39 Things you'd LOVE to say outloud at work...

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in  public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're  saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point  of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

 

---

 

*wave*

Hi. Don't have much to say, but that amused me DEEPLY. The bolded ones are my particular truths.

*hugs all around*

I am reading, but I think I'm PMS'ing, so no notes. :lol I know how to keep my fingers still, at least.

3:53

If I'm not pregnant, I will have a very hard time believing anything my body has to say about stuff from now on. Shall I run through the - oddities? I'm not even going to call them symptoms, as it could be just some WILD ass PMS. I will note - the boobs started RIGHT after  2DPO, where the second dip was. We covered our bases (and covered them WELL) both dips, so - we shall see.

1) Green veins on upper chest & breasts
2) Constipation
3) Brainfog
4) Exhaustion
5) Mild Nausea (very mild - it comes and goes)
6) Puffy Vaginal Walls (this one is from today - I went to check my CM/CP, and everything was puffy and engorged and soft and - interesting. My labia were the same way, and I'm soooo not aroused at work!)
7) Mild backache/cramps/twinges in my lower back and lower front
8) Bloating (oh god, the bloating. I've NEVER bloated for PMS - and I feel all puffy and airy)
9) Skin Issues - oh MAN - my skin! It's flaking and peeling and breaking out and generally acting the ass. I need a good salt scrub.

Hrrrm. Okay. I think that's about it as far as the ghost symptoms. Did I mention the sleepiness? Holy freaking Moley, I sleep like the DOOMED, and I would be very happy to just sleep for a few days straight.

Also - and I don't think that this has anything thing to do with anything, but I'm just noting it - for the last few (four? five?) days, I've been waking up at 4:40 almost ON.THE.DOT - I'm not sure why - I had been thinking it was C stirring, but last night he was out of town and I still woke up - though, I did go back to sleep much easier.

The hunger is also interesting. All week at work, I've been getting hungry at 11ish or so, and it's a steady, stubborn, doesn't go away until 12:30ish hunger. And then I eat lunch, and I'm hungry AGAIN around 2:30 - it feels like my metabolism has ramped up again, and well, there is no reason why. And I'm not craving salty/sweet stuff like I usually do - I'm just sleepy - um, I mean, hungry.

And did I mention the random thought that I had that I might have twins? Those two dips - I swear, it was me releasing two eggs. I felt something that MIGHT have been mittlesmertz twice too - about a day apart. It would also explain the heightened symptoms, if I have two blastocytes pumping the good juice out. Anyhow, all that was leading up to me talking about testing. I'm not SUPPOSED to test until the 24th - CD51, 18DPO. I'm going to try REALLY hard to hold out til then, because I kinda don't WANT to know, one way or another, before DotM. I want to have fun and be lighthearted and freefooted - I don't want to be sad about NOT being pregnant (and knowing damn well it's too early) or giddy about BEING pregnant - and thus utterly distracted from everything else. DotM is a good reason to be in limbo.

I think I will give C all of the sticks, and tell him to not give them back to me until I get back from DotM. :lmao *sigh*

I'm so sad.

4:16

Things....

....also known as the brief listing of everything that's not worthy of an entry, but worthy of words.

1) We owe so much bloody money to the IRS it isn't funny. Talked to a tax person, and realized that we basically claimed TWO extra people. *weeps*

2) Finally went and became a LifeTime Member - I wanna be a part of OD as long as OD is around, and doing this now means that I won't have to be trying to rake up 2/12/24 bucks later.

3) C's Birthday is on the morrow (32, the old dear) and I need to get home before him to wrap his gifts. And oh, he GOT gifts. But, I also hooked myself up with a few things I'd been wanting, so, I'm happy.

4) It's. Bloody. COLD. And I think I heard one of my coworkers say something about snow on the morrow - *weeps* And I think hubby wants to run the streets - Brrrrr. *checks weather* *weeps* *wipes it from her mind* All I know is, I'm NOT going to be happy bout being DD if it's snowing.

5) It's FRIDAY!!! Wooooottt!! And I have TOYS!!! Woooooooooooooooooot!

Ummm. I think that's it. I STILL haven't caught up with everyone yet, but ya'll have a good weekend, ya hear?

Hmmm..... this is gonna be a choppy entry...

[*] I did a coconut soak over the weekend - actually slept in it overnight, and let it dry out a bit (I'm such a slacker). It was - *thinks* coconut milk (I mixed it up in the can, and it was FAR too watery - next time, I'm sticking with just the creme, and skipping the water), citric acid (in lieu of limes), honey, CASH oil, and a bit of Humectress (to make it thicker so it would actually stay IN my hair, rather than drip down my forehead and over the back of my neck.
When I Rinsed my hair, it was soft (sooooo soft) but I didn't see any loosening of the curls - I have some really cute lil spirals right behind my ears - but, I'm very cool with that, as I'm slowly starting to accept the fact that I most likely won't EVER be able to wear my hair 'out' until it gains a good bit more length.
It was also VERY easy to comb out - I combed it out 'naked' (no product) just standing in the shower flow.
I then styled it - just a little shea butter in it to lock in some of that moisture, and some Burnt Sugar to tighten up the twists once I was done. I was in a rush, so instead of doing the two strand twists in the back and bunning them, I just did flattwists going straight up and down - it's cute, though I need to get soooo much better with my parts.

[*] One more week til trimming time!! I need to dig up my scissors - they are well hidden somewhere in the bathroom, as DH has no concept of single use tools. I twisted my hair into fat twists as I was buttering them, and ooooohhwee - it (and I!) will definitely appreciate having some of these tired, tired ends gone. I'll have to go back and see how long it's been, but I think it's been at least 3 months - and moon willing, I won't be going THAT long again. I know that I missed one trimming window - I wonder if the Farmers Almanac has trimming days. I'm thinking I'll end up taking off about 3/4 of an inch, on average. There were some sections of my hair that I could 'feel' weren't too bad - and others that were really bad. Even on the not so bad parts, I could still FEEL where the virgin hair ended and the colored hair started. I'm also much less worried about losing the ability to do my 'favorite' style, because I can just vary the size of the twists, and even if I cut ALL the colored hair off now, I can still do them with my virgin hair alone.

