late night randoms

C. said I kissed him with no passion - kissed him like a baby brother.
Then he grumps around when I don't want to have sex - doesn't one almost assume the other?

More on this later - I think I know a physiological solution to my very emotional/physical problem. Or is it a problem because he says so? Even if I think it's just me - just how I"m build, how I've been grown, how I AM???!
Don't know - not sure - and that very fact leaves me more confused than anything else.

Bed - peace - until he stirs awake. *sigh* Not sure at all - why couldn't it be easier? Why can't I make him happy and make me happy too? Why can't we match & be easy & exactly like each other. He says my contrarieness - me being me that won't bend to him - is one of the things that attracts me to him - but I have to wonder if me being me - and being contrary to him - is something that he can handle. I don't know. And I'm not sure. And I don't know if we can handle the implications of all that implies.

I'm tired - kinda. I need to go to bed. But he is there - he's in bed - and I'm nervous about the expectations of him being already in bed is. *sigh* I just wanna go to sleep. Is that wrong of me? I GOTTA go towork tommorow. It's not very ma ture of me to exercise avoidance - but that feels right to me now. Can I trust feelings? If I can trust feelings here - where CAN I trust feelings?

Drawn out - short but long - clear but intoxicated. It's what's what - and what matters.

I'm gone. The clarity that is assumed to be blurriness any other way.

G'night.