Shit & Sunshine

I always start by saying I don't have much to say, and then ramble on for three or four screens, so...I'mma be honest with myself and you and say I don't know what the hell I'm gonna say, but the fingers felt like typing.

Let's see.

My cat died. Mauled by a dog, apparently. Thank all the heavens, C found him while I was out of town as I might have plain out lost my mind. With the wee bit of distance NOT discovering him provides, I just leak occasionally.

 

I'm ever so glad I decided to play with my camera a few months ago and get some semi-good pictures of him. *tear* I'mma miss my furry little fatboy.

There. That's the misery out of the way.

Can you BELIEVE it's almost SEPTEMBER? *goggles* Holy shit, seriously, what happened to the year? I can feel fall peeking around the corner - the morning sunlight is - different. And the birds are starting to flock. And praise all that is holy, the mosquitos are starting to be a little LESS - biting.

I'm still vaugely irked at the assholes of the world, but I've been - withdrawing - in general, lately. I suspect I'm sliding gently into one of my 'fuck the world' phases (slowly, says she) and I'm quite alright with it. Or, maybe just one of my Screw you guys, I'm going offline moments. Yes... that might be more accurate.

Still not pregnant. Roughly five months, the start of roughly my fifth cycle (3rd, really, as the last one and one at the start of spring were annovulatory). I'm still decidedly dragging my feet about seeing a doctor, because, well, I don't want a doctor involved. *shrug* I've got an accupunturist appt. on Friday, and they have a TCM practioner there too. Yeah, I'll drink a nasty ass mixture of herbs and berries before I'll pop a pill. What can I say, I've become much more - fuck the system - lately.
Okay, not quite fuck the system, but I question EVERYTHING. I'm a doubtful, doubtful, downright suspicious Nellie.....and - I don't know. I'm listening to myself, and there is no fear just DEEP aversion.

Still gainfully employed. *pullshairgently* Speaking of which, my hair is doing wonderful, amazing, fabulous things - I need to pull out my camera and take a picture before it gets all muddled up again. It's growing like a weed, it is, and has gotten amazingly thicker, as well.

C is still working at the same place! Almost 9 months! It won't truly be a record til he breaks 2 years though, and he's already starting to get restless. *bangs head against wall* There are oftentimes - many times - that I wonder if me not being pregnant yet is a good thing.

But I was told to stop sending mixed bloody messages.

But I don't know how to accept it, and to accept that there ain't no good reason for it. I mean..... *sigh* I do try to force everything into something logical. *snort* You would think, 20 odd plus years of being on this planet, I would have grapsed the utter futility of that in certain situations. You WOULD think.

House is still wonderful, though the back half is starting to turn into a jungle. Garden finally gave up the ghost - I had a realllly crappy dirt mix. *sigh* But, each year is a lesson learned, and thank all the heavens that we aren't RELYING on it yet.

Hrm. What else?

I'm taking (asslaggingdragging, more accurately) a Homeopathy 101 course. I suck, as I jsut got the books over the weekend. I'm also still going to First Realm class, which had a high point in usefulness a few weeks ago, and since then have just been - blech. *shrug* It's okay though, as I'm not certain what I supposed to be learning, so whatever I'm learning is good enough. My shrine has been sadly, sadly, sadly neglected.
I'm a very bad little pagan. Or am I? What is the judgement of a good/bad pagan, as there are no books of dogma, and even if there were, they most likely wouldn't apply to my path.
At least I was wise enough to stay away from opened statues.
Gaaahd, I can't wait to quit.

Long weekend! I am 'working from home' on Friday, since my appt. is early in the day, then a friend is coming a visiting (must run that past the boy, and get him to help me with the futon), and then Monday is a holiday AND I took Tuesday off too, cuz I fucking rock like dat.

Only leaves me 3 days (I think) left for the rest of the year, but *shrug* whatever.

Haven't done a blessed bloody thing in the house for a while - we need to come to a consensus on whether the kitchen is 'done' - if so, I have many bottles to wash and rearrange. And why do boys think that 'cleaning' a room leaves room for dirty shit still left piled up in the corner of the room? A clean kitchen means CLEAN - not one with all the bloody pots & pans and other icky stuff your dainty fingers are far too fragile to wash still left heaped on the counter. That. Isn't. CLEAN. I'm far too tempted to throw many of them out. Faaaarrr too tempted.

I need to be sewing. And painting. And installing. And leveling. And weeding. And other useful type shit around the house, but instead I go home, pop right back online (I'm trying to catch up on a yahoogroup with 41K+ posts - from the START) and read and absorb and relax, somewhat. Or sleep. Oh, sleep is SO wonderful - esp. when it's hot.

Hrm.

I think my brain has run out of random things to spew. I'm averaging about 3 times a month now, eh?

I try to visit almost daily, but I'm about as crappy of a noter as I am a poster.

I am the Batman! *whirls cape and vanishes dramatically*

6:39pm

Ya know, I like this time of day title bit, I might stick with it.

So, I'm back!  The Giovanni is wandering around the house, occasionally flopping down to test the floors. I know he's still uncomfy though, cuz he stays in whatever room I'm in, and he's SOO not the lovey dovey kind. He's been eying the front door, but I give him a week before he really starts thinking about traisping outside.

Umm - got everything from the house (mostly). I didn't touch anything in the kitchen except some stuff for sandwiches (we can have those at least) and swiped the bottle of champange that has been patiently waiting for our first night in the house. The smaller cooler made it's way here via the Movers (Two Men and a Truck - yes, that is actually the name of the business, and yes it was a two man team, and they snuck in a 50 gas surcharge (which I totally understand, but would have appreciated a heads up) and they were GOOD. And relatively fast, considering it was only the two of them) so right now the champange and some sliced meat and a 12 pack of beer are on ice. It'll have to do for tonight - dammit, I REALLY didn't want to spend 1300 on a freaking FRIDGE. *sigh* See - this is one of the downsides of being married to a chef. We COULD get a nice, 300 buck fridge, but noooooooo..........................eh, he'll just have to feed me well.

*sigh* I really wanna flop down on the couch and watch some lovely, mindless TV - but dammit, I don't know where the remotes are! Hubby packed them, and I'm sooo not calling him at work to ask. I'll just have to do it the - *GASP* old fashioned way.

