Dreamt this morning during snoozetime that I was pregnant - well, that I had gotten a positive test. I was sitting in the floor of the living room, meddling with something, and picked up a test that was leaning in a cup (??) and looked at it. It was an odd test, as it had one line on the end that indicated whether it worked, and then at the other end, there were two lines - instead of the usual one. I looked at it, looked at C (who was sitting behind me) and was like - huh. I'm pregnant. I grinned at him, and then went right back to what I was doing.
It was a very non-event. *lol*

But then, at this point, I'm thinking that's what it is - just in general. Well. Hrm. TTC'ing, for me, right now, is a matter of a waiting game. I'm doing what I can, on the outside, to get things moving. I'm not doing ALL that I could, in any way shape or form - but I'm doing some things, and those things are just - part of my life, now. So, yeah.

Then, as I was getting ready to go to work this morning, my fertility stone bracelet fell off the shelf and hit my foot - so I put it on today.

I'm STILL fucking bleeding though, so I don't know what - if any - significance any of that has. Hurmph. I'm also mildly horny (which is a biggie for me) and I plan on pouncing him repeatedly as SOON as I stop bleeding. It seems to be getting a little lighter - I don't know. *sigh* I really don't.

The accupunturist changed my herbs, though - I should look up the one she took me off of, and see what it's side effects are. I'm almost CERTAIN that this period is my bodys reaction to all the stuff I'm doing - both herbally and energetically - and that I just need to ride it out. Still. *sigh*

I'm impatient, more so than anything else. And really, it's jsut a matter of time - that, if nothing else, I believe.

It's amazing how my twists go from mildly fuzzy to VERY fuzzy in a matter of hours - I think it's the water rinse that I do every day to 'freshen' them up after sleeping on them. They looked rather nice yesterday morning when I left the house, but by 3pm, I wished that I had a hat or a scarf or SOMETHING to cover them up. I suspect that no-one else noticed (or cared) but I felt like everyone was staring at my head and wondering why I left the house looking like I had been plugged in all night.
Anyhow, I got up a WEE bit early this morning (ugh! another reason to hate DST - my biorhythms are thrown off for at LEAST a month) and untwisted my twists - then got them wet so that they didn't look totally crazy. It's really interesting - my hair held the twist AMAZINGLY well - esp. since I normally can't get it wet without losing the 'twist' curls. My hair looks like I did tiny strawset curls on it - almost like twists, but SO Much fuller - I can almost pull off thick hair with this style - it looks like I doubled the amount of hair on my head. *sigh* I'm going to go and change my hair thickness to ii as well - *sniffs and strokes hair* I'm aiight with it though, I am, I really am. I think that twists will be a once a month hairstyle though - my ends are SOOO not protected in this style - I've found more fairy knots since I've had twists in than a little bit - and I've Oyined my hair twice while they were in the twists - but since I didn't do my usual Wednesday night DC - I can definitely feel the difference - and after wearing it totally loose today - I'm thinking about doing something mild to it tonight (maybe misting it, and giving it a good oiling) and then doing my usual weekend wonders tomorrow night.

Hmmm - it's only Thursday, but I'm already thinking about hair plans for the weekend. I've been reading reviews of Humectress on LHCF and I think that I'm going to try out the sample bottle I have - but I'm undecided as to whether I should use it as a leave-in, or as a conditioner. Henna is also starting to call my name - Kiyyyaaa - oh, Kiiiiyyyyaaa - it's been five weeks already - come and useeeeeee mmeeeee!!! You can just put me on your eeeennnddddssss *shakes head firmly* I'm quite stubbornly ignoring it - SIX weeks. SIX, dangummit. But even when I do use it, I'm going to just glop it onto my head, and not bother with using the applicator bottle to be sure that I get to my roots. After the freaky splits, I think that my hair was telling me that in it's NATURAL state, it's QUITE strong enough (ThankyouVERYmuch) and doesn't need anything to make it stronger, so THERE. Whereas my poor bleached/dyed/knotted ends need everything they can get in order to stay attached to the rest of my head.

I've been dousing my head with my CASH oil/CASH creme (the oil, mixed with a healthy few dollops of the Honey Gel I made before) almost everynight this week...it doesn't tingle much - and I used a LOT of cayenne. I'm thinking I might need to invest in some EO - though, some of the gals over on LHCF have been talking about *LOL* basically rubbing IcyHot on their hair....the capsizin creme that they sell for muscle aches? I've heard of all sorts of uses for that creme (including some rather naughty ones) but NEVER hair growing.........hrrrm. I'll have to think about that one. I wonder if my hair has gotten used to the tingle, as other sections of me (like the back of my neck) tingle QUITE nicely, thank you very much.

*LOL* That reminds me - one night earlier this week I had the ODDEST series of hair-related (and TLHC related, really) dreams. First, I dreamt that I had gotten a private message from icydove telling me that my SHT decided that she didn't want to be my friend because I wanted to have kids and she was barren and she just couldn't handle talking to me (and I don't even TALK about TTC all that much cuz - well, we aren't really TRYING just yet).
Then, I dreamt that I went to my favorite thrift store, and they had gotten in this HUGE shipment of hair oils/EO's/hair toys, and I was buying up most of the store for gifts for my SHT.
Mind you, this had to be some way out point in the future, because I had a HEAD of hair - I have one of those 'does my bun look fat in this' buns - and my hairsticks kept falling out, and the people in the store thought I was stealing stuff because I kept sticking my hairsticks back in, and my hair was eating them and then spitting them out later.
*blinks*
I'm going to incorporate that WHOLE last bit of that dream sequence into my NanO somehow - hair toy eating hair... yes, yeeessss.

Urm. *thinks* There was something else that I wanted to type about....ah yes!! I've found my hair goal - I've seen her here and over on LHCF - and I want to ask her if I can yoink her siggy pic so that I can post it here as my ultimate hair goal. Everytime I see her hair I just - I WANT it, basically. It's a wild wonderful wooly cloak of goodness. Actually, I think I will PM her now.....

buhbye!

Told you I was feeling chatty....

Okay - is it bad that I don't even WEAR the nicotine patch during the day (unless I forget to take off the one from the night before) because I don't really feel like I need it, but I DO put it on at night, so that I can get the utterly amazing techni-color dreams that the patch provides?? I mean - seriously - the DREAMS alone are worth it. For example - last night/this morning...

