Work...

ay-yah, but I had a LOT of entries. I'm still missing the wedding diary, and the sex diary - I THINK they might be on the iPod, or on the desktop - I'll check the ipod at work tomorrow. Anyhow - I've got most periods from 98-07 covered (9 years!) so, I'm more or less happy.

Now, I just need to figure out how to download from blogger - I've actually got everything in roughly correct chronological order - I'm really not trying to lose all this work!

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In more up to date news, we worked on the yard yesterday - moved 5 bushes, I think it was altogether? I still neeed to work on the dirt around the bushes - insure that they will have enough dirt to get nutrients from. We did that for most of the daylight hours, and then went camping during the evening - I'm REALLY loving camping out - last night might be the last night we can do it this year (which really, is fair - it IS almost the end of the year) and we are just getting better and better at it each time.

I haven't touched my hair - I put a DC on dry hair in on Friday, and haven't touched it since. Once I finish this post, I'm actually going to get up and braid/wash it - it's almost 10pm, and I haven't had dinner yet (I was trying to wait for C to get home) and I'm getting sleepy.

I wanted to get through the last of my saved off diary, though.

Hrrm, I wonder if I had a wedding folder?

Possibily.

Friday

My definitely, no shadow of a doubt, most favoritist day of the week. An expanse of free time (at home, none the less) stretches out in front of me..... and almost everytime, I make a huge list of stuff that I would like to get done, and usually doesn't.

Doesn't mean I'll stop making the lists, though.

I want to....

...refile/file the papers that are starting to take over the computer room (but that would involve cleaning out the closet that the litterbox/catfood bowl is in, and I'm not ready for that. For fucks sake, there is still catfood in his bowl)

...clean the bathroom (that might actually get done - I want to try out some of the biosafe cleaners I got - the laundry detergent rocks, thus far)

...take down the tent (it should be dry by now) and deflate the air matteress (likewise, should be dry)

...clean all the random junky shit from in front of the house/garage to the junk pile.

Otherwise, there will be sleeping - reading (I plan on finally getting into Nourishing Traditions!) and general layaboutedness. Actually, I think C is working all weekend, so I MIGHT actually get a little more stuff done than I do when he's home.

I want to find a cheaper substitute for the 'no-cut' cutting boards that I can use. I cringe at the thought of spending 40 odd bucks on a TINY cutting board - that just seems insane to me. I suppose I could use the cardboard one - but I think that repeatedly cutting through paper like that will dull the blade of the rotary cutter. I was thinking of a HUGE white board from the thrift store might work (I could even make lines on it) but I don't know. Those rotary cutters are SHARP - but I really think that'll be the only way I'll be able to cut fabric STRAIGHT. *sigh*

Only an hour left. If I had a book in my car, it would be less than that - I could escape and chill between now and the accupunturists appt.

Hrm, maybe I'll play some Cake Mania instead.

Differences....

It's funny - after I posted that last entry, I realized just how superficial I've become when it comes to journaling - I mean, really? Camping? *laugh* Okay, not to say that the time I spend with C isn't infinitely valuable and worth writing about, but really - there is more going on in my head than just grocery lists of what I'm doing from day to day. That's a calendar, not a journal.

Anyhow, I suppose I'll get into something interesting, eventually. I still need to finish transferring all my other words here, too. Ah, that might be a nice way to muddle through the rest of the day.

---

Still not pregnant - about to start my period in fact. I had a tiny little vein show up on the TP yesterday afternoon, and when I checked CP today, there were little gobs of blood there. They remind me of the little 'sections' in citrus - I don't know what they are called - the tiny nobules that actually form the fruit? Like that.

I'll be able to take the Fertell test, too - if I start good and 'light' today, I'll mark today as CD1, and Thursday would be CD3 - the new moon, how appropiate. Maybe that's a good omen, that the moon will be waxing then.

It's officially past the six month point, now, and it's almost to six cycles. It's interesting how my attitude about TTC'ing has changed. I still think that a LOT of women go a little crazy - but I can see how easy it is. I mean - my mind slams shut the door that even murmurs that we might never have children - it's just - not in my mental view right now. We have a good way to go before that door should even be approached - it's the dark at the end of the tunnel, for me.

---

Ugh. Coworkers are getting flu shots enmasse - *headshake* I don't even bother commenting - pumping themselves full of all that crap before the season even STARTS and they know what strain is going to be a problem is SO freaking pointless. I think vaccines are the modern day equivalent of raindances to the Gods of Health - when they work, it's all 'Seeee!!' and when they don't (or when they kill) it's all convientently something/someone/God's fault. (The other god, not the medigods). Whatever, man, seriously. *makes a note to get some Echinea tea* What? I can still dance my own dance in my own way, I'm just saying, taking posion shots straight to the bloodstream just ain't MY way.

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So, I've finally given up on getting the cheaper/clearanced treadmill - and Sears finally took it off of its site, so I'm satisifed in my determination to wait. I just ordered another one - but it won't be delivered until the 27th, because it won't be available to deliver this weekend, and next weeked is FOS and I don't know if C will be home, so it'll be the weekend AFTER that. Hopefully, that'll give me enough time to clean all the JUNK from in front of the garage (I swear, if people were judged by the outside of their house, we are SUCH slobs. Okay, fine, the inside too, but I'm just SAYING!) and pull it to the junk pile in the back of the house. It'll still be there, but it'll look nicer.
I might try to go to Sears and get a TV for in there too - I need to start doing my Qi Jong every morning - oh, and we're going to need a small heater, too. I think that'll just about wrap up the stuff we need for the gym.

---

I still need to gather my thoughts together on the life change that's opened up in front of me - I'm not sure how to explain it to myself, much less make others understand what I'm thinking.

Hrm. More later, I'm sure.

Weekends....

Last weekend and this weekend, C has had off, and it's been fabulous - we've spent so MUCH lesiurely time together - reading, talking, playing games - time when we aren't either just waking up or wiped from a full day of work.
I've really missed having this sort of time with him.

We are going to camp out in the backyard tonight - hot dogs, cheese & crackers, and smores - plus sake. *laugh* we have to be ourselves, camping or not. There's also boing to be music, and reading.....all in the comforts of our backyard.

