EBay is the devil

or - "I Need a Sugar Daddy!!"
*drools*

EBay has a PREMIER section - aaahhhhhhhhhh


On auction for $2,000 minimum – expected to go for up to $5,000



On auction for $2,500 minimum, expected to go for up to $7,000.


On auction for $1,250 minimum, expected to go for up to $3,500.

*sighs* Diamonds & Pearls. I think pearls and sapphires will fuel my next obsession.

soooo pretttttyyy!!!!

And how appropiate for a Smurf

I'm

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

Role Modeling

I’m better – more or less.

It’s odd how we are struggling to a conclusion to an issue that we can’t really define.

It’s frustrating and scary to have no basis on which to base how ‘THIS’ works.  We are blazing our own trail, trying to create our own paradigm of how our life together is going to work.  In most things, we have at least a little experience in how things are ‘supposed’ to work.  When it comes to money – we have two very different philosophies of how we should handle it – both individually and in unison, and it makes arguments/discussions long and drawn out and tinged with so much other stuff that may or may not really have anything to do with the current issue.

I refuse to have the relationship that my mother and my stepfather had. Hell – I refuse to have the relationship that most of the married people I knew growing up had.  So instead of a guide towards what is good and purposeful – I have a ‘don’t go there’ list.  And while I’m avoiding the stuff on that list, I don’t have a concrete idea of where else we CAN go.

He doesn’t want to have his grandparents’ relationship…but he too has nothing else to base a marriage type thing on. 

We are flying blind and  right now, we are crashing into each other.  

But we are slowly working towards a conclusion.  It’s taking a lot of talking, some compromise, and a willingness to let go of blocks that protect us from others when it comes to each other – cuz they are preventing us from really being ‘us’.

Gah.  At least I’m not tired anymore.  And I get paid today.  And I don’t have to work Sunday. 

*sighs*

Jasmyn

Sooooo sparkly warkly....

*clears throat*

*climbs on really big rock*

*takes deep breath*

I GOT MY RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was delivered to the house – but wonderful dense boy had no clue what it was.
And damn, it’s gorgeous.  No – you are not understanding me – this thing is lovely.   It’s big without being too big –  we could have gone smaller (but why??).  The setting is very simple, understated and elegant.  And dammit, it looks GOOD on me. I have to get used to it being there, as I keep catching little sparks out of the corner of my eye.  In this office it’s rather understand – just a shiny gleam. Outside though?? Oh my GOD!!! Rainbows and flashes of bright bright light.  Lovely – I want to get a digital camera JUST to take pictures of it.

*sighs*

I’m sated, satisfied and thrilled. 

I gave him his ring last night – he liked it but he didn’t like it as much as I did, so we are going to go out and look for something else. :) Which is quite okay with me…as I did the same thing…so most likely tomorrow when we go to set up the Wedding account, we might swing by the mall as well and try to find something more to his liking.

I’m relaxed, laid back and calm.

Now I need to find something ELSE to obsess about.

*Grins*

Pictures will be forthcoming.

Jasmyn

Impatience

*twitches*

My ring has arrived in Indianapolis.  *twitch* I think it’s at Corporate Center in the mail room *twitch* I want it want it want it want it *twitch* NOW!!!!!!  I hope that the mail goes out more than once a day. Please? Please?? *sighs* Well…just to avoid driving myself batty (any further), I have decided I’m not going to get it until tomorrow. That way, if I get it today, I’ll be overjoyed. If I get it tomorrow, I won’t be crazy from waiting.

Thankfully I did enough running around yesterday that Dear Heart didn’t even consider asking me about the ring. *sighs* If I get it tonight, I’m waking him up to present the gifts. Hell… if I get it  tomorrow I’m doing the same freaking thing. A very very last minute V-Day gift.  *sighs* 

I still don’t know what I’m getting him for his birthday.  Most likely the knives. *sighs*

Gah.

The kitlings were not TOO mad at me over the whole shutting them in a room thing…so I did it again today.  :)  They will forgive me I’m sure.  At some point. This century. 

