Top Ten List (in no order)

1: He makes me laugh.
2: He is my grounding.
3: He supports my flights of fancy.
4: He's honest.
5: He can admit when he's wrong.
6: He loves me - truly, madly, deeply.
7: He's hot.
8: He's rooted deeply in himself - centered, focused, determined.
9: He makes me feel like Dido - everytime I talk to him, suddenly the cares of the day fall away.
10: I love him.


And for these (and about 500 trillion more) reasons - I'm marrying him. And while it doesn't matter much where, or by who, or how - it's going to be as close to perfect as we are....

 

Jasmyn

Phases (on the downside)

I go through these phases, right? It's NOT that I'm not excited about marrying Dear Heart - cuz I am. It's not that I don't want to have family and friends there to see it happen (cuz otherwise they most likely won't believe we did it) cuz I do. I'm just not  - sometimes - into it. I think about it and I'm all like 'ehhhhhh'.



So lately I've been fanatsizing about Jamaica again. Or maybe the courthouse...but I don't WANT to do it that way. *sigh* I'm not making any sense to myself. I want to have the wedding - with the cake and the flowers and the purty purty dress and all that jazz - but I'm not really INVESTED in it. And that's not a good thing - but it's not really a BAD thing either. It's not good cuz I'd hate to be haphazard about it and look back and wish I had done better. It's good on the other hand - because it greatly reduces my chances of going bridal. *snicker*



And I've noticed that my phases tend to sharply coincide with times that I'm either 1) missing  Corey (cuz I do - dreadfully most times) and/or 2) worried about money (which I am...most times). There have been occasions in the past few weeks where I almost (please note the ALMOST) wish we 'oops' and got pregnant so I would have a REASON to toss it all...but thankfully that's just not gonna happen. 



And then I feel so guilty for even FEELING this way - I'm mean I'm a girl - I'm a kinda GIRLY girl - aren't I supposed to be engrossed/thrilled/totally overwhelmed and giddy about planning My Very Own Wedding (TM)?? But I'm NOT...and I don't know why. It's the wedding that I'm not thrilled about mind you - not the whole 'rest of life' thing - which is the important bit. And then - it's not very well as if I could tell Corey this - I'm already wishywashy enough. And (because it's a phase) I know that next week or so I'll be slighty more thrilled and more eager to plan and organize and pay and all that jazz - but it still really won't feel like how I expected it to feel. And how did I expect it to feel? Hm. When I was in Upward Bound preparing for a performance - I felt a thrill of excitement - an eagerness to get on the stage and do my thing. I was excited - even slightly obsessed -  practing steps and phrases and everything. That's how I expected to feel - and instead I feel like I'm putting together a dinner party for coworkers. Coworkers I don't even really like. Bleh!



*pouts* Sooooooo.... what to do, what to do?  *shrugs* It's not like we're not HAVING the wedding - cuz dammit we are. And it's going to be lovely. And we're going to have a crapload of fun. But... I just wish I felt that way in my heart as much as I feel that way in my head. Ya Know??



jasmyn

Random Stuff

Okay - these people at my site are making me NERVOUS!!! I get the recipit today (thank gaia they took out the right amount of money) and on it is says I reserved the OTHER site (the bigger, but not as cute one) rather than the one I really wanted. I freaked. I think I'm really turning into a bride. Of course - I called them a few moments ago, and he had just checked the wrong thing on the sheet. We are aware that I will be calling them once every month or so to confirm that I am still booked. They're gonna hate me. *sunny smile*



Stumbled across this HILARIOUS blog (you've GOT to look at her wedding planner).


It's odd - cuz I think I'm more or less done for a while. I do need to start getting together the stuff for the invitations, and start tormenting Corey more about finishing his half of the webpage - but other than that I'm sailing. I think that next month I will get the Sam's card (so that I can start shopping there and get a feel for what food and flowers they have) and order the paper and the envelopes.