He mowed part of the grass, and I made the store run - forgot to get extra ice, but we aren't traveling that far.

We are supposed to be installing ceiling fans this weekend too - hopefully we'll get at least one done tomorrow.

I need to get up and henna my hair at some point, before I go out there - for once, I won't have to worry about staining the bed....

Shit & Sunshine

I always start by saying I don't have much to say, and then ramble on for three or four screens, so...I'mma be honest with myself and you and say I don't know what the hell I'm gonna say, but the fingers felt like typing.

Let's see.

My cat died. Mauled by a dog, apparently. Thank all the heavens, C found him while I was out of town as I might have plain out lost my mind. With the wee bit of distance NOT discovering him provides, I just leak occasionally.

 

I'm ever so glad I decided to play with my camera a few months ago and get some semi-good pictures of him. *tear* I'mma miss my furry little fatboy.

There. That's the misery out of the way.

Can you BELIEVE it's almost SEPTEMBER? *goggles* Holy shit, seriously, what happened to the year? I can feel fall peeking around the corner - the morning sunlight is - different. And the birds are starting to flock. And praise all that is holy, the mosquitos are starting to be a little LESS - biting.

I'm still vaugely irked at the assholes of the world, but I've been - withdrawing - in general, lately. I suspect I'm sliding gently into one of my 'fuck the world' phases (slowly, says she) and I'm quite alright with it. Or, maybe just one of my Screw you guys, I'm going offline moments. Yes... that might be more accurate.

Still not pregnant. Roughly five months, the start of roughly my fifth cycle (3rd, really, as the last one and one at the start of spring were annovulatory). I'm still decidedly dragging my feet about seeing a doctor, because, well, I don't want a doctor involved. *shrug* I've got an accupunturist appt. on Friday, and they have a TCM practioner there too. Yeah, I'll drink a nasty ass mixture of herbs and berries before I'll pop a pill. What can I say, I've become much more - fuck the system - lately.
Okay, not quite fuck the system, but I question EVERYTHING. I'm a doubtful, doubtful, downright suspicious Nellie.....and - I don't know. I'm listening to myself, and there is no fear just DEEP aversion.

Still gainfully employed. *pullshairgently* Speaking of which, my hair is doing wonderful, amazing, fabulous things - I need to pull out my camera and take a picture before it gets all muddled up again. It's growing like a weed, it is, and has gotten amazingly thicker, as well.

C is still working at the same place! Almost 9 months! It won't truly be a record til he breaks 2 years though, and he's already starting to get restless. *bangs head against wall* There are oftentimes - many times - that I wonder if me not being pregnant yet is a good thing.

But I was told to stop sending mixed bloody messages.

But I don't know how to accept it, and to accept that there ain't no good reason for it. I mean..... *sigh* I do try to force everything into something logical. *snort* You would think, 20 odd plus years of being on this planet, I would have grapsed the utter futility of that in certain situations. You WOULD think.

House is still wonderful, though the back half is starting to turn into a jungle. Garden finally gave up the ghost - I had a realllly crappy dirt mix. *sigh* But, each year is a lesson learned, and thank all the heavens that we aren't RELYING on it yet.

Hrm. What else?

I'm taking (asslaggingdragging, more accurately) a Homeopathy 101 course. I suck, as I jsut got the books over the weekend. I'm also still going to First Realm class, which had a high point in usefulness a few weeks ago, and since then have just been - blech. *shrug* It's okay though, as I'm not certain what I supposed to be learning, so whatever I'm learning is good enough. My shrine has been sadly, sadly, sadly neglected.
I'm a very bad little pagan. Or am I? What is the judgement of a good/bad pagan, as there are no books of dogma, and even if there were, they most likely wouldn't apply to my path.
At least I was wise enough to stay away from opened statues.
Gaaahd, I can't wait to quit.

Long weekend! I am 'working from home' on Friday, since my appt. is early in the day, then a friend is coming a visiting (must run that past the boy, and get him to help me with the futon), and then Monday is a holiday AND I took Tuesday off too, cuz I fucking rock like dat.

Only leaves me 3 days (I think) left for the rest of the year, but *shrug* whatever.

Haven't done a blessed bloody thing in the house for a while - we need to come to a consensus on whether the kitchen is 'done' - if so, I have many bottles to wash and rearrange. And why do boys think that 'cleaning' a room leaves room for dirty shit still left piled up in the corner of the room? A clean kitchen means CLEAN - not one with all the bloody pots & pans and other icky stuff your dainty fingers are far too fragile to wash still left heaped on the counter. That. Isn't. CLEAN. I'm far too tempted to throw many of them out. Faaaarrr too tempted.

I need to be sewing. And painting. And installing. And leveling. And weeding. And other useful type shit around the house, but instead I go home, pop right back online (I'm trying to catch up on a yahoogroup with 41K+ posts - from the START) and read and absorb and relax, somewhat. Or sleep. Oh, sleep is SO wonderful - esp. when it's hot.

Hrm.

I think my brain has run out of random things to spew. I'm averaging about 3 times a month now, eh?

I try to visit almost daily, but I'm about as crappy of a noter as I am a poster.

I am the Batman! *whirls cape and vanishes dramatically*

Hooooooooottttttttttttttt.

Hot. I mean, ohmigods, I love the heat, but this shit is INSANE. It wasn't this hot last year, was it? *fans self* HOT. I'm still learning the proper airflow procedures to keep our house as cool as possible with a mere two window units in 2300 sq ft. So far, I haven't done too badly.

Still. 107 degrees at 5pm? *faint* Just, MEAN.

Work can still fuckoff, though I did get a chance to express some repressed frustration yesterday, and I don't have the pointless meeting today that I thought I did, and I researched, solved, and fixed a problem, so over all, it's been a good day.

Still not pregnant.

C is still loving his job - though he is short a couple of people - hey! If there is anyone in the Memphis area who can pass a background check (you'd be suprised......) he seriously needs a good dishwasher, and possibly a line cook - but because he's short, he's been working his ass off, and he doesn't do well in mild heat, so poor baby.

Oooh, I should go home and make a smoothie tonight. I think we still have some soymilk in the house.

Hrm. I think a quick survey will wrap this up nicely.

