Changes

I want to be sure, I want to remind myself, that even if my pregnancy, birth, conception, whatever, don't go the way that I would most prefer them to go - the research, study, and thought I have put into making the choice is always the wise way of doing things.

Very simply. Even if I'm wrong - at least be wrong, and partially informed. Or wrong, and fully informed. Or right, and partially/fully informed. Just - don't be ignorant.

That's really all I hope for myself some days - to be still willing - still open - still wise enough to learn. It's a backwards sort of wisdom - not the wisdom that comes with age, but the wisdom that is inherent in youth.

Learn. With every breath, with every moment - they are all different, somehow, and young wisdom knows that a different environment/episode is an environment to learn from. So, learn.

That's what I ask of myself. To be consciously willing to LEARN from every moment of my life - no matter how mundane.

And the Yale Student? Told the deans it was a lie, told the NY Times she told the Deans it was a lie to preserve her exhibit.

I still think she's lying - esp. since she admits she never took a pregnancy test.

Interestingly enough, without proof of her being pregnant, I actually find it a slightly more - thought-provoking and evocative piece - looking at the inherent - fragility of the line between life and new life.

I don't know.

The more drama, the more 'artistic' it is....

*hrmph*

There is this new forum I'm on - Wise Ways of Women - it's all about spiritual growth and awakening and spirit.... very woowoo.

On that site, there is a link to an article about the New Moon entering Sagittarius.

I was most intrigued with the article, and wanted to keep track - my own oracle for the end of my 30th year.

I read it, and some I was puzzled by, and some I dismissed as window dressing, and some resonated deep and low, and some scared the shit right out of me.

Let me locate myself in the present.

It's a few minutes into the morning of Dec 8th. I'm on CD18, and suspect - if my temps (once I go to bed) are over 97, I'll have confirmed O on the 5th. Assuming that goes through, I should be testing on the 22nd, but I mentioned to a friend earlier that I wanted to wait until the 23rd - since it's the full moon.

I've finally finished reading cbirth - all 43K~ messages, and I feel - energized. I want a UC. I think I want a UP - but not sure. I know that I want to be with woman. I can't call what I want 'midwifery' - it both limits my vision and - and it increases my responsibility. I want to be a resource. I don't want to be responsible. I don't know if these shoulders are wide enough to shoulder that - esp. knowing deep in my heart that I would feel like it's a drawing down of her power to shoulder that load.

I don't know. I want to do - be - something. Something quietly powerful around birth. .... I think I want to start thinking about AAMI again. Perhaps all of those emails Carla has been sending me will finally sink in.

Anyhow. That's where my head is at - and I haven't even touched on my feelings about 2nd Realm, and the LoA interest I have, or the ETF brochure I have in my laptop bag.

Anyhow. Growth. Change. Life.

Here's the article, with my thoughts slid between.

There she blows!!! SAG NEW MOON is HERE!
Sagittarius New Moon

By Tracy Cook

Many years ago I studied lunar phases with Robert Buz Myers. It is my hope that he would be proud of my work today. Blessings to you, Buz!

Sagittarius New Moon

Dec 9, 2007
3:40pm EST
2:40pm CST
1:40pm MST
12:40pm PST


17Sag16
Sabian Symbol: An Easter Sunrise Service

http://www.amazon.com/Sabian-Symbols-Astrology-Symbol-Explained/dp/094335840X


What is a New Moon?

A new moon is when the moon is between the sun and the earth and the illuminated part of the moon is very small. Technically, when you look up in the sky you only see a small, skinny section of moon.

And the not so technical point of view?

Well, similar to farmers and indigenous people, who have used the different phases of the moon for eons, Astrologers also utilize the different phases of the moon. Certainly on the New we know it is time to plant seeds. But the other seven phases are equally important.


Where should my focus be during this next 28-day cycle?
When we draft a chart for the new moon we can get a sense of the energy that will be up for processing for the next 28 days.

Okay what is this cycle?

Measured thinking, measured responses, measured moments will be the best way through this most dramatic and combustible twenty eight days. Can you do it?

Gentleman, start your engines!
Imagine you are at the Indianapolis speedway. You’ve made your way to pit to check out the action when suddenly someone throws a flame proof suit on you, pushes you into drivers’ seat, fastens the straps and yells, “Floor it”. And despite all fears that come over your body, you put your foot on the gas and are driving mach 1, pedal to the metal. Welcome to this Sagittarius cycle. It will be a long or short twenty eight—day depending on how you like the drive.

Now most of you know a little bit about Sagittarius even if you don’t know astrology. You know it because you feel it. Where any other time of the year you are guaranteed a relaxing weekend at least one or two times in a lunar cycle, in Sag there is no rest. Every weekend is crammed with someone who wants to see you. Even if it is a holiday cup of coffee. Or it is cocktail party, or it is a family dinner, or it is work affair, or a charity event. Your life and schedule are not yours’ during this month. And that, baby is all Sag.

Interestingly enough (esp. considering my hermity ways), I'm
going out tomorrow to hang out with Kelly. Next weekend, I'm going to SG's Yule
Party. I THINK the weekend after that is my company Christmas party (I SO need
some shoes). So, I definitely will be out and about more than I usually would be
- and who knows what might pop up as the month meanders along.

I think I need to promise myself at least half a day a weekend
though - at least one chance to sleep in late.

It is just awful, right? But yet you say yes to the requests. And the reason why you say yes is because of the very nature of Sag. It is a generous sign. It is an abundant sign and as much as your brain says, “I cannot possibly drive over to Such&Such” --you do it. Because you somehow feel, “I gotta do it.”

Any other time of the year you would say no. But during Sag you just feel too guilty to let your motives be all about you. And yeah, the world is NOT all about you. It is about beliefs and philosophies and religions and spirituality and education. For heaven sake we all know the universe is expanding! And the one sign who really gets it, is Sag. And that is the energy that we all feel during this time of the year.

Now take that energy, throw gasoline on it and light a match. Because this lunar cycle and its aspects takes Sag to the nth degree.

Bill Gates Meet Britney Spears

Astrologers have been talking about Jupiter’s upcoming conjunction with Pluto for quite some time. And there is really no way to soften the information. But it is huge. We are already starting to feel the two huge planets as they get closer and closer together. Now the thing about them is that they are huge but for different reasons. Jupiter is big by its size. If you want to get an idea how big, look at Jupiter in comparison to Earth.

http://www.windows.ucar.edu/tour/link=/jupiter/J_comparison.html

Daunting isn’t it? Now Pluto is big but not by its size but by its orbit. Take a look.

http://members.aol.com/bobalien99/Plutobnd.htm

Again huge.