[*] Henna! And other conditioners! I'm trying to plot out a reasonable hennaing schedule. My hair DOES pick up some of the henna color - it's subtle, but after the last hennaing experience I could definitely see a - purplish - glow, almost in my hair. And the strength! It's still not as strong as it was at the end of my last henna'ing streak - but then, my hair didn't start breaking off, either! So - I'm trying to figure out a good schedule. I'm thinking about a once a month kinda thing.... every 4-5 weeks or so. In between, I think I'll do at least one coconut (or other milk soak - after seeing the new thread on veggie milk soaks), and potentially a trim, and *thinks* there was something else I was thinking about squeezing in on a weekend, but I can't remember what it was.

[*] Supplements.... so, I've been pJ'ing it up. I've brought Lenzi's Request (some scalp stimulating creme people have been raving about on LHCF) Hair Souffle (a moisturizing creame) and I'm still on the lookout for some cheap sulfur so I can make my own MTG. I'm doing all this so that I can start to move away from the internal supplements - gearing up for TTC and all that - and I figure that I should be taking my babymaking supplements (which I still haven't purchased - I need to take advantage of PP's 60% off sale) for at least three months beforehand - so I need to start taking them at the turn of the year as well. I'm also getting low on HH - but I wanna try out the hair souflle to see how that works, before hand. I figure I don't have to be CRAZY money spendy.


[*] I want to come up with some sort of spray that I can use to moisturize my hair while it's in braids. I know there are several commercial ones, but I know my hair ain't all that fond of glycerin, which is what most of the commercial ones have. I'm thinking about a nice lil mix of honey, conditioner, a lil oil, and some distilled water - mmm, that sounds like a recipe I've seen around here somewhere. It would be nice to be able to moisturize my hair in the middle of the week without taking it down, and just leave the DC for the weekends. But then, I KNOW how my hair is, and even with a daily spray in moisturizer, I'm not sure how happy it will be with me. Hrmmhrmmrmm, decisions, decisions....



Hrrmmm. I think that might be it. Not as choppy, but more booklike than I planned. *sigh* It's almost 11:30 - I suppose I should be heading to bed soon. Blech.

So, because I think I'm super woman....

This is all the stuff I would LIKE to get done before the turn of the year....it will be added to as I think of more stuff.

• Lasanga compost the future garden area - I've got cardboard, and I've got newspaper, and I've got carpet to keep it all in place - I just need to hie my ass out there and get 'er done!
• Prime & Paint the bathroom - it's the only room left in the house that we have paint for, and is READY to be dealt with. We have paint for the kitchen, but.....
• Tear down the wallpaper in the kitchen - it needs to be taken down, so we can paint. I'm thinking that we need to paint BEFORE we tear out the counters, so that we can see just how our selected countertop will work in there.
• Measure the bloody counters in the kitchen to figure out how much it's gonna cost us to get it done. I am pretty certain I don't want to know the answer, but dammit, I want to use my dishwasher! (I should be able to fit this one in easily).
• Sew the pillow for my shrine area
• Fix the damn soffit in front of the side door that has been driving me batshit since it broke.

Hmmm... that's all I can remember this very instant - I'm sure I'll come back and update more. For a while there, I was considering reinsulating the attic, but Merrph. It scares me, and considering C's working hours, he won't be around to help, so, nevermind. 

• Make myself a skirt or two.
• Put away all of our clothes in the lovely bedroom furniture  
• Wash EVERYTHING.
• File the huge basket of papers/important info  

Amazing! I actually didn't write at all over the weekend - but that was more because I was barely online over the weekend - I was busy with all sorts of household chores. I didn't get NEARLY half as much done as I wanted/needed to, but ah well.

A few random thoughts/observations....

*) I was washing my hair Sunday night - working BS & condish through it, and it jsut - didn't FEEL right - my hair ran out before my hands thought it should, and I realized that really - I went from shoulder length hair to a pixie cut, and it's going to take me a while to adjust to the fact that my hair is SHORT. I think that's one of the reasons why I love have my hair put 'up' - I can't really tell how long it is, so it feels as long as it should be, which is about twice as long as it is. If that made any sense.

*) I'm sure that my curls are conspiring against me, as my hair is longer now than it was in that 'fresh from shower' picture that I took all of last week, and I KNOW that my hair hasn't GROWN that much, therefore my curls are jsut hanging looser in order to highlight the silliness of me trying to measure it's growth. It'll hang differently depending on whether it's dry, clarified, freshly conditioned, what sort of conditioner I used, etc, etc, etc..... *gives hair a loving glare* Difficult! Just like me! :)

*) Something in my last batch of DC did NOT agree with my hair - I think I either overdid the citric acid, or the CASH oil does not like to be used in conditioner. The ends of my hair were - gnarly - to say the least. It could have been that the baking soda lifted my cuticles, and sleeping on the wet gave them a chance to tangle and become generally grumpy - once I rinsed with cool water though, they smoothed out MOSTLY pretty nicely. So - my next DC will be condish, honey, and CASH - just to see if it's the CASH - though, something TOLD me to put less CA in it. Well - I can't say that it's done any harm - my ends seemed to calm down rather well once they were rinsed out....so we shall see.

*) Another glorious thing about my hair - it's SHINY. I mean - it SHEENS. And okay, it might be the Humectress (which is making a FABLUOUS leave-in, by the way), but I twist my hair up, tie it down with a scarf to tame all the flyaways while I'm driving to work, and when I get here, it's - SHINY. Heck, my hair is shiner than most of my coworkers - and I'm the only one with 'nappy' hair that isn't 'supposed' to be shiny. *sighs* Internal health & hair products (thank you henna!!) really can achieve some amazing stuff.
Speaking of henna! I went to the local halal market to pick up a pack of pita bread, and saw a bottle of henna sitting on the shelf - it didn't have a date on it, but it was only 2.49, so I figured- why not, right?? I plan on trying it on my skin - that's the best way for me to tell how 'potent' a henna is - how dark does it dye my skin, and how long does it stay? I should dye my fingernails again....