*nods* I want to take a shower soooo badly, but don't quite have the energy to clean the tub. Bugger. *nods* A nap is definitely in order.

Right after I finish my beer.

Oh yeah - my stripper (I'm in love wit a stripper.....she rockin and rollin....) name (via the ever so lovely Ms. Bella - the herbs are in 'temp' spots outside getting used to the house!) is.........

Heidi Dazzlehooter.

It really should be Heidi Dazzlinghooters, cuz hey - then that would SO be me.

And Furthermore......[

Hmmm... let's see, what's shaking in me life?

The movers are coming Thursday, as is the cable guy (gotta get the internet, ya know!), and hoepfully (if the bastids from Sears ever CALL me) so will the fridge, but I'm thinking we might have to go a couple of days fridge free. Luckily, we have two HUGE ice coolers, and a pratically bare fridge, so that should work out well. I'm going to do a DITL on Thursday, even though the 'official' DITL day was yesterday. Pffht. *laughs*

Um, what else?

I've realized something over the last few - weeks, I suppose. I'm sure ya'll have seen the prose bit about waiting for X to happen before you do Y? I've realized, that without even being aware of it, I've been waiting to get a house before I do a lot of things that I want to do. Now, okay, honestly, 80% of those things REQUIRE a house, but - still. I'd like to think of myself as more proactive than that.

The illegal immigration thing - amuses me, to put it frankly - peoples reactions to it, more so than the actual situation. Illegal immigrants are the latest wave of slave labor, people who are willing to work grueling conditions, 12 hour days, for chump change. Yes, I am fully aware they are a burden on the social services, but - at the same time, they are saving us money every time we go to the grocery store, the nursery, a hotel, the casinos, and hundreds of other places that have 'dead-end', menial, nasty jobs that most Americans look down on. 
They own one car for 8 people, and they live stacked in 2 bedroom apartments with three families - not becuase they WANT to, but because the wages they are paid are FAR below living wages. If the corporations were forced to actually pay a LIVING wage (cuz minimum wage can't keep anyone over the age of 18 above the poverty line) Americans would be more willing to take those nasty, brutish, backbreaking jobs, and the illegal immigrants wouldn't come here anymore because they wouldn't have work. Of course, forcing the corporations to pay living wages also means that their bottom line increases, and you KNOW they are going to pass those increases on to us, the customer, and then we are all screwed.
What's the cure? I don't know..... but I don't think there really IS a problem. Personally, I think this whole issue 'popped' up to distract the country from the fact that Iran is eying Israel, the US is killing hundreds of civilians and tens of soliders weekly in Iraq, Peak Oil is approaching, and this hurricane season is going to be ungodly.
But really - what does all that matter? We've got to get rid of those poor brown folx who do the work we are too good to do.

The Boy and I are having constant conversations about what we want to do with the house, what to buy, what colors to paint, all sorts of wonderful stuff. We only own one TV now, and he's somehow talked me into potentially having three - which really, drives me batty. *sighs* I - like TV, but I despise it at the same time, and having multiple TV's - it just - doesn't feel right. But the Boy has no issue with it, so - bleh, not going to fight that battle.
I want to invest in a couple of white boards so that we can kee track of all the brilliant ideas we have and be able to easily prioritze them. Our goal is to get as much as possbile for free or for cheap, and then paint/sand/stain/decorate the stuff to fit into our house. Outlets and Freecycle, here I come!

Edited: Ah - stuff from the previous entry. Nope, didn't go to the house, haven't cleaned, I'm going to force C to help me do that this weekend after we move and before we unpack. Yayy!! Fat boy (or Kunta Cat'e as we have started calling him) returned *thinks* Saturday night, I think it was, and is THROUGHLY pissed that we won't let him outside anymore - I think tBH is worth it, and I think he'll think so to.

Bleh.

So, my weekend sucked.

Saturday - let's see. I buried Nikki, and C went to work. He calls me 20 minutes later - his tire blew out. Yeah, on the new (to us) car.  He goes to change it, and it looks like the tire is rusted to the axle. *sigh* His boss comes to pick him up, he goes to work, all is well and good.
He calls a tow truck to pick it up on Sunday - and the city (working overtime) has already snatched it up - despite him SUPPOSING to have 48 hours to deal with it. *sigh*
So - deal with that, and the car is at Sears now, getting fixed.
I'm at work - and it's Monday.

G started yowling this morning. I think he is really worried about Nikki now - even when he ran off, he normally came back the same night. It's been - 2 days now? So....yeah.

I just - it's weird. I've never had a pet DIE on me before - other than goldfish, and they don't really count. I've given away, or lost pets - but never actually had to bury one. I - almost considered getting him cremated but - no. Nikki wasn't fond of strangers.

I was supposed to go out with a friend on Saturday night - but I really didn't feel like - and I feel horrid for not feeling like it, but I feel like if I don't feel like it - then I shouldn't right??

I'm just babbling now. I had to write another entry though. *sigh*

And no, I don't plan on getting another cat. As much as I would like a kitten - no.  That's me logical side speaking. The much less logical side is saying - but G is going to be SOO lonely! And - only one kitty? We haven't had ONE kitty for years!! *sigh* But no.

How long are you allowed to be mopey?

Dumbass Til The End

Nicholas (Nikki) NickerBocker Black
August 23, 2002
to
August 26, 2005

So, I'm sitting in the chair in the living room, reading a book. Nikki starts yowling like he sees another cat outside - and I lean forward to see if I can see him sitting at the front door. I don't see him, but I see G (my other cat) looking in the kitchen. I call Nikki, and he stops yowling. A few seconds later, I hear this noise like he is trying to get into the broiler tray, so I get up to see what the hell he is doing.
He's laying in front of the stove, completely limp, his mouth wide open - I look (thinking he's choking) and his entire tongue is blue, and swollen so badly that I can't even move it to try to free his pathway. I start crying and calling his name - and I can still feel him purring for a second - then nothing. I, quite naturally, lose it - but he's so limp that I know - there's not a thing I can do for him. I'm sitting on the floor next to him, and I hear a buzzing sound. I look under him, and there is a live yellowjacket under his paw. I'm guessing that he tried to play with it/eat it - and it stung him repeatedly inside of his mouth & his tongue. I'm thinking that the yowl was when he was first stung, and the sound of him trying to get into the oven was actually him thrashing around trying to breathe.