I was looking for a job for C, and found one where he would be a chef of a cruise ship. Somehow, I got a model of the cruise ship, that actually opened up via a split down the middle and showed the kitchen, and the living quartes, and all of that great stuff. I'm reading the details on the engines, and suddenly - the ship shifts to full size, and it's been split down the middle, and so it's sinking. As I let go of the ship, it splashes into the water, and flings me up into the air.
I look down, and I'm - hell - 100 ft above the most perfectly blue crystal clear ocean waters ever - and there no ship there anymore and I'm seriously in the MIDDLE of the ocean - nothing but blue sea all around me, and instead of the ship being below me,  there are a group of whales, - one of whom is just finishing a jump out of the water and I realized that the tail of the whale had caught me in the water, and flicked me up into the air. I don't want to land on the whales, so I angle myself as I fall towards another section of water. I'm not the least bit afraid, as I KNOW that when I hit the water, if I just stay relaxed I'll bounce back up to the surface, and I'm falling faster, and faster and just before I hit the surface of the water I take this HUGE gulping breath....

*blinks* And that's it. I don't remember actually hitting the water, or anything else. I don't even think I dreamed anymore - or maybe my alarm clock went off and woke me up. But - the dream itself is PERFECTLY clear - and it's in COLOR. I'm talking - full spectrum gorgeous color! Another thing that I can do in 'patch' dreams is I can read. Normally, it's just not possible to read in dreams - the part of your brain that reads isn't actually the part involved in dreaming (If I remember aright)- but I can read - and I can remember WHAT I've read. *blinks* Very cool dreams they are.

 

Yay!!

Reasons to be happy today:
1) It's FRIDAY!
2) I got PAID!
3) It's not too hot, and sunny!
4) It's FRIDAY!!!
5) I got PAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDD!! (and so did C!)

So - the plan for this weekend? Chillin & relaxin - I have an event to go to tomorrow night for the bookclub that I kinda don't want to go to - some chichi booksigning/speakerish kinda thing *yawn* and that I haven't sold any tickets for (at 25 bucks a POP!! the two people who I would have thought would have gone, are both out of town, so oh well) and I need to go shopping at lunch to see if I can find something to wear.

I talked to my best friend last night - but only for a hot second. I haven't talked to the child in - EONS - hell, it's been at LEAST 6 months - and she sounded - okay. Tired, and not as up as usual -  *sigh* and it's going to be hard getting a chance to really hit down and reconnect with her. Talked to her son too - oh my god! he sounds soooo grown up and so sweet. I know he's really a holy terror though.

Have I mentioned recently how SICK I am on the whole ONE BLOODY CAR thing?? We are going to go car shopping Sunday (I hope - but I'm not reminding him) and see if we can find something. Neither of us have really seen anything that we like - I kinda want him to get a bigger car - a wagon of some sort. Of course, HE wants a car that he can trick out *rolls eyes* so it's been a struggle trying to find a model that we both put our stamp of approval on. Gah. I'm really at the point where it's like - ya know, I don't GIVE a damn - just buy something all freaking ready!!!

Anyone selling a reasonably priced, gently used car? I'm thinking it might be right STUPID of us getting a new car, considering his track record with cars. I don't know WHAT the hell he is doing sometimes - but I've ONLY been driving for a little UNDER five years - and I've never been in an accident. In the five years that we have been together, he's TOTALLED two cars. Work wit me ya'll.....

Had some interesting dreams last night/this morning - was tooling around with my best friend and one of my beloved gay bois (whose feminie energy was VERY strong) and somehow we ended up going into this little roadside toilet thing - it was NASTY and the whole place smelled of old greasy hamburgers (it was right behind a resturant) and the toilets were 5 gallon buckets with a hole in the bottom and a pipe of water constantly trickling through. When I got out of the toilet (which I SOOOOOO did not use!) , someone came up to me and told me that I had won 3 plates because I didn't throw up while I was in there. We bitched about that, then got back in the car to go somewhere else, and I handed out gum and mints all around.
Then, I was watching something - TV, maybe? and I was watching four planes - dance, really. There were two HUGE jumbo jets, and two itsybitsy little planes, and they were all pretty high up, and the jets kept trying to push the puddlejumpers out of the sky. C rolled over me to look at the clock then, so I woke up before I could see what happened to the planes.

dream memory....

Entry two for today.

Hmm......had this dream as I was waking up this morning - thought it was odd/interesting...

I was at home - going upstairs to take a shower, and there was this HUGE flying thing floating around.  Somehow, I managed to corner it in the bathtub, and I turned on the shower to kill it. I felt horrible when I realized that it was a HUGE black/turquoise/pale green butterfly..... but it was dead. I pulled it out of the water, and tried to dry it off to keep, but for some reason I couldn't.
Suddenly - the scene switched, and I was about to climb into a little canoe on some river to travel with some people (I think I was the nanny), but I refused to leave until the butterfly had been pressed/preserved - so me & another fellow (I think he was a priest) stayed on shore while the others left, and we gently pressed the butterflies body into his bible.
Then - I'm in Geneva, standing on a corner, talking to a mostly bald woman who reprimands me for being so rude to my employeers and refusing to leave until the butterfly was honored, and told me that I needed to hurry and get to the house we were going to before I didn't have a room. Then, some strange man came up to her, and started kissing her, and pushed her head into the wall  - which was made of some soft gooey putty kind of stuff that stuck to her bald head.
I was then walking up the street where the house was - my employers were sitting on the porch of the house across the street with a little girl who had blond hair, pulled up into a ponytail that was somehow about 6 inches high - like her hair was putty too and it had been pulled up into a point. I walk into the house, and three cats come out of a side room and start meowing at me. I want to find my room, and I hope that it's the same room I had before, so I open the door to the steps and go upstairs. I realize that there is a door on the steps to prevent the cats from going upstairs, which makes sense, as none of the rooms upstairs have doors. The room that used to be mine is moslty filled with twin size mattresses, all covered in burgandy sheets, and other random stuff that belongs to other people. I start to go up the next flight of stairs, and realize that there is a door on a ledge over the stairs that go back downstairs, and I try to figure out how to get on the ledge so that I can see if that room is empty.
That's when I woke up.

Writing it out, I think that every 'break' was me waking up enough to hit the snooze button, and I fell back into the dream at a slightly different point each time. Weird dream though - the butterfly was from the ones that we saw while we were camping - there were some HUGE butterflies up there. The rest of it - I've no clue - and while the house I was in seemed familiar - it wasn't The House that I usually dream about.

Somewhere in there was M, one of my really good friends, and I remember thinking how lovely his hands were.

*blinkblink*

Wow. Tuesday already? Huh - that was quick.

Let's see - the weekend was loverly.  Did some stuff around the house, made another trip to Home Depot, finally planted some stuff, generally relaxed.  My heart made some sexy legs (ya know how they have hot wings? Well we had sexy legs. *LOL*) and we ate like kings and queens.  Used the remains of that poor pork shoulder and he made a lovely corn chowder. I don't even LIKE corn and it was scrumptious. Slept til 4pm on Saturday, then, of course - woke up outrageously early (11!!!) on Sunday. Generally, a fantabulously relaxing weekend. Made even more so because it's his last free weekend! Poor baby. But!! I have the house to myself one day out of the week again! Rah!

