Sometimes.....

I sit and open my eyes reallllllly wide and stare at nothing.

I'm vaguely hyper, yet slightly sleepy, and mildly bored. Nothing to really jerk my chain, but just enough of nothing so that I'm aware that my chain is being pulled on.

There's always stuff that I think about doing online on my way TO work that I can't do AT work - but by the time I get home, I've forgotten what it was again. So, I have a notepad open that I jot down notes in, and email them to myself before I head home.

Frantic! Manic? I feel like I should be whipping and whirling around, a perfect paragon of productivity, and instead I'm rambling on OD - just to give my brain SOMETHING to do.

Any of you folks guru's with Microsoft Access? I'm stuck at a certain point, and it's driving me bloody bananas because I strongly suspect that I can DO what I want/need to do, I just don't know how.

I rummaged through the email that I had set up to get a job (emplykblack) yesterday, and found four emails from headhunters. Hmmm... they want my BRAINS.

I finally ordered doula business cards. I have to finish taking the certification training for the parttime work at home job I want. I need to go to kinkos and make some brochures, as well as find some nice lightweight cardboard so I can make brochure holders.

I went thrifting today (during my 2 hour lunch  - but shhhh - a meeting got out early) and while I did manage to score nicely as far as books go (I got some more 'mom' directed pregnany books) I couldn't find what I originally went looking for - wineglasses. Over the last *thinks* month or so, we have gone through FIVE wineglasses. I broke two, C broke two, and the last one got cracked in the dishwasher. I even went to PierOne, but they didn't have any WINEglasses - they had water glasses, which I could have fronted with, but dammit, I wanted WINEglasses. The Target that was right up the street closed (how scary is that? Tarjhay? closing?) otherwise I would stop trying to be all unique and thrifty and shit and just BUY a new set of six. But they are closed. Hmmm...ooohhh!! I should go to the William & Sonoma outlet store up on Perkins......they've gotta have some stylin wineglasses!! Hmm....maybe I'll go after work........

*blinks*

I always believed that if you could maintain a sense of wry humor about the things in your life that aren't quite the way you would like them to be, you will manage your way through life a hell of alot easier. Hey, I could be wrong, but it works for me. Along those lines (and in stark refusal to buy anymore winter clothes) I'm wearing black today. And, I think I'll be wearing black every Monday - and on Friday's RED .

So - the mysterious registed letter (I wish I was coming into some money too TR!!) - it was one of my ebay purchases - it was from overseas, and apparently the 'Proof of Delivery' thingy that you have to fill out so that there's no doubt of reciept ended up in the USPS's eyes as a 'registered' letter. *sigh* So, just some more lovely, wonderful, FIMO - nothing special.

Occasionally, just to torment myself (and to speed the workday along) I'll go windowshopping for a house on Realtor.com. Just ya know, to get an idea of what's out there, and what the prices are like, and how long houses stay on the market. So, I was doing that today, and fell in love (all over again) with this house that has been on the market for like - I don't know - 5 months maybe? The price keeps dropping - I think when I first saw it they was 124K, and now it's down to 103K. I don't know WHY I love this house so much - there is just something about the picture that calls to me. It's not a very fancy (or very big) house, and it's a little old, and a little rundown, but it's surrounded by trees, and it's got a good VIBE - at least the picture does. L is trying to convince me that I should go and look at it - eh, I don't know. I might. Maybe. Just to - see if the picture is really portying the house right, or if I'm just reading things into it.

Had a lovely weekend - friends came over, me & the hub had some quality time, we went out for lovely, lovely mexican (though I still haven't had any cerviche!!) It was peaceful - and interestingly enough didn't seem to fly by the way the weekends usually do - it felt like a full two days. *sigh*

 

Ya know.....

I've seen people make lists of the books theyv'e read during the year, and - I was considering doing that. Then I realized, that would be a LOT of books. And how do you count books of short stories, where I might not READ the whole thing? But still.... It might be fun. Then I realized that I can't even remember the books I've read this MONTH (which isn't over yet) and so would it really be right for me to start now? And then I thought - and really, wouldn't it kinda be showing off?

So, I think I might do 'books I've read this week' kinda thing, instead. And hey - if I manage to keep up with all the weeks, I can collate them into a 'books I've read this year' at the end of the year. Hm. Now....can I remember the books I've read this week? I think I started the Anita Blake series, so that would be easy. But - I'm certain I tossed another book or two in the mix as well. I'll have to see what's off the shelves at home.

Let's see - what else? It's Thursday!! Yay!! I've got a registered letter waiting for me at the post office - and I have no clue who would be sending me registered mail, so it's either something very good, or something very bad. I'm hoping it something very good. *grimaces* I'm so glad I didn't start thinking about the potential for badness until today (a mere two hours before I leave to go and get it) because otherwise I would fret myself into madness.

I've actually got plans for the weekend - a little cleaning, a little art, a little time with the hubster - a little hanging out with the friends - it should be lovely, really.

Hmm... I'm totally rambling now.

ciao!

Who I am

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Kiya!