These two are going to be on top of each other in Sag, the already bigger than life sign! Pluto has been transiting through Sag for nearly fourteen years and next month it will finally get out of Dodge and get into Capricorn. But before it gets there, it is taking a moment and doing the deed with transiting Jupiter.

Basically Bill Gates will jump Britney Spears or if you prefer Britney will jump Bill Gates. Are we ready for that?

Power meets circus, daring meets focused, control freak meets town drunk, Ebay meets PTL, Wall Street meets Hollywood, I think you get the drift. The times are a changing and this is a seminal astrological aspect for those changes. Expect a lot of activity in the news that is too wild for words. Expect to hear things in your own personal life that leave you going, “huh?”. Expect the media to one hundred percent do something rank. Expect someone to really screw up something big. Or expect someone to do something in the name of Spirit that is just too dreadful for words. And of course above all, Propaganda and Rhetoric are at Tsunami level! This my friends is a big deal time.

On a personal level you will be feeling it when you shop for Christmas. Frivolous gifts won’t feel right. You’ll want to give gifts that truly help. Or are exactly what the other person wants. You don’t want to get it wrong. Of course many will feel down, “is this all there is?” kind of vibe. It is okay to feel that and by the way, the “is” is changing anyway. Then there will be some who will feel righteous and dig in on something and it will totally alienate you from others. Or you will feel so focused and driven that your husband your family your friends will drive off in the distance leaving your focused ass home.

Funnily enough, right before I came to this page, I was checking
out MDC's Holiday Helpers page, and I'm almost certain I know who one of the TN
mamas is - and I want to help her. I've also been coming to terms with the idea
that it's high time for me to get rid of some clothing (maybe that will open up
the room I need to make some more!) and I planned (tomorrow, most likely - after
I did my holiday cards) to go through my clothes and see what I had, and to see
how it matched up with the needs of one of those mamas.

Of course if you want to get through this period a bit wiser then take EVERYTHING in moderation, if you can--or let’s say as best as you can. Or at the very least get quiet and find a way out.

Through this conjunction will come some heroes and some leaders. Someone will shine through. That is a given. But be on notice that between the time of the conjunction on December 11 and the time Pluto goes into Capricorn on January 25---all bets are off.

And even if there is nothing noteworthy that occurs during this period for you personally (which I doubt) you will still realize later down the road that the seeds planted NOW impacted you in ’08 and beyond. This is the new period of your life and of the planet’s. It has begun.

For additional reading and great history on the last time these two got together PLEASE go to MOUNTAIN ASTROLOGER MAGAZINE, (Dec/Jan2008) and read Shelley Ackerman’s article “Great Balls of Fire The Big Bang Jupiter-Pluto Conjunction of 2007”.
Order it here:
http://www.mountainastrologer.com/

It is an excellent read!


Uranus the Jackhammer

Now God in its infinite wisdom was not going to let Jupiter conjunct Pluto which will send us new ways to look at things, new ways to grow, new ways to expand our world---without a little help. Unfortunately that “help” is coming from Uranus, planet of rebels and revolutions, chaos and brilliance.. that Uranus, is going to be coming in adding a little chaos to our lives. The car is towed. The neighbor is locked out and now is joining you for Christmas dinner. The visa card melts in your hand and you end up buying all your Christmas gifts at the 99 cent store. Whatever it is, it will be Uranus doing its thing. And as much as it hurts, pisses you off and just bugs you, every time the weirdness happens, just perhaps you can do yourself a favor and see it as an opportunity. The neighbor is locked out so that you might make a new friend. Or the car gets towed and you end up walking home and run into an old acquaintance. There is a method to the madness but you gotta be smart about it. DO NOT personalize it, do not think “Why is this happening to me?” Instead be calm and remember you are being asked to expand and some stuff has to be dug up and jettison in order to expand.

Visualize a skyscraper up way, way high. Naturally, it didn’t just appear one day, it had to start with one guy and a jackhammer digging up concrete. Well, during this cycle, Uranus has the jackhammer.

This is the bit that scared me. It's - also interesting, as I've
been thinking (for quite a few days, actually) that I need to leave my coat in
the car (since I don't usually wear it) jsut in case something happens that
has me out on foot for - whatever reason.

The angel on your shoulder

So, are you still breathing? Pluto, Jupiter, Uranus, are these the three most ‘effed up wise men you have ever seen? Yeah, sure. But good news, Neptune has put down the booze and is helping us out this month. Despite all crazy making (and it will be Krazy) Neptune is going to keep the electricity flowing to our intuition. Our guts will always be plugged in. We will not be disconnected ever. Sure, we will want to scream, cry, laugh hysterically, shout, do whatever we can to let out the tension but under it all, our guts will be receiving information. Just like a little angel in our Inbox. We will have very wise prompts. We just need to figure out a way to find them for all the spam. Don’t let the noise get in the way of the angel’s touch.

Love what you do, do what you love
Another perk to the cycle is coming from Mars, the warrior in Cancer and Venus the lover, in Scorpio. The two of them are making a beautiful aspect with one another. So despite all the angst and turmoil that we feel as we sail through this month (if sail is the right word for it!) In our little lifeboat is Mars who is protecting his girlfriend Venus. You better believe he is going to make sure we get to land. He will find the way, he is after all a romantic warrior when he has Venus on his side. So, our actions will be inspired by love. Even when we want to run and seek shelter and take care of ourselves, we know we must take action to take care of all that we love. Additionally, Mars and Venus are also making a great aspect with North Node in Pisces so god bless us, we will also include humanity in the things that we love.


Mental Building Blocks

As all the boulders are thrown out of the volcano this cycle and we are all feeling so many things we will be additionally challenged because we will have a hard time getting our thoughts across. Saturn the stern disciplinarian father planet is squaring Mercury which just brings out our most insecure side. Remember when you were a kid and you were starting to write your alphabet for the first time and someone was watching over your shoulder making you nervous. Well that is this aspect. It is like we all have performance jitters about everything that comes out of our mouth. Our insecurities around our thoughts and are ability to communicate will be up high. If it is all possible to table some of the important conversations until the next lunar cycle when we might be feeling more secure, perhaps that will help. But still we can’t always be so confident and cocky about our thoughts, it is good to feel a bit humble and circumspect at times especially as we are figuring out what is next. New thinking can help find new solutions to both old and new problems.

