Fantasies

I want to be a dancer. or a escort. In other words, a stripper or a ho. I don't know why...but I have known that those were two of my life goals (things I want to do before I die) for a while. why? I have no earthly clue... it is most likely because those women see just how much sex (or the offer of it) can consume folx, and that fascinates me. And of course the power thing. I think later in life.. if I can find the right perosn (preferably a man.. but hey! I'll take a women too) I will be a dominatrix. Something in my life has amde me desire that sense of control over others. And my constant fasciantion with sex simply makes that more of a way for mre to gain control. Besdies all that.. I can WORK a pair of 6 inch heels.

So why haven't I? I'm over weight.... not grossly.. but enough for me to feel that I wouldn't get paid much for stripping... sexing..yeah I could work that *Thank you Dr. Kegel* but that striping I couldn't.. and yet.. somehow the fact aht know at this point in my life.. I could actually DO that (no momma no school) suddenly my goal (the latest one that is) is to get in shape enought o be able to strip. This will require three (or four) main steps.
1) Lose around 64 lbs.
2) Get about five or six shades darker (tanning salons and southern sun..here I come)
3) Increase my upper and lower body strentgh
4) Learn HOW to strip...I mean I work it now.. but I wnat to be GOOD.

I have noticed that if I don't really care about what I'm doing.. I will do a utterly half assed job of it. But when I CARE about my work.. I STRIVE to be the very best. and this work.. this is something I CARE about.

Of course.. there are the moral isues... and the societal mores (widely held morals)...but somehow those I'm not worried about. I'm worried about my own safety, and being able to walk away from it when I'm done.
And of course.. the temptaion of the CASH that you can make in such occupations is overwhleming.

It's wierd. .but I don't think that I should be so calm. I mean...prostitution.. *shakes head* but I have always been good about separating sex for fun & profit from love. Maybe it's cuz the first person I ever loved (and still do) I have never had sex with.. never even kissed. *dammit all* SO i have never confused passion with love. Sometimes I wonder if it is even needed... if I don't love you BEFORE I have sex with you.. I sure ain't gonna love you just BECAUSE I have sex with you. Ah well.

And I don't consider the work degrading. I'm one of those feminists who firmly believes that a womans place is wherever she wants to be.. in the kitchen... in the boardroom...in the air.. on her back. Hey.. whatevver works for YOU.

Stay Jazzed.