Put in the order for the furniture yesterday - haven't heard back on how much we are going to get poochscrewed with shipping, but figure it's well worth it.

Relaized that one of the reasons I'm going OUT of my gourd at work is that I have no music.  I have a hard time focusing without music - I get distracted and start doing other things (like reading OD) when I realyl should be working. I've been here for about a month now - hell, almost two, and I figure I'm now allowed to listen to music at my desk. Plan on going to Target to get headphones and MAYBE pick up a CD of the latest music. Ohhh! And it's Tuesday! Target always has new releases out on Tuesday. Maybe I'll suprise the hubby with something - he's been asking about his LONG delayed birthday gift.  Heh. I should just buy some ribbon and be done with it.

Got the book for the book club yesterday and finished it last night. Yes, I'm a VERY fast reader. It was Babylon Sisters by Pearl Cleage. Good book - I've always enjoyed her writing, but had a couple of - plot points that I just didn't understand the characters reasons for. I think it'll be a wonderful book to discuss, see what we all think of it.  I'm not too fond of stories that don't seem to hang together reasonable - no Deus ex machina for me, thank you VERY much. I DID very much enjoy the fact that the book was set in the West End of Atlanta - right up the street from my college - so I recognized the area and the stores/locations she was talking about.  Gave me a bit of melencholy, it did. Hah! Almost forgot - after I finished Babylon Sisters, I then read another book (Dhamphir? - I think that's how you spell it) that I had brought Monday afternoon with Babylon Sisters - it was good, but I doubt that I'll be getting the others in the series. I like experimenting with new authors, even when I'm not totally sucked into the world. Yes, I read very fast. And no, I usually don't skim - I retain 90% of what I read - fiction is very easy for me to read, non-fiction, not so much as I have to read it slower to be sure that I fully understand.

Didn't do a damn thing creative this weekend besides determining where the carrots shold go.  Ah well. My brain is making up for it in spades with various fevered dreams. I've been having deep INTENSE dreams for - weeks it feels like now. Hm. My aunt was alive in that one, and once again, we were in the House.  I'm not sure where the House is, or where its come from, but I can remember having dreams in the House that were so real even NOW they feel like memories as far back as high school - my best friend was in several of the early ones, and I didn't meet him until sophmore year.  The House morphs - adds a few rooms, hallways start to lead to different places, but there are a few things that remain constant.
1) The steps - there is a HUGE staircase in the House that leads literally everywhere. There are a couple of dead stops - where the steps just stop against a wall, or where there's no way to continue down them without a jump - but they are everywhere.
2) The Attic - it's a completely finished attic - odd because it sometimes morphs into another house of it's own.
3) The people - not always the same people, but the House is ALWAYS full of people. Even in the scary dreams, I'm just in a solitary SECTION of the House - it's never empty.
Hmm...I never really realized this before - I'm not sure if its a conglaboration of all the houses I've ever been in, or some house that I was in and was too young to remember - but the House is - comfortable. It's OLD and half falling apart and outrageously huge, but it's - safe. Even when I'm scared shitless - it's safe. Wow.
Anyhow - almost all of the recent dreams have been either in the House or - someplace else. Hah. Of course, as soon as I try to think of what that other location is, it slides away. I guess I'm more awake than I thought I was.  C is in most of them lately - along with a bunch of other people - it's like the House is my mind......hmmmmmmmmm....dammit!! I shouldn't be allowed to come up with new book ideas until I finish the ones I already have - but what a wonderful setting for a series of short stories.  Yeah, I know it's been done - many, many times - but I'd like to write the House out. Not that I  want to stop dreaming about it - but - ahhh.....I don't know.

Tsk. Only 10:13.......I suppose I really SHOULD start digging into my work. Bah. Me not challegened = me bored = my tendency to procrastine expontentially increased.  I guess I should check the email once more.

Edit: *GASP* I just gave myself a PERFECT bloody reason to get an Ipod!!! Perfect!!!! Note Paragraph Four. Holy Cow! And it wasn't until I went to Yahoo! to look up the latest music releases that it hit me. Holy Shamolies BatMan!  Oh! Oooohhh! Ohohoh!!!!!

Dreaming.....

(It's Monday and it's slow - until I go over to the Donagroup I'mma be writing here ALL day entry 2 of the day)

If there is at least one person in your life whom you consider a close friend, and whom you would not have met without the Internet, post this sentence in your journal.

One??? ONE???? My god - most of the good friends I have (save three) I met online. I'm still rather suprised I met my husband in real life!! *LOL*

 

Okay - I've been having the ODDEST dreams lately (and we aren't even going to TALK about me waking up at 6:45 ON MY OWN  - utterly unheard of).
Let's see - night before last I had a dream that I lived in this tiny grubby studio that was in this weird little cul-de-sac (did you know that if you say that to a French person, they hear 'bottom of the ass??" *snicker*) that was directly above some subway tracks. It was wintertime and I had just come home - and I see this trail of stuff coming out of my apartment - I run inside and I had been ROBBED! I was blindingly murderously furious (thankfully, I only ever get this angry in dreams) and I just sat in the middle of the floor and cried. Then, I hear someone coming in the front door, and I realize it's the robbers coming back. Somehow, I subdue both of them, tie them up, and beg them to give me my stuff back. Both youngish guys - one in his late teen's the other one about 12/13. They both laugh at me, and tease me, and basically tell me to fuck off. So, I dropped one guy onto the train tracks right before I train came into the station (the older one) and told the other one to either tell me where my stuff was, or he was going to join his friend. He told me, and then HELPED bring me my stuff down. *shakes head* Why does force always work when politeness doesn't? Later in the dream, I was on a train going somewhere else, and ran into one of my ex boyfriends - he's one of the few who I didn't keep in touch with that I REALLLY wished I had -I miss Mike sometimes - and it was cool to see him in my dream. 

 

Then, last night - I had this long dream - it lasted all night, and I know that because I was sleeping VERY light for some reason, and I kept waking up, looking at the clock, then falling back asleep into the same dream. Now though - I can't remember it - it was one of those 'real life' dreams though - where nothing really odd happens - it's just like living a slightly unordinary day through a night. And once again, I woke up at 6:44 (is that sunrise? Maybe it's the light coming in the windows upstairs that's waking me up?) Dang. I really wish I could remember that dream .... something will happen and the memories of it will pop into my head. 