In summary, it is a big time, it is a fiery time, it is a volcanic time, it is huge. But you gotta remember it is how we take the information and use it in our lives that will have the greatest meaning.

I must uphold my ideals, for perhaps the time will come when I shall be able to carry them out. – Anne Frank





DEC 9, 2007
3:40pm EST


New moon: Plant seeds, make calls, activate, start projects. Activate something that will ideally lead you to more. This is the phase where INTENT is critical. Even if the results are not immediate, the intent is there. You may not have all the answers or road map but you should put out your Intent.


Focus on: Begin actions about things about that we believe, things that inspire us, goals, big visions, things that educate us. Our philosophies, things that ask us to ponder the bigger picture. Get out of the way of self and act towards those dreams you want realized.


Dec 13, 07
12:00PM


Crescent: We will receive information, we will research a bit more, perhaps get feedback on stuff that we planted on new. Perhaps get some information that will help down the road on a seed we planted a while ago. We can collect some data now. Even if you think you are not getting information, stop, and re-look at everything. Who called you? Even the silliest things, when they come up during Crescent are note worthy. A parking ticket? An argument with a spouse? A refund check from the phone company? All of it needs to be considered a message from the universe. How can this information help you?


Focus on: Information from groups of like minded people who may cross cultures. Information about things that are electric. Information from cyber space. Information which is Sympathetic without sentimentality. A time for cooler heads.




Dec 17, 07
5:16am
First Quarter


First quarter: We do more actions based on the information that we just received. Or we feel our instincts guide us on something. We pursue again. We make another call or we see someone. We mail something. We stir the pot again. This can be a time when we realize that the goals we planted on New need more action from us, perhaps actions that involve breaking away. Are there people who say they have our best interest in heart but fear us growing away from them? Maybe we need to get help from others not the usual suspects. Some independence may need to be exerted.


Focus on: We act upon Humanity, dreams, visions and mysticism. What is the stuff that really moves us that is not defined by man? Sometimes we need to act on something that might not make sense but it comes from a greater knowing.



December 18
3:11pm
Jupiter moves into Capricorn

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/learn-astrology/jupiter-in-capricorn.php

EEEEE!!! How cool is that? My planet and my sign dancing together!

December 19 ‘07
9:10am
Saturn retrograde until May 2, 2008
8 Virgo 34


Sabian Symbol: A man making a futurist drawing.

Saturn will be turning around in Virgo for the next five months. This is its first retrograde since it moved into Virgo this summer. Typical of these early degree retrogrades we will be feeling our way around in the sign’s energy. Virgo is about order and cleanliness, ditching, purging, recycling, counting the pennies while the dollars count themselves. We will be thinking about organics. We will be thinking about our daily routines. Where is our exercise? What the hell is clogging up our calendars? And is it worth it? These are some of the questions that we’ll ponder during this retrograde. And of course whenever Saturn retrograde those people who are in position of power and who take a ‘father’ like role will be seriously questioned. Get your diet together. Get your foundations together. And how are your responsibilities? And who on god’s green earth is a flake in your life? If they are flakes, then they are flakes and just don’t count on them for anything. It is just the practical approach and if there is anything about Saturn in a retrograde motion it is a time for us to see who can handle commitments and who can’t. Of course the question is..which are you?

Hrrm - working on the diet (already) working on the exercise
(already), so I'm going to try to take this month and really get the both
downpat. And, I'm going to make a focused effort to NOT flake on myself.

Dec 20, 07
2:45pm
Gibbous


Gibbous: We refine our information. We pick and choose, we discriminate, we organize, we tend to be ‘virgo’ like. We sort through details. Have we missed something? How are we sifting through the information? Go back and make sure something hasn’t been neglected. Refine our actions.

Focus on: We are sorting through Earthy things. Practical things. Focus on real estate. We clarify what is stuff worth? What do you value? What do people value in you? Is it time to lay out the cold hard cash to get something figured out? The right investment now will pay off big later.

This puzzled me. I don't like seeing financial things looming
up ahead of me - funny, maybe I could use some help in a
belief of prosperity. I don't like being scared, and that's what I'm feeling
- fear, of some sort of suprise that would - shift - things. Dammit, I LIKE
my stability.

Dec 22,07
1:07am
Sun enters Capricorn
Happy Birthday you old goat.
You want to give your Cap friend the most perfect gift? Ask them. They hate surprises and they need to tell you what really works for them. Don’t waste your time being clever. Ask for a list.

FF's Test Day!

Dec 23, 07
8:16pm
01 Cancer 50
Sabian Symbol: A man suspended over a vast level place.

Full Moon: We make the needed adjustments on the things we planted. Usually emotions are up and running and for those people who perhaps did not utilize the new moon and the rest of the waxing moon, this is when emotions can get the better of us. There can often be a big emotional break, for no other reason than to get back on track. Some partnership will offer up some balance. The moon is bright and full and there is no room for shadows, what is reflecting on you?

Focus on: Balancing out Food and home. Family and children. Play. Things that nourish. Things that comfort. Honoring our emotions such that they will motivate us later. But don’t confuse our emotions with our feelings. Feelings are sensitive for sure but they don’t motivate like our emotions. Watch your tone. What the tone of others. Is it for real or a mask?

Just, yes. Please?

Dec 27, ‘07
6:14am

Disseminating: Share information, find a teacher or someone who has more knowledge. Perhaps there was a big ol’ blow out on the full and one feels in need of support and help, this is the phase to reach out to one who knows more. This is when we find a rabbi or a minister or therapist who gives us more insight. And of course, you too may be ready to teach and share your own information.

Focus on: Sharing our pride. Where is our Ego. Who can lead us to Bravery. Leadership. Glamour. Sharing the information of what motivates us so that it inspires others.

This is what started me thinking on 2nd Realm and doula'ing all
at once. Monitrice, maybe? Hrm.

December 30
Venus enters Sag
Put on your party hat!

http://www.astrologyzine.com/flirting-with-venus-in-sagittarius.shtml




December 31
11:01am
Mars enters Gemini
Continues retrograde

http://love.astrology.com/features/astrology/mars/gemini.html



December 31, ‘07

Third Quarter

Third Quarter moon: Now we do the final adjustments to the seeds we planted on new. The final call, the final letters to send, we follow all the trails that came up that still make sense. And we let the other parts lay fallow. It is a time of action but wise action. It is a time for living “The serenity prayer”

God, grant me the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change
Courage to change the
things I can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference.