I'm going to bury him in the yard today - I would have done it last night, but we don't even own a shovel.

I'm really going to miss my little dumbass, lovebug of a kitty with the tail that was longer than he was. My nickerbocker, nickkyhead, silly boy, with the silly snaggletooth grin, and the hopeless addiction to catnip and the deep and abiding love for warm laps and fingers with nails.

May the field be full of catnip
May you always be full
May there be no loud sounds
And may there be many good chinscratchers.

Be Well, Beloved Nikki

*deep whiff*

I still smell like cholrine, shower and all. And heavens, I'm sooooooooooooooooo damn tired. Seriously. 2.5 hours in the pool, and I'm all like damn - can I go sleep now? But nnnooooo.......must.stay.awake.

Okay. Today's lesson - a little harder - learning more strokes. I will most CERTAINLY be doing ONLY the frogleg (frogkick? frogstroke?) on my back, as everything else causes me to inhale shitloads of water up my nose - a MOST  unpleasant sensation - I still feel like I have pool on the brain. *blinks* and we ain't even going to talk about the eyes - but ahhh.... such fun. And yeah, the left side of my body is MUCH weaker than the right - and I have MUCH less control over it. Must work on that.

I don't think I ever talked about our runaway cat. The patio has a gate (the infamous gate with the padlock) and since it doesn't close fully, we had to 'rig up' a kitty gate. SOMEHOW - and we've yet to figure out exactly how, as the gap (with the kitty gate) ain't THAT damn big - Nikki has managed to escape twice. He returned both times - the first time he came to the front door, and the last time he showed back up inside the patio. Since then, we won't let him out unless we are sitting out there - while G's fat ass can go out anytime he wants cuz not only does he have a deep and abiding affection for food, he's too damn fat to squeeze out the gate - even WITHOUT the kitty gate.
I bring it up, because now Nikki will sit at either the front or back door and YOWL until we tell him to shut up. I'm not sure if he's invoking the cat gods to give him FURTHER ability to slip through doors, or if he thinks his catly boys outside will let him out, or he thinks we'll get so sick of listening to him whine that we'll let him out. Hah. Not happening, slim shady.

*blinks* Damn, not even 10 yet. And I'm hungry - but I KNOW as soon as I sit down to eat, C is going to call. Gah.

My SHTUFF!!!

As in, I've FINALLY got it!!!!!  The movers came yesterday, dropped off all of our stuff, and the uncrating guy came, put together the waterbed, and unpacked our glass table tops.

The house is FULLA boxes everywhere, but I'm so thrilled that I really don't care. Me & the boy unpacked most of our clothes (he's got a business meeting today and an interview tomorrow - so he needed his suits!) and some of the bathroom stuff - then we stopped, went to Molly's for some Mexican, came back home and crassshhheeed. I realized that I really don't have that many summer clothes, and even most of the stuff that I do have is either a) too small (dammit!) or b) not appropiate for IP's dress code or c) both. And my shoes - I almost wondered if some were missing, but no - I just don't have any nice summer shoes - they are all left over from last year, and I'm ROUGH on shoes. So - shopping!

Have I said that I love our house lately? I figure tonight, we'll unpack the kitchen and finish the bathrooms. It's - odd - trying to figure out how to organize everything and where to put stuff and all that jazz - but fun. It seems like we have so MUCH stuff - and we don't even have any furniture, as we left our old icky stuff in Indy.

I'm busily putting together a list of stuff that we need - I hope that it's nice this weekend so that we can do some SHOPPING! We are actually going to hold off on the furniture for a little while - but we need bookcases DESPARATELY.  I refuse to go through the chaos of unpacking all of our books before we actually have enough places to put them.  And of course, we also need all of the 'little' stuff - what's a good cheap household goods store? I figure - ooohhhh! My old coworkers gave us an $80 gift card to TARGET!!! Never mind! I know exactly where we will be going - so where's the best Target, and is there a SuperTarget anywhere? Also - any recommendations for a cute furniture store? We have a modern/airy style, and I'm picky. ;)

The kitlings are loving having us home now - I really think that they thought we were going to abandon them, the poor dears.

*grins*  Me & C were talking yesterday about how this is really the first home that we've moved into that we can see ourseleves staying at for a pretty extended period of time. Everywhere that we moved to in Indy had a 'temporary' feeling, because we KNEW that we were going to be escaping the city - and even when I first moved there every place that I moved into was kind of  the best of the bad, and I settled for it for various reasons even though the places may have been lacking in one thing or another. This house is - perfect. We love the city so far - and *nods* we might ACTUALLY settle down here - imagine that!

Okay - had to spread/share the giddiness and joy - now back to work! :)

litter issues

Okay... I love my cats, Ido.

I also LOVE having hard wood floors - they are simply the best thing since sliced bread.

However! Thecombination of those two things (cats, ie - litter & wood floors) has created an icky situation -litter is ALL though our house. We walk around and - ick. Little grainy pieces of I don't want to imagine WHAT collect to the bottom of our feet, and just about eveything else - and it's just right icky.

Considering that this MUST be a problemfor more than just me, I went online to look and see what was out there - and bleh. Mats (which I tried in a house with carpet - the brats WOULDN'T walk on them) to complicated screen/carpet combos  (I'm cheap) - but nothing that looks like it would really work.

So....I'm on the hunt/search  for something that will eliminate this problem.  For now, I'm going to try three things - one is to move where their litter boxis so that they have to walk through more of the laundry room (ohhh.... and it REALLY is one!) in order to get into the rest of the house, I'm going to put a bathmat (one of the suggestions I found online) under and in front of the new boxplace -AND I'm going to (try to) sweep at least everyday, instead of just on the weekends when I usually do the full houseclean.

*sigh* I don't know what else todo - I wonder if they would walk on one of those sticky mats like they use in front of the labs to pull residue off of people's shoes?? *snorts* Most likely not. Brats.