 

Also - I need to find something FUN (and cheap - it's amazing how FAST money goes!!) for us to do this weekend - I think that now that the house is mostly settled (and it WILL be done by this weekend) we're going to be ready to get out and explore our new city a little. I'm suprised C hasn't been doing that much wandering - but then, I've always liked riding public transportation LOADS more than he did. *sigh* I'm worried about my baby - I think that not having a job for so long is REALLLY starting to get to him. I need to shower loving and reassurance on him tonight.
 

---

---

---

Dreamin....

It's do hard for me to try to write about my dreams because I never really remember the whole thing - just bits and pieces of them. Still - the dreams I had this morning were vivid enough that I want to write down the details I rememeber.

a) I was living in a hotel that had all kinds of rooms and cubbyholes in it - esp. back in the 'service' area. I found this one room that looked like it had been squatted in - the bedside dresser had money and other odd little coins in the top drawer, and the bottom two drawers were full of checks made out to this one person KK, and the little bathroom was full of furniture from other rooms. The main dresser had clothes in it, and on top of the dresser there was a jewelry box on top with all this really unique and totally to my taste jewelry. I knew this was someones room I had stumbled into, and so I didn't steal anything - but for some reason I had to stay there. I laid down on the waterbed, and it sunk down into this hole that was under the bed - I looked into the hole, and it was the ceiling of someones house. I finished cutting open the hole into the house, dropped into the house, and started randomly rummaging through a table of mail and money by the front door - the ceiling hole was right near the entrance way. A little boy came running into the house calling for his father, and I leapt behind a chair so that he wouldn't see me. As soon as the little boy left the room, I collected the stuff I had stolen, and slipped out of the front door, and began running away from the house. I almost got lost, but truned back and saw the hotel above the house and started to follow the road that led to the hotel. A few seconds later, the man whose house I had been in (Papa) came out, and started running towards the hotel. I kept walking, and ended up in some sort of open air market. Papa then caught up with me, and started flirting with me, having no clue that I was the one who had just robbed his house. Papa was a fine specimen of a fellow too - he looked African, and was tall with smooth & dark chocolate skin. He had short hair, and a sexy lil goatee too. We walk to the hotel, chatting and conversing, and when he gets there he stops at the desk to tell them want happened, and I go to the squatters room to drop off my goods. I then left that room, and went to stay in the room that I was ACTUALLY living in at the hotel.
This was only the last part of the dream - I had done a lot more in the hotel before I found that little hole, but I can't remember what.

b) I was somewhere with another woman - like a Super Walmart gone mad. The woman had two children - a little girl (about 2) and a little boy (about 2 weeks). For some reason, she made the little girl try to feed the little boy, and he simply could not get enough food. The woman seemed a little - mentally off any how - and I stopped and sat down and started feeding the little boy. I gave him a bottle, and I kept feeling like I was actually breastfeeding him even though I was WATCHING him eat from this bottle. The woman then told me she was the queen of this area (the outside area, not the Super Walmart place) and she and her husband (the King) were looking for someone to take care of their children and I seemed perfect. I agreed, and went home with her to meet the king. I met the king who was a gorgeous Arab looking man. About 6'5 and just - massive looking. Almost like a bear, but amazingly sexy. In a matter of days we were embroiled in a seriously torrid affair - sex, love and our intense focus on the children. At some point, I was interviewed by a group of phsycologists and was made to be the 'true' queen in all but name because the children had imprinted on ME as being their mother.
I quite regretted the point at which I had to wake up from this dream because I was in the middle of a tryst with the king. Once I woke up, all I could remember was having this AMAZING sex in my dream, but I couldn't remember WHO with. It took me recalling the fact that the babies thought I was their mother for me to remember the king.

So - those two dreams have been knocking about in my head all day, and writing about them made me remember some of my other dreams - like the one I had a couple of months ago where my car had broke down in the middle of a trailer park, and the people who offered to help tried to rope me into a swing party that was going on at the time - and I couldn't because of something that meant I had to leave. Mind you, once I tried to leave I was so rattled that I hit about 4 cars as I tried to drive out of the park. It's interesting that almost ALL of my dreams have sex in them, or some sort of sexual undertone, no matter WHAT the rest of the dream might be about. Actaully - more accurately, the dreams I REMEMER always have a lovely thread of sexuality through it. I wonder if it's a sign of my repressed sexuality (which is a topic for another entry).

Now that I've recorded them, I think they might leave me alone...though I'll daydream about kingy boy for a little while longer. Damn but he was HOT.

Dreaming

Is it sad when I WANT to sleep for as long as possible because my dreams are SOO fascinating?

My post-snooze dream today involved me visiting some woman - I'm not sure if I knew here or not. I was actually in an apartment that looked rather like the ghetto hovel I lived in during senior year. We were planning on going out, but I wanted wait until Dwayne Johnson (because I'm too ashamed to use his entertainment name) (though it's almost sadder that I KNOW his real name) came to the house because I wanted to give him something. He came to the door - I opened the door, gave him a kiss (which considering he's close to a foot and a half taller than me is damn near impossible) and then handed him a gold wedding band as I whisepered that I wanted him to come around to the back door.
So - I go to the back bedroom and procede to take a shower. The bedroom led to a open air balcony, and there is a series of steps that came up to it. Mind you - the rest of the apartment is on ground level. The shower was this HUGE plate sized head mounted on the wall - with a Little Mermaid themed control that plugged into an electric socket that I simply could not get to work. While I was fighting to get the shower temperature just right without setting off the sounds or the smells that could accentuate the showering experience (I'm really picky about my hot water) I noticed out of the window there were all these 13-16 year old kids on the balcony WATCHING me. I closed the shades on the window - but still left the door wide open as they couldn't see me through that for some reason. AS I'm still fighting this shower, and waiting for Dwayne, some rap artist came up the back steps and was SWARMED by these kids. I finally got SO frustrated with the shower controls that I woke myself up to go and take a real shower.

What I didn't realize until I was in my real (hotHotHOT) shower - was that the shower in my dream wasn't in a tub, or even on a tile surface. The base of the shower was a FUTON covered with a army green sheet - and I kept moving the futon so that the water would only hit that. But in the dream - the fact that I was trying to take a shower on a futon was utterly uremarkable.

:) Mind you - the only reason I remember this dream is because it was after I hit the snooze button, but before I actually woke myself up out of bed. Usually Nikki makes me get up to feed them before I can settle into my snooze dreams really good. Today though - he was napping next to me, and occasionally would pat my arm with his paw. Such a sweetie he is.