Focus on: Acting on Loans and debts, sharing resources. Legal maneuvers, taxes and death. Considering how to get more resources from other places that will help your cause. Feeling the need to push again.

Push, push, push - where? I've been okay coasting - why the
push? Oh, and Happy New Year!

January 4 2008
1:06am


Balsamic: We release. We let go. We prune, we discard, we ditch stuff. We house clean. The things that no longer work, we let them out of our life. We release so we can clear our unconscious and dream. We prepare our unconscious to be ready for the next New Moon.

Focus on: Releasing money stuff, debt stuff, fears around loans. Fears around surgery. Fears around power. Fears around people who act like vampires. They can no longer suck you dry, release them.

What, what, whaaaaa??

January 7, 2008
6:48pm
Mercury enters Aquarius

http://www.nickcampion.com/nc/planets/planetsandsigns/mercuryaquarius.html


Capricorn New Moon
January 8, 2008
1:36am
17 Cap 33

And then, it's almost birthday time. The 13th -
maybe the cresent? Or still too early? *sigh*

Links to Think

http://www.shesdreamingindigital.com/holidayhelper/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhetoric

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

http://organic.org/

http://www.how-to-meditate.org/

http://www.somcla.org/

So yeah. Thus my copying, thus the simple tag of oracle.

Let me see - and be aware, and ENJOY all that comes my way - carry me downstream to my birthday - I guess if I'm just along for the ride, I'm still coasting, eh?

ETA: I posted this, and then went to look at it (and I'm glad I did, as the font was doing something wonky) and this was the quote on the front page.

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness
for it shows me the stars. ~ Og Mandino

Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Gotcha.

sweetheart

Testing date on Thanksgiving. Most likely won't test until four or five days after that.

Trying to remain calm, and zen, but I have a really good feeling about this cycle.

08/16 - Full Moon
08/18 - G's anniversary

I need to ask C when his grandmothers birthday is.

And the Chinese calendar says girl.

*blinks*

Oh my god.

It's almost November.

Like - it will BE November in roughly 29 hours (give or take how long it takes me to post this).

November.

That means......

NaNoWriMo

And holy shit, the site is so busy that it won't come up.

I'm thoughtful and scared and nervous and I actually have a pretty solid core of a story for a book.... and I think it will be fun..... and it would DEFINITELY be at least 50K words - easy.

Wow......

I really think I might do this.

*runsaroundmadlywavingherhandsoverherhead*

I'm really going to do this.

Ooooooh.

Fun.

I think what I will do is, make entries about Nano here, and just save them as drafts.... because I don't want anyone to jack my whole novel. Seriously, I think this one might be really good. Anyhow, I'll post some 'open' entries, and crosspost them to OD.

Heh.

Work is worship.

So - henna'd and conditioned my hair over the weekend - then left it out in a wild free fro, and oh, the tangles! The knots! My hair is just plain NOT happy about being left to it's own devices.

Anyhow, I was looking at my hair, and I was moaing over how SHORT it is. Yes, yes, I know it's short - but sometimes I'm - shocked - by how short it is. This awareness in no way shape or form makes me want to NOT trim - as I've set it up in my mind that - well, that I haven't really started GROWING my hair just yet - I'm just getting it to be at a healthy baseline. And in my mind, that healthy baseline is when my hair is all virgin - no bleached, fragile, worn out ends - all fresh hair. And from THAT point - that is when I'm going to seriously start GROWING my hair. *pats head fretfully* I have to keep remnding myself that it's only been - what - 8 months, and I have at least 4 inches of fresh growth - which includes the wintertime (during which my hair does jackall) which means I'm growing a good 1/2(or so) a month - which is rather good. So. *deep breath* Patience, patience, patience, I must always remember and be patient.

So - my hair is neatly bound up now, and I've started doing something new with the ends - twisting, then braiding them into a single braid, and tucking it into the middle. Not only does it hold the whole style more securely, it also 'conceals' the usually fuzzy part in the back, making the whole thing ever so much neater.

In general - the roots are distinctively thicker than my ends. I'm not sure if it's just the curliness of my hair, or if it's the broken offness of my ends, but - I do remember dealing with this before - my roots being so much thicker than my ends, but then again - I haven't had VIRGIN hair on the ends of my hair since - god. Since.................97? 95? I honestly can't remember - I've been dying my hair for SOOOO long. So, this should be interesting. It's also funny seeing how the texture of my hair changes - when I clarify, or when I deep condition, or when I get it wet and let it airdry - each one gives me a different type of curl, a different color of hair - I feel like a hair chameleon at times. Of course, it's always short though - unless it's dripping wet with conditioner, it's barely long enough to be called an actual afro, and pulling individual strands is almost a magic trick along the lines of the never ending hankercheifs.
But occasionally, the rampant difficulty of my hair will give me hope - like when I discovered a shed strand of hair had tied itself to one of the strands that was still atacched to my head, thus giving me a strand that was twice as long, as was CLEARLY APL - which thrilled and delighted me to no end, as that means I'm halfway to APL, which in my mind is another year and a half - which isn't that long at all.

I've also started to think about how I'm going to have to/want to/need to change my supplement list, assuming that I want to get knocked up in the next six months or so. I know that I'm going to have to stop taking the MSM - it can act as a blood thinner, and we want the blood to be nice & thick. The biotin I will stick with, and I'm going to switch to a topical sulfur mix - homemade MTG. The Omega 3/6/9 I'll also most likely stick with - though, I might add some EPO to it as well, if needed, to help regulate my cycles. I've gotta get a basal thermometer, so that I can start taking my temps. I'm actually getting excited thinking about this - the process and so forth. I refuse to even consider how we will handle it if it takes a while - though, after reading more about fertility, really, it seems like a miracle of timing that ANYONE gets pregnant at ALL - especially by accident. OF course, getting knocked up is a grand way to get the hair growing - though, it doesn't stick around, but STILL.

Hrrm. I think that's about it, for now.

So - henna'd and conditioned my hair over the weekend - then left it out in a wild free fro, and oh, the tangles! The knots! My hair is just plain NOT happy about being left to it's own devices.