*) Someone started a thread asking 'What does long hair' mean to you? - and I wanted to keep my answer here:

Honestly - I think that I am not all that invested in my hair - it's not a sign/indicator/ flag of anything to me - my refusal to get a relaxed has nothing to do with me trying to 'demonstrate' my blackness - jsut like me getting (and taking out) my locs had nothing to do with 'spirituality'.
I want long hair because it feels RIGHT to me - whenever I think of myself, I see myself with a LOT of hair - thick and luscious and long. It's sensual and nuturing and warm and smells wonderfully of me....it's - so very very natural and so very very gorgeous and so much mine. And since I'm a black woman - and usually the refrain is 'The only way you can have long hair is if you relax it or dread it' - and I'm stubborn, and happen to ENJOY being contrary and proving people wrong - just because it's fragile doesn't mean it'll never grow! -so - I'm growing long hair because I love it, and because I want to learn about it, so that maybe I can show other women (and my daughters) what CAN be done with gorgeous, LONG, nappy, natural hair.

*pokepoke*

Why, yes, I AM still alive. Bullets, cuz I'm random like that.

• I have instruction manuals for both the knitting machine and the sewing machine, as well as bobbins and needles and yarn and thread and the like. Now, I just have to muss things up, and turn my dining room table into a craft center.
• Yes, we actually HAVE a dining room. The game room is DONE (don't you hear the angels singing???) despite not yet being fully furninshed. The living room is also DONE! (this time, the angels are doing the running man), but once again, still missing some pieces of furniture. We are doing our dammedest to actually SAVE up for everything and pay CASH - it's....interesting, to say the least.
• We got a new dishwasher, and found out that the OLD dishwasher is locked into position because of the hardwood floor that was installed in the kitchen. After much swearing, shaking of fists in the direction of N. Tn (where the previous owner now lives) and brainracking, we realized that we can just LIFT the counter up. We were supposed to be all "Arrr, we are DIY homeowners" today and install it ourselves since C is off, but I doubt that is going to happen because at 7pm today I......
• Have a potential doula client to meet. Everytime I THINK those words, I get a deep sense of utter terror. It's that good fear - the fear of stepping overa threshold, the fear of not measuring up to what I know I can be, the fear that *waaahhh!!* they won't LIKE me/think I'm too young/think I'm too childless/think I smell/dress/look/talk funny/and that I don't know SHIT bout supporting no mama's birthing no babies. I know I do, and I know why I'm scared though, so - I'mma be allright. My hands still go cold though - a potential client! Who found me through my website! And liked it enough to EMAIL me! *thud*
• Ummm- have I mentioned that I'm bitter over the fact that it's bloody COLD!!! Okay, yes - I know that several areas of the country have already had s....s.....sn.....snow.... (I have such a hard time with such a filthy, filthy word) but what's up with a HIGH of 58!! In MEMPHIS!!! It's supposed to be WARM, dammit!! And I can't go any further south - I love the ocean, but don't like it when it picks it self up and flings itself at me with galeforce winds. I'm wearing a SWEATER. and STOCKINGS. I have firmly decided that I'm wearing skirts all winter though - pants can kiss my booty.
• Which, isn't shrinking as FAST as I would like it to (I got on the scale yesterday, and had gained EIGHT pounds - of course, I could also barely walk because I was so FREAKING sore, so I'm assuming it's muscle and retained muscle building water weight) but I'm actually starting to LIKE the treadmill. Okay, that's a lie. I don't HATE the treadmill with the deep and abiding passion that such a demon-possesed machine deserves anymore, but I still don't like the heifer. Other things I don't like are the manically grinning demonspawn that calls himself a personal trainer. The CIA pays good money for such skilled torturers (or so I've heard), and I think I have small twinges of Stockholms syndrome, as I do the same things to MYSELF - when he isn't even there. It's a twisted sort of pride thing, and dammit, it feels kinda good. It's scary. There's still too much fat on my arse to really appreciate the changes, but I can feel the difference - so, I'm still pleased.
• Other things I'm pleased about - it's getting cooler!! (Yes, despite the bullet before the previous bullet). I can acutally get outside and do some work WITHOUT either getting devoured by the hordes of man-eating mosquitos, or melting into a dehydrated lump of goo. How exactly do you clean the outside of a house? A spray hose and a prayer? More preciously, our wrought iron doors are starting to drive me INSANE every time I walk in or out of them....just bothers me. Also, I want to build a compost bin (I have a rough idea in my head) so that I can start using all the lovely leaves that the trees are so kindly starting to offer. I'm also going to start plotting out my garden for next year (I've already started to prep out PART of the area) as well as some general landscaping stuff. Anyone have experience in demolition?? Mwhahahahah!!
• We learned that unless we want to spend ABOUT 3 grand, we can't burn wood in our fireplace. *pouts* It's attached to an unlined chinmey, and well - that's how chinmey fires start, and I've really become rather attached to the place. ETA: There is actually already a gass insert - the previous owner (gods bless Mr. Wilson) had one in there, and said that it was quite a nice toasty thing. Gas ain't chep though - we shall have to see how much our bill jumps if we turn that on AND are heating the house. Though, I'm almost certain our heat is electric. Hm, hm, hmmmm.
  I'm rather pleased that we STILL haven't turned the heat on, but it manages to stay QUITE comfy inside the house. In the next few weeks, we will most likely start doing draft checks, and decide if we want to mess with the whole window replacing bit AGAIN.

Damn. I had a lot more to say than I thought I did. But I think I'm done............for now.

Frrrrrriiiiiiiiiddddddaaaaaaayyyyy!!!

*twitches*

I suspect this is going to be the longest day EVER. Day before a four day weekend, I'm bored out of my gourd, it's cold in the building, and I have CRAMPS. I'm still in a good mood  - but man, I'm SO out of here at 3pm.
Edited: Amazing - sitting on the toilet really DOES help cramps!!! Them laboring women got something going on there.