Dream

I had the worst dream I think I've ever had last night.
I was driving to work, actually NOT speeding for once, more or less minding my own business. I'm suddenly surrounded by cop cars, and they yank me out of my car and proceed to arrest me. I'm crying/sobbing & pleading with them as to why they are arresting me. They tell me they are rounding up everyone of Arabic descent, and my name earmarks me as one of them. I'm taken to a jail cell with two other women, and I'm just sitting in the corner, still crying, utter terrified and shaken. I ask for a phone to make a call - and they tell me that no calls are allowed.
I woke up then, suprisingly NOT crying as I usually wake up crying when I'm that scared in a dream. I laid there, and thought about how possible such a thing is. If something like that happened - I would most likely be set free rather quickly as I LOOK NOTHING like a person of Arabian descent, but - it could happen. Suddenly, any resistance I might have had to taking Corey's name is utterly erased. In fact, I can't wait.

Nightmare on the Wrong Street

I had my first wedding nightmare a few nights ago.

I dreamt that I was at our apartment (the one we live in now, not the one that we (or at least I) will be living in then)  and I was all dressed and prettied up – but there was NO one there with me.  Someone was supposed to be coming to pick me up – and they never came. I was stuck in the house, makeup all made up, dress on, shoes on – and the wedding was going on without me (the nightmarish part). When the person who was supposed to take me finally showed up –around five hours late – I went mildly ballistic.  Heh. I hate dreams like that because then I wake up all grumpy and sour at the world.

Any how – isn’t it just a weeeee bit early in the game for me to be having wedding nightmares? I mean ugh – the wedding isn’t for well over another YEAR. 

The dress I had on was UGLY too.  It was an old dress – an icky off white in color and just nothing like what I want.

I have to admit though, I have been having fond semi-thoughts of going to the courthouse and just getting it over with.  Heh.

Jasmyn

Early Morning

Ahhhh…a good nights rest and pretty red fingernails makes life seems sooooo much better.. ya know?

*wiggles* Hmmm… a little breakfast is good too *licks fingers* I had a driving dream last night, and I was driving this totallllly piece of shit car. *LOL* I mean I PUT the car together cuz it was made out of plastic (like model car) material, and it was just soooo flimsy and cheap. But I was driving that baby…almost got myself killed going through a highway construction area the wrong way *nervous giggle* and then nearly had a shit fit when they blocked the only way to get BACK to my house/grocery store (don’t ask) but then the nice highway patrol lady lifted the concrete barrier out of my way and let me through. then my cat started walking on me so I have no clue where else I could have gone from there.
*grins*
I have placed a self inflicted time-out on even thinking about apartments until Friday. That way, hopefully I won’t drive myself too too bonkers. Hopefully.
*yaawwwnnnns* Hmm… maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that croissant so early in the morning. Now I’m all snotty and sleepy. Yeech. And bored. Man… I have got to have the oddest job in the world…I mean really…don’t most peoples jobs keep them busy on a regular basis? Don’t most people have a pretty much so established list of tasks that they have to go through that fills their day? Is THIS why the economy sucks?? *sighs*

Well… I need to start getting ready for my performance management meeting next week. Maybe I have done more than I think/feel like I have done.

Stay Jazzed.

Even in my dreams....

Once again, a crazy ass dream….

There was a group of us, women who lived together in a castle type place, and each of us had a pet/familiar of some type. My pet… I think it was a bird/cat mix…like a baby griffin. I had to create a safe haven for it, because it was rather skilled at escaping form almost any kind of structure, and it was still too young to have a good sense of what was dangerous and what was not. So I created a sanctuary to protect it while I was waiting for the birth of my baby sister…who was being born to a woman who was actually younger than me…so perhaps our relationship was going to be more of a sisterly one than one of mother and daughter. Anyhow, I got to the hospital just in time to witness her birth. Her mother didn’t want the baby… and somehow I had been picked to be her guardian. After the baby was born and cleaned some, she was handed to me, and I broke down sobbing from an odd mix of joy and jealously and amazement at how absolutely gorgeous this child was.
Then they took the baby to the nursery, and I met a few of the women that I lived with. We wanted to go to the nursery to see her, and on our way there we stopped to get something to eat. As we were carrying our food out, I saw the baby’s mother lying on the ground, shivering with cold. I’m not sure if it was forbidden to help her, or what, but all I did was cover her with a blanket that came from nowhere, and then I went on to look at my baby sister…and that’s all I can remember. I know that there was actually a good bit more to the dream than that… but that was the part that stuck to me the strongest.

I haven’t had a really strong emotional dream in a good while. After I woke up and started thinking about it, I found it interesting that I had an emotional dream relating to babies after so long of a period of not having them at all…and the last few that I have had have been mostly violent emotions. * shrugs* I don’t know what it is with me and the whole baby longing thing…but in talking to a sister my age while I was here, she said that the urge hits her too sometimes. Is that just a mid twenties thing?? Suddenly the urge to have a child pops up scarily frequently? I figure it is a sly attack on our minds by our bodies, which knows quite well that this is just about the best time for us to have kids. *shrugs * I’m assuming this only happens to women who really want kids…at least I hope so.
Maybe I need to have a bit of a chat with my mother hmmm?

Stay Jazzed.

Weekends...

I had a lovely weekend… went out, spent money I didn’t have, FINALLY sent off my mother’s Mother’s Day/Birthday gift….slept.. washed clothes… took pictures… I just had a GRAND old time. Actually haven’t talked to Cheffy in a bit… I think he is sulking. *snorts* brat. Annnyyyywaaayyyy….I’m in a really good mood…expect for the fact that my underwear keep wanting to turn themselves into thongs. : ) TMI perhaps?? I guess that is a good sign though, cuz that means they are getting too big. YAAYYY!!! I’m also going to buy my ticket tomorrow *crosses fingers* I hope that it is not too toooo expensizze. *sighs* But I have GOT to get home an see my peoples…. I miss them so much. I need to call the dinky heads tonight and try to see what we can do… see how much we can get together. I am considering asking Papi if I can visit him… but that might be a bad idea. Humph. I want to pack light so that I can travel on my own…in fact I’m purposely flying into a particular airport so that I can catch the Metro from there.

Okay.. finally… after a LONG period of foot dragging… here are the lovely pictures of my sweet little demon kitty.


Artistic Giovanni

Annnnddd…


Sleepy Giovanni


Ain’t he lovely? Ain’t he cute?? Don’t you just wanna scoop him up and hug him and kiss him all over his fuzzy little face????

Well. I do! Even thought the fact that he sleeps on my hair tends to be vaguelllly annoying…. : )

Oh yeah!! I lost the harnesss that my coworker gave me (ain’t THAT a bitch?? ) on my way home from work, and so I went to the pet store and got a much smaller cheap one. He didn’t mind it at all… but I don’t really turst it because it only goes around his legs, not his neck. I KNOW how cats can wiggle, so I am going to go back and get the full harness thingy. *LOL* I’m gonna be walking a cat… can you believe it??