Anyhow, I was looking at my hair, and I was moaing over how SHORT it is. Yes, yes, I know it's short - but sometimes I'm - shocked - by how short it is. This awareness in no way shape or form makes me want to NOT trim - as I've set it up in my mind that - well, that I haven't really started GROWING my hair just yet - I'm just getting it to be at a healthy baseline. And in my mind, that healthy baseline is when my hair is all virgin - no bleached, fragile, worn out ends - all fresh hair. And from THAT point - that is when I'm going to seriously start GROWING my hair. *pats head fretfully* I have to keep remnding myself that it's only been - what - 8 months, and I have at least 4 inches of fresh growth - which includes the wintertime (during which my hair does jackall) which means I'm growing a good 1/2(or so) a month - which is rather good. So. *deep breath* Patience, patience, patience, I must always remember and be patient.

So - my hair is neatly bound up now, and I've started doing something new with the ends - twisting, then braiding them into a single braid, and tucking it into the middle. Not only does it hold the whole style more securely, it also 'conceals' the usually fuzzy part in the back, making the whole thing ever so much neater.

In general - the roots are distinctively thicker than my ends. I'm not sure if it's just the curliness of my hair, or if it's the broken offness of my ends, but - I do remember dealing with this before - my roots being so much thicker than my ends, but then again - I haven't had VIRGIN hair on the ends of my hair since - god. Since.................97? 95? I honestly can't remember - I've been dying my hair for SOOOO long. So, this should be interesting. It's also funny seeing how the texture of my hair changes - when I clarify, or when I deep condition, or when I get it wet and let it airdry - each one gives me a different type of curl, a different color of hair - I feel like a hair chameleon at times. Of course, it's always short though - unless it's dripping wet with conditioner, it's barely long enough to be called an actual afro, and pulling individual strands is almost a magic trick along the lines of the never ending hankercheifs.
But occasionally, the rampant difficulty of my hair will give me hope - like when I discovered a shed strand of hair had tied itself to one of the strands that was still atacched to my head, thus giving me a strand that was twice as long, as was CLEARLY APL - which thrilled and delighted me to no end, as that means I'm halfway to APL, which in my mind is another year and a half - which isn't that long at all.

I've also started to think about how I'm going to have to/want to/need to change my supplement list, assuming that I want to get knocked up in the next six months or so. I know that I'm going to have to stop taking the MSM - it can act as a blood thinner, and we want the blood to be nice & thick. The biotin I will stick with, and I'm going to switch to a topical sulfur mix - homemade MTG. The Omega 3/6/9 I'll also most likely stick with - though, I might add some EPO to it as well, if needed, to help regulate my cycles. I've gotta get a basal thermometer, so that I can start taking my temps. I'm actually getting excited thinking about this - the process and so forth. I refuse to even consider how we will handle it if it takes a while - though, after reading more about fertility, really, it seems like a miracle of timing that ANYONE gets pregnant at ALL - especially by accident. OF course, getting knocked up is a grand way to get the hair growing - though, it doesn't stick around, but STILL.

Hrrm. I think that's about it, for now.

Your Q Score is: 17
The Q score ideally should be as small as possible, indicating maximum agreement among elements. However, even a tiny Q score may not mean optimal functioning, since all four elements may in fact be relatively undeveloped.

Your Primary Mythical Creature
Air Types
The main strength of the Air types is intellect. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this intellectual activity.

Pegasus
Air and Earth

Astrologically associated with Libra and the Seventh House

Pegasus types are theorists who aim to achieve in reality what they conceive with the mind. They are perfectionists who strive to produce order from what they regard as the chaos around them. They detest disorder and ugliness and have a particular flair for creating beautiful surroundings in which to live. They can be highly original and possibly eccentric. They are curious and open-minded but will require convincing evidence to back up ideas. They show exceptional organizational ability. Although they are among the least outgoing of the types they are very concerned with promoting social harmony. Their ability to be objective and impartial makes them popular as fair-minded arbiters of disputes. They are extremely independent and can seem emotionally distant.





Your Shadow Creature
Fire Types
All the Fire types have problems relating to anger and aggression. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.

Wyvern
Fire and Water

This shadow is both insensitive and hypersensitive. They are unsociable, emotionally illiterate, and mean-minded. Relations with others are characterized by conflict and calculated reprisals. Passive aggression is used to full effect. These types seem to dislike other people. They are plagued by powerful emotional undercurrents and they blame their discomfort on others. They appear cold; their emotional expression, when it is given vent, seems immature. They exhibit a sense of entitlement and do not think that they should have to earn what they get. They are poorly motivated and prone to bitterness. The biggest obstacle of weak Water is to overcome insensitivity and alienation; the biggest obstacle of weak Fire is to overcome anger and aggression.

Expectations

Sometimes I think that I have exceedingly high expectations of the kind of mother I'm going to be, and I worry that I will look DOWN on myself if I am not the parent I plan on being. Yet, at the same time, I am not willing to mentally 'settle' for being any less. I think that every parent plans on being the BEST parent they can possibly be - or at least in my mind I would hope so. I would also hope that those same parents would have taken some time to THINK about how they want to raise their kids and how to guide them along. Corey and I have constant discussions about our kids. What we're going to name them, how we are going to raise them, discipline, school, friends, TV, bedtimes, eating habits, privacy - just EVERYTHING that we can think of (or some brat reminds us of) we talk about.

But there are so many parents who aren't - bad - per se, it just seems like either 1) they haven't thought about the consequences of THEIR actions 2) they don't care or 3) they don't realize how smart kids are. My latest bit of confusion on this topic - I have a coworker who has a gorgeous strapping 16-month-old son. We were sitting at lunch one day, and talking with another coworker whose wife recently had their second child. She begins to ask him about strollers as she plans on taking a long trip with him in a few months, and she doesn't want to have to carry a big stroller. Then she says He is SOOO strong - if he doesn't want to do something, I can't make him do it. In that case, she was talking about him staying in his high chair, but I had to wonder if she thought at ALL about how that is going to play out as he gets older. She is TEACHING him that if he struggles, complains, or whines enough, she will give in to his demands and give him what he wants. Obviously, right now the kid staying in his high chair or not isn't such a big deal - but what about when it comes to bigger things? Homework? Bedtimes? Meals? Bathing? General attitude? She is going to bitch and moan and whine about how she has to fight with him to get him to do ANYTHING that she wants - or that he throws temper tantrums - but she won't realize at ALL that she TAUGHT him that form of getting what he wants.