Let's see - plans for the weekend?

1) Pull the poison oak from around the garden.
2) Finish Halfway pulling down that horrid, horrid ass wallpaper and prime the walls
3) Start unpacking books!! *
4) Clean bathroom
5) Readjust budget for C's actual income
6) Call Gramma
7) Tighten the fan lights
8) Clean the ash out of the driveway
9) Take down hideouso curtains

Hmm... I think that's about it. Now! About unpacking the books (finally, finally!) we were going to wait, so that the library could be all painted and stuff, and we could do the wall bookshelves. But - then I started thinking. We don't plan on moving out of here anytime soon, and we do plan on having kids, and those two rooms ('library' and 'exercise room') were definitely going to be converted to kids rooms at some point - so why decorate them so PERMANENTLY, when we know we're going to have to change them? But then, the question becomes - where do we put the BOOKS??
So - after much, much, MUCH discussion with hubby mine (who simply doesn't think longterm- it's - interesting) we agreed that the 'family' room (the room in the front of the house with the fireplace and hideous curtains) would become the library/family room. As I told him, based on the family that we ARE, and the kind of family we are likely to HAVE - having the books in the family room just - makes sense. Period. So!  Did I mention how much discussion this took? Like - an hours worth. *shakes head* He can be so - resistant about the ODDEST things. Personally, I think he was freaking a bit about having to think about actually HAVING kids - not just 'yeah, and we will call him CJ' but actually saying - Yes, we need BEDROOMS for the 'kids'. Hah. Scaredycat.  
Besides, having a fireplace in the library is just - shexay. So! Until buns start popping, the 'library' will become my craft room (clay! paint! sewing!!!!!!!!!!) and the back room will stay as the exercise room.

It's interesting, because I've been thinking about our house - and how - to use the space we have wisely. (Ohh, books will insulate the walls too!) - and having a 'formal' dining room (which really, won't be used that often - we RARELY sit down and eat dinner together due to schedule conflicts) and a usually empty 'family' room (no TV in that room, ever - so we are usually in the living room where the TV is - even if we are reading) just felt - WRONG - to me. Using the family room as a library, the dining room as a dining room (which C was stuck on - it'll be interesting seeing how often we really USE it) and 'reserving' bedrooms for children feels - righter. And, if we (for whatever reason) never have kids - well, *grins* we'll have a permanent craft room AND a permanent exercise room. If we do have kids - the crafts will come upstairs into our 'bonus' room, and the exercise stuff will be set up in the game room when it's actually in USE, and stored the rest of the time.

Yes, yes.

Overload, Overload

Things I want to do with myself.....

1) Finish my freaking doula training
2) Immerse myself further - and regularly - in studying Kemetism
3) Grow 60% of our vegetables and fruits and 20% of our meat
4) Create an extremely energy effiecient house
5) Decorate our house
6) Lose weight
7) Pay off debts
8) Honor my friends/family/husband better

I think eight is enough, yes? I've been quietly muttering to myself  for WEEKS now about how much stuff I want to do/learn/be involved in, and how I most likely need to actually set up a - class schedule for myself. Cuz see, I desparately require structure and schedules, because I'm naturally a mulitasker, and if I don't have things outlined properly before I start, I end up running around like a chicken with it's head cut off - bouncing fruitlessly from one thing to another. Of course, I'm also rather talented with self-sabotage by procrastinating dreadfully as I try to 'organize' everything before I'm ready to start. Really, does all of life require such a dainty highwire act?

Looking at that list calmly, I - I honestly don't even know where to start. First, there is knowledge, then there is application. Perhaps the first thing I need to figure out is a timeline for each one..... how long am I 'giving' myself to do this stuff? Then - maybe with that outlined, I can take a breath and realize that not everything has to be done at once. So.

1) Finish my freaking Doula training.
I've got the details of what I need to do written out already - and I believe that my packet expires in April of  2007 - so that gives me a pretty solid timeline - 11 months.

2) Immerse myself further - and regularly - in studying Kemetism
I - I don't know where I want to reach with this - I honestly think that this will be an on-giong path of study from now til - forever. Let's say that my timeline here is more on scheduled time - twice a week, after work.

3)  Grow 60% of our vegetables and fruits and 20% of our meat
Another relatively long term process. I'd say I'd want to be at this point by Harvet 2009, which really, gives me all of this year to prepare the ground and pick out viable species, and next year to start growing, Harvest(s) of 2007 and 2008 to really get into the swing, and hopefully Harvest of 2009 will have me at this point. Of course - this one alone includes so much OTHER side stuff - I really do need to write all of this out.

4) Create an extremely energy effiecient house
I'd like for this to be 50% done by this winter (the stuff that requires exposure to outdoor air like replacing/recaulking windows) and then finish it this winter (like reinsulating the attic and maybe blowing some cellulose into the walls).

5) Decorate our house
Bah - you'd think this would be the easiest one - but once again, it's so overwhelming that I don't know where to start. Actually, that's not true. I KNOW that the first room we will do is going to be the library - period. The next will most likely be the downstairs bathroom - but once again, there a bit of a learning curve - need to write this out in detail too.

6) Lose weight
Gah!! Consistent, on going, always - but it's really becoming - important. Not important - crucial. I don't know how much I weigh, I really don't WANT to know how much I weigh, but I can guarentee you that I could lose 100 pounds and NOT be considered underweight. That - I'm certian of, and it - concerns me. How can I live healthily, if I'm not - healthy? I'm - I'm really not interested on going back on Atkins, largely because - I want to focus on eating real food - not soy protien/whey powdered imitations of food. If I want bread, dammit, it's going to be homemade with a smear of butter and a dab of homemade jam. I don't think that's asking for too much - *sigh* I need to find a natropathic doctor too. But - I was talking about timelines. Hm. *sighs* yet another ongoing process. Let's say - by 2007, I'll have lost 25 pounds. That's a little less than a pound a week.

