Whiiiirrrllllllwind & Ritual

Thoughts that have been floating through my mind for a while…

Sex is a ritual. It can be used to bring you closer to the…One. The Creator... but at the same time, it can pull you further away by blurring what is really going on. It can be used to open the heart…or to blur the *thinks* connection that you have with the heart.
Pain, too…can be a ritual. It can take you to another place... somewhere OUT of your usual consciousness. *frowns* This is hard for me to put into words.. that make sense outside of my own mind. Hm.
what I’m trying to say is that…there are things that PULL you out of yourself. Things that eliminate the boundaries that we place between other people and ourselves. Sex is one…and only of those things. When you are outside of yourself…you… *sighs* can experience so much more. Goddess it is SO hard to put this into words…I feel like I’m trying to say something that can’t really be said.

This is part of the reason why I want to be celibate. I’m trying to find a spiritual pat for myself…that will let me.. connect to other people.. other things outside of myself. For a while, sex WAS my religion…and in the process of conversion.. I have to distance myself from the old religion. That is why I decided to become celibate…freeing my mind/body & heart from one connection to clean it out and be prepared for another…*sighs* what I FEEL is making perfect sense...but like the whirlwind I can’t grasp it long enough to say THIS is so…and write it down…
Argh….these headaches are really starting to suck. And the stomachaches too… I almost don’t want to eat because about two hours later.. no matter what I eat.. I feel icky & queasy and stuff. *sighs* I have been thinking of eating just.. uncooked stuff (veggies and the like) for a while to let my stomach handle whatever issues it may have. Urg. I am sooooo sleepy. Good grief. I’m gone….babbling to myself is not helping me any… I need sleep uh oh ah need sleep oh ah need sleep ….. *walks off singing..*

Stay Jazzed…