Looking back, I don't think my mother was mean or overly harsh to me. I honestly can't ever remember her having to physically discipline me - and I can honestly say that I KNEW better. Even as a very young child - I KNEW better. And I knew that there were certain things I could get away with, and certain things that I couldn't, and nothing more than the respect and LOVE I had for my mother kept me in line. I wasn't one of those children you see now-a-days in stores cringing as their parent reaches in to scoop them up - I was one of those children who never HAD to be scooped up for acting out. I also wonder if that is more the fact of the KIND of child I was, or if it was because of how I was raised. I believe that it was because of how I was raised.
There are several things that my mother did that I have SWORN to do for my children - simply because it makes sense.
1) Let them pick out their own clothes. My mother would select several mix & match options, but I would pick out what I actually wore that day. I did this from - 2? 3? years old.
2) Feed them what they need to eat. The concept of a child not eating anything but apples & hotdogs sounds like nothing BUT lazy parenting to me. I was usually consulted about what I would LIKE to have for dinner. Sometimes I go it, sometimes I didn't. If I didn't like what was served, I didn't have to eat, and I could go to bed hungry. It wasn't a punishment - it was me fully feeling the result of my actions. She never tried to feed me food that I hated, and she never had to fret about making everyone at the table happy.
3) Allow privacy. I firmly believe that every member of the family DESERVES privacy. Always. I had a friend who wasn't allowed to close her bedroom door - and that always creeped me out. Forbidding your child privacy insinuates that you do NOT trust them, no matter how much you may say that you do. I think the one and ONLY time my mother 'searched' my room, I was sitting there on the bed, bawling about something, and I fully deserved to have my room searched. I was 15 then, and I still believe that she never snooped in my room without my permission.
4) Mutual Respect. Some parents feel that they can treat their children as they would rather NOT be treated - and wonder why the kids treat them the same way. I won't snoop through my kids’ stuff. I will ask permission before I use anything of theirs. I will knock on their door before walking in. I will apologize/admit when I'm wrong. I won't act like I know everything & that I'm always right.

So. I know that no parent ever wants to FEEL like they are raising their children 'wrong'. Hell, I don't know if there really is a WRONG way to raise your child if you provide love and boundaries. But in my heart, I know that I have an image of a right way to raise our children - and I can only hope that we are strong enough to do it.

Foreboding

For the last few days, I've had a creeping sensation of foreboding. This morning, as I drove to work and saw that gas prices had jumped by 30 cents overnight, that foreboding rushed into words. I think - have a creeping feeling - that something very major is going to happen - many people will die - and the United States will be in full fledged war - before the month is out.

*shivers*

I tend not to watch the news much, mainly because I think that it's a waste of time to listen to the propaganda or the tragedies - which seems to be all that the television nightly news casters talk about. I rarely read the news - somewhat forthe same reason, but also because most of what is going on in the world today is saddeninng, maddeninng, and depressing. I TRY to lead a serene life, and I rarely am willing to deal with that sort of mental pollution.

So - while some of this 'feeling' I'm sure is caused by my awareness of how rapidly the US is ramping up - coming to full speed and damn anyone who get's in their way...I also remember how I had the nastiest sense of foreboding as I boarded a plane from Paris to Chicago around 3amEST September 11th, 2001.

I don't like this feeling. It makes me want to go home, gather all my loved ones around me, and shiver in fear until the gray feeling of danger fades away.
What scares me the most is that this feeling may never fade away.

The Stars Have It...

Jazzy's behavior as a partner

Sun in Capricorn for jazzy
Jazzy probably has trouble expressing her feelings. She is an introvert who has a kind of defiance for the world around her. She fears her own feelings, because they are unpredictable and unreliable. In her quest to be a part of something, she has a tendency to formalize everything, to give it shape. She is immovable toward her theories and ideologies, and she likes to study things in depth. Finding the solutions to difficult problems gives her great satisfaction. Jazzy is perseverant and frugal, self-disciplined and pragmatic, and capable of accomplishing great things. Behind her cold attitude is someone very sensitive, and tender hearted; someone who is hungry for passion. But it is hard for her to express her emotions, because, for her, they are not rational. Her incredible patience and self-control allow her to endure restrictions and frustrations that, at least for most of us, would be unbearable. In her relationships with men, she often plays the role of the older sister, as she takes it upon herself to take care of them, and build a stable and happy home for them.

Moon in Scorpio for jazzy
jazzy has a strong animal magnetism about her. She seeks out experiences rich in emotion, yet, curiously enough, she controls her emotions and keeps her feelings inside her. Her more instinctive side sometimes makes her a very jealous and possessive person. She can actually become very aggressive in certain circumstances. Her powerful sensuality gives sex an important role in her life. Her personal life, and her relationships with men can often be difficult for her to handle.

Influence of sun and moon on jazzy
jazzy comes off as a cold and inhibited person, when inside her, she is destabilized by powerful and destructive passions. Because of this, her love life will not be simple. She is much more comfortable in her professional life, because her strong ambition gives her the opportunity to dream. She tends to scare a lot of men with her hard, demanding attitude. She needs to finally admit to herself that her feelings are not just going to go away, and that no matter how successful she is, she will never be totally happy until she has come to terms with her feminine side.

Venus in Pisces for jazzy
jazzy is an intensely sensitive person with a profound compassion for others. She is always ready to sacrifice herself for others, or to come to the rescue for a friend. Yet, she is both romantic and idealistic, and often lacks discernment in her decisions about her love life. She is both confused and evasive when it comes to expressing her feelings clearly. However, she is ready to devote herself to the person she loves... Sometimes she even loses herself in him.

Mars in Capricorn for jazzy
jazzy is constantly concerned with her own personal efficiency. She likes to finish everything she starts. She will use any means possible to get things done, no matter how long it takes. However, her cold, hard attitude often causes problems in her personal life. People often misinterpret her, even though she does keep her emotions under strict control. In fact, jazzy has a hard time expressing her feelings and affection. Her fear of being misjudged, or unappreciated inhibits her emotional impulses.


Chef's behavior as a partner

sun in Aquarius for chef
chef is generally seen as an idealist. He believes that human beings need to break with the status quo in order to evolve. He is an eccentric and an individualist whose unconventional attitude makes him a rebel toward any kind of authority. The hope for a "new life" is at the basis of all his motivations. He seems to love to be with people, and his friendships are what are most important to him. Although he is a very warm and altruistic person, if a relationship no longer satisfies him, he can become the coldest, most detached person on earth. His reason controls and protects his emotions. His sometimes-impersonal behavior points to a great fear of commitment. On the outside, he is relatively unemotional. On the inside, his musings and fantasies abound! He is a lover, who is in love with love!