I'm so freaking wishy-washy about the favors. Sometimes I'm like 'screw 'em' and other times I have this 'list' of things I think would be cool - but I'm the one getting married! Of COURSE I think they are cool. Okay - so the list is as follows:

1) Bamboo Parasols. The pros: Can be used as shade during the outside wedding, are cheap. The cons: Who the hell is going to want to KEEP the thing and have it cluttering up their house besides our grandmothers (who are willing to have almost ANYTHING cluttering up their houses).

2) Brass Bookmarks. The pros: Useful, small, is a nod to how we met (he walked up to me and asked me what I was reading. I needed a bookmark - get it??). The cons: The minimum order is 100 (we are inviting 80, but HOPING for 50 people to show),they are damn expensive, and most of our guests aren't the huge bookworms we are.

3) Tins of color coordinated M&Ms. The pros: Almost everyone likes M&M's - and for those few who don't, there are plenty more who will. The tins (aluminum with glass tops) can be reused for whatever (we all need itty bitty junk holders) and are easy to transport back home. The cons: I'd have to etch the top of each and every one of them - which I might want to start soon if I'm getting that. They are kinda expensive - more expensive than the parasols, cheaper than the bookmarks...and the biggest thing - it's just so STANDARD. *sigh* I might as well give out Jordan Almonds. *shudder*



I suspect that I will end up with either nothing or the candy - but we shall see. It's kinda scary that I can no longer say "Oh - it's over a year away - I've got TIMEEEEEEEEE". *sigh* Yeech.

And Corey has STILL not asked the officiant or the baker. I'mma hurt him.



Jasmyn

Gifts and the like...

So - we haven't registered yet, though we know what stores we WANT to register at (Target, Williams-Sonoma, Crate & Barrel and Pier One). People have already began to ask us if we have registered - which is cool as that means they plan on getting us stuff - but it's also kinda weird.

So - anyhow, my mother - being the wonderflly difficult woman that she is - decided that there is no way in Heaven's name that SHE (mother of the bride and all) was going to get us something from there. So - instead she said that she will buy us our wedding rings. *smiles* She said that she wanted to get us something that we would cherish and KEEP for all time. *big ole cheesy grin* So - naturally my eyes have gotten REAL big as far as what I want. *grins* So...I told Corey and he was REALLY excited about that (one of the big expenses we foresaw) and we think that we want to get matching bands. Of course - since my ring is funny shaped (it's a cross prong one) our bands won't be EXACTLY identical, but they will be close enough.



At first - I was thinking that I wanted to stick with just one ring - but I've changed my mind (even before her MOST generous offer) and want two. It feels so very MARRIED to have the two rings (at least to me it does). But - even though I LOVE my ring - there is something about the setting that drives me bonkers - and I didn't notice it till after it was set and dammit I wasn't going to start looking for a new setting at that point.



So - for the wedding I would LIKE to get a matching set - an e-ring setting that is almost identical to the one I have (but in platinum, maybe with some pave on it) and the matching band (so I won't have to drive myself batty trying to figure out what band will fit with it). I have as trong suspision that my mom doesn't know how much good jewelry can cost (she is NOT into sparkly stuff at all - don't know HOW she birthed me) so I will have to talk to her about her budget. Heh...cuz no matter WHAT it is - we will manage to spend it.



But that's exciting. And it's one of the few ways I would be willing to take money from her for the wedding -and even if her budget doesn't totally cover what we would want - I'm sure it would be a big ole chunk of it.

jasmyn

More on Divorce and Happier wedding stuff

I  thought about this last night - and actually, I DON'T think I will go and look up that stats for the lifetime of marriages for people my age. I have this creeping sensation that it really might be awful high. Offhand - in RL and online - I'm friends with ONE happily married couple, a couple of really crappily (predicting divorce in the next 5 years or less) married people, and a bunch of engaged people. :) So. I've got hope - but I don't want the numbers.
The question actually came from a Knottie - not the Knot itself.
But, I thought it was a good question, despite the scandalous stats. There are so many stats around marriage that I just KNOW have to be skewed - like that OTHER stat that say people who live together first tend to get divorced at a higher rate than those who don't - but don't take into account the fact that many of the people who DON'T live together first might not because of religion - and thus of COURSE they would be less likely to get divorced. Ugh.

