Cheerful Chic

I feel totally wonderful now, and I am most likely going to ruin that by getting some coffee.

Actually – I feel almost totally wonderful – I have this weird little crick in my neck right where my skull starts in the back – but that’s not too bad…it’s actually kinda nice – letting mek now that I have gotten WAYYYY too much sleep in the past three days.

Let’s see – I was off Sunday, and Monday, and Tuesday – from both jobs. I don’t think I have had three days STRAIGHT off since – since – oh I can’t even REMEMBER. It was WONDERFUL. I am soooo well rested, and so relaxed and so at peace – it’s AMAZING!

Also – we found an apartment AND the site for the wedding. *claps with joy*

We went to see the Hide Away spot – and it’s PERFECT. I mean totally hogswonkingly PERFECT. A huge kitchen, a gorgeous patio, chairs, tables, EVERYTHING. AND – it’s only 60.00 an hour with a 4 hour minimum. We are thinking about whether we want to get the place for a full day – or if we want to just get 5 or 6 hours. *grins* I’m thrilled – now all I have to do is be SURE to be there the day after Labor Day to insure that we can get the date that we want. I will take the day off if needed – oh yeah. So – that’s more or less done…

And the apartment!! Oh – it’s SOOOO cute. We’re going to be on the third floor, big balcony, 2 bathrooms, 940 sqft, 2 bedrooms, a big ole kitchen, carports – just EVERYTHING for about 560.00 – which is LESS than what we are paying now. *does a little dance* It’s futher out – south of Indy, and it’s in a complex – but that means that we have a POOL and someone to pick up our packages and a clubhouse! *giggles* I’m so thrilled – Corey’s pretty darn thrilled too. And – because Lilly is a preferred employer – we get a 5% discount, and no application fee. Can I be thrilled? Can I? *bounces*

We’re going to fill out the applications this weekend and drop them off at the complex. *grins*

I’m still broke – and now we need to start looking for movers – cuz I KNOW that is going to be expensive (moving from the first floor of an old building to the third in a place with NO elevator) *sighs* much loot. I’m not sure if I will be able to afford driving to PA – time or money wise. Testing will have started back up here, and I know it’s going to be like pulling teeth just to get the first week of July off – so trying to get two more days off might be close to impossible. Besides the fact that I always spend WAYYYY too much money when I go home…

Argh!


But I’m still in a damn good mood. :)


Jasmyn

Stufffff....

*WARNING* - I'm going to start talking about this blasted thing more and more and more....until I get sick of it again. *END WARNING* 

Grr – just got off the phone with dudette from the Hide-Away  (wedding site). I HOPE I misunderstood when he said that you can’t book the site until the first working day after Labor Day.  Im hoping that what he meant was that is when you can start booking it for next year – not that you can’t book the site for a day BEFORE that – if that makes any sense.  I first thought that he meant you can’t book it for September 1, 2003 – but maye he meant that I can’t book it for September 1, 2003 until September 3, 2002. I hope. Really. 

GAAHHHH!!!

*pant pant*  Me and Corey have come to the agreement that if any of his or my family starts to drive up batty over the wedding – we will run off to Jamaica and still get married there.  Heh.  We think we might be able to get the cake for free – one of his friends mother’s makes wedding cakes and she said that she would make the cake for his wedding – so that will be nice.  So – next the caterer…*sigh*…I wonder what comes first, the caterer or the menu?

One of my favorite artists is coming out with a new CD on June 4th. I’m excited – just a wee bit.

I haven’t gotten any more responses from places – I’m thinking about just cutting them off, but I’m not – instead I’m just going to call them again, politely bitch them out, tell them what a BAD impression such slackerhood towards a prospective tenant is, and then demand that they send me a freaking floorplan.
Off to call people.  Dingys are just bad for business.

Jasmyn

Suddenly sensible

My problem, you must understand, is that what I want and what I can have diverge from each other at the very moment that the idea of wanting enters my head. But, since I have no will power – what I want tends to win over the reality of what I can have. Once I’m sated – my wants fulfilled – I frown upon the state that I have willingly launched myself into.

So – once again I’m utterly broke. Went out to dinner last night at one of the places we are thinking about having cater the wedding – the food was good but ended up being just a wee bit more pricey than I had expected. *sighs* And I really need a new tire. *sighs*

Well…last night was actually quite wonderful. We left and went to go and look at the site that I found that might be nice for the wedding. The road to it was locked, so we couldn’t get close enough to it to really see it – however we were able to get to see the second choice – and I must say that place was QUITE nice. As me and Corey said back and forth to each other most of the way to dinner – ‘ If that was the SECOND choice – what’s the FIRST choice look like???’ In other words – we’re excited.