7) Pay off debts
*laughs* This is actually the only one that I'm pretty - calm and confident about. Our budget has been shot all to shit since the Amazing Race trip, and our move has totally changed the baseline outflow, and hopefully C will get this other (much, much, much higher paying) job, and well - I've firmly decided that we will at least get a bit of a grasp on our income/outflow by the end of the month, and most likely over the next month tweak it a bit - but I strongly suspect that we will be out of debt (except for the mortgage) by mid 2007, if not late 2006. Okay, late 2006 is a delightfully hopeful dream, but we shall see.

8) Honor my friends/family/husband better
This one is so vague - but it's ongoing, and it's something that I MUST do. I have to get better at not just creating, but nuturing the relationships that I start. I don't quite know how - but, this is something that I must figure out.  Gah. We aren't even going to get into my nerouses around interpersonal relationships. I need a good self-help book.

Hmm... I kinda feel better. Sorta. *sighs* Okay. The ongoing things, are automatically on my platter. Relationships, Weight, Kemetism, Debt.  Then the short term stuff - Library, Doula, Knowledge of Garden type stuff.  Then, the longer term stuff - Energy Effieciency, actually growing stuff in the garden.

Ongoing stuff.... Weight will have to be addressed daily.  Relationships will have to be addressed daily. Kemetism, two days a week - back to back days - so let's say Wednesday and Thursday. Debt, once a month - maybe twice - but it's on a weekend, so let's say Sundays.
Short Term stuff.... Library should be a two, maybe three weekend project once we decide exactly what we want to do to it. So, let's say for the next week, that's my goal - dig through all of those decorating magazines/get paint books/and put together a real deisgn for the room. Doula - I have GOT to email A - I haven't talked to her in a while *sheesh* because I really knew that for the month or two that I was house obsessed, I would be screwing shit up. So, I'll email her this afternoon....then find a farking childbirth class - even if it IS the one at Baptist/Methodist this weekend. Knowledge of Garden type stuff - humph - I'll write out the full plan later today - I have a couple of book winging their way towards me, and I need to unpack the seed magazines, which are hidden in the depths of the library somewhere.
Long Term stuff - The only thing I really need to look into RIGHT now are windows. *sighs* This is an old house, and I doubt that ONE window in this house matches any other window, so yeah, this'll be fun. I wonder how hard it is to replace them yourself. Based on DIY - it's not that hard - the hard part will be finding windows that match the house - I don't want ultra modern looking windows. *makes face*

It's interesting to me - how much stuff I've started to HAVE to write down, because there just isn't enough room in my brain for all of it. Gah, I've GOT to find a good doctor. *snorts* Of course, the likelihood of him/her being covered by my insurance is laughable, but - *shakes head* I'm so not physically well.  I'm seriously about to have to ressurect my daily planner. And - I had already said that I wanted a white board in the house to keep up with stuff.

It's tiiimmmmeeee.....................

Man....I can't wait till the DM fixes the setting to allow you to KEEP your font preferences. Dang it.

Okay - last day. The movers are at my house as we speak (as I type?) and I've called Corey about 12 times so far to ask/remind him about stuff. Fun!! Had to call the hotel and book a room for tonight as well - there's no way in hell we are going to be able to stay there tonight.
Also, I cancelled the cleaning person. It was going to cost 200.00 - to get back a 99.00 deposit that they are keeping ANYWAY because we broke the damn lease. *sigh* Stupid, really. So- screw em.

Onto the list!!

• Find/rent a pump to empty the waterbed - C should be getting this today - pump was gotten, we slept in the bed last night, and by the time  I left for work this morning, it was half empty.


• Schedule for all the utilities to be turned off - doing this tonight (I said tonight last night, but I'm a procrastinating woman, and I'm going to do it tonight - really!) Hah! I couldn't even DO it at night cuz everyone was closed, so I JUST did this this morning.


• Figure out what to pack for the two week break -important documents (I can't find my SS card) PS2, clothes, toiletries, some books..... That's as done as it's going to be, since anything that I didn't pack, is getting packed now anyhow so........


• Get bigger cat carrier with portable litter box - C should be getting this today - got it! They are actually in it now so that the movers can leave the door open.


• Start throwing shit away - HAH! - did all that we could do last night and once again, if it ain't been thrown away yet is gettin packed!


• Get brakes fixed before we leave


• Drop off cable modem/reciever/remote


• Debate with C about whether we need a trailer or not.


• ...

Ooohh look - the only undone stuff is the stuff I just added! Swwwweeeeetttt!

Work? Ummm......yeah - not doing much of that today. Actually just got off the phone with him, and I'm going to have to run home and pick up the pump so that it gets returned on time. so that might mean a late lunch... hmm hmm...or an early lunch and an early meeting...hmmm...... I'll figure something out.

 

One day Left

So, I've been a procrastinating QUEEN!! I'm going to hate unpacking & going through all of the stuff that I really SHOLD have thrown away, but never quite got around to it. Also, what is the proper state for your house to be in when you have others packingfor you? I think I need to straighten up a few rooms. Also, why is it that I never notice the dust until I realize that someone ELSE will be looking at it? Ick.

Okay - on to the list (getting shorter!)

• Find/rent a pump to empty the waterbed - C should be getting this today


• Schedule for all the utilities to be turned off - doing this tonight (I said tonight last night, but I'm a procrastinating woman, and I'm going to do it tonight - really!)


• Submit a change of address form - need to figure out the best way to handle this - based on the answer from DJ, am redirecting it all to our new spot.


• Figure out what to pack for the two week break -important documents (I can't find my SS card) PS2, clothes, toiletries, some books.....


• Get bigger cat carrier with portable litter box - C should be getting this today


• Start throwing shit away - HAH!


• Start packing my cubicle - all done - I'm in an empty, no longer mine cubicle. I never realized how much STUFF I had in here.


• Call new landlord and see if he minds us sending our mail to the house, and whether we can MOVE on the 1st. Yes and yes!