OH! While I was at the Arts Festival this weekend.. I SAW the Dream Orange color. It was the exact same color as the hot glass inside a glass furnace...which runs between 2100 and 3000 degrees.

Okay… I’m going to go and catch up on everybody that I missed cuz I was off on Friday…

Stay Jazzed.

Glow

I had the most interesting dream last night. Me and my mommy were going around looking at little houses, because I wanted to buy one. We were in a ‘okay’ neighborhood, and there were like three houses for sale on the same block. Each house we went to had something wrong with it…one didn’t have a kitchen, one didn’t have a backyard, but the last one was the oddest. We walked into the house and there was a border of flowers going around the inside of the living room. In the kitchen, there was a huge island, where there would usually be a stove and a dishwasher and all that kind of stuff, but instead there was a huge hill (to be inside of a house) covered in these vibrantly orange flowers. The flowers were so orange that they glowed. Imagine a poppy held up to a vibrant sunset in Disney style neon Technicolor…and them push up the intensity a couple of notches and that is how vibrant the flowers were. I picked one, and it was huge too…it almost covered the cup of my hand.. and the smell! Oh mercy it was sweet and strong without being overpowering…I left the kitchen to show this beautiful flower to my mom, and in the living room she was picking one of the flowers out there, which was a tiger lily…no where near as bright as the kitchen flowers, but still more vibrant and glowing than any natural flower…then I went outside and Cheffy was there, and I showed the flower to him… and that is all I can remember….but that color orange is stuck in my head. Luckily I have a calendar at work that just happens to have Georgia O’Keffes Oriental Poppies for the month of May. So that is satisfying my need for orange… at least for now.

Hm. I’m pretty sure today is going to be a lonnnng day since I am tired already. I have been going to bed pretty early, but it just doesn’t seem to be doing it. I want to go to Michael’s tomorrow to get some florist stuff so that I can send of my mom’s Mothers day package…but I plan on sleeping in…at least until 9-ish.
*wiggles* That is all that is going to get me through this day. The thought that I DON’T have to come in tomorrow.

I was trying to wait to post this until I had something more to say… but ah well.

Stay Jazzed.

The Usual Subjects

I had the most interesting dream last night, it would have been a perfect book. I woke up a little and remember thinking.. hmm that would make a really GOOD book, and then I just went right back to sleep. When I finally got us this morning, all I could remember was the thought, hmmm..this would make a really good book, but nothing about the dream itself. *sighs8 I hate it when that happens. Most of my good short story/ novel ideas have come from dreams. Odd me. But it’s been bouncing around in my head all day.
I didn’t exercise this morning, but I al going to the gym when I get home and after I wash my gym clothes. I am hitting the ‘point of exhaustion’ in my cycle where life is work & sleep.. nothing else. I guess a side effect of the hormones is that I just get TIRED. And it’s odd considering the fact that I am on a flat dose pill, that I still get the sleepy times. I mean I went to bed around 8:00 last night….and slept until like 6:45 this morning…okay I woke up at like 5 something, and I really should have gotten up then, but I opted not to. I felt so guilty about not exercising…*Grins* such a good thing.
I went back over my Jazzy’s REALLLY needs this stuff list, and realize that I got most of the stuff. At least the important stuff. *sighs* I am still being a buster about the driving lessons though, mainly cuz I spent a little more on the clothing than I had planned on. *sighs* I realllly need to get my freaking license. I need to figure out how I can get a hardship waiver so that I can get the license without having to wait for the required 60 days after having the permit to be able to take the driving test. Umph. I am SUCH a slacker.

I have decided that I am moving for sure. *sighs* I love my apartment, really I do, but it costs just wayyyy too much for me right now. *sighs* I am paying 940.00 a month now, and once I get a car I will have to pay another 45.00 bucks a month for parking, plus whatever increase I would have to pay when I renew my lease. *sighs* That will be close to a 1000.00 bucks a month for an APARTMENT!! *sighs* Argh. If I could drop that down to about half as much, that would almost give me most of my car payment, along with a little extra for my bills. I know that I don’t really want to move into another smaller apartment complex, I would much rather rent a duplex or a townhouse, but not one in a complex, something in a real neighborhood. Kinda like the little house I was looking at when I was here before. I figure if I move into a house I won’t miss the little amenities of an apartment as much, AND I can give myself a trial run to see if I really want to buy a house or if I would be better off getting a condo in the long run. It might be a bit of a headache to find the kind of place I am looking for, but… I think it will be worth it. I will have to add in the cost of heat and any taxes or that kind of jazz…but hopefully I will be able to find it for under 600….which was what I came up her planning to pay but then I just fell in love with the lovely little place I have now.

Umph. But enough money talk. *shakes head* It’s sad, I really have nothing else to talk about. Me & Cheffy are still sailing on calm seas, even though there are a couple of oddities that have popped up. I’m waiting to see if they are a consistent thing that I will have to call him on, or if I am just being a bit more sensitive than usual. *shrugs* We have passed the ‘official’ honeymoon stage (the first six months) and so now it is starting to get into the nitty gritty of it all. I SO want to get away somewhere and just chill me & him… *sighs* I really hate money… or the lack thereof I should say. Umph. Is it wrong of me to wonder where the hell all of his money goes sometimes? He makes almost as much as me, has an apartment that costs a third of mine, only has to pay a phone bill cuz his apartment covers heat & air and he doesn’t have cable…yet seems to be perennially broke. *raised eyebrow* I don’t know… it’s just odd to me…*grins* Besides, I’m nosey as hell, so it isn’t as if it is in the least bit important, it just tat I’m curious. I have decided to put myself back on a budget like I was while I was in school. I am going to try to live off of 500.00 bucks a month….as just free money. With all of my bills paid (and paid over the minimum) I will have 500 bucks left to play with for food and other essentials. I REALLY should be able to pull it off… if I stop doing dilly stuff like blowing 50 bucks a weekend for food. *grins* What a lovely side effect of dieting… a smaller food bill. *groans* Speaking of which…ah. I don’t know. Atkins can be more expensive than ‘traditional’ dieting, and Weight Watchers has got otbe even more expensive. I think I will do a ‘moderated’ version of Atkins and traditional ( I know I know….).. eat no processed bread, no sugar (buh-bye ice cream) and as few natural starches as possible, while trying to stick to ‘serving’ sizes. *rolls eyes* I want to drop about 10 dress sizes by my Birthday in January….which gives me 9 months… so that is about a dress size a month, and I think on me a dress size is about 10 pounds. Hmm… that might be a BIT aggressive… but it is a goal. I really don’t c are about my weight… I just want to be stronger. Hm. I think it is list time….

Stay Jazzed.