1. Which article of clothing do you wish you had one more of?
Urm - the delightful tube dress I bought a little while ago. It's perfectly comfortable, actually floor length (okay, when I wear it as a skirt) and I think it would be wonderful maternity wear. Yes, I've added a new criteria to clothing I buy, and what?

2. What is your favorite thing to go shopping for?
Books, definitely.

3. What is your favorite meal to cook?
Spaghetti, suprisingly enough. It's easy, quick, defuckinglicious, and is great as leftovers.

4. Who was your favorite teacher ever?
Mrs. Kegler - she was my english teacher, and damn she was hard. But she challenged us, and made us read, and I love her for that.

5. Did you ever win any awards in school? Details, please
Urm, honor roll? A couple of best improved's my first year - mainly in math, as that was the only thing I sucked on....oh, man I won a lot of awards in high school.

6. If you could only listen to one CD for the next year, what would it be (Mix CD's you made on your computer DO NOT count)?
Dido - No Angel

7. Have you ever involved small woodland animals in your sex life?
No. Have they ever involved themselves? Yes. And no, I'm not sharing - let just say camping and deciding that now is a good time to experiment with food is NOT a good combo.

8. What's the best legal way to make a whole lot of money and do very little workBe born to the Hilton's?

9. What celebrity would make you speechless if you met them?
Urm, I don't know. I'm often inappropiately exurberant, so I don't think I would be speechless, at all.

10. What TV show do you watch and think, "Geez, this is lame. But I sure do watch it a lot."?
Hrm - none that I can think of, actually. I'm addicted to the Science Channel, anyhow.

11. Which TV family would you most want to be a member of and why?
Roseanne's.

12. What song always makes you want to dance?
Hey Ya - OutKast

13. What do you do about a hangover?
Drink lots of water, eat greasy food, and a small bit of the hair of the dog that bit me.

14. Have you ever played "Guitar Hero"? Are you any good?
Nope - it's on the Wii, right?

15. Indiana Jones or Han Solo?
Definitely Indiana Jones!!

16. Alex P. Keaton or Marty McFly?
Ew, and ew?

17. Rocky or Rambo? Oh, god, Rambo. At least he's quasi-understandable. 18. Do you think you drive safely? Besides the speeding? Yes.

19. When is the last time you went to the zoo? Oh man, it's been a LONG time.

20. How old is too old for myspace?
Dead?

21. Will you visit duped again and tell him you did this survey?
Who? Where? What? I swiped this one while surfing the OD on random...

22. How many times a day do you think about sex?
2, on a good day?

23. If you wrote a book, who would you ask to write the foreward?
No clue - depends on the book.

24. 50 Cent or The Game?
Definitely Fiddy.

25. Poison or Motley Crue?
Who?

26. Do you know what a palindrome is? Give me an example.
Yes..... urm...... I can't think of one. LOL

27. Have you noticed that most eyewitnesses on the local news are "local yokels"? Why can't they ever find someone well spoken?
Because the well spoken people were smart enough to get the fuck out of dodge before the media shows up.

28. What do you want for your next birthday?
Swollen legs, nausea, and a wee parasite? KThanx!

29. Why don't they show Bugs Bunny on network TV on Saturday morning anymore?
Because despite all appearances, Bugs Bunny is NOT for kids. I love Boomerang.

30. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a kid?
Bugs Bunny, but of course. :lol

Life

I feel like I should write. Not for you guys (though I'm certain you're hanging on my every word), but for me.

I feel like I should be taking pictures and singing in the rain and dancing for no apparent reason - like I should be doing these things, you must understand, not that I want to.

I don't want to be at work - only 48 minutes left, and I don't want to come back tomorrow, despite work having been - well, for the job that it is, it's been pretty darn sweet.

My life is dull, I think. It's wonderful and it's peaceful and it's lovely and it's occasionally (more frequently than I would like to admit) lonely, but - in general - it's dull.

No. Dull isn't the right word. It's dull like the ocean on a still day. It's dull like a perfectly cloudless sky. It's dull like a dead tree, carved and sharpened by sand.

The little things perk me up - like C bringing home meatloaf, or finding the perfect pair of earrings or hearing my favorite song.

And it's not like it's a rut either. And for once, I can say it's definitely not limbo.....it's just my life. And perhaps I've gotten to used to it - but I not (looking around for the tricksy hand of the gods) ASKING for it to be shook up, just to be clear. A wee shake-up would be very nice, and much appreciated, though.

I'm going to get a tattoo this weekend, I think.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but I realized (in one of those melodramatic flashes of insight), that I'm unbalanced - tattoo wise, and being wise. I - I can't walk that delicate middle line - social, but not to social, open but not too open, wise but not a smartass, silly but focused, eager but cautious. And I want to walk that line - I'm not asking for it to be easy - but I would like to feel a bit less like a drunken sailor.

Anyhow. The only tattoo I have right now is fire.... and to balance it, I'm going to get three more - water, earth, and air. Water is going to be my next one - perfectly balancing fire (which is on my right hip) by being on my left hip. After that, I suspect me & C might finally get our 'matching' tatts, if I can ever finish designing them.

Then Earth, low on my back, right over my spine. Then Air, on my shoulders.

I don't know how long it will take me, but I know it feels enourmously right. I got fire first, oh so many moons ago, because I felt like I lacked passion. I've learned, over that time, that I don't lack in passion in the least - I just wasn't trying to bring my passion to bear on the RIGHT things. Now, I feel like I'm ready to accentuate ALL of my aspects.

My hair, she is growing.

My ass, is shockingly enough, staying the same damn size (too large) without me fighting to keep it there. Even MORE relieivingly, my 'stable' weight is ten pounds LESS than it used to be. Go figure. We have almost finished putting together the fitness room - I need to order another packages of matting, and we need some fans and an A/C unit, and then I can start working on reducing the size of my ass.

My garden, she is growing like wild things - the cukes and the pumpkins are plotting on how to take over the world, the sunflowers are taller than me, the strawberries are finally producing (though, I don't think I like them, and might buy a new strain next year) the peppers are moving slow, and all of the tomatoes I PLANTED flipped me the bird - but a volunteer from LAST year showed up. It is green, and glorious, and dear god, I'm never going to want to eat another cucumber again.