• .....

So - this afternoon was my farewell lunch (I'm SOOOOOO full) tonight is my farewell 'party' (beer and fun at the local pub) and tommorow - I'm going to come in late, drift around, make sure I say bye to as many folx as I can, and head out. The movers are coming to pack Thursday morning, they are coming to load Friday morning, the cleaners are coming Friday afternoon, I've booked a hotel for Friday night, and a hotel for the next two weeks - now I just hope that my dang money shows up before we leave.

So - maybe we're not in quite as bad shape as I feel like we are.....am I creating unneeded stress? *grin*

I'm starting to get a little sad now - I'm REALLY going to miss these fools! - but - I'm sure I'll meet a new bunch of crazy/wonderful people in Memphis - esp if the Mafia is any indication!

Down to brass tacks...edited...

WE GOT A PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeee......................

It's a sweet little pad too - 2 story loft, hardwood floors downstairs, carpet upstairs (I can live with that) a fully fenced in patio, fireplace, dishwasher (thank HEAVENS!!) washer/dryer conenction UPSTAIRS - utterly brilliant that is - two bedrooms, 1.75 baths ( 3 half bathrooms - what does that really make it? 2.5?) brick walls, and in this ADORABLE neighborhood called Central Gardens - one of the historic neioghborhoods. The only downside is that it won't be ready till April 1st - which means we need to find someplace to stay with the pair for two weeks - which really ain't bad.

Now however, I feel like I can FINALLY start doing stuff - and it's actually hitting me that we ONLY have really two days left before the movers get here. So - for the next few days, I'm going to be going CRAZY!

EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Get drugs for cats - should have these by the end of the day Kitty valium gotten!


• Get apartment


• Figure out what to do with the furniture that we want to leave I was considering freecycling it, but it's really in icky shape, so we are going to just toss it.


• Find/rent a pump to empty the waterbed - C should be getting this today


• Go to 1/2 price books and turn in my books


• Call Cingular and get the phones switched - have to get a new SIM card once we get down there - no problemo.


• Schedule for all the utilities to be turned off - doing this tonight (SHIT! Tonight!)


• Confirm that the rental office got my lease termination


• Submit a change of address form - need to figure out the best way to handle this


• Hire cleaning person for the current place - I did this - he's got another list as long as my arm for stuff to


• Contact the credit union and make arrangements for my loans - That was easy enough - just had to switch it from payroll payments to another kind.


• Find the paperwork to pay off the 401(k) - found it, just need to send it off - I guess I'll get to money order when I go to the credit union today Sent!


• Transfer my personal documents from my work computer - gotta LOVE Yahoo Briefcase!


• Figure out what to pack for the two week break - PS2, clothes, toiletries, some books.....


• Get bigger cat carrier with portable litter box


• Start throwing shit away


• Call relopeople to help us find temp housing - called them, she suggested that we find a hotel since it's only for two weeks. Got the hotel - *sigh* expensive, yes!


• Call HR chickie to call new landlord and verify employment


• Start packing my cubicle - started at least


• rent hitch for extra room while driving down. We decided we shouldn't need THAT much extra room


• make list of freecycle worthy stuff not enough time!


• Call new landlord and see if he minds us sending our mail to the house, and whether we can MOVE on the 1st.


• .....

Stuff To do

• Get drugs for cats


• Get apartment


• Figure out what to do with the furniture that we want to leave


• Find/rent a pump to empty the waterbed


• Go to 1/2 price books and turn in my books


• Call Cingular and get the phones switched


• Schedule for all the utilities to be turned off.


• Confirm that the rental office got my lease termination


• Submit a change of address form


• Hire cleaning lady for the current place


• Contact the credit union and make arrangements for my loans


• Find the paperwork to pay off the 401(k)


• Transfer my personal documents from my work computer


• .......

11/28/01

catering (including food, service, and rentals of tables/chairs/linens/serving pieces)
underwear
cake
tips
liquor
band/DJ (still waffling on which)
tent
possibly a generator (for tent lights, etc.)
photographer
rabbi
invitations (including mailing costs)
possibly programs
flowers
decorations
ketubah (this is the Jewish wedding contract, it's kind of an art piece as well)
dress (including alterations and cleaning, + maybe a headpiece?)
shoes for bride and groom (he already has the suit)
rings
license (this is cheap, right?)
rehearsal dinner and other pre-wedding activities
hotel room for us
fee for the ceremony/reception site.
Valium!
eventually, a honeymoon.

The hunter goes forth.

Well…I THINK I might have found an apartment that I like. I’m gonna do a pro/con list for it:

Pro:
Hardwood floors
Heat is paid
Close to downtown
525.00
On busline
Good water pressure
‘Character’!

Con:
Have to move in earlier than I planned
On a busy street
Kinda smallish
No central air
No balcony


I think the two lists kinda balance out, so I’m not going to worry about it… (much). I have 3 places to look at tomorrow, one on Monday, and one on Tuesday. If I don’t see anything in that group that I like, I will go for this place…I think. If I have to move early, it will be a bit more of a headache because I won’t have a car/license and so I will either have to pay someone to do it or rely on someone else do help me out. Ugh…I am really such an independent cuss. *sighs* The other places are more expensive…so this place realllly might win out. I’m going to leave here early and go get the passport stuff done, then I am going to go to this other place that I haven’t been able to get in contact with anyone, but the place SOUNDS nice so I want to swing by and see what is up with it. Hmm… even though I have given a deposit (just to hold the place) I’m suspending a decision for a bit.

I didn’t realize that I would be shopping while I was in the throes of PMS… so I am going to have to be just disgusting analytical about the places to be sure that I’m not jumping into someplace emotionally. Also, I do think that I will take a 6 month lease…if offered, just so that I can browse around and see what else is available. Of course, it will suck to have to move twice in a short period of time, but I want to find a really nice place for me that will be as homey as possible. What WON’T suck is paying 420 dollars less for rent every month. That’s a car payment, insurance and utilities. *happy grin*

Um. I guess I should do some work now. Huh.