Quick note on being slow

I went to lunch yesterday with another sister who works here, who I met through one of the natural hair groups I get in my email. We had a nice leisurely lunch, and in talking to her I realized what was so different about this relationship with Chef from all my other relationships. I have not fallen head over heels for him right away. In my other relationships, there has always been a total LEAP into the relationship, almost instantly. This time, I am taking a very slow glide into the relationship. I know that part of this is because I have been burnt a couple of times in the recent past, and I couldn’t JUMP if I wanted to…but at the same time I like it. This whole moving slowly thing is pretty darn cool.

I’m still sick.

Oh yeah. I have been having these just WEIRD ass dreams. Like today/this morning I had this dream that I had an extra tooth that was growing right in front of my other teeth, and one day I just popped it out. But then this tooth shifted me into another dream, where it was all that was left at some crime scene was a slightly burnt tooth. How it got burnt, I don’t know.
A bit later, I slipped into this dream about me and two women my age and a much older lady going on a trip somewhere together. Somehow, our plane ended up being late, so I left and went home to pick up some other stuff that in the rush to leave, I had left behind…little things like soap and clothes and toothpaste. I also took a shower, cuz I was sweaty stinky. Then, I went out and was trying to drive, but I kept getting the gear of the car stuck in neutral. So I went back in the house and finished packing, then my traveling companions showed up and cussed me out because I had left them without saying anything. I woke upa little bit after that. Odd.


Stay Jazzed.

Dream Reader

Well, this dream has really been bugging me, so I thought I would find a dream dictionary and find out what is really going on. I am totally into fortune-telling, dream-reading and all that jazz, because I believe that our sub-conscious mind sees and records things that our conscious mind is unwilling or afraid to accept, and sometimes through dreams and cards we are led to see with our conscious mind what the sub-conscious won’t allow us to comprehend. Anyhow…with all that said, I went to this site and grabbed the definitions for each of the major symbols in my dream. This is the dream and the items in italics are what I considered to be the major symbols in it.

The scene was I had an argument or something with someone, and I was running away from them. I ran to the edge of a cliff, and there was a group of five or six people at the bottom of the cliff, which was basically a big ledge that over-hung the sea. I stopped running for a second at the top of my cliff, and then I flung myself off. The last thing I remember thinking was ‘ah…this is what it feels like to fly’ then I hit the ground. There was no pain, just a sudden blacking out. Then I was ‘aware’ again, but in a different body…a few feet away. There was a huge puddle of blood under me, that trailed off to one side of me. Right along that trail, there was a small perfectly ovally smooth stone that sat in the blood. The other me picked it up, and took the pebble to my body. It was the strangest thing, because as I was walking back towards my body, I clearly saw myself lying there, neck twisted almost backwards, body humped up like I had curled into a ball before I hit the ground. *shakes head* The amazing part was the first thing I thought as I saw my body was ‘God…I am so fat!” *shakes head* Then I put the bloody pebble down next to my body….and the rest of the dream kind of fades away.
Okay…so I looked up what each of those symbols mean, as well as some other things, and this is what I got:

Running
If you are simply running with no goal, it may be an indication that you need to slow down in your every day life. Running in your dreams may also symbolize the energy levels, the strength, or the force that you have to get through life.
Blood
It is the life-giving, vital part of our physiology and it may symbolize our strengths and weaknesses and our physical and mental health. Some believe that when you see blood in your dream, the distressing situation in your life which is at the root of the dream has come to an end, and the worst is over.
Body
Dreaming about your body generally suggests that you are dreaming about your personal identity. Who we are is wrapped around what we look like. Our self-esteem and self-worth are too frequently dependent on our physical appearance. The body in general is the symbol of self, and the details in the dream will lead you to further interpretation.
Cliff
Standing on the edge of a cliff could be a frightening, but at the same time an exhilarating experience. Dreaming about cliffs generally indicates that the dreamer has come to a point of heightened understanding and awareness. An increase in the level of consciousness may have occurred. Through hard work and perseverance, the dreamer may have reached a vantage or plateau of understanding.
Death
Dreaming about death is very common and it can be interpreted in many different ways. Death is usually a symbol of some type of closure or end. It implies an end to one thing and a beginning of another. Death dreams usually have positive symbolism. If you are the dead person in your dream, it could imply that you would like to leave all of your worries and struggles behind and begin anew.
Falling
This is a common dream which usually represents underlying fears and feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. Interpret your dream by considering your primary fears, current difficulties, and situations in your life that seem to be on a downward spiral, especially those situations that seem outside of your control (financial, romantic , etc.). Superstition based dream interpretations say that if you fall a long distance in your dream and get hurt, be prepared for really hard times ahead; but if you fall and are not injured your upsets will be minor and temporary.
Rocks
The connotation of this symbol as with all other dream symbols, depends on the details and the mood of the dream. The rock or rocks in your dream could represent a variety of different ideas, but it usually has something to do with matters of this physical world. They may represent earthiness, sturdiness, stability, and a solid foundation. On the other hand, they could represent physical obstacles or difficulties which the dreamer needs to overcome.
Suicide
It could suggest that the dreamer is making progress and is becoming a more "integrated" person. All of us have many aspects to our personality and our character. Dreaming that you are committing suicide may be symbolic of you "killing" of one aspect of your self. Possibly an aspect of self that is hurtful. For example if you were a smoker and you stopped smoking in your dream you may need to "kill" the smoker in yourself.

Now, if I put all of that together, and look at what else is going on in my life…this is what I get out of it.
1) The calm leap off of the cliff ending in the death of my fat body.
I interpret this to mean that I have reached a point of understanding about my body, and my view of it. I feel like it is indicating that I have reached a point where I understand that being fat is not good, and I am freely willing to kill the fat person that I am.
If I look at the dream as relating to my emotional standpoint, I would see it meaning that I have reached a point of calm, and that I am killing the wound-up, over-suspicious part of me.
2) The trail of blood and the stone
The hard part of me killing the fat is over, and if I can make the obstacles that stand in front of me attach themselves to the same thing that the fat represents, I will be fine.
Emotionally, it would mean that I have come to a point where I no longer have to worry about betrayal or being alone, that that period of my life is over, but there are still some obstacles to be moved before I can truly say that phase of my life is complete.
Other random notes to bring it all together
Falling: I both fell & got hurt & did not get hurt. Hm. In fact, I never really felt the moment of impact…so I am not sure where to go with that. Maybe the falling is better considered to be the means of suicide, and that should be the upper-most symbol I pull out of it.
Running: I have the willpower and the force to kill the parts of me that I no longer need, even if I don’t realize it.
*sighs* Overall, according to this ‘interpretation’ that dream indicates all good things. That things I want to change, will be changing and that I will be able to follow the plans I have and do what I need to do. Hm.

Stay Jazzed.