---

 

In wedding realated news - I scheduled an appointment at the site yesterday to look at it again and take some pictures. I was scheduled to be there at 5:00 - I got there at 5:03...and THERE WAS NO ONE THERE!!!!! Argh!! I called both sites on the location - no answer. I paged the guy I saw the place with before - he was off, but  told me that Alex (the guy who was supposed to meet me) had told him at 4:15 when he last talked to him that he had an appointment with me at 5. The hell do you forget something like that in 45 MINUTES??? *deep breath* But yeah, I still sent off the deposit today. I really love this site - as soon as I manage to freaking take some pictures I'll show them off to you guys.
So - that's done. As soon as I am sure that I have the place *giggle* I'm going to buy the paper for the stationary. It's really real. :)

jasmyn

Okay - so I was wrong....

Ah - to refute my previous entry - here is one written by TBU - "That Bride"'s fiance.

Now I'm going to have to go & look up the real statistics. *sigh*

Fifty percent of marriages DO NOT END IN DIVORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so fucking tired of hearing that "statistic" thrown around like it is so much gospel. It touches on numerous hot buttons of mine.

1. It is used as justification for avoiding / getting out of a marriage. "Well 1 out of every 2 marriages end in divorce. Why should I work to keep mine together?" They have even come up with a cute little term for people of my age group who have gotten married and divorced already - 'Starter Marriages'. What the fuck is that? It contributes to a mindset in our culture that divorce is inevitable. Which, in turn, may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This could get me off on an entire personal responsibility rant, but I will save that for another time.

2. The willingness of people to simply repeat something without thinking because it is much easier to parrot than think. Did you know that exactly 63.58% of all statistics are made up? Think for piss sake!

3. Using specious numerical logic. This is the one that probably pisses me off the most. How was this "statistic" born? In 1976 (or thereabouts), some reading genius happened to notice that the number of marriages in the United States (as tabulated by the CDC for that year) was 2,154,807 and the number of divorces was ~1,083,000. Dividing divorces by marriages, the person concluded that 50.25% of marriages ended in divorce. Hey moron - the CDC announced that 4,058,814 were born in the United States in 2000 and that 2,404,598 people died. Does that mean 59.25% of all the babies born in 2000 died? Mr Apple - I'd like you to meet Mr. Orange.

What is the right number? It's one of those statistics that is probably next to impossible to figure out. From 1940 to 1990 there were ~ 106M marriages in the US and ~38M divorces (~35%). But this doesn't factor out re-marriages and serial divorcees, so the real rate is probably even lower than that.

**Climbing down off soap-box**

 

Interesting Question...

This question was asked on the Knot - and I thought it was a very good, thought-provoking one. It's not something that us newly marrieds/marrieds-to-be really want to think about - but it MIGHT help prevent it.

Question:
Sad but true - statistically, 50% of us are headed for divorce. So why you think that you and fiance/e will not be included in that 50%. And I mean beyond "I just love my fi so much and he loves me too." Of course you love each other...I HOPE that you wouldn't get married if you weren't in love right now. But the statistics suggest that at least for some of us, that love will fade. So how 'bout it? Share why you think that you and fi will make it when so many others have not.




