, I started talking to this hardcore fitness fellow, and he gave me some suggestions and guidelines (that I then researched myself) and I realized that I have been starving myself for YEARS - therefore every bit of fat my body could store it would, because it didn't believe that it was guarenteed a good, healthy, stable source of food.
I could cry. All these years, ALL THESE YEARS, of eating tiny portions, and feeling so noble, and - I've been sabatoging myself the entire time. And I had - have - a certain sense of pride (even now) in being able to comfortably go for an entire day without eating. It feels - right. It feels ever so much righter than finishing off a huge plate of chicken and greens, or scarfing down a tabuli sandwich the size of my head. But - I've seen - the difference over the last two weeks has shown me that as SOON as I start eating LESS - I gain weight.
I suppose I should be celebrating! I should throw all of those old calorie calculations out of the window, and make sure that every day I get at lelast 100g of protien, 100g of carbs, and 50g of fat - those should be my goals. But - I still stare at the fridge, or the food on my plate, and I groan at the thought of eating. I don't WANT to eat, I'd much rather NOT eat, and I rarely have a taste or an appetite for anything (healthy) anyhow. But - If I really want to lose weight - I have to force myself to eat. I wonder how long it'll be (if ever) before my metabolism is back to normal? Or am I going to be forced to eat at that delicate line between eating the max I can and overeating for the rest of my life?
At least I know the trick now. It sucks, sucks majorly to have to force myself to eat, but dammit - I have to force myself to exericse, to go to bed at a decent hour, and everything else that is useful and helpful and not completely natural....I just wish something could be EASY!!!
Got throughly pissed off today, as the cleaning crew decided that RIGHT BEFORE lunch on a MONDAY was a good time to go through and 'clean' the fridge out, which really means they picked up everyones food and threw it out because one persons food smelled bad. Now, mind you, I try to bring a weeks worth of food with me to work on Mondays so that I don't have ANY excuse to not eat lunch. 3 chicken breasts, about 5 or 6 chicken wings, and like three or four CUPS of my barley pilaf - all in the trash. *angry face* I can't even - I mean - the - STUPIDITY - of doing something like that - I mean - DAMN!! That was a LOT of food. Thankfully, they didn't throw out my yogurt, cuz if they had, I might have had to go apeshit on them.
*sigh* so now, I need to figure out what lunch is going to be. I ransacked my desk drawers today and came up with Miso Soup, an apple, some peanut butter and some crackers - wayyyy too light on the protien and too high on the simple carbs (I can feel myself getting sleepy already) but - at least it'll tide me over til I get home. I'm still so PISSED that they did that though!! Sheesh!! At least give folxs a DAYS warning - just a LITTLE bit of a heads up.
Bastids.
Last week's weight: 241
Current weight: 238
This week's loss: 3
Total loss: 8
STG: 220
LTG: 140
Arghh. I didn't weigh-in last week because I got on the scale and was just CRUSHED by the reading - crushed I tell you. Especially since, in my mind, I had been eating SOO well.
But - thanks to FitDay, I reviewed what I had eaten, and realized while I WAS eating WELL, I wasn't eating ENOUGH. Gah. Can I tell you how FRUSTRATING it is to FORCE yourself to eat in order to lose weight? The delights of a famine-trained metabolism.
Anyhow, I ate MUCH better last week - and I see the results on the scale. Yayy! For me.
I've always been a fat girl - always, always always. And, as a side effect of that - in my mind - things got a little twisted.
The less I ate, the more pleased I was with myself - I felt like I was trumping my natural urge to eat and eat and eat - and thus pack on more and more pounds. I trained myself to ignore hunger signals, and to drink water to cover them up. And even as I had this pride in eating so little, it was rather pointless, considering I was STILLL gaining weight.
Then, I started using FitDay, and I realized that even eating a little wasn't all that hot if it was packed with fat and calories. So - I began to train myself to eat small bits of good food - not fried, as fresh as possible, and as natural as possible - and still, I was pleased when I ate the absolute minimum - never cleaning my plate, never eating as much as my husband does.
Then, I started talking to this hardcore fitness fellow, and he gave me some suggestions and guidelines (that I then researched myself) and I realized that I have been starving myself for YEARS - therefore every bit of fat my body could store it would, because it didn't believe that it was guarenteed a good, healthy, stable source of food.
I could cry. All these years, ALL THESE YEARS, of eating tiny portions, and feeling so noble, and - I've been sabatoging myself the entire time. And I had - have - a certain sense of pride (even now) in being able to comfortably go for an entire day without eating. It feels - right. It feels ever so much righter than finishing off a huge plate of chicken and greens, or scarfing down a tabuli sandwich the size of my head. But - I've seen - the difference over the last two weeks has shown me that as SOON as I start eating LESS - I gain weight.
I suppose I should be celebrating! I should throw all of those old calorie calculations out of the window, and make sure that every day I get at lelast 100g of protien, 100g of carbs, and 50g of fat - those should be my goals. But - I still stare at the fridge, or the food on my plate, and I groan at the thought of eating. I don't WANT to eat, I'd much rather NOT eat, and I rarely have a taste or an appetite for anything (healthy) anyhow. But - If I really want to lose weight - I have to force myself to eat. I wonder how long it'll be (if ever) before my metabolism is back to normal? Or am I going to be forced to eat at that delicate line between eating the max I can and overeating for the rest of my life?
At least I know the trick now. It sucks, sucks majorly to have to force myself to eat, but dammit - I have to force myself to exericse, to go to bed at a decent hour, and everything else that is useful and helpful and not completely natural....I just wish something could be EASY!!!
Got throughly pissed off today, as the cleaning crew decided that RIGHT BEFORE lunch on a MONDAY was a good time to go through and 'clean' the fridge out, which really means they picked up everyones food and threw it out because one persons food smelled bad. Now, mind you, I try to bring a weeks worth of food with me to work on Mondays so that I don't have ANY excuse to not eat lunch. 3 chicken breasts, about 5 or 6 chicken wings, and like three or four CUPS of my barley pilaf - all in the trash. *angry face* I can't even - I mean - the - STUPIDITY - of doing something like that - I mean - DAMN!! That was a LOT of food. Thankfully, they didn't throw out my yogurt, cuz if they had, I might have had to go apeshit on them.
*sigh* so now, I need to figure out what lunch is going to be. I ransacked my desk drawers today and came up with Miso Soup, an apple, some peanut butter and some crackers - wayyyy too light on the protien and too high on the simple carbs (I can feel myself getting sleepy already) but - at least it'll tide me over til I get home. I'm still so PISSED that they did that though!! Sheesh!! At least give folxs a DAYS warning - just a LITTLE bit of a heads up.
Bastids.
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