Also known as Today
It’s rather sad when you write a diary entry simply because you have a diary title that won’t leave you alone. Do I have something to say... yes.. but at the same time... it is the title that really brought me to open up MSWord and start typing.. otherwise I would have put it off as I tend to put off so many other things in my life. Any how... this was not intended to be a depressing entry, or even a very maudlin one. It is one of those entries that looks at me straight in the face and gets all rude & stuff.
What am I looking myself in the face about today? Hm... life... oh life as De’sree says... I have a decision to make... one that is really to all intents and purposes made... but there area few little points that need to be ironed out. And I have to decide what will be the deciding factor here. Of course, I am once again talking about the job offer. *sighs* yeah yeah yeah I know.. so far out of a wide range of people who I have told, only one was not wholeheartedly supportive in me taking the offer. And only because I hold him in high esteem am I even still thinking about taking the offer. So... I will do my classic listing of things ( not classic here.. but in my RWL)
Pros:
1) A nice salary
2) Good Benefits
3) Guaranteed Job after school
Cons:
1) In a different city
2) In a cold city
3) I might not like the duties
Well, the pros tend not to be the things that are argued with.. it is the cons that have to be beat down.
The fact that I will be in a city other than the one that I plan on making my permanent residence in...well, I AM only 23. If I stay up north for five years and come back... I will still be only 28.... and free of most (if not ALL debt) and really ready to settle down. The fact that it is a new city, and I will have to learn my way around, well, I would have to do that here too.. once I got a car and a real job. The fact that I will be leaving most of the people I know... well... in two years or so they will all be leaving anyway (graduation tends to do that to folx) and I would still be here all by my lonely.
Okay... the fact that the city is cold. Hmm.... my main problems with cold here is the fact that I have to be OUT in it. When I was at home and had car to house to store to where-ever access, I wasn’t bitchin about the cold half as much because I wasn’t really feeling it. I am thinking that once I have car, and since where I am working has underground parking with a direct connection to the main building, I might not have to be that cold at all.. I will have enough money to crank up my house heat as much as I like, and... *thinks* how else could I get cold?? That is about it....so the next item is
What if I don’t like what I am doing. Well... there is no guarantee that wherever I go, whether it be here or whether it be there that the first job I get will be the ONE that I want. And there is also really low to no chance of me getting the same kind of salary (comparable) that I would be getting up there, at least not here, considering that here it would have to be almost 10,000 more to equal up.
So what is left? What is holding me here...at least for right now? Sentiment? Humph. A lover? Not anymore.
Friends? None that will be here for more than two years. A love of the city? I don’t plan on being gone forever. Chasing the money? Not really... it came to me. well... I still have almost a month to think about it....maybe something will become clear...or maybe it won’t. Dammit... I REALLLLY need to talk to someone who is already in my field. Mentor.. mentor... helllloooo???? Ah. :) co-workers..... *makes a mental note*
Anyway... *sighs* after all that the real reason for the title. *laughs* took me long enough hmm? Anyhow... me and Tashi went out to go see a movie.. then we went to grab some food. Cool cool right? Apparently not really (this is another of those entries I am writing as the tale is unfolding). She wants to know if we are dating or if we are just friends. Why would you want to date the person you just broke up with because the could not give you what you need? *sighs* this woman is skilled at holding on. Something told me that I should have said no to going out... but I said... ‘she is your friend.. she already thinks you are going to ditch her like last months egg salad... don’t give the woman a complex’ *sighs* So...I try, yes? And I will keep trying... but I will NOT get pulled back into another relationship with her. This may sound really standoffish and almost cruel...but I think I am doing this for her own good. *sighs* she needs to be.. own her own.... and I have never liked being anyone’s crutch. I start to feel real suffocated real fast. *sighs* woman. women. What to do what to do? I refuse to cut her off... that is not my way...but at the same time... I don’t want to let her hold on. I don’t know... I will see how life goes.
Life....oh life.....
Stay Jazzed.
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