WOD2 - Ephemeral

My birthday is in 6 days, and it's reminding me of the unavoidable trickle of time.

It's funny, because one of my consistent complaints has been how I feel stagnant - like nothing is changing, nothing is moving around me. Somehow, I'm ignoring the march of time - the simple fact that every second, every instant, is a new moment - never seen before, never to be seen again. And yeah, while it's true that the events of the past set the stage for the next second - it's still changing/morphing/growing. The only thing around here that is stagnant is me.

So.

I'm not going to be putting my life on hold for a baby, anymore, for one thing. I'm not going to go out and set myself for something that is totally incompatible with children, or get my tubes tied, or anything, but I'm gently letting the sense of certainty that at some point, there will be children in my life, go. It's, it's been interesting. I'm hoping that it lasts, this time - and I think that I have more than enough other things/potential going on in my life to fill any gaps that pushing that vision of my future out will leave behind.

I'm letting go of the idea that I'll ever escape corporate America, and at the same time, I'm putting in more effort into my entrapuenial goals, that will allow me to leave.

I'm letting go of the concept that I'll always be fat. I've got plenty of time to lose weight, and even if it's slow, if it's consistent, I'll get there.

Like sand trickling through my fingers, like dew evaporating in the sun, I'm losing time - I'm getting closer and closer to death, and I'm starting to feel like I haven't really been living for quite a while.

At least I realized this young.