Answer
Okay - One of my reasons is because we love each other. Our love has made us committed to each other, dedicated to working through WHATEVER problems we may have.  Love is a major part of what makes us WANT to get married – and I hope that love is ALWAYS  a major part of why we stay together,
We are working on our communication - sometimes it's hard, sometimes we miss each other’s meaning - but we STILL come back to each other and work through what ever the issue is, because it's worth it - we're worth it to each other.
Neither of us grew up in a healthy 2-parent family. He was raised by his mother/grandmother & grandfather, I was raised by my mother and my demented (and thankfully EX) step-father. We have taken from those not so nice relationships what we DON'T want us or ours to turn into, and we consciously work towards that.
We are both aware that marriage is NOT easy - it takes work. And sometimes we will be pissed, and sometimes we will be hurt, and sometimes we might not like each other very much. But still - what we have is worth us working through.
Over the time we have been with each other (and it’s only been a short 2 years) our love for each other has grown. We complement each other. We are partners with each other. We trust each other to the fullest of  our ability.  We laugh together, we can have serious conversations together, we have GREAT sex.  We are friends, lovers, partners. We talk about anything and everything (dealing with us and outside of us) and sometimes we don’t agree – but it’s always an interesting path.  We’ve lived together – and so we know the hot buttons and the not so hot buttons. We can say we are wrong when were wrong, say ‘I’m sorry’ when we’ve hurt the other, and tell the truth – even if it does hurt a wee bit.  We can compromise, and recognize that we ARE two different people...and thus we might have different ideas and goals – but we can boil them down to what’s most important and come to an agreement which might not thrill either of us, we can agree on.

And yes, I do believe in divorce. For my mother and me it was the best possible thing.

jasmyn

No Wedding Stuff Today....

I was on an airplane today, one year ago. By now, we all knew what had happened...and I was sad, scared, and concerned about all those I knew in NYC. Thankfully, all those I love and cherish made it through that horrific day fine. Sorrowfully, many others did not.

One year later, I’m not sad. I’m not scared. I am concerned – but most of all, I’m angry.

I'm angry that the people who are 'supposed' to be leading us NEED more than the deaths of 3,000 human innocents on American soil (as they clearly don't care about the deaths of non-American innocents on non-American soil) to understand that the world is changing and they CAN'T continue on they way they have.

I'm angry that as a nation we haven't changed one WHIT in what matters - we are still intolerant, selfish, self-centered, fixated on material wealth, and have the biggest superiority complex in the world.

I'm angry that anyone would SUPPORT going to another country and killing innocent men, women, and children for some sort of spurious 'revenge' - without any proof of guilt.

I’m angry that the United States has SUPPORTED other regimes who have mercilessly killed their own, and is killing hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women, and children in by denying them access to medicine.

I’m angry that the media is no longer the ‘protector of the public interest’ and instead has turned into a puppet of whoever has the most power and the most money.

I’m angry that so few others ARE angry. I’m angry at the fact that America hasn’t changed – and to all apperances isn’t changing.

I’m angry at the men who flew those planes – the ‘statement’ that they wanted to make could have been made in so very many other ways.

I’m angry that in a country that was founded on Liberty and Justice – revenge is still considered an appropiate course of action.

I’m angry. And I’m not quite sure what to do with it. I’m frustrated, and I don’t know where (or how) to relieve it.

I know one thing – I will give a moment of silence for those who lost loved ones, friends and coworkers. It won’t make me feel any less angry, but at least it will give my heart some ease.

God, please bless America, because we really need it.

jasmyn

Location (check!)

Well - I booked the site today. Almost forgot actually, and I only remembered because I got online and was poking around on here. Booked it for two hours the night before (Reheasal/decorations) and from 10 til 6 the day of. I figure that will give us plenty of time to do any setup/breakdown that is needed.

I think this is really going to come together well. I showed my mum the website and she had some snarkish comments *sigh* but eh, well - what else can I expect? I wanted to take pictures of the site before I came out here, but treid to scedule it way too late. Anyhow, I wantto take pictures so that I can have a solid base to determinethe best decorations/centerpieces/ all that other stuff out.

*grins* As my MOH told me - I've done the hard part (figuring out what I want) all that is left is the easy part. And I'm REALLLY trying to believe her too. Really. She helped plan her mom's recent wedding though, so I guess I HAVE to believe her - right?

jasmyn

Thought I forgot??

Even though I AM on vacation (and having a FAB time!!!!) there was no way on the entire GREEN earth I was going to forget.
Now, I MAY be a lil late - but can we HEAR it for less than 365 days to goooo???

*grins*

The friends and family met C. and he was a hit all around. :) He left this morning, and made it