(left side is pumpkins, right side is cukes). At least I can freeze pumpkin puree.

C is doing wonderfully, working his ass off and his heart out and really making that hotel BETTER. And he loves every minute of it. We've been together for almost seven years, and it feels like barely the blink of an eye. We still ain't perfect, but I never even pictured we would be this close to it.

The FatCat is still ruling the roost - though we think he encountered a snake a while ago, as he was skittish as all get out - he damn near levitated when I shifted the hose suddenly, and he's met a dog (and learned that the tops of cars are wonderful places to hide, much to C's dismay) but he still thinks he's the shit. And of sweet heavens, he's shedding like a..... like a.... like a double coated cat in 90+ degrees temps who spends equal amounts of time outside and in an unairconditioned house, and if I ever get into the yarn/spinning thing, I could totally make a sweater. A full body sweater.

The house... well. This has been the last thing we've worked on.

Going from this:

to this:

One thousand, four hunded, and twenty, if you were wondering how many books there were. And I still need/want/crave/desire more. I've come out of the book dragon closet, and I'm proud, dammit.

So. See? It's life. It's quiet, and peaceful, and comfortable and calm, and as much as I dance on the edge of wanting a sudden squall to sweep there - I'm happy - really happy - as it is.

How YOU doin'???

She's ALIVE!!!!

Yes, I haven't suffered an untimely demise.

In fact, I'm just fine.

Work, is workly.

House, is WUNDERBAR. Here, this is a bit of what we've been up to. This transformation took about, oh, 8 MONTHS, but still - it looks quite nice, if I do say so myself.

And can I say that BigLots is my personal home decor store of choice? That place ROCKS.

The garden is going along - all that stuff (when I update) is on the dirtydirty MySpace blog - link to that is on the front page.

Urm.

I've realized that I write VERY few FO entries, and my favorites list is crazy long, so I think I'm going to have to pare it down... that's one of the reasons that I come here so rarely - I'm scared of all them there updates.

But really I don't read em all.

Um.

I think that's it.

I might redecorate later.

I havent' been chatty journal wise, cuz I've been SO chatty forumwise. I *heart* my forums.

Oh, yeah - my little experiment. So far? My worst has been 37 miles per gallon. Right now, I'm shooting for 40, I think - I've got half a tank left, and 220 miles on the trip meter. Mwuahahahaaaaa! Take that, Prius!

What's Growing On?

I haven't posted for a while about the garden - not much has been going on. I've got LOTS of stuff sprouted now, and I've been watering once a day/every other day - assuming it's not going to rain, that is.

I stayed home today waiting for our counters to be installed - so I spent some time out there, thinning the Skyscraper sunflowers, and spraying the garden with Kiya's Crunchy Food & Pesticide Mix... I need another sprayer doohickey ALREADY! The one I have now sends more water back onto me than it does into the container, and the mix ratio doesn't seem to be right. I think leaving it out in the freeze cracked something. Oops.

Anyhow - pictures!

First - my little friend who was hidden SOMEWHERE in the strawberry patch. I went over to look at my strawberries (which have COMPELTELY recovered, by the way!) and he came hopping out. He was a bigun, too!

 

Look at how big he is compared to my GORGEOUS strawberries? I love the little red edging around the leaves. I hope that's not a BAD thing.  

 

In the same box, we have two kinds of lettuce, the sunflowers across the front, onions, marigolds, and spinach. The last three are still pretty spindly.

This box seems to be doing the best - I'm not sure if it's the screening that I put up for the strawberries shading the soil, the mix of clay/sand that's in there from the dirt in the old bed, or what.  I'm kinda kicking myself for using JUST compost and peatmoss in my boxes - I'm wondering if it's got enough nutrients in it.

I need to start digging out more lettuce seed, as it's high time that I sow some more - I might try it in one of the beds that's kinda *waggles hand* Eh.

Okay - in the next bed, we have the two kinds of green beans. I suspect the first picture is of the heat resistant ones, as they are doing much better than the others. I'm going to thin the threesome down to two, once I can clearly see which two are strongest. Right now, they are all growing beautifully.

 

 

The cukes are looking pretty good too.

There's other stuff in this box, but none of them have moved as impressively as these. I haven't seen a peep from the cauliflower, and the brussels and brocolli are looking kinda weak too - I think it might have gotten too hot for them already. If I don't see anything serious from them in two weeks, I'm going to write them off as a VERY early spring/fall crop.

 

The next box has the 'runners' in it - pumpkin:

 

Squash:

And watermelon!

 

I'm finally getting a WEE peep out of my tomatoes - well, at least I HOPE these are tomatoes, and not a random windborn weed. But I don't think a weed would be quite so organzied.

I think that the peppers are starting to break too, but I'm not sure....no picture yet. This box looks - it looks like it has the potential to get really full, really quick. I tried to plant the runners in the middle, so that I can run them BETWEEN the other taller plants, and if need be, (and they get that big!) I can run them OUTSIDE the box too. Mwauauahaha. And the peppers and tomatoes are going to be trellised (I need to start thinking about that soon) so, that'll free up a little more ground space.

 

Lastly, the flower bed.

The morning glories appear to be rather snackable to SOMEONE. Hurmph.

And the sunflowers are, as usual, doing wonderfully. These are the ones I thinned  - also the ones that make me worry the most about nutrients. The peppers looked a LITTLE yellow I thought, but the sunflowers have several yelllowish lower leaves. I know they are VERY thirsty plants, so I'm hoping it's just low moisture right now, and be sure to triple water them every time I water.

 

I'm going to get back on a STRICT every day watering schedule, and I'm trying to talk myself into waking up a little earlier, so that I can go outside and water BEFORE I go to work, so that they are good and moist during prime sun time. *sigh* I know it's for the best, but ICK.

I figure, between regular watering and the lovely food I gave em today, things should improve.

Notes for next year - get screening for ALL the boxes when going right into the ground in late spring. Early spring (ie, Feb) not so much. Late Spring (ie late March/early April) definitely. Also - go with all heat resistant - hopefully by the end of this year, I'll have figured out enough to feel comfy in buying some full price heirloom seeds. Also, next year, I'm going for some fruit trees.

 

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In other delightfully domestic news - no, the countertops did NOT get installed.