So - what have you other cat owners done tocut down on finding litter in places....well - that you REALLLY don't want to?

Dreaming

Is it sad when I WANT to sleep for as long as possible because my dreams are SOO fascinating?

My post-snooze dream today involved me visiting some woman - I'm not sure if I knew here or not. I was actually in an apartment that looked rather like the ghetto hovel I lived in during senior year. We were planning on going out, but I wanted wait until Dwayne Johnson (because I'm too ashamed to use his entertainment name) (though it's almost sadder that I KNOW his real name) came to the house because I wanted to give him something. He came to the door - I opened the door, gave him a kiss (which considering he's close to a foot and a half taller than me is damn near impossible) and then handed him a gold wedding band as I whisepered that I wanted him to come around to the back door.
So - I go to the back bedroom and procede to take a shower. The bedroom led to a open air balcony, and there is a series of steps that came up to it. Mind you - the rest of the apartment is on ground level. The shower was this HUGE plate sized head mounted on the wall - with a Little Mermaid themed control that plugged into an electric socket that I simply could not get to work. While I was fighting to get the shower temperature just right without setting off the sounds or the smells that could accentuate the showering experience (I'm really picky about my hot water) I noticed out of the window there were all these 13-16 year old kids on the balcony WATCHING me. I closed the shades on the window - but still left the door wide open as they couldn't see me through that for some reason. AS I'm still fighting this shower, and waiting for Dwayne, some rap artist came up the back steps and was SWARMED by these kids. I finally got SO frustrated with the shower controls that I woke myself up to go and take a real shower.

What I didn't realize until I was in my real (hotHotHOT) shower - was that the shower in my dream wasn't in a tub, or even on a tile surface. The base of the shower was a FUTON covered with a army green sheet - and I kept moving the futon so that the water would only hit that. But in the dream - the fact that I was trying to take a shower on a futon was utterly uremarkable.

:) Mind you - the only reason I remember this dream is because it was after I hit the snooze button, but before I actually woke myself up out of bed. Usually Nikki makes me get up to feed them before I can settle into my snooze dreams really good. Today though - he was napping next to me, and occasionally would pat my arm with his paw. Such a sweetie he is.

Pictures

Okay - I still think this is an horrid picture of the tattoo, but then it just might be seeing my skin in all its dappled and ashy glory. :)



That's my hip! IT's the closest thing to a nudie pic I'll ever have online too. :)

These are the Boys.

Giovanni -


and Nikki

Cold

Winter always stirs conflicts in me, since i can't decide between liking the season for it's beauty or hating the season for the inconvinence it always causes.

I drove to KY to visit with Corey this weekend, despite the wetherman's threats, and the fresh snow that was falling as I left the house on Saturday. I drove slowly, secure in the fact that I have a car that is almost as heavy as a small SUV and has all-wheel drive. The road conditions weren't too bad - and as I got further from Indy, they actually became clearer.
It was gorgeous - the whole drive there. The sun was slowly peeking through the colds and the world was pure dazzling white. A single strip of dark gray marked the road, and the occasional spots of a colored car going west were the only bits of color that I could see. It took me almost 2 hours to complete a trip that is usually only 1 hour & 15 minutes - but the visual entertainment made it go by almost as fast.

Our weekends are always good - always way too short since we try to pack a week's worth of interaction and catching up on sleep and running errands into a mere two days - but we coexisist in such peace that our mad dashes don't seem to be quite as irratating as they would be if we were doing them alone.
He loved his early-birthday gifts (as I knew he would) and we didn't even mention Valentines Day to each other. We came to a happy agreement on that holiday our first year together, and I don't think that we have mentioned it since.

My trip back home is always longer than the trip there - both mentally and timewise. I leave on Monday morning, and the only thing that I'm looking forward to at the end of the trip is arriving at my warm house and being greeted by the cats. The snow that swooped through the midwest did a nice job on the roads and I found myself driving a very cautious 30mph most of the way to work. The trip bavk took close to three hours - but the only thing more beautiful than fresh snow in the moonlight is fresh snow at dawn.
I hated every moment of my drive back - the lack of speeding while I drive always gets me down - but the COLORS...some of the palest pastel blues and pinks and greens I've ever seen were reflected in the snow as the sun made it's slow ascent behind the clouds. The highway was mostly deserted, and I would look in the rear view mirror and see nothing but slowly lightening darkness behind me.

It's a horrid horrid season - but it's an amzingly pretty one at the same time. I truly wished that I had a good digital camera with me - I would have stopped several times.

Of course - I wouldn't have gotten OUT of the car. There is nothing pretty enough for me to suffer winds in the single digits. Nothing.

Fireworks...

BRRRRRRRR!!!!!

It is just not right for it to be 83 degrees outside, and to be about 60 degrees inside. NASTY NASTY NASTY. I’m cold!! I don’t like being cold! Dammit!

With that little rant out of the way, I had a good Independence Day. I slept lots, packed lots, actually went and WATCHED the fireworks this year rather than staying cooped up in my apartment listening to them like I did last year. The only thing that would have made the fireworks better would have been if Corey was there with me. *sighs* I ought to call him up and tell him that. I think I will. *pause* Um. okay. All done. *sighs* I’m turning into a clothing courier. Ah well.

I’m practically done packing, but it doesn’t look like it. Because this is the first time I am moving with actual real furniture, the house still looks kinda full, cuz all the big stuff is still sitting around. Most of the cabinets and stuff are empty, but you can’t really tell that from a single look. I have been throwing out so MUCH stuff… it is really ridiculous. I have been carting along so much junk with me for the past few years, it’s actually kinda nice to get rid of it.