1. During severe windstorms, Kiya may sway several feet to either side.
2. Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of Kiya.
3. Baskin Robbins once made Kiya flavoured ice cream.
4. About one tenth of Kiya is permanently covered in ice.
5. Kiya will always turn right when leaving a cave.
6. People used to believe that dressing their male children as Kiya would protect them from evil spirits.
7. Kiya can usually be found in nests built in the webs of large spiders.
8. Kiya is picked, sorted and packed entirely in the field!
9. Banging your head against Kiya uses 150 calories an hour.
10. Birds do not sleep in Kiya, though they may rest in her from time to time.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Schemes, and other things.

So.

*laughs* I scared the holy hell out of C last night. I got home before he did, and I was sitting at the computer in my lounge wear. He gave me this look, then said "You DID go to work today, right??" I just looked at him and said "I think I'm gonna quit." *laughs* The expression on his face was PRICELESS. It was funny, if it wasn't so damn serious.

The original plan was to stay around here until our debt was paid off (Sept of 2007) which is like what - another year and a half? *rolls around laughing and crying* Um no, that is SOOO not going to happen at the rate things are going now. But - the thing is you see, is that once our debt is paid off, we can live on about 2000.00 a month - which would make me being a doula/midwife in training so much less stressful, as C's income alone can cover that nicely, and any money I made from clients could be split between household expenses and going back into the business. Anyhow.

Where I think I'm going with all of this is that what I NEED to be focused on is paying off the debt - more so than I already AM, of course. Since it's debt, not expenses, we can't trim them down - we just have to pay more on them. And that means another semi-steady source of income, and that means a *gasp* nother job for one (or both) of us. Now, C has already made it perfectly clear that he does NOT want to get a second job, and ya know, I really can't blame him. Second jobs suck - especially when they aren't REALLY required - which at this point, it isn't. But - I'm willing to get one (something I can do at home!!!) and dump any income from there onto the debtload. The more money I can make (doing - whatever!) the faster the debt can get paid off, and the faster the debt gets paid off, the faster I can escape this mindnumbing, soulsucking, energysink of a job.

Good heavens, I'm SOO bloody spoiled. Spoiled ROTTEN in fact. But - I know what I want, and I know it ain't this, and despite the fact that this ain't really all that bad - it sucks for me. And so, I'mma fix it - or at least try.

Wish me luck.

Working the Mind....

I've realized what my - problem - is so to speak with work. It's not that I'm bored (though I am). It's not that I don't feel like I'm really needed (which I do). It's not even that what I'm doing doesn't challenge me at all (cuz it doesn't). The problem, my dear friends, is that I. Don't. Care.

Really, I don't give a flying freak. It's been building up slowly but surely - I noticed a bit of it right before Xmas, but now, it's crystal clear. My level of caring about this job is right around my level of caring about the pretty pictures on the dark side of the moon - zilch. Hell, I might care about the pictures more.

I have to stay for a year. That's the agreement I made in order to move here. And I love Memphis - I do. This job was certainly the right move there. But, I feel like - I sat here this morning and could feel tears welling up. It's - and really, I've got a shiteload of nerve whinging over the fact that I don't care about my job (I would actually rather hate my job than not care about - at least the hate would be a prod) considering it's a pretty damn cushy job, and this job is furthering the rate of our debt payoff, but shite. I - I don't think that I'm going to be able to stay here much longer. I - *thinks* it's just not - right - healthy? maybe would be a better word. I just - I'm just - *sigh*

I don't know. I don't know what I want, but I know it ain't here - surrounded by *waves hand frentically* all this. This is so not where I am supposed to be.

Days Go By.....

So. Tommorow, around 9:10pm, I'll officially be 29.

It's - interesting, me getting older - esp with all else that has been happening to me and around me. Looking back over the years, I'm certainly NOT where I thought I would be at 29, but - I'm - happy with where I am. I have a husband whom I love (and loves me), I've got a job that pays the bills and a plan for the future. I've got friends, and joy, and love. I don't have kids - or a house - yet, but - I see that in our close future. And really - I'm - HAPPY, dare I say it?

What else? As I was just recently telling a friend of mine, these are the most boring days of my life ever - but I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. I'm working with a local doula as an apprentice - she/we have a client due on the 14th (or so her doc tells her, but she usually runs long) and wouldn't THAT be a birthday gift from heaven! Me & The Boy are applying to be on Amazing Race 10 - wouldn't THAT be just - fucking FABULOUS? My mommy is happily settled into her new house. We still only have one cat, but I figure that if we should get another, one will - land on our doorstep so to speak. I've been working out (have any of you guys heard of Tabata Intervals? They are MURDER, to say the least - but my new mantra is I can do ANYTHING for 20 seconds), I've been writing, I've been working on my small business Idea (outside of doulaing). Life is -  wonderful.

I've noticed that the years where my birthday (the 13th) falls on a Friday tend to be - interesting years - years of radical change - to say the least. :) Even though my life is boringly wonderful now - I could deal with some radical change, because I KNOW that the change will just shove me - us - further down the path to the rest of our life. :) And The Boy actually made it home in time for us to ring in the new year together - can you believe I almost forogt to kiss him? *laughs* It's been so long, I forgot about that delightful little bit of tradition. So - the year started well, it's been going well, - *smiles* and I see good things in our future.

Salud!