Well, one did. *lol*

The longer ones (around the sink) were MISMEASURED. *asplode* *sigh* So, it was too short, and they have to come back Wednesday. Thankfully, I'm salaried, and take any chance possible to escape from work, so I don't mind TOO much - but still! Dammit! I want my countertops!

Once nice perk - they put in the lift BEFORE they realized that the counters were too short, so we will still be able to install the dishwasher!! They also installed our gorgeous new faucet, so whoohoo! *sigh* I was so hoping that Sunday would be the last time I had to wash dishes. *LOL*

Murph.

Stuff & Nonsense

*brushes off dust forlornly*

Urm. Lately, I've been starting all my entries about how I have nothing to write, but I think the scarcity of my entries has been testament enough to that.

*shrugs*

There ain't much new going on. We are still working on the house  - C mowed the grass for the first time yesterday, and it looks FABULOUS - he did a really good job. Our new countertops are coming in on TUESDAY *happy dance*, and once they are in, the kitchen will be DONE - hopefully we will finish the painting around the same time.

My garden is doing WONDERFULLY - It's so cool seeing the little green things come popping out of the ground - and the strawberries are coming back! I saw my first flower when I got home Sunday.

I had fun over the weekend - out in the woods, playing with the pagan women - such wonderous fun! Two of the main women I wanted to see couldn't come (boohoo) and I need to stop being a crappy friend and pick up the phone and call them. I made a confession, over the weekend, to the local women who I don't get in/stay in touch with - it's not that I don't WANT to spend time - I jsut feel - intrusive - like I'm stepping into their life and taking up time that they might wish to use to do something else, but politeness bars them from that. Yes, I'm mildly terrified of 'proper' social interactions, because when it comes to that sort of thing - I'm - I'm vaguely uncertain of how to act. My friends are usually like family - and there are certain 'rules' with family - more comfort, more of a leeway - but with newish friends, who aren't quite family, but who you want to be more than mere accquaintences? I don't know how to purposely bridge that gap - and balance my natural intoversion/shyness. But - at least I put that admission out there, so that - it's - clearer. Hopefully.

Another very sweet thing from the weekend - I finally busted out my sewing machine, and sewed a robe (that I wore all of once, but it tis okay). I REALLY want an accessory kit - I need the other presserfoots, etc, etc. Hrm. I think a trip to eBay is in order.

Speaking of eBay - I'm doing new decorative things to myself! *laugh* I picked this up from one of the hair forums, but I'm going to stretch my ears. So far, I've gone from pierced to 12g in the first hole, and pierced to 14g in the second hole. I'm pretty sure I want to go to 6g in the front - because the jewelry you can get - oh me god! It's not CHEAP like the stuff I've been buying, but it's gorgeous and handmade and UNIQUE and it's not something you see much of round these here parts.....so I've been having eBay type fun getting cheap earring to get me to the right size, and then I'll be able to get pretty/expensive ones that I'll be keeping.

I played hooky from work yesterday - I 'worked from home' and it rocked! We really need to get me knocked up so I can have a firm deadline of getting the brightsunshinyhell out of this place.

And dammit, now I must go work, so any further trains of thought will be late getting to the station.

Thumb.

What's the saying? Stick out like a sore thumb? Something like that?

Yeah. That's how I've been feeling in my real world life - esp. at work - more and more. I feel like there is NOTHING here that is really me - nothing here that I do at work that is authentic (and actually work related. The online stuff doesn't count.)

I don't talk to my coworkers, I don't talk to my boss, I come to work, I eat lunch alone, I do the little bit of work that I have to do, and I go home - where my real life begins.

I started with this - that little black area in the bottom corner is the garden bed from last year - the one with the transplanted strawberries, and the one lovely sprig of quince.  

Then I built these.

And then, two days, 600 pounds of compost and peat moss, some REALLY messed up cuticles, 20 something bags of seeds, a couple of feet of yarn, and about 40 pounds of sweat later -  I ended up with this...

The screens are protecting the once AGAIN transplanted strawberries from the sun, as I wanted to move the old bed and resize it. I was suprised to find, as I moved the berries, that I had *thinks* seven? plants that survived from last year - I thought it was just one or two plants that had spread a lot.

I'm doing square foot gardening, and I'm growing a SHITEload of stuff.

This is my life.

My home.

My loves -

That stuff up there - that's what really matters to me. And more and more, it's getting harder and harder to pull myself away, to go to a job that I hate with people that I'm getting closer to downright despising, to earn the money that's still (but much less than before) needed to keep that stuff up there going. In fact if it wasn't for that stuff up there, I would have been out of here a long time ago.

I'm not bitter or anything, I'm just achingly homesick.

And I've only been away from home for 4 hours.

ETA: And I'm about to go back! Good Friday, INDEED!

*happy dance*

About a month or so ago, in a fit of hopeful anticipation, I requested this Friday and Monday off, so that ya know - in CASE TheBoy actually wasn't working, we would be able to go someplace - nothing too fancy... we were thinking of jsut riding down to Tunica, getting a hotel room and a massage, and relaxing.

But. Since Mr.Man is not only the Exec, but also the Iterim F&B Manager, and his 'sous' chef does stupid shit like buying Velveeta for a cheese platter when they have an entire fridge full of cheese (Doh!), he's going to be at work for most of the weekend. We ARE still going out to dinner - and he actually made the reservations, which REALLY makes me feel special, as I'm usually the one to do that. Ahhh, love.

Now, a normal type girl would be - a little down maybe - that an aniversary wouldn't be celebrated with a big shindig. Me, though? I'm kinda stoked. For two reasons.

1) We aren't spending money- even the dinner is mostly free. Yeah, I'm THAT cheap.
2) It gives me a 4 day weekend! With no plans!!

I could hang out with the SG folx - they have bowling Saturday night, and then a Looney Tunes rit on Sunday, but I'm not.

Instead - I'm going to set up the garden!! I have to empty the car of all the HDespot crap that I've been carting around all week (what? I haven't felt like unloading the car! ) to make room for MORE home despot crap.

So far - these are my plans for the Four Day Weekend.