*sighs* Baby showers are so much FUN!!!  I must admit, this is the first time that I have been at one where a man was the person of the hour, but he carried it off very well. Draped the clothes over his stomach and everything.  :)  He was surprised – I don’t know why as we collect money and give gifts for almost EVERYTHING.  *sighs* I wonder if they will throw me a wedding shower. People keep claiming  that I am going to be next.  Hmm.. maybe, but I doubt it.  *grins*  There are a couple of married men in the group…young childless married men.

I was thinking that if I could save about 6 to 8 months salary, AND have all my bills but the car paid off, I would feel comfy in taking a year off to take care of a baby. Talked to Corey love and we agreed that it will be at LEAST three more years before we have kids – but most likely not more than that.  And that would be great, as I have a 5 year IUD. So right around the time that it would need to come out, we could be preparing to start a family.  *nervous* Okay, I’m going to stop thinking of that now.

*sighs* Work tonight – work tomorrow – work tomorrow night.  Yeech.  Then I work most of the day on Saturday. I need SLEEP man.

*snores*

Jasmyn

Naming Conventions

*sighs* Only 1:30…and as I didn’t get here until a bit after 8 I would feel most guilty for leaving early. 

Have I mentioned the whole name thing? I have a relatively exotic name, that my mother picked for me.  My entire name MEANS something – Success in Life as a servant of the Protecting Friend.  Pretty cool, yes?  Now, as getting married was never really in my scope, I never even thought of the whole name change thing.  But now, I gotta think about it…and I don’t really like my options.

1)Keep my name – but I like the fact that after we get married we will be a ‘new’ family with the same last name.

2)Take his name – urgh. but I like my name,  and I would prefer to keep it.

3)Change both our names  - while that would solve problem 1, it would do nothing for problem two.

4)Have him take my name – I really don’t want that, and neither does he.  :)

5) Hyphenate – um no. My last name alone is more than long the freak enough.

6) Move my last name to my middle name, drop the middle name, and tack his onto the end.  – While this would allow me to keep my name in spirit, really I would be taking his name, as that is what I would be using.

7) Use his name in social situations and use my name officially.  – Blah. Too much freaking trouble.

Those are everything I have thought of, and none really spin my bucket.  For simplicity, I will most likely end up taking his name, and moving my last name to be my middle name. 

The reason I thought of this is because I have been trying to use the ‘new’ name as much as possible when I’m creating new internet accounts and stuff like that.  The more I hear it, the more I start to kinda get used to it, and my signature would be much shorter….but I just CAN’T give up my connection to my mom so easily.  Bleh.

Hmm.. what else?  I worked last night with this amazingly bubbly girly (21) who has been married for close to 6 months now. How sweet is that?  She did something and the thought struck me – I wonder if she is on OD?  I wonder how many people I know or run across or bump into are members of this community that I would never realize??

Also, I met a soror of mine, and something spurred me to ask her if she was a part of the grad chapter here.  I haven’t joined, first because I had no car and no way to get to meetings, but secondly because I am nervous around older black women… I have this odd urge to roll over and show my belly with most of them.  I’m not sure if it’s a matter of insecurity within myself, or if it is some transference of mother power or WHAT – I just know that I am not my usual self when it comes to most older black women…maybe I don’t feel all the way grown up, so I feel like I have to defer to them, and as I tend not to defer to ANYONE…it gives me a really odd feeling.  Anyhow, I got her cousin’s number (who happens to be the Regional Director) and I might call her. Maybe.

Hm. my network connection seems to have died (I HATE pigtails). Yet another reason to write entries in word.

Oh MAN!! How could I forget? I lost my snow virginity last night.  *grins* That’s right, it was snowing when I left work and I drove home through a mild snowfall. It was very cool, but thankfully it had all melted my this morning.  It was very pretty though, falling out of the sky so lightly, glistening in the street and tail lights. *sighs*  I still don’t like winter though. Cold crap. And it’s kinda warm today, in the mid 40’s. We have almost hit the middle of February, and if we can make it through this month, we might not get any ‘real’ snow this year.  Wouldn’t THAT be lovely.

Grrr… still no connection. *sighs* I might have to reboot.

Bah. Sucky computer. Need new one.