In general – I don’t know. Maybe I’ve just been super moody lately – it seems like I can’t quite put things in perspective. I’m either in a state of naïve bliss – like I am today – or in a state of pessimistic hopelessness – like I’ve been last week. The bliss bits are nice – fun – hopeful I guess. I’m just plain NOT worried about anything – why bother? But at the same time, I’m a hopeless planner.

I’ve been kicking around the thought of writing on this weeks topic – but the way I want to state my phobias hasn’t quite solidified yet. I’ve got lots of stuff that I am scared of – some of it even creeps in my dreams with me – but most of my phobias come in a very human shape. So – I’m working on expressing them right.

Hmm – I wrote not too long ago about how depressed reading/watching the news makes me…and ever since then I have been more interested in ferreting out News – real stuff that really matters that I would have to scour the pages of the Star to find – and still I would only grab a few brief lines. So…I’ve started reading other magazines – other web sites – and while it is STILL depressing – and even rather scary – it’s comforting in an odd way. It’s still mostly about scandal and death and bribery and lies on a global scale – but at least I’m not the only one wondering about certain oddities – at least I can feel rather assured that I’m not crazy – or if I am I’m not the only crazy one by far. Besides – I feel more intelligent having at least a minor grasp on world issues. Less like the average person who doesn’t know, and doesn’t care that they don’t know. My hands are still very small, and the problems are still very large – but at least I know that it’s not just my hands and head looking at these problems.

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with one of my friends about atheism, and religion in general.
I wonder if most of my beliefs are like that – I tend to hold them quite firmly, but never express them in concrete terms for myself. However, if someone asks me about them, or if I get in a conversation about them, I can almost immediately express them in a clear and concise manner that explains almost perfectly how I feel – and it tends to surprise me. I guess subconsciously I know exactly what I believe and how I feel about certain things (and most certainly NOT everything) - but because it’s my belief I don’t feel the need to defend or intensely analyze it within myself. I tend to reject almost anything that doesn’t ‘vibe’ with me – sometimes fully aware that I am allowing my own prejudices to kick something out of my life, and sometimes not until much later do I realize how much I have turned away from an idea or concept or person…just because it doesn’t resonate with me.

hmm… I think I’m done for a minute or two.

Jasmyn

Huh?

ARRRGH.

One word – six syllables: AAAA-AAAAA-RRRRRR-GGGGGGG-UUUUU-HHHHHHH. If you actually try to say that – you’ll sound like a severely sick seal.  Try it.  Heh. See??

Sugar is bad, sugar is evil, sugar makes me wanna crawl under my desk and become Jasmyn Van Winkle. *sighs* But that Chai was just so very good. 

I have work to do, but it’s all very very boring work.  And doing boring work while tired is the worst thing as far as work goes.

So – I had fun last night. Went out, ate well, talked for like HOURS about all kinds of fun stuff. *sighs* It was just a load of tricks and fun. I didn’t get home until almost 10:30 – so that was bad.

*lloooonnnggg break*

Um okay. Lunch sucked *gag* afternoon snack sucked *gag* I’ve decided that I’m NOT going to do the Weight Management thing – instead I will use the 700.00 that I would have spent on that and getting a new computer.  Got a crapload of information from other complexes in the mail yesterday – I need to figure out a way to organize all of it. Heh – Friday night is going to be fun. 

I’m looking at planning this blasted wedding again and I’m all *gag* about it.   My main things are food, photography and location. I’m looking at a couple of wonderful cheap locations – but I need to go out and actually see them. Food? Ugh.  Catering (plus all the rentals) is too bloody expensive – though this one place does have a kitchen and they have tables & chairs and dammit I KNOW I can find some cheap table clothes and centerpieces. *sighs*  Hm.  *shrugs* If I ever get a Saturday off without requesting it I might go there – or even tomorrow!  *thinks* And maybe have a passed hor’derves with a early afternoon wedding. Eeek.
The thing is you see - once a location is settled on, everything else will have to settle into place. And I have to find THE place. I have a vision in my head, and dammit if I can't get married on the beach - I damn sure am going to have the woodland wedding I want!! *makes spoiled rotten brat face*

I've realized lately that I am SOOO Spoiled. I want things when I want them, how I want them, and perfect. Yet I can think of very few times in my life where I had the wherewithal to actually be able to pull it off. *sighs* I'm gonna be a bridezilla.

Rambling generally. Don’t want to go to work tonight. Sleepy.  Need to call Nee and see if she got my card.

Blargh.  Only have one hour left though. Maybe.

Jasmyn

The Magic of the Future

Not sure why I’m doing this – sparked some by reading the entirety of PhatPrincessDiva’s diary – partly because I doubt in my heart that I will ever be there – partly because I want a side by side comparison.