1) Set up the Garden. This includes making the raised beds, tilling/ripping the last bit of greenery still alive under the carpet and leveling the ground a little, setting up the beds, and filling them with dirt and compost. If I'm feeling REALLY froggy, I'll try to plant some seeds, too.

2) Install at least ONE ceiling fan. We got four (replacing all of the fans in the house, and that's what's been rattling around the 'trunk' all week), but I think that the one in the bedroom is the most important, as Mr. Hotblooded decided to turn on the upstairs A/C last night. Dude! It's really NOT that hot - but without air circulation, it gets purty darn warm upstairs.

3) Give myself extensions. I've been saying that I'm going to put in yarn twists for MONTHS - but I was waiting til all the red was out of my hair. It's all out - and I don't know the next time I'll have a really FREE weekend (where I can be at home allllll weekend) so, I'm going to at least TRY.

*happy dance*twirling*singing*breaks out into a musical routine*

So.

I plan on taking LOTS of pictures, so I can record the hard HARD work I'm about to put in tomorrow. I'm actually kinda hoping that it rains, as the rain keeps down the squeeters, and makes the dirt softer.

Anything in particular ya'll wanna see pictures of?

Woot! Time to go - have a lovely weekend, ya'll!

Keepin on...

I keep coming here to write something - anything - and I just keep falling flat. I stare, and I think, and it's like - everything bubbling into my head is just - pfft.

Tomorrow is March 1st (also known as Burn the Condoms Day), so that's one big thing on my mind.

I'm in love with my car (and I'm a neglectful new car owner that I STILL haven't taken piccies - tomorrow is DITL though, so I'll be sure to snap a few then).

I still am bored brainless by my job.

I'm feeling guilt because the kitchen is STILL not done and the garden hasn't even been STARTED.

Actually, I'm feeling pretty guilty about a LOT of stuff that I want to do and haven't started/have started a dropped/am consiously ignoring.

I need new shoes, and new clothes, and I don't want to spend money.

I don't know. I'm restless, unsettled, bestirred, and a little reserved, and so instead of 'real' entries, you'll have to forgive me if the best I can do is random surveys.

I'm trying to note (after a huge purging of my faves that still isn't complete), but....

I suck. That's one thing I'm consistently good at. *lol*

Here, there, everywhere.

Okay, so, I'm still alive, I've just been balls to the wall busy - or distracted by other internet pretties - the only thing better than internet is NEW internet, ya know??

So - in the last - however long it's been since I've posted I've

1) Doula'd for my first client - who ended up with a section because she entered labor a) exhausted and b) dehydrated. *sigh* But - her little one has joined us, and it was a rocking experience (despite not getting my birth high) but it has me questioning whether I really WANT to get certified.....

2) Finally - FINALLY - got my Car. I haven't taken any picture yet, as it's been too damn bloody cold to stand outside and take pictures, but I have her, and she is wonderful.

3) Spent an unGODLY amount of money for C's birthday (and got a little something for myself too)

4) Spent far more time than was REALLY needed in my lovely bed. The pictures simply don't do it justice.

I've been trying to keep up - but I know I've been slacking. I miss ya'll! I think I'm almost out of the honeymoon with my new timespending sites, so I'll be around MUCH more often.

Heh.

*smooches*

The Delights of home.....

So, FINALLLY. After - oh, months - seriously - like two months, our bed is finally done. The headboard is recovered, the platform is built, the mattress is here, the memory foam matress pad is here, we have duvet covers and sheets and pillows and the 'down' comfortor we've had for at least a year and.....

It's FABULOUS. Oh my god. seriously, yall - climbing into that bed is an orgasmic experience - even if I'm climbing in alone. It STILL takes up 90% - okay, okay, 85%, of our bedroom, but you know what? I. Don't. CARE.

This is the headboard I recovered in black 'leather'. It was orignally a pale brown microfiber, that me & C both knew would get INSTANTLY dirty, so - we wanted leather. It was actually MUCH easier than I thought it would be to cover it - even the corners didn't give me TOO much of a problem.

These are the hot little nightstands that light up (we have nightstands! Real ones, not ones made out of a stack of books and a milk crate!) That's my light stand, with my marvelous sunlight alarm clock, a good book, and my thermometer....

So - FINALLY - there's our bedroom/bedset. I forgot to take pictures of the anteroom (which isn't finished yet, anyhow) so I'll do those - later.

Thoughts on a cloudy Sunday

So.... I've been awake for far too long - esp. on a Sunday.

It's been a busy weekend. On Friday, me & the Boy went to Sears and finally - FINALLY - got a king sized matteress!! So - next weekend, we will actually (and finally) have our bedroom set all put together. We actually kinda went on a wee shopping spree, as we also stopped at the BedBath& Beyond at Wolfchase (only because they had the huge ass 'Clearance Sale' sign on the front of the store) and scored 3 king-sized duvet sets for 25 bucks each - 300 count thread, 100% cotton. SCORE. I mean - SCOOOORRRREEE!!! Dude - I love saving money. 

We also went to Barnes & Noble, and had a good lil bit of fun there - I married a man who loves books ALMOST as much as I do - it was funny watching us negotiate how much we would spend on books - we ended up more or less walking out with all the books that we wanted, but we were happy. We RARELY (like, maybe twice a year) buy brand new books. I buy books from the Thrift on a regular - but actually going into a store and picking up a book that came out in the last year or so? Such a treat - *grins* we were downright GIDDY. 

URm. So - Saturday. I went back to Sears to get 10% off of our mattress with a coupon from Sears that showed up late in our mailbox - and then I went downstairs to look at the Jewelry. 
C  got me this LOVELY set for my birthday, but the chain broke (fine ass chain - worthless shit). And - I cant' really express how I feel about this jewelry. It's silly, and I feel like it's kinda stupid, and VERY girly - but - I'm proud of it. I'm honored by it. I feel like it's love incapsulated into something I can slip into my ears and dangle around my neck. It's a talisman of love - protecting me and walking with me everywhere. It's odd for me, because I've NEVER felt like this about jewelry - even my wedding set doesn't inspire these sort of feelings... maybe it's the newness of the set? Maybe it's the fact that I don't HAVE to wear it - I mean, technically, I don't HAVE to wear my wedding set, and when I'm NOT wearing it I feel odd and naked, but this new jewelry has major feelings behind it. And hey- maybe it's the fact that it was my 30th birthday gift - I don't know. 
ANYHOW - I broke the chain (it was fine and cheap anyhow) and I felt- odd not wearing the whole set. So, I wanted a new, stronger chain, and when I went down to Sears jewelry counter - well, they were having 60% off slae on Jewelry - there was no way I could resist. So, the money I saved with the 10% off coupon on the mattress was instantly spent on the jewelry...

