Secret Sexuality

How can I explain it? I think like a slut and act like a prude, but I don't want to act like a prude. I'm not comfortable with my own sexuality - I don't trust it, no matter who I am expressing it with. It's starting to get really frustrating because I (unless I'm under the influence of a mind-altering substance of some sort) can't fully EXPRESS who I am. I shy away from outwardly expressing my sexuality like a burnt child shies away from the stove, and both consiously and subconciously I know WHY and even precisely WHEN this change happened, and I can't figure out how to overcome the block I've set up for myself. Also, the fact that I dream about sex almost all the time tells me that I want it - it's something I desire, but DAMN I've repressed myself so throughly I don't now how to bring it back.
I could simply try to keep forcing it until it's no longer forced but natural - but sexuality is the last thing that should be forced - it takes all of the fun out of it. I've tried just waiting on it, hoping that the block will eliminate itself. I've wondered if getting pregnant would help erase the block, but I'm not willing (nor crazy/selfish/stupid) enough to gamble a child on my sex life.
I used to be a wild child - but it didn't FEEL wild to me. I was simply being myself to the fullest - and it felt good and natural and beautiful and safe. And then, I hit a vey rough spot, and it wasn't quite so good and natural and beautiful and safe and I consciously unplugged my sexuality as a protective mechanism and now I can't get it plugged back in again, and I'm REALLY starting to miss it. And what makes it worse are these damn dreams... to wake up feeling my sexuality vibrating through every bone and sinew and realize that the only time I can get that way now is when I'm SLEEP truly, truly, TRULY sucks. Esp. since I remember a time when I felt like that ALL the time. The wind and the sun and the vibration of the train were all my lovers and damn I always had a certain - bounce in my step.
I wonder if hyponotism could work? *sigh*