Jasmyn

Sparkly Magpie

I’m depressed.  *sighs*  Today, the company bonus came out – a percentage based on your yearly salary.  Mine came out to be just around 3,500 bucks.  Not too shabby, right?  In a matter of *thinks* 10 minutes it was all gone.  Gone, I tell you, GONE!   And on what? 1,700 to pay off a class of mine. 1,100.00 for insurance for the next six months and registration for the year. 700 to two  credit cards….and that’s all I spent.

And then, just to torment myself, I went wandering amongst the websites of those high end jewelry stores (we have accepted the fact that we are obsessed with sparkly stuff) – you know, the kind of store with an armed guard at the door? I’m not talking Tiffany either – I’m talking the kind of place where sterling silver dares not show its face.  And that got me to thinking – will I ever come to a point in my life where I don’t have to ask the price?  Where I can just stroll into a store, look around, spot something that I like, say I want it, and NOT cringe when it gets rung up? And I’m not talking about the dollar store either…I don’t see myself ever reaching a point where I work solely for MYSELF. And that if I choose to take two weeks off for – whatever – I can… and not have to worry about  a bill.  Okay…I might reach that point…but *sighs* the no-look buying thing?? THAT I don’t see happening.

And I think the other thing that kinda brought me down was the fact that I didn’t get that usual “ah” huge weight off of me feeling as I paid off the class.  It was more like a slow drain – tttsssssssstttt!  And volia! It’s gone.  *sighs* But…. I look at it this way. I’m better off now then I was before. One LESS bill to pay.  Now all I have to do is switch my automatic Planned Parenthood donation from that card to another (I know, I KNOW!!! but it’s so much more convenient that way, and the credit card people tend not to bother me as much about not using the stupid card) and I’m done with it. I can change the address back to my mom’s, and she will have a brand new credit card to play with. *sigh*

Hmm.. what else?  No ring yet, but I talked to the jeweler and he said by the latest, the 12th. Perfect!  So…now to figure out how to surprise Corey. Oh yes – he thinks it is MY ring getting sized. :) Silly boy.  He asked me when we were going to go and pick it up. So now all I have to do is stall until my ring gets here…which I’m verrah good at.  Hmm… I might have them send the ring to me at work. That way I KNOW that he won’t see mine and realize what is up.  *evil grin*  Yes yes yes…..

I don’t want to go in tonight… *crosses fingers* If it is as dead today as it was on Monday, hopefully I won’t have to. But if the girl who wanted me to work for her yesterday  called out tonight, then I will HAVE to go in.  Ah well… more money.

*yawns*  I’m pre-PMS’ing, as I have been amazingly tired for the past few days.

Jasmyn

Love

Oh! See… here I go again.

I’m getting married.  No…see you don’t understand. I’m getting MARRIED.  I look at Corey sometimes, and I catch him looking at me and I just stare at him…cuz…I’m going to MARRY him.  And the awareness that I have found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with is wonderful…and I see the future and it’s full and lovely and sometimes tough and sometimes simple but always with him in it.  And I just get so damn happy.   And sometimes I forget that fact.  Not the fact that I love him, cuz I could never forget that, or even the fact that he loves me…but sometimes I forget that we want to spend ever after together.  And I don’t mind forgetting that sometimes, cuz then I get a chance to remember it again. And when I do, it’s a warm joyful loving amazing, beautiful peaceful feeling and I know like I have known so few things in my life that this is right and for the best.  Cuz I’m going to marry the man that I love and trust…with full knowledge of his flaws and an acceptance of his imperfections…and even better… he is going to marry ME…knowing all about my flaws and imperfections and issues…and he loves me, not despite them, but with them…he loves me AND my flaws. 

And I just wanted to try to write down what I feel and how I feel when I remember that… so that when I’m scared of how we will make it, and whether everything will be alright… I can remember that I love and accept this man, and he loves and accepts me, and together we can work through anything that troubles us…with honesty and hard work and communication and love love love.

we love in unconvential ways
don't care don't mind what people may say
don't go for no traditional games
no games
no way
- Jazzyfatnastees

 

Jasmyn