Stay Jazzed.

Mo-Ins-Der

Jazzy’s Top Ten Slim Down Reasons

1) I’m tired of shopping in the fat girl ghetto of clothing stores
2) I want to be strong enough to be able to carry a couple of bags of groceries home without feeling like I am going to fall out
3) I want to be more flexible...you can only bend your body in so many ways before the lovely rolls get in your way.
4) I want to be more proud of how I look
5) I want my self image of myself to translate into real life
6) I want to be healthier so I can do more…easier.
7) I want to be in shape so that when I DO have a baby, I will be the best incubator I can be.
8) I wanna wear sexy lingerie without worrying about looking like a parody of a sexy woman
9) I wanna be able to run for fun (or for my life) without feeling like I am going to fall out
10) I want to. For me. AND for the way others look at me AND the way I look at myself.


Motivation. Yes!

I had another dream/dream thought as I was falling asleep last night. It was me going somewhere (driving no less) in a lovely silver car. I stepped out and I was like the perfect version of myself (body wise), and I had there long lovely dark brown locs with brilliant red tips that came over my shoulders. It was summerish time and I was looking GOOD. I think that is going to be my dream/sleep/meditation image for a while. Me looking the way I want to look… doing my own thang.

Inspiration. YES!

My auntie died of colon cancer when I was about 8. I used to look just like her, but shorter. *LOL* I admired her greatly, and she was a wonderful woman…rather like who I want to be. If she had been smaller, the doctors would have been able to find the cancer before it metasized throughout her entire body. She lost almost 100 pounds before she died…and I would greatly prefer NOT going out like that. I want to live in my skin healthy and whole for a very long time.

Determination. YES!

What more do I need?


Stay Jazzed.

Hellloooo Spring... *VVOOSSSHHH!!!!!!!!*

*smiles* I have been going around all day asking people what the HELL happened to spring. While I have absolutely nothing against a nice spate of warm weather, jumping from 40 to 84 in the matter of a week is not realllllly what I was expecting. *sighs* This is in NO way to be taken as a rant or even vaguely complaining, I’m just commenting, that’s all. My main problem is that I have no no no work suitable summer clothes. The last time I actually bought summer clothes had to be almost three years ago, and it is WELL worn out. I would be shamed to wear most of the stuff to the laundry room, much less to work. I don’t have any shoes either…so that kinda limits my already limited wardrobe even more. I was expecting a bit more transition time before I really had to pull out the ‘warm’ stuff. *sighs* I think I have enough stuff to get me trough this week (by the hair on my chinny chin chin) but I am for sure going clothes shopping this weekend. I get paid on Friday (which helps loads) and I will be hitting all of the lovely bargain basement places that I know of so that I can try to accumulate a rather cheap collection of suitable summer clothing. I am going to pay the minimum on all of my bills this month so that I can get everything that is on
“Jazzy’s I really really NEED this stuff list”
two pairs of sneakers (one to work out with and a cheaper pair to wear just kicking around)
a small but flexible summer wardrobe
some plants for my balcony and my house in general
driving lessons
and really… that is about it. I expect the sneakers to be the ‘biggest purchase’ for the least amount of stuff, as one pair can easily cost up to 100 bucks. *sighs* So far, I have a stack of bills in the house that I know need to be paid…hmm… the only ones that may be variable is one of the credit cards and my phone bill. Hmm… but that still leaves me with… *raised eyebrows* hmm… a rather healthy chunk of change to play with. And depending on how much of this raise I actually SEE…. Hmm… yes.. Jazzy might be able to have a bit of fun.
I have decided that when my lease is up, I am not going to resign another year long lease, I am just going to sign a six month one instead. As I plan on getting a car in September, I will be able to drive around and try to find another cheaper place to live…because I am pouring waaayyy too much money into this apartment. Though mercy KNOWS I do love it… *sighs* I don’t know… if I do move it is going to have to be to a verrah verrah nice place. And as I know I am NOT buying a house in this city. *sighs* I don’t know. I have to try to figure out how much this place is really worth. I feel utterly ridiculous for paying this much for an apartment (I’m paying more than most of my co-workers MORTAGES)..but at the same time really I can’t beat it. *sighs* I don’t know… paying for parking might be what kills me in the end. Ugh. I’m just not going to think about it right now.. leap over THAT particular bride/river when I get to it.
*grins* Who knows, by that time I might be living with Cheffy…by that time I might not even be HERE anymore. Not gonna stress it out. In fact… as soon as I can escape from this place of semi-misery that some call work I am going to the grocery to get the fixing for the pepper bread that I am making for the ‘Carry In’ here on Wednesday…and then I think I will clean my bedroom. *nods* Maybe I will get some incense from one of the little shops over by the grocery store so that I can make my house smell all lovely and stuff.

Stay Jazzed.

Life Instructions

*smiles* I grabbed this from someone else's diary, and I thought it was rather wise & nice.


Instructions for life:

Eat a lot of brown rice
Give to people more than they expect and do it with grace
Learn by heart your favorite poem
Do not believe everything you hear, do not spend all you have and do not sleep as much as you would like
When you say "I love you", mean it
When you say "I am sorry" look at the other in the eyes
Keep an engagement of at least six months before getting married
Believe in love at first sight
Do not ever make fun of other peoples dreams
Love deeply and with passion. You may get hurt but it is the only way to live life fully.
In case of disagreements be fair.
Do not offend
Do not judge others by their parents
Speak slowly but think fast
If someone asks you a question you do not want to answer, smile.
Remember that the biggest loves and major successes entail greater risks
Call your mother
Say "bless you" if someone sneezes
When you lose, do not forget the lesson
Remember the three R's: Respect towards yourself, Respect towards others and Responsibility for all your actions
Do not allow a small misunderstanding to damage a big friendship
When you realize you have made a mistake, correct it immediately
Smile when you answer the phone, who calls you will hear it in your voice
Get married with a man/woman that likes conversation. When you are old, your ability to converse will be more important than any other
Spend some time in solitude
Open your arms to change, but do not throw away your values
Remember that silence sometimes is the best answer
Read more books and watch less TV
Live a good and honourable life.
Later on when you will be old and you will remember the past, you will see that you will be able to live it a second time
Trust in your beliefs but lock your car
A loving mood at home is important.
Do everything you can to create a loving, harmonious and relaxed atmosphere
When in disagreement with your loved ones, give importance to the present situation
Do not bring up the past
Read between the lines
Share your friends, it is a way to reach immortality
Be kind with the Earth
Do not ever interrupt one that shows you affection or kindness
Take care of your business
Do not trust a man or a woman that does not close their eyes when you kiss them
Once a year visit a place you have never been before
If you make a lot of money give to help others while you are still alive. This is the best satisfaction that good fortune can give you
Remember that not obtaining what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck
Learn all the rules and then infringe some
Remember that the best relationship is the one in which the love between two people is bigger than the need you have for one another
Judge your success in relation to what you must renounce to obtain it
Love and cook with some abandonment