Flying Around

I had a dream last night. It was interesting because I don’t remember ever having a death dream before, and it was odd because it was so calm. The scene was I had an argument or something with someone, and I was running away from them. I ran to the edge of a cliff, and there was a group of five or six people at the bottom of the cliff, which was basically a big ledge that over-hung the sea. I stopped running for a second at the top of my cliff, and then I flung myself off. The last thing I remember thinking was ‘ah…this is what it feels like to fly’ then I hit the ground.

There was no pain, just a sudden blacking out. Then I was ‘aware’ again, but in a different body…a few feet away. There was a huge puddle of blood under me, that trailed off to one side of me. Right along that trail, there was a small perfectly ovally smooth stone that sat in the blood. The other me picked it up, and took the pebble to my body. It was the strangest thing, because as I was walking back towards my body, I clearly saw myself lying there, neck twisted almost backwards, body humped up like I had curled into a ball before I hit the ground. *shakes head* The amazing part was the first thing I thought as I saw my body was ‘God…I am so fat!” *shakes head* Then I put the bloody pebble down next to my body….and the rest of the dream kind of fades away.

*shivers* It was quite…odd. I can still see so clearly my body laid out over the grass, my braids laying so that they covered my face, and me just laying so very very still. Hm. I just wanted to record that…just in case it matters for something. Interpretations anyone??

Hm. In other news…Chef & me had an amazing long conversation last night, with me tip-toeing around almost everything that I am thinking/feeling, as I am so skilled at doing. I wrote earlier about my need…the need that I have to be loved, to have some security and stability in my life. Because of that need, I can feel myself grasping at him like he is a life preserver, and I don’t want to use him like that…because once the need is gone, where will the connection to him be. But at the same time, I wonder if hidden under the glow of the need, there is a true attraction to him. I mean…it’s scary. But as I told him last night, there is something missing from how I feel about him.

I know I don’t love him…but I do care for him. There is no real mystery there…I feel like I know him even though I don’t really…*sighs* I don’t know. I am in a state of limbo, where I refuse to let my heart out to play unless I KNOW that the play time won’t end. But I won’t KNOW that the playtime won’t end until I actually START playing. Catch-22, anyone? * softly chants the Litany Against Fear * So what shall I do? *grins* If anything, I know that I am infatuated with the man…he occupies a good deal of my free time. But it isn’t the same feeling that I had with Papi, or with JEH, or with any of my previous love-interests. There is a platonically sexual vibe going on that is confusing the fuck outta me.

I can’t figure out if I want him for a brother or a lover. And the fact that he is the safest straight man I have ever met isn’t helping either. He is sexually aggressive enough to be straight, but he has learned the art of the kind caress simply for the sake of touch NOT to be. *laughs* I tease him on a regular because he lived in San Francisco for almost 3 years while he was in school… hmm… maybe some things DO rub off huh?

Ugh. I feel totally better emotionally, but that is most likely because of the amazing sugar rush that is flooding my body. I broke down last night and ate some chips & some popcorn. I am starting to scare myself, because I truly toyed with the idea of throwing it all back up. *sighs* I have been exercising half-heartedly, but the food thing is really starting to get to me. *sighs* And I was just boasting about the control I have over my body to someone. *snorts* Every setback just lets me know even more how important it is that I beat this monkey. I have GOT to get over this food thing. I know I am an emotional eater, and I am a hopeless snacker. I have to do better…I have been considering joining one of the OD weight loss journals, but somehow I don’t think Atkins would be taken very well there. If I could just get myself into induction I would be fine. *sucks teeth* Umph.

I have hair issues…larger and larger ones. My braids have about two good weeks left, and that might be stretching it a bit. I am going to trim it this weekend, but I want to figure out a way to get it curled and KEEP it curled. The agony I went through two (or was that one? ) week ago wasn’t worth the 1 ½ days worth of half-assed curls I had. And nothing looks yeecher than a chopped off head of perfectly straight hair. Hm. I will have to think on this one for a bit. OR maybe I will just take it out this weekend. Hm. That’s a thought. If I go and get some more Pantene, I should be able to take it out over the weekend. *thinks* hmm… and if I do that, I will have to color it again too…hmmmmm. Yeah. I think I will. It will give me something to do this weekend. :)

*nods* Yes… I will. I need to see how much of my hair has grown back out dark already. Maybe I will re-dye the whole mess ebony black again. *sighs* *grins* I just realized that I miss my hair. It’s a damn shame, I have only had these braids for a little over a month now. Ah well… I guess this is just another sign that it is time to get back to the real me. I hope it is kinda warm outside this weekend. That way I can sit on the balcony and do this and hopefully avoid getting hair all into my carpet. :) Yeah. This is gonna feel gggggooooooddddd.


Stay Jazzed.

Thought flow

I am wayyyyy to impressionable. I read both of the Bridget Jones books last night (quite funny.. had me cracking up) and today I have been going around with this little cheerful chippy British girl in my head going ‘v.g.!’ and “bloody hell” and making me want to chop my sentences short and leave off…ah what are they...prepositions mebbe? Not sure, but it is very interesting. *shakes head* I don’t even follow that *sighs*

Then there was this dream I had that I was a concubine to a Sheik who sold me to American slave traders and who thoroughly seduced the captain of the ship I was on. As I woke up, he was just in the process of giving me a treasure chest full of lovely jewelry. Hmph…but the main reason I mention it is because I had a head full of gorgeous locks…and that just seemed to me to be a sign that it is getting closer to the time when I need to get locks put in my head. The only problem is that I WANT sisterlocks ™ and the closest places are Detroit & Columbus. *sighs* Can we talk about COST??? I mean the process itself is expensive as all get out… I’d hate to think of the cost once I add in airfare. But….It either that or waste money by keep getting braids put in. I hope they are at least a little cheaper here. Hmm… it looks like Detroit is my best choice flight price wise. Ugh ugh ugh!! Hey.. what about greyhound? *smiles* Silly girl.

That loooks MUCH MUCH better. I would be going to Columbus as it is much closer. :) I’m making plans now. Speaking of which… I wrote out this long long rant earlier today about me planning stuff and then it falling through… or me worrying about my plans falling through. But back to my hair. I am going to have to make a decision soon, because either my hair is growing remarkably fast, or the braids I got were shoddy ( obviously I’d much prefer the first) , but whatever he case, I am looking less & less up my standard. And mercy KNOWS they won’t last for another month & a half which was my original expectation. Ugh.

Hmm… had a bit of a flying dream too. *sighs* And it’s funny… in the dream I was thinking SEE! I KNEW I could fly while awake, and it wasn’t until I woke up that I realized how absurd that was. *sighs* IIIIII just wanna fly. Clearly I’m bored. and my keyboard is noisy. Ugh.


Stay Jazzed.