And some – cuz I wanna shock myself.



........ Now ..................................................... Then





So - the difference between these two pictures is about 100 pounds. The Now one is me (more or less - more like more *sigh*) now - the Then one is me (maybe) after 100 pounds are gone. The Now one actually does look like me - hips & thighs & belly - though my boobs are MUCH bigger. Heh. THe skinny one?? *shrugs* I don't know. The first time I have recorded (in my very first diary) my weight - I weighed 160 pounds - and I was most likely about 4'8. I'm 5'6 now - and the skinny version wieghs 140 pds. I've NEVER been that small. And honestly - it's scary. I think the lightest I have been in recent history was 180 - and that was while I was on Atkins - I was wearing a 16 - sometimes a snug 14. Right now, I'm wearing a 22 or somemtimes and 18/20...and you know I'm going to try to extrapolate from those two what the size of the itty bitty girly is. Okay - it looks like I might drop a size every 20 pounds or so. Which would make that girly a size 12. Which is interesting because my goal size was a 10 or a 8. However - if these little calculations are even VAGUELY on point - I would have to weigh between 120 & 110. According to a height weight chart for a medium frame I shouldn't weigh any less than 130. Hm.



If you are interested in getting a model of yourself (talk about letting OD see what you really look like!) travel on over to Virtual Models and create an avatar of your own. You can put clothes on if you want - but...ah I just didn't feel like it. :)




Corey made an odd comment a few days ago – about how whatever I get my tattoo to be, should be something that represents me now, and not something that represents who I want to be. And that’s cool – but at the same time I don’t know if that’s what I want. I’m good for needing goads – encouragements and symbols to get where I want to go. And – maybe I was thinking of getting a goad as a Tattoo – but I’m not sure.

Maybe more later.

Jasmyn

Wedding Woes

I think I may have changed my mind.  Maybe – just maybe – we can get married here and then  honeymoon in Jamaica.  If we limit the guest list to fewer than 40 people (half of what my original estimates were) and have a park wedding with chairs and an altar – we should be able to keep the price of the wedding under 2000.00.  Right now, I trimmed the guest list down to 36 – the really important people.  All family, or very close friends of the family.  If we have the reception in a restaurant (actually I was thinking of having it in a winery) – we should be able to feed everyone for less than 1000.00. 

It’s odd.  When I think of the wedding I don’t include stuff like my dress, or his outfit, or the rings or any of that jazz. All I think of is the ACTUAL event – because I know that is what is going to cost the most.  The main thing that I have not priced (and I am kind of scared to price) is the photography. *sighs* I wonder if LittleOne (an excellent photographer) would make that our wedding gift. 

I feel kinda bad because I’m doing this waffling back and forth without talking to Corey. I don’t think he really cares (or minds) where we get married – as long as we do. And if we have the wedding here – he can have the officiant that he wants to have – if he doesn’t have issues with marrying people outside.  I’m kinda liking this. 

The main reason I’m waffling? I realized that I don’t want to have to be concerned about entertaining ANYONE after I’m married. I want to have that quiet time where I drag my husband (oh! oh! oh!) off and hide out somewhere away from the chaos that our families are sure to develop.  If they are on the same small island – they are going to want to hang out and have fun WITH us…. why even cause that kind of chaos? Besides – figuring out where everyone can stay (singles who want an adults only place, singles who don’t care, gay couples, straight couples who have kids…..ad infinitum)  and pay the least and have all-inclusive - *rolls eyes* my GOD!

*grins* I think I have figured out an absolutely GRAND wedding date though – and I didn’t think of it until I was putting together the wedding webpage thingy on the Knot. The date could be Sept. 1 – the third anniversary of the day we met. Cool, eh? It is also Labor Day *grins*  which may present a problem to the yucky people who don’t want to take ONE day off to come to their relatives/friends wedding. Not that I have any of THOSE kind of people on my side – and I hope Corey doesn’t either – but it’s just the THOUGHT ya know? I have been reading way to many stories of women FORCED to become Bridezilla bitches because of idiotic family and friends.  I won’t won’t won’t!! I will cancel the wedding, STILL go to Jamaica and get married there before I let folx stress me out.

Boy – that felt good to get off of my chest.

Umm…. what else? I work tonight, I work tomorrow ( and close – how yucky). I still hate my job…but *shrugs* I’m willing to live with it. My fiancé is a sweetie, my cats love me, and the weather is slowly getting more and more spring like.

:) I can’t bitch but so much …even though I have started bleeding again. Of course – that is most likely cuz my dilly ass forgot to take her pills. Thank god I’m NOT on birth control. :)

Have a Happy Friday and a DAMN good weekend.  I will.

Jasmyn