Stay Jazzed

But, this....is Priceless

Ever seen those lovely little Mastercard ads, where they add up the price of some exotic trip, and then conclude that something about the trip is really priceless? Hmm…each time I see those commercials, I notice that what they are claiming to be priceless, often has very little to do with the whole trip. : ) Usually, what they are in essence talking about is a connection between two people, some sort of discovery about the person, or the couple, or the group. Connections between humans…face to face…intimately, but not sexually. Something that it seems like there is less & less & less of now a days… real human connections, *sighs* anyhoww……I want to make a list of things that I consider to be priceless, or the things that when they happen… I will consider to be priceless.

I remember when I first saw Star Trek: Insurrection (which really wasn’t THAT good of a movie), and there was a scene where girly girl showed him just how to freeze time. How to hold a moment so still that you felt like you were living in that moment and in that moment alone. *sighs* That is the kind of priceless moment I want to remember, the ones you want to freeze and treasure forever. Anyhow… on to the list…

1. The first time I hold my newborn child
1a: Almost everything having to do with the conception and birth of a child I am ready for.
2. The moment I get married…not the wedding & the I do part, but the moment that I realize that I am bound to this person for life & for death, in love and in anger, and I am completely and utterly overjoyed by the fact.
3. The first time I see the Egyptian pyramids.
4. The first time…hell possibly every time I see the sun set & rise over the ocean on the same day.

Hm. I can’t think of anything else…maybe the most valuable priceless moments are the ones you don’t see coming. hm.

Stay Jazzed

Concluding Notes

So, I can think about things a lot more level headed, a lot more open minded than I have been able to at any point before now. First it was because the shock and hurt at what had happened was just so great think I simply couldn’t think straight. and then, my period hit, and I am the most unbalanced, weepy, melodramatic person in the world then… so anything that I would have said or thought would have been totally *thinks* inaccurate , and subject to change. So now, I have three things to do.…
1) Decide how I feel about the situation as it occurred
2) Decide what sort of relationship I can pursue in the future
3) Be sure that he is interested in the same sort of thing
4) Execute my plans…

Well…. part one I have handled. *sighs* How I feel about it? At this point, I am still hurt, still intensely disappointed, mainly because I had let so much of myself out, and I had become so wrapped up in this one person that the awareness that he wasn’t totally wrapped up in me too hurts. Basically, at this point I am jealous as hell. *shrugs* As much as I have prided myself on not being a jealous woman, *shrugs* I am. As far as how If eel about him… *shakes head* he needs to grow up. I still think that we need to try being together *sighs* but that now is just not the right time. He has so much more that he needs to do with his life, on his own. And I know that being the semi-aggressive, bossy woman that I am, a lot of it would have been my own nagging and pushing and prodding and poking that would have pushed him into doing what he needs to do.

That kinda segues into the next part, what sort of future relationship I am willing to pursue. Right now, nothing more than friends. Simply put, I know I can’t deal with more, and I don’t think that it would be fair to ask anymore of him then that he grows and develops as he needs to. However, at a later date in time, when we are both more mature and prepared… *smiles* I still think that we can make lovely music together.

Does he agree? I have no clue… I haven’t had a chance to really sit down and talk to him about it. Considering I have just gotten my head together, I haven’t been able to grab him for the amount of time that is needed Will he agree? I don’t know…. if he does agree that we can/should try again later, I will be happy. If he doesn’t… *sighs* ah well, I will just have to accept that some things you only get one chance at.

So.. next comes the execution. *sighs* talking about it. Ugh. I hate talking about emotions…*shrugs* one of my downfalls I guess.

Any way… I have majorly serious money problems. *sighs* I am going to have to ask my mother for some money… perhaps even the use of one of her credit cards, and I REALLLY hate that. Mainly because I should have known better, and secondly because I just hate asking her for anything. Mind you, the card is more or less mine, and I have to pay the thing off anyway.. but it is just the fact of asking her for it. *siiiiggghhhhs* I really want to be grown up & on my own and I keep doing dumb stuff that I should avoid. Ugh. I really thought I had it all covered, and now this. *siiiigggghhhs* Oh well, another healthy helping of the humble pie coming up.

anything else? I have starting writing on a daily basis, or I guess I should say a nightly basis. Nothing major…in fact it is a lot more casual than what I write in here. As I was ‘prepacking’ I uncovered a journal that I bought ages ago… one that basically asks you through a series of questions to recount the high & low points of your day, along with a page to just write whatever. I have been writing in it every night for a bit, and it is nice.

I still have problems going to sleep every night…but *shrugs* I don’t know….maybe I am getting TOO much sleep.. even though I still feel tired all the time. *shrugs* *sighs* If I didn’t know better I would think I was pregnant again. But anyway, writing in there gives me a chance to settle my mind and clear my head so that as I lay my head down.. I can go to sleep. It hasn’t been working very well though. *sighs* Even the heat isn’t helping me go to sleep, which is usually my best sleep aid. *sighs* Oh well.

Stay Jazzed.