Giovanni is NOT happy with the whole moving situation. He has been acting like heis on drugs for the past few days…running around chasing after something only he can see, meowing so sad and pitiful and then when I try to pet him attacking my hand…it’s scary. Almost like he is regressing. He doesn’t even seem to notice that his bits are gone…

I am starting to feel … guilty … about not doing my hair. It doesn’t really look THAT bad, but I am just really aware of that fact that I have not DONE my hair in well over a month, and that is just not cool. I finally put a bead in it (it looks really cool, I might have to take a picture) but I’m not as happy with it as I should be because the REST of my hair isn’t all nice and neat and parted and DONE like it should be. However, since I am a lazy baby, and there are so many more interesting things for me to do lately than my HAIR, I don’t see me getting it done anytime soon.
Also, I know that I am a little sensitive about my hair. There have been many a day when I thinking that I look like an utter crow’s nest up there, and someone will compliment me on my hair. Another thing that has been picking at me is the fact that I have…odd hair. Remarkable thick, rather kinky coily and nappy, but ONLY when it is totally free. If I have my hair twisted on in braids or in locs like it is now, the roots of my hair come out wavy. Almost straight. And I don’t think that they are gonna loc up on their own. *sighs* Soooooooo….. I think that I am going to break down and do my hair.

But speaking of hair…

I had an interesting run in yesterday, and I haven’t figured out whether to be insulted or complimented by it. I was walking to the liquor store ( to get BOXES!!!!) and this guy pulled up next to me in a Mercedes with a girl in the passenger seat. He asked me if I did my own locs, and I said yes. He asked if I did other folx, and I said not really. All well and good right? So then he asked for my number so that maybe he could call me to get his done. *shrugs* No problem, this might be a secondary source of Income. SO I give him my number and my ‘other’ name, and continue on the to grocery store. He had a bit of a tude, but I didn’t pay it no mind. So I’m behind the liquor store, scavenging for the best boxes, and here comes Mr. Car Dude… anyhow… (here comes the insult/compliment part) he tells me that I have a lovely ass (umm..thanks) and that he would like to get with me in about an hour. *makes face* Say whaa?? After I turn him down, he tells me that he is a producer from NYC with big bucks…. I tell him I don’t want/need nobody else’s money and anyway... I GOT a man… he comes back with ‘well I don’t need nobody else’s woman’. *snickers* So annnyyyhow… he gets a further tude (on top of the one he already had) cuz I told him I had no interest in fuckin his skanky ass… and then leaves, saying I was gonna change my mind.
Now, my point of confusion was this: Should I be complimented on the fact that he noticed me as a lovely sexy woman, or should I be insulted that he stepped to me in such a trifling way? My own personal feeling is pure amusement that he thought he was so much the shit that he didn’t NEED to show any common respect or decency. *shrugs* And he wasn’t even all that cute!! Or maybe I should just hold the two things as separate compliment -------- insult. *sighs* *giggles* He thought I was gonna be IMPRESSED?!??! Umph… please.
I briefly considered telling Corey about this, but somehow I think this is one of those things that men just don’t need to know. Or at least boyfriendly type men…*shakes head*


Stay Jazzed,

Moving, Money, Men and Drugs.

Umm…it’s odd. I keep thinking that I am writing in here, but when I go to look at the entry list, nothing new is there. I guess I am using a thought process of ‘I need to write this for the OD’ and just never get around to doing it.
Anyhow….life life life..what’s going on with me? Ummm… I’m moving on July 13th, and I have broken down and decided to pay someone to help me. *shrugs* It makes life easier. I haven’t started packing yet, because I don’t have any boxes. Corey said that he would get me some boxes from work, but I am still on an independent search for boxes. I mean I work in half of a factory, I SHOULD be able to find some great boxes. I just stuck a little note on this big stack of boxes that I saw in an elevator about to be taken to be recycled most likely, politely asking the ‘owner’ to give me a call. *sighs* Hopefully I will hear from them a little after lunch.
Note on above: I tend not to rely on people, because I know just how unreliable some people are, and how easily some people tend to shrug off ‘favors’ they have said they would do for someone else. So anytime I ask someone for a ‘favor’ (except my mom) I have secondary plans in motion just in case they fall through. If they don’t, I can always throw away some extra boxes, but if I do get left in the lurch, I won’t totally be assed out. Part of my pessimism showing.
I was supposed to start a new pack of pills on Sunday, and I haven’t. I don’t feel much different, though I did have a dream this morning in which there was a distinct scene of me slobbing Corey down, so that is a good sign. I haven’t called the doc yet either – work has been hectic, but I will do so. I never called him to talk about the results of my latest pap either, so I can kill two birds with one stone. I have researched and researched and there basically seem to be four different kinds of birth control. 1) Hormones – the pill, Norplant, Depo, Lunaire 2) Barrier – Condom( girl and guy), Diaphragm, Sponge, Foam… 3) for lack of a better word – ‘Devices’ – Chasitity Belts, IUD’s and the like, and the last kind 4) Dangerous/Unrealistic(for me) – Pulling out, Fertility Awareness methods, abstinence.
Hormones are out. I really don’t like taking them, and it seems that no matter what kind I take (I have been on three different kinds, a tri-cyclic, a low dose tri-cyclic and a mono-phasic) I end up not having sex cuz I don’t want to anyhow. Forced abstinence is a bit much for me. I’ll be damned if I get something stuck in me that I will HAVE to live with for long periods of time. Nope uh-uh. When I got pregnant before it was with a condom, so my security with that method is nil, I just don’t trust diaphragms (how do you know the stupid thing is covering EVERYTHING??) and I would use up a bottle of foam at a time (and what if his are some really tenacious wrigglers?) and sponges cost too much. Less than a child, yes, but still…and as for group 4 – I might as well just get pregnant and be done with it. So… that leaves me with the IUD. Mind you, I was conceived ‘around’ an IUD…but that WAS 25 years ago. I hope (pray…) that the IUD’s are better now. So…*sighs* I hate having stuff poked that far into me. It hurts. *grins* But as I’m sure Cyndi would say, ‘Labor feels worse!’ So…