Moon in Aries for chef
chef is a real live wire. His feverish personality makes him come off as a rather abrupt person. He is in constant motion, pushed along by a kind of unconscious insecurity. He cannot bear to be inactive; he is always looking for something to excite his interest. Chef reacts to people and situations very personally depending on the kind mood he is in. He considers himself a man in charge, perfect for a career in sports or in business. In general, he is audacious and impulsive. His family or personal life generally tends to take a backseat to his insatiable desire for freedom. This is something he should think about.

Influence of sun and moon on chef
chef is a high-spirited person who hates to be tied-down. He seems to reject any kind of love in his life, so that he can devote his life to his work. However, if chef manages to find a headstrong woman like him, who shares his ideals and career goals, and respects his independence, they could live very happily ever after.

Venus in Pisces for chef
chef is an intensely sensitive person with a profound compassion for others. He is always ready to sacrifice himself for others, or to come to their rescue. He is both romantic and idealistic and often lacks the ability to make the right decisions in his love life. He is unable to express his feelings clearly. However, he is capable of giving himself entirely to the person he loves. Chef will love his partner unconditionally and with utter devotion. He should be careful not to lose touch with himself...

Mars in Capricorn for chef
chef is constantly concerned with his own efficiency. He likes to finish everything he starts. He will use any means possible to get things done, no matter how long it takes. However, his cold, hard fighter's attitude often causes problems in his personal life. People often misinterpret him, even though he does keep his emotions under control. In fact, chef has a hard time expressing his feelings and affection. His fear of being misjudged, or unappreciated inhibit his emotional urges


The Two Together

the sun in your birth chart is in a positive, angular relationship with the moon in chef's birth chart. Your somewhat subconscious image of the ideal masculine partner is awoken by chef. It thrives in wholeness and perfect harmony with chef's own subconscious image of the ideal woman. This exchange between the deepest, innermost recesses of your psyches explains your high degree of psychological compatibility.

Planet Venus in your birth chart is in a positive, angular relationship with planet mars in chef's birth chart. Chef's image brings out your own subconscious image of the ideal masculine partner. In your contact with chef, you find a kind of unexplainable harmony and wholeness. For his part, chef discovers in you the personification of an image of woman that he had never even dreamed of. This positive relationship, between one "sexual subconscious" to another, gives an aura of mystery and secrecy to your sexual relations.

The sun in your birth chart is in a negative, angular relationship with Saturn in chef's birth chart. Saturn represents both reality and the father figure, and it is the planet that presides over our personal growth through out the ups and downs of life. These two planets, your sun and chef's Saturn, have a tense relationship to each other, and are usually indicative of disagreement and difficulty in a relationship. In your relationship, chef sometimes represents the strict, moralist father figure. He seems to denigrate your ideas and hinder you in your personal projects. Other times, he is a solid partner you can count on; who guides you and protects you from yourself.
However, if your character is not fully matured, it's safe to say you will see him as a father figure, at least most of the time. In this case, you may feel as if his intervention in your life is extremely limiting to you. You feel as if he refuses to give you the warmth and comfort you need. He seems to show an incredible amount of pessimism and stubborn negativity, when it comes to anything you decide to do. Because of your continual frustration with this situation, you may even hide from him the things you care about most. If you are not careful, the communication between you will be reduced to a bare minimum. However, if your character is already well developed, you will use chef's remarks to compliment your own ideas and visions on life and living.

This is what happens when I have too much free time at work. I was considering making this private, but hey...everybody can see how much of a goof I am being.

Stay Jazzed & tuned in for another entry about 'us'

Dream Reader

Well, this dream has really been bugging me, so I thought I would find a dream dictionary and find out what is really going on. I am totally into fortune-telling, dream-reading and all that jazz, because I believe that our sub-conscious mind sees and records things that our conscious mind is unwilling or afraid to accept, and sometimes through dreams and cards we are led to see with our conscious mind what the sub-conscious won’t allow us to comprehend. Anyhow…with all that said, I went to this site and grabbed the definitions for each of the major symbols in my dream. This is the dream and the items in italics are what I considered to be the major symbols in it.

The scene was I had an argument or something with someone, and I was running away from them. I ran to the edge of a cliff, and there was a group of five or six people at the bottom of the cliff, which was basically a big ledge that over-hung the sea. I stopped running for a second at the top of my cliff, and then I flung myself off. The last thing I remember thinking was ‘ah…this is what it feels like to fly’ then I hit the ground. There was no pain, just a sudden blacking out. Then I was ‘aware’ again, but in a different body…a few feet away. There was a huge puddle of blood under me, that trailed off to one side of me. Right along that trail, there was a small perfectly ovally smooth stone that sat in the blood. The other me picked it up, and took the pebble to my body. It was the strangest thing, because as I was walking back towards my body, I clearly saw myself lying there, neck twisted almost backwards, body humped up like I had curled into a ball before I hit the ground. *shakes head* The amazing part was the first thing I thought as I saw my body was ‘God…I am so fat!” *shakes head* Then I put the bloody pebble down next to my body….and the rest of the dream kind of fades away.
Okay…so I looked up what each of those symbols mean, as well as some other things, and this is what I got:

Running
If you are simply running with no goal, it may be an indication that you need to slow down in your every day life. Running in your dreams may also symbolize the energy levels, the strength, or the force that you have to get through life.
Blood
It is the life-giving, vital part of our physiology and it may symbolize our strengths and weaknesses and our physical and mental health. Some believe that when you see blood in your dream, the distressing situation in your life which is at the root of the dream has come to an end, and the worst is over.
Body
Dreaming about your body generally suggests that you are dreaming about your personal identity. Who we are is wrapped around what we look like. Our self-esteem and self-worth are too frequently dependent on our physical appearance. The body in general is the symbol of self, and the details in the dream will lead you to further interpretation.
Cliff
Standing on the edge of a cliff could be a frightening, but at the same time an exhilarating experience. Dreaming about cliffs generally indicates that the dreamer has come to a point of heightened understanding and awareness. An increase in the level of consciousness may have occurred. Through hard work and perseverance, the dreamer may have reached a vantage or plateau of understanding.
Death
Dreaming about death is very common and it can be interpreted in many different ways. Death is usually a symbol of some type of closure or end. It implies an end to one thing and a beginning of another. Death dreams usually have positive symbolism. If you are the dead person in your dream, it could imply that you would like to leave all of your worries and struggles behind and begin anew.
Falling
This is a common dream which usually represents underlying fears and feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. Interpret your dream by considering your primary fears, current difficulties, and situations in your life that seem to be on a downward spiral, especially those situations that seem outside of your control (financial, romantic , etc.). Superstition based dream interpretations say that if you fall a long distance in your dream and get hurt, be prepared for really hard times ahead; but if you fall and are not injured your upsets will be minor and temporary.
Rocks
The connotation of this symbol as with all other dream symbols, depends on the details and the mood of the dream. The rock or rocks in your dream could represent a variety of different ideas, but it usually has something to do with matters of this physical world. They may represent earthiness, sturdiness, stability, and a solid foundation. On the other hand, they could represent physical obstacles or difficulties which the dreamer needs to overcome.
Suicide
It could suggest that the dreamer is making progress and is becoming a more "integrated" person. All of us have many aspects to our personality and our character. Dreaming that you are committing suicide may be symbolic of you "killing" of one aspect of your self. Possibly an aspect of self that is hurtful. For example if you were a smoker and you stopped smoking in your dream you may need to "kill" the smoker in yourself.

Now, if I put all of that together, and look at what else is going on in my life…this is what I get out of it.
1) The calm leap off of the cliff ending in the death of my fat body.
I interpret this to mean that I have reached a point of understanding about my body, and my view of it. I feel like it is indicating that I have reached a point where I understand that being fat is not good, and I am freely willing to kill the fat person that I am.
If I look at the dream as relating to my emotional standpoint, I would see it meaning that I have reached a point of calm, and that I am killing the wound-up, over-suspicious part of me.
2) The trail of blood and the stone
The hard part of me killing the fat is over, and if I can make the obstacles that stand in front of me attach themselves to the same thing that the fat represents, I will be fine.
Emotionally, it would mean that I have come to a point where I no longer have to worry about betrayal or being alone, that that period of my life is over, but there are still some obstacles to be moved before I can truly say that phase of my life is complete.
Other random notes to bring it all together
Falling: I both fell & got hurt & did not get hurt. Hm. In fact, I never really felt the moment of impact…so I am not sure where to go with that. Maybe the falling is better considered to be the means of suicide, and that should be the upper-most symbol I pull out of it.
Running: I have the willpower and the force to kill the parts of me that I no longer need, even if I don’t realize it.
*sighs* Overall, according to this ‘interpretation’ that dream indicates all good things. That things I want to change, will be changing and that I will be able to follow the plans I have and do what I need to do. Hm.

Stay Jazzed.

Personal Note

You know it's too damn cold when your BREASTS have goosebumps.

I am not going to like this.


Stay Jazzed (and warm)

The Day of the Dead

A day of fun in the sun, picnics, barbecues and the first official day of summer. The day that the USA is supposed to honor those who have fallen in the many useless and wasteful battles that have been held over money, oil, and the ‘democratic’ principle. A day that the ‘children’ in DC strut out and about and show their pride in who they are, unashamedly and fully. *smiles* Isn’t it odd that they are the one group who is almost forbidden from dying in a war, but who can be killed randomly on the street?

We didn’t do much today…I met L’s sister C.. : ) cool girl… and we went out and watched the children… prayed that it wouldn’t rain… saw a wonderfully good movie called the Croupier (only showing in ONE theater in DC … you gotta love the artsty movies), went back to L’s house…watched him cook for me, and read my love cards.

I don’t know if I have ever talked about these cards (I haven’t been in much of a state to need to use them), but they are a deck of cards called ’52 ways to stay in love forever’ I use them to focus myself, and to clear my mind, and to figure out exactly what the hell is really going on. At the start of any potential relationship of mine I lay out seven cards. 3 represent the strengths in the coming relationship… what would hold us together. 1 represents the breaking point, what will hold us together or break us apart, and the last 3 represent the breaks. or what will surely destroy us if we allow it to.

I thought about what be & Papi had… and what me might have… and what I wanted us to be, and came up with the following cards:
Strong Points:
Creative Collaborations: creating and building things together that will outlast us. Artwork, writings, and the like. I don’t see that as being a problem here.
Variety: Changing up how we do things, not letting ourselves settle into a rut of a relationship. Hmm… I know that I get bored quickly, so I tend to want to do life differently every morning…so this should be accomplished with a little work as well.
Sacred Time: Taking time away from everything else in life and simply spending some quality, awake time with your sig. other. Taking the time to reconnect to each other without any distractions or interruptions. This seems to be a wise thing in any relationship, but know how I run about.. it might be one of the hardest strong points to build up & on.
(I found it interesting how these cards laid themselves out in order from easiest to hardest)


Breaking Point:
Thoughtfulness: be aware that everyone has habits that will get on someone else’s nerves. Be aware of the habits that you have that will drive your partner batty, and decide on just how much those habits are a part of you, and whether you can discard (or at least tone down) on them t allow for a more harmonious relationship. Hm. This one may be hard for me simply because I am such an individual… I’m not used to letting anyone else dictate what I can and cannot do. *sighs* in this card right here is the whole compromise issues that I was concerned about.

Weak Points:
Tokens of Affection: Provide small things that show how much you care and love your partner. Little silly things can build up so much more. Since this card showed up in the weak points section, that means that it is something that we will have to work on. I know that I am one who is like ‘If I tell you I love you once I mean it… do I have to keep saying it over and over again??’ so this serves as a reminder to me that love must be talked about and shown on the regular.
Hazardous Waste Management: Take time out to release all of the bitterness and irritation that you have been storing up about your partner before it breaks loose and overwhelms the relationship. This is a VERY good one. I know that I tend to hold things in and then bust out at a totally inappropriate time about the little things that have been pissing me off for a good long while…and I know that may cause issues.
We’ve got the Power: Examine the power structure in your relationship. Many people assume that the passive partner has less power, when in actuality they may almost completely control the relationship. *nods* I have been called passive – aggressive many times, but hopefully my habits of speaking out will balance the exchange of power.

A bit of food…a few good movies…and bed once again. Even though I have not talked to Papi since he dropped me off (I really need a cell phone) I feel so much more at peace with my choices… a little guidance was all I needed.

Stay Jazzed.