Then, I went to Hancock fabrics and got the fabric to recover our new headboard - it's some funky microfiber fabric now, and we KNOW (knowing us) that we will mess that up, so we are (I am) recovering it in pleather.... and so the bed hasn't been put together because  - well, recovering the headboard is MUCH easier when the bed isn't put together. I need to do that today, actually. Then, I went to BigLots, and saw the island that we want for the kitchen.... then came home and ate, then went grocery shopping. 

Not sure why I wrote all that out. It was a busy Saturday - but not nearly as bus as it COULD have been - and I suppose if I was keeping up with stuff, it wouldn't have been as busy (cleaning the kitchen took THREE fucking hours.... there were dishes in there from NEW YEARS EVE - and yes, that's totally on both of us, dirty slobs that we are) - but the weekends usually seem all too short - not enough time to relax after work, AND do all the work that is needed around the house. Am I just a lazy woman, or - *sigh* well, I'm sure there are some super women who work 80 hours a week, maintain a fully organic house and garden, and sew all their own designer clothes. Bitches.

Sunday is shaping up to be much more peaceful - all I wantto get done today is to cover the headboard, and spackle the holes in the kitchen walls. That's not much.

Getting my ass offline would help.

 

So, because I think I'm super woman....

This is all the stuff I would LIKE to get done before the turn of the year....it will be added to as I think of more stuff.

• Lasanga compost the future garden area - I've got cardboard, and I've got newspaper, and I've got carpet to keep it all in place - I just need to hie my ass out there and get 'er done!
• Prime & Paint the bathroom - it's the only room left in the house that we have paint for, and is READY to be dealt with. We have paint for the kitchen, but.....
• Tear down the wallpaper in the kitchen - it needs to be taken down, so we can paint. I'm thinking that we need to paint BEFORE we tear out the counters, so that we can see just how our selected countertop will work in there.
• Measure the bloody counters in the kitchen to figure out how much it's gonna cost us to get it done. I am pretty certain I don't want to know the answer, but dammit, I want to use my dishwasher! (I should be able to fit this one in easily).
• Sew the pillow for my shrine area
• Fix the damn soffit in front of the side door that has been driving me batshit since it broke.

Hmmm... that's all I can remember this very instant - I'm sure I'll come back and update more. For a while there, I was considering reinsulating the attic, but Merrph. It scares me, and considering C's working hours, he won't be around to help, so, nevermind. 

• Make myself a skirt or two.
• Put away all of our clothes in the lovely bedroom furniture  
• Wash EVERYTHING.
• File the huge basket of papers/important info  

Hah! And Hah!

We aren't going to talk about Nano, and that's all I have to say about that.

It's rained everymorning this week - and since it's only Monday, that's not saying much - but at least the sun peeks out a tiny bit for around 15 minutes at roughly 2pm - when I'm usually in some meeting or another.

I got measured yesterday - and I've lost FIVE inches from my waist - not so much from the hips (like a 1/2 inch) and hardly anything from the boobs (1/4 inch - no suprise there) - I'm turning back into an hourglass.  I'm still - meh - about my progress rate. I know, I know, it's only been eight weeks, but STILL. I'm desparately fighting the urge to eat LESS - I know that I'm barely eating as much as I should now (we aren't even going to TALK about my protien intake) and eating less isn't GOING to help - so. Breakfast is GOOD! Dinner is better. Yum.

I've been busily domestic diva'ing it up over the last few days. Over the weekend, I envisioned, measured, purchased, and put together 10 window insulators. You know how people usually put plastic over their windows in the winter for insulation? We have teh old house, so we really did need to do that - but 1) I hate taping stuff to the windows - we have enough nice days that sometimes we might WANT to open the windows in December and 2) I'm far, far, far too cheap to consider having to buy more plastic EVERY year - besides it being utterly environmentally heinous. So.  I built wooden frames, attached the plastic to them, and put foam all around the outside, so that they fit snugly in the window. Easy, inobtrusive, cheap, easily removable, and can be reused until the plastic rips - and then I'll jsut have to fix that one....so YEAH!!

The other thing I have been working on has been installing the sewing machine into one of the sewing tables that I have. It's been a riproaring, growling swearing, cheering experience, I'll say that much. I strongly suspect that I'm doing this the HARDEST way possible, but hell, it's fun. I have to swing by Home Despot this afternoon and pick up some shorter screws and a couple of wingnuts and something else (I made a list) so hopefully, I'll be able to finish installing it tonight, and then be able to clean it and get it working tomorrow.

I've found that I REALLY enjoy putting stuff together/installing stuff/fixing stuff. It's - fun starting with a bunch of STUFF, and ending up with something - functional and useful and CHEAP. Mwuauaahhhaaa!!

Though, I think I might turn into more of a tool queen than my hubby  - I finally gave in and admitted that yes, we could use a dremel tool (and a saw, and a sander, and a better drill, and a worktable, and........)

I've already figured out the first thing that I'm going to make - a simple floor pillow for my 'nook' upstairs.

Ummm... what else? Getting geared up to go to my mommy's house for THanksgiving - I'm excited - looking forward to seeing my mom and my grandmom and friends..... It should be loads of fun - more fun than we would have at the in-laws, that's for bloody sure.

I think that's it, guys and gals...... let the sun shine in.....

If you don't like creepycrawly things....

run far, far, far away  - and run now.

Okay - you can read this part first... then run.  Mwuauaauauahhhhaaa!!

So, right - I had just gotten home from work, working out, and stopping to see my hubby at work so that I could pick up our house keys, as I had locked myself out of the house.....

Anyhow!! I was sitting back, kicking it, doing a lil work when I saw something crawling across the floor. Mind you, I was a good 3-4 feet away (sitting on the couch and all) and I could SEE that this sucker was hairy. Now, thanks to A, my Nashville friend who's dad was an entomologist (dude who studies bugs), I've been slowly overcoming my - general squickishness/stomping urges - towards anything with more than four legs.

