Yes, Idon't feel like doing any work - three entries BEFORE lunch? Shocking.
I've been thinking alot as I fall asleep overthe last few nights. I'm trying to train myself to be able to fall asleep in silence again, and my latest trick is to invision a never ending ribbon - or really, a ribbon of the absolutely perfect length - about 3 inches wide I guess, that I wrap my self in like a mummy - start with the toes, and work my way up to the head. It's actually a very relaxing visualization (gradients of blue darker in the middle and fading to a silvery blue on the very edges) and it's easy to drift into thinking of other things, and then move back to the wrapping without losing my place.
Anyhow - I realized, as I was lying in bed wrapping myself up, that I don't really have an over reaching 'purpose' in life. I mean - I do, but - hmm.....now that I think about it, I'm not sure what I was really thinking about. Maybe not purpose, but more about comfort. I don't yet know where I want to live - and I think that's a lot of it. I thrive on people. Really - the interaction of me with people pumps me up - even when I NEED some alone time - I still need that interaction with other intelligent, sincere, secure people in order to be really - happy.
I need friends dammit - friends in my own area code that I can truly let down the shields with. It's - tiring and frustrating, and really, very lonely to be so alone - esp. now that I know that I feed off of that interaction and energy.
But yeah - I do have a purpose in life - a goal I suppose - and sometimes I want to move towards it faster and faster and other times I'm satisfied in creeping along very slow.......
I don't know what the hell I did to my computer screen - but it's got little sprinkles of splashed liquid on it, and I can't find any of those ever so convienent wipes here. Maybe they want us to use wet napkins, like normal people? Hah!
My fingernails are actually quite attractive. I haven't gotten acrylics put back on since late september - and I don't know if it's just some sort of change in me, but they are strong, thick, and hard. Not growing super duper fast, but that's okay - I've actually got nail OF MY OWN extending over the tips of my fingers - and I'm not super worried about breakage. But then - if they break, oh well, right? They'll grow back. And I'm starting to get used to my owns hands again. Besides - those nails weren't cheap.
I'm trying to become as low maintence in my personal hygenine as possible. I've started using the Oil Cleansing Method on my face - and oh my god. I don't think my skin has EVER looked this good. I suffer from these hideous flaky patches on both of my cheeks - dry skin that stubbornly refused to flake all the way off and instead left me with these narsty white patches (very very bad on dark skin) and in the two weeks I've been doing the oil cleansing - they are mostly gone. They've finally given up/dried out/ whatever and flaked fully off. I have to clean my face at least every other day though - I've noticed that if I skip two days my skin starts to dry out, and I'll get a little pimple. And it's SOOOOO farking cheap. I was able to get the castor oil really cheap (like a buck for a 5 oz bottle) at this going out of business sale of a pharmacy, and got a big ass cheap bottle of olive oil, and was able to reuse one of my plastic squeeze bottles (though I AM looking for a glass one) and - voila. At least six months worth of facial cleanser for under 10 bucks. Can't beat that with a stick. I'm using cheap shampoo & expensive conditioner (I haven't found anything that replaces my Pantene - I've tried the cheap stuff and it's ick). I use the Keeper instead of tampons, and only occasionally use panty liners (usually if I'm going to be travelling with the Keeper - just to give me those few extra minutes). *thinks* what else? I still have to use good deoderant - I like the way I smell personally, but I can get tart rather unexpectedly, and that's just rude to others, in my opinion. I use the cheapest body soap I can find, and I plan on starting to use Olive oil on my body as well. It doesn't travel as well as lotion, but heaven knows it leaves your skin looking and feeling better.
*sigh* I'm going to have to start keeping a penny book again. I wonder if I could squeeze an extra 40K out of my salary over a year?
hah!
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