Ummm… I have decided to borrow 100 bucks from my mom, just in case to tide me over if Gio’s surgery costs more than I expected it to. *sighs* If if if… bitching does no good though does it? I could have asked Corey for the cash… but as he still owes me 45.00 bucks for a damn phone bill *rolls eyes* I don’t want to have any monetary interactions with him. umph. And I sure as heck don’t want to be beholden to him in that kind of way. Is that sad? I’m not sure…we have very different ideas on how to handle money soo….it makes life easier. At least my life.
Anything else? Work has been….interesting lately. Hectic in a stressful kind of way, but not really in a ‘pressed –for –time’ kind of way. It’s odd. It’s stress based on conflict between what people want and what can truly be provided, rather than a conflict between what is needed and the amount of time we have to do that in. I think I like the time stress more.
I’m tired. Tired tired tired. I (stupidly) stayed up until 2am Sunday talking to Corey about ‘us’. If anyone has watched Sex and the City… I totally sympathize with Samatha – “I’m so SICK of talking!!’ . Anyway…I have been on the go since then, leaving the house around 6:30 am and not getting back until around 10:00 pm because of driving class, and then having to do whatever in the house and then drag my ass to bed. I’m wiped. And then they want me to come into work later tonight so that I can restore the system because most of our test data got corrupted yesterday. *sighs* Hopefully I’ll be home by 10:00 tonight. Hopefully. Last night I was talking to my mom about the money, and I was so tired while looking for the ATM card that I felt like crying. *sighs* Lack of sleep makes me an evil evil person. And Corey assumes that it is something to do with him. *rolls eyes* Mercy, can’t I have an attitude without him thinking that it is a personal reflection on ‘us’??

Stay Jazzed

ZOOM Zoom zoom

To put it bluntly, this is a crazy crazy world we live in. I just got a pre-approved loan for 20,000 for a new car. Can you believe it?? This is one of the great advantages of living in a credit based society… and being a member of a credit union. And the scary part is that it was so easy. I applied online, *thinks* YESTERDAY!! And today I could walk into almost any dealership, slap down my pretty letter, and say “ I want that car there”. Of course, I wouldn’t be able to drive it anywhere… but still. *sighs* Now all I have to do is figure out how to get the car to my house, and get a parking spot for it. It can sit there until I get my license. *LOL* Lord have mercy…wait till I tell my mother. *laughs*
Based on my analysis, the cars I can get my hands on for a reasonable amount of money (under 18,000 leaving myself plenty of tag, title and…hmm tax space). Hmmm okay, tax on cars is only 5%, so that would leave me with a 18,900 car payment…but none of the cars I am aiming for cost over 18,000. I have the following choices… and I think I might get a new one… *shrugs* If I can afford it and get the warranty and the comfort of knowing it’s new… I’ll do my own crying the first time I ding it. Anyhow… the cars are: (drum roll please!!!)

Honda Civic EX
Mazda Protege LX
Toyota Corolla
Volkswagen Golf GLS


Personally… I’m fighting tooth and nail against getting a Civic or a Corolla. If I SEE another one of those things on the road I’m gonna holler. Sooooo…..That leaves me with the Protégé and the Golf. As I don’t really want a hatchback, that leaves me with the Protégé, with I like anyhow. :) And I can get all the goodies that I want for under 17,000. WHOOO-hoooOO!!! I’m talking sunroof, CD player, pretty colors, cool wheels, maybe some fog lights, and a grand grand grand full coverage. *sighs* Who could ask for more? And I get to go around softly chanting “zoom zoom zoom”. And with the credit union prices, I will most liekly be only paying about 360.00 a month. Not too shabby... and with a car I can get a second job. :) zoom zoom zoom...

Ummm… nothing much else going on in my life. I am going to be leaving around 2 to go to the doctors and get checked (again) for nasty cells, as well as get a years worth (I think) of birth control pills. I am going to talk to the doctor about the whole suspending my period thing. I think that one period every three or four months would be okay. Only having one hideous PMS-y mood swing every couple of months would be lovely too.

I love my kitty. I need to take some new pictures of him cuz he is growing up so freaking FAST!! He almost looks like a cat now rather than a kitten. True, a very small cat, but a cat all the same. He doesn’t have the super sweet cute look any more. *sighs* There is one odd thing that he does though…when I am rubbing him and he reallllly get into it, not only does he do the whole kneading thing, he also likes to suck on a corner of the blanket (as I am almost ALWAYS under a blanket). It’s kinda cute, but scary at the same time… I guess it is rather like a kid sucking their thumb. *grins* I hope he doesn’t end up with bad teeth.

Stay Jazzed….

zoomzoomzoom……

Manic Wednesday

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! No OD?? There HAS to be OD. This is gonna be my last guaranteed OD day… how can it be down?? This is just totally unacceptable. I need my fix. *sighs* Or maybe it is just me… maybe the network is just screwy. Yeah yeah… it’s the network. *shivers*

Okay. I STILL haven’t talked to Cheffy. This is ridiculous. *shrugs* I’m really I’m reallly gonna hate leaving Gio alone for a whole week.. and I’m scared to think of the state my house is going to be in. I am going to get one of those extended waterers and leave a big ole pan of food out. *sighs* This sucks. This is one of those times that it would be good if I did have two cats… that way Gio wouldn’t be just totally bored, and he might not get too people shy. I’m also gonna leave the TV on…that should entertain him.

YAAYYY!! Okay. Now I have to stop and read…since OD is back.