So - I got the bright idea to not only capture this crawling creature in a container (the better to release to the wild, you know) but also to photograph it, so that I could actually look it up on What's That Bug, and you know, educate myself - because as I like to tell my clients (client) - ignorance breeds fear. I got up and looked for a container (with a lid) and ended up with a jelly jar - a glass jelly jar. I took the lid off, and laid the jar on it's side, and tapped the lid on the floor to encourage the little (relatively speaking) bugger to run into the jar. After catching it - I admit, I slammed on the lid, and waited for him/it to calm down a bit (ie, stop trying to escape by climbing the walls of the jar). Eventually it/she calmed down enough (or got sick of sliding down the side of the glass) to stay still, and I realized that taking a picture of something small and dark in a glass container with a flash was a very, very bad idea. I ended up creating a mini lightbox with the strategic placement of a flashlight, and many many bad words and heartstopping moments when I thought it was going to levitate out of the jelly jar through pure irate pissedoffedness.

I had used What's That Bug previously to identify a Golden Garden Spider (also known as a St. Andrews Cross Spider for the distinctive 'cross' that their HUGE long legs form) that was kicking it outside of my front door - HUGE spider. HUUUUUGGGGEEEE. But - ya know, non-poisonous, bugeater, and really - pretty as hell, all yellow and white and black and decorative. Now - this current bugger (hehehe) wasn't really all that cute. In fact, it/she was really the sort of thing alien monsters are made of. In fact - it had a freaking SKULL on it's back. Yeah. Think I'm crazy?? (this is your last chance to run)....

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See the skull? Okay, okay, maybe it WAS a face - but I'm just saying!!! Big! Hairy! do you see those JAWS!!! And, as I was taking pictures (many many pictures - though, I didn't mind too much, as I  finally figured out how COOL the digital macro function on my camera is), he/it eventually stopped moving around, and stood in one spot, and STARED at me. You see those little buggy eyes? Seriously. It was coming up with different ways to grow much, much, MUCH, larger and eat my head.

Finally, I got a few good pictures (and just as my battery was dying too) and I carefully put the lid back on (because just because it had been tame for so long was no indication of its future domesticity) and went onto the front porch and tossed it out of the jar and into the bushes by the front door.

I know, I know - spiders don't have memory, but I insist in believing that if I treat the spiders right (releasing rather than killing, consiously avoiding webs, commenting on how pretty the Golden Gardens are) then they will treat me right and not lay eggs in my ears.

So, once it was safely outside (and the doors were locked) I investigated, and discovered that it's some sort (most likely ground dwelling) of North American Jumping Spider. Can I briefly comment on how GLAD I am that this badboy did not JUMP while I was sitting the camera on top of a barely 2 inch high jelly jar to take pictures???!!??? *fans self* I've never fainted, but I may have screamed, scrambled backwards, fallen over the couch and cracked my head open. Though, checking Wiki it says that the jumping spiders can USUALLY climb glass rather easily - so, I don't know. Wiki also comments on the fact that the little buggers will WATCH you (they are thinking about eating your head, I SWEAR!) so - maybe it is.

Since that's an actually pretty darn good picture - I'm considering submitting it to What's That Bug, and seeing if they can pin down the genera (over 500) and specied (over 5000).

As soon as my skin stops doing the creepy crawlies.

And ya know, I'm the one who WANTED to live in the woods. Ummhmmm.

All I'm saying is - the humans run the INSIDE of the house, ya'll run the OUTSIDE of the house. Take care of the mosquito problem, and we might be able to share the carport/garage.

Well.....random burblings after too much wine....

Because see, what it really all boils down to - at least at the start - is what you can get from the other person. That really determines a persons 'friend' worthiness at the start - unless some sort of magic happens.
What am I worth to others? Really not much. I'm occasionally funny, intermittently witty, and sometimes useful - but otherwise - eh, not so much. It takes years for me to become really - vital to someone.
I'm a slow friend - like a slow wine, delightful once I age - but it just takes SO damn long. I often wish I could make myself move faster - but.... that's not me.
I'm still trying to process our housewarming. It was fun - it was.
The turnout was sad (no other word for it) and the people who didn't show up shocked me more than the ones who did. littleone (who I haven't talked about in YEARS) came - and it was wonderful. We sat & reminisced, and I cant' wait to see him again tomorrow. I miss having those sorts of friends - the ones who will fly 1000 miles just to show up at a party of yours. *sigh*
Money helps, as always, but I haven't made those sort of friends since high school. I have to continue to mantra to myself - it's not you, it's them.
But then - it's rather along the lines of dating - if all of your life, you've dated fuckups, then it's NOT them, it's YOU, because YOU are the one constant within all of those relationships.
So, if all of my life, I've never had real friends/real friendships - ones that I can talk to, ones that I can tell my heart to, ones that will come over my house for free food and liquor and fun - maybe.....just maybe, it's NOT them - and it IS me.
But - if it is me, I don't know why. I don't know, I have no clue, what I do - or don't do - to develop the connections that I want to. I've always dreamed of having a large gathering of friends - a house full of people who would talk and laugh and love and be - INTERESTING.
I've always DESIRED a network - a true tribe of people. People who would show up at the hospital when I broke my leg and sign my cast. People who would help me paint my walls. People who I could call and ask if I could borrow their truck to pick up an amazing deal from the thrift store - and they would want me to pick up a matching item for them.
Instead, I seem to have collected a gathering of people who..... Gah. I don't know.
I started my period today (thank god, because I was TERRIFED that I was pregnant (six months too soon) and my back HURTED!!) so maybe that's why I am taking it so - personally. But at the same time, I'm not. I'm - resigned. Relieved it's over. Sad that it wasn't what I wanted it to be. Pleased that it went as well as it did. Reluctant to EVER have another party again.
It's just.... meh. But sweet mother of GODs - I'm SOOOOOO glad that it's over. *evil grin* Now, I can start to focus on the Sacred Women's Healing Circle, and tear apart the kitchen. Mwwwaaahhhahahahaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! *sigh* It's one am, and I'm going to bed. G'night.