Stay Jazzed

Recap

Welll… I finally have a chance to settle down and actually write an entry. This week has been rather hectic (work –wise) and as we all know that I don’t believe in getting on the computer at home (it’s just so inconvenient) I haven’t had a real chance to write. Now, most of the documentation is done, the system is going down at noon, and life is just generally laid back.
I’ve had a good week…full of work. I’ve been getting here early and actually WORKING until I wanted to leave… or until I ‘had’ to leave I should say…one of the ugly parts about riding the bus. I feel like OS much more of a valuable part of the team now, like I really can make a difference. :)
Ummm… what else? Personal life? *rolls eyes in utter disgust* Okay… I really don’t know WHAT the hell Cheffy is tripping on. Or even if he is tripping…but I am going to have to sit down with him and have another talk with him. *shrugs* I haven’t talked to him all week. I page him occasionally and leave a message…he doesn’t call me back. I can’t call him at home because… his phone still isn’t turned on. HE hasn’t called me in days. The last time he was at my house …Tuesday I think it was…he was in a stank mood, and thus I was in a stank mood too. *rolls eyes* The part that pisses me off the most is that he is being stank because I told him (no asking.. I TOLD him) that if he was going to treat my house as a second home, then I expected him to pay for it like it was his second home. I wasn’t asking for too much… and I wasn’t even asking him to pay part of the rent… all I was asking was that the stuff that he uses, he either replaces or gives me money for… in other words, don’t freaking use me. *shrugs* Yeah, it was partially my fault because I LET him do it in the first place… but… *rolls eyes* really… I’m NOT interested in adopting a child at this point in my life, and if he is going to sulk and act bitchy and distance himself from me because I ask him to do what he should have been doing anywaaaayyy… *shrugs* Fuck Him. I love the man to no end, but I will not be taken advantage of. And until this is clear, any kind of relationship that we have will be strained.
Anywayy.. on to more fun topics. I went to the mall downtown yesterday, and found out that the World of Discovery was going out of business. OF course, I had to go in there and go mad mad shopping… I ended up with two “make your own beaded hair decorations” kits, and a stress puzzle for the office. I’m gonna have fun with the bead kits… I have been itching to make some hair jewelry so I can decorate my locs. I don’t want to color them again, because I think the first time I colored them dried them out, and I have horrrid split ends that I am afraid to cut off. So I’m just going to do the whole sun-lightening thing, and some hair jewelry. I want to have some stuff created to match the outfits that I am taking to DC with me so I can have lovely coordinating jewelry. *grins* I am sooooo excited about this trip.
Gio is GROWING so fast. In the…has it been three weeks? Since I got him, he has lost a lot of that kittenish look. When he runs it isn’t the odd little rocking kitten run, but a more normal cat run. His tail isn’t half as attitudinal now, I guess it was just too short to hang down *LOL*. He still wakes me up at like 5:00am… but today he let me sleep. I really don’t want to take him to the kennel, but I am not going to rely on Cheffy to take care of my little precious. I hope he doesn’t get toooo mad at me. Giovanni that is.
*yawns* I’m sleepy, so I’m off to read more of Poppyseed’s diary (she a good one guys..a really great read… go and read!!!)

Stay Jazzed.

Weekends...

I had a lovely weekend… went out, spent money I didn’t have, FINALLY sent off my mother’s Mother’s Day/Birthday gift….slept.. washed clothes… took pictures… I just had a GRAND old time. Actually haven’t talked to Cheffy in a bit… I think he is sulking. *snorts* brat. Annnyyyywaaayyyy….I’m in a really good mood…expect for the fact that my underwear keep wanting to turn themselves into thongs. : ) TMI perhaps?? I guess that is a good sign though, cuz that means they are getting too big. YAAYYY!!! I’m also going to buy my ticket tomorrow *crosses fingers* I hope that it is not too toooo expensizze. *sighs* But I have GOT to get home an see my peoples…. I miss them so much. I need to call the dinky heads tonight and try to see what we can do… see how much we can get together. I am considering asking Papi if I can visit him… but that might be a bad idea. Humph. I want to pack light so that I can travel on my own…in fact I’m purposely flying into a particular airport so that I can catch the Metro from there.

Okay.. finally… after a LONG period of foot dragging… here are the lovely pictures of my sweet little demon kitty.


Artistic Giovanni

Annnnddd…


Sleepy Giovanni


Ain’t he lovely? Ain’t he cute?? Don’t you just wanna scoop him up and hug him and kiss him all over his fuzzy little face????

Well. I do! Even thought the fact that he sleeps on my hair tends to be vaguelllly annoying…. : )

Oh yeah!! I lost the harnesss that my coworker gave me (ain’t THAT a bitch?? ) on my way home from work, and so I went to the pet store and got a much smaller cheap one. He didn’t mind it at all… but I don’t really turst it because it only goes around his legs, not his neck. I KNOW how cats can wiggle, so I am going to go back and get the full harness thingy. *LOL* I’m gonna be walking a cat… can you believe it??

OH! While I was at the Arts Festival this weekend.. I SAW the Dream Orange color. It was the exact same color as the hot glass inside a glass furnace...which runs between 2100 and 3000 degrees.

Okay… I’m going to go and catch up on everybody that I missed cuz I was off on Friday…

Stay Jazzed.

Freeeeddoomm....

I’m FREEEEE!! Free at last free at Last!

No… I didn’t dump the darling (though THAT conversation will be touched on later) I just took my final for this class, and I am prettttyyy darn sure that I aced it. Or even if I didn’t ace it, I got the C that I need to pass! Free! Free! It’s odd, especially considering precisely how LITTLE work I did in that class… but I’m relived. Finally… I will really and truly have a B.S.

Speaking of BS (don’t you just LOOOVVVEE the segue) me and Cheffy had the ‘talk’ yesterday. *sighs* It’s rather hard to convince a person who is under the assumption that they ARE already doing the right thing that what they are doing is just NOT up to snuff. I think I got it through his remarkably thick head though. My quarters are off limits. The body wash he said he didn’t notice…which I find hard to believe considering it was like in the BACK of all my other shower stuff, with several other soaps in front of it… *rolls eyes*, the detergent is off limits, he said he will stop getting pay per view, and the phone is handled. Ugh. I am soooooo damn passive it’s aggravating. It get on my own nerves sometimes. And I guess it wouldn’t be as hard to talk about those kind of things if he was THERE when I noticed them.. but as he rarely is… I have to store up my bitching for the next time I see him. And usually the last thing I am thinking about is bitching *wiggles of eyebrows* anyhow. I don’t know. I’ll see how I feel about the ‘change’ in status. Ugh

I got a harness for the little kitty today. I figure since he likes to ‘explore’ so danngone much he might like to be able to go outside and wander about. One of my coworkers has a Irish setter (I think that is what it is... it’s a Toto) and she had gotten a harness for her, but it was too small.. so she gave it to me. Cool huh? All I have to get now is a leash…and convince Gio to wear it. Speaking of which. I still have not gotten the pictures from the place yet. I will post them tomorrow… I’m sure.

Speaking of tomorrow, I’m about to be off for a looonnng weekend. I’m taking Friday off (for no good reason) and ahhh.. it’s gonna be great. I don’t know what (if anything) I will do. I know right now all I want to do is go to sleep. *yyaaaawwwwwnnn*

Um. I think I’m leaving kind early today. *nods* Yup yup

Stay Jazzed

Double Vision

Well.. I hate it when I’m right. Cheffy didn’t come over. *sighs* Men. Anyway… I had the oddest dream about it last night. I dreamt that he sent me an email that said he was going home to take came of some business, and that when I wanted him to come back to give him a call. *sighs* I don’t know. He’s going north to visit his family this weekend…and I have a very much so not good feeling about this. *shrugs* I don’t know why...but…I’m worried. *sighs* I hope he doesn’t get into too much madness with his brother.

Anyway….Gio’s visit to the vet went well. He is a healthy little mite, except for the totally gross amount of ear mites he had…I’m surprised the poor baby could hear. He also got his shots, and got a blood test for feline leukemia. He’s allll healthy. And he doesn’t have fleas. They gave me some advantage to put on him, but I left him alone last night. Once we got home, he slept for like 4 hours. The vet said that he might have a low fever and that he would sleep a lot, so I wasn’t worried. He is such an adventurous little man…I definitely want to get him a harness and leash so that we can go out on walks and stuff. I’m sure he will love it. I’m slowly getting over the fact that he likes Cheffy more than me… *shrugs* I think it something in the way he smells. *grins* I think he slept on some of his clothes last night, as when I was looking for him this morning he came out of the second bedroom where Cheffy keeps some of his clothes looking all sleepy eyed. *sighs* Ah well.

I haven’t done a damn thing with my homework all week. Monday I was sick, Tuesday I was cleaning, Wednesday, I brought the computer home, but forgot the disk drive and thus could not get the stuff I had already started on, Thursday I was going to the vet, and that bring me to today. *siiigghs* And god knows I still don’t want to do it. But I’m gonna crank out something. I want to be done by Monday, so I can study for the final on Monday and Tuesday night. God I can’t wait to be DONE with this crap.

Blagh.



Yeech. I wrote almost a whole entry about my man and my cat.. and somehow it just felt like the biggest load of shit ever. Not saying that I’m not thrilled with both of them in my life, but dammit I act like that is it sometimes. Like who I am is spanned by cat, job, man, school. I’m sick of it myself, and I’m sick of writing about it. I miss writing about me, what I’m feeling and into. I know that my diary is going to vary a lot, sometimes it will be just a factual rendering of my life and other times it will be a deep examination of my navel (which I have never been able to do…examine my navel that is. My boobs are too big) and other times it will just be a random outpouring of Mercy knows WHAT.
I think that I am getting sick of myself. Makes no sense? I’m sick of me being ME. I’m tired of just being… so fucking nonchalant. UGH!!! Part of the reason that I started exercising was so that I could start a change within myself… start a shift some where. I’m tired of doing the some thing every day. But as te weather is getting better, I really don’t have an excuse to go home every day. *sighs* I’m tired of talking about it.

Blagh.

Jazzed.

Normal, Indiana

Well…. One downside of going mildly crazy is you freak your loving boyfriend out. I KNOW he thinks that I am absolutely crazy as I broke down crying for no real reason last night, then hopped out of bed and slept in the living room. I don’t know… he was just rubbing me all the wrong way last night…hmm.. actually for the past few days. *shrugs* I don’t know if it is just me that is moody or if he is getting the grumps too. I know he is having some family issues…but… I don’t know. I think we will have to sit down and have a nice little talk. It’s nothing major just little stuff that I see has the potential to blow up into big stuff. He is closing tonight which usually means that he is coming over, but as I freaked out last night he will most likely go home. *sighs* Men.

I’m perfectly fine today though. Start bleeding and everything goes right back to normal. In fact, I’m in a really good mood. *shakes head* So him seeing me capering around the house tra-la-la-ing this morning freaked him out even more. I need to figure out a way to explain what is going on to him that doesn’t sound like I am trying to cover up some issue that I have… which I think that he thinks I am doing. If that made any sense.

I spent most of today going to meetings, or online trying to gather and understand information about IRA’s so that I could send my mom the information. She is getting a nice little chunk of money from her old job and she wants to invest it for a nice little retirement fund. It was actually more fun and not quite as intricate as I had expected it to be. Of course, I didn’t really get into the whole mutual funds vs. stocks vs. bonds stuff that is really the ROOT of IRA’s, but I figure I will do that on my own later. I wouldn’t feel right advising her on that…I love my mommy too much to give her bad money advice. I wrote her a veeeerryy long email about it.
Humph… she should be glad that I helped her out at all after that taunting little email she sent me this morning because ‘my’ Pacers lost the first round playoffs to ‘her’ Sixers. IT was only one line…but a single line of internet laughter can sting!! *grins* She’s a meanie anyway.

I am hooked on the Italian Cream Sodas that the coffee place by my office makes. I work inside of a partially remodeled factory (actually the last half of the building is still a factory) and there is basically a full service coffee shop right across from the area that I work in. They make the BEST cream sodas, and in such a wide variety of flavors… I could most likely get a different flavor every other day and not repeat for over a month. *sighs* And they are cheap too… at least compared to my usual coffee shop fare. *shakes head* I am such a lush… I was just thinking of how GREAT this would be with a small shot of rum or real Ameretto in it. *grins* ummmmmmmmm

I’m taking Gio to get his shots today, and I am going to drop off the film too. One of my kitty loving co-workers was kind enough to bring me a kitty carrier that I can borrow, so I don’t have to worry about the silly kitty trying to run off. He most definitely likes Cheffy more than he likes me. Ain’t that nothing?? He slept with him last night… *siiiggghhhs* I’m not even going to delve into that. Hopefully I will have pictures of the little precious by Monday.
And he figured out what the box is for. I cleaned the spots where he had poo’ed very well with some non ammonial stuff so that he wouldn’t smell it and think that was the right place to go. It seems to have worked as he has been going in the box. I think it MIGHT be a little high for him, but as he is feeling like a big boy, I will let him.

I have decided that I am for sure going to DC/Philly over Memorial Day. If I don’t get out of this city at some point I will go batty. The tickets are only 150.00 round trip (right now) and I will either hitch a ride or catch the bus to go up to Philly. Hopefully the whole trip will be no more than 500.00…. which I really shouldn’t be spending… but dammit I miss my friends!!! *sighs* I have GOT to get a cheaper apartment.

*sighs* 2:15… another hour and 15 minutes to go…. Well… off to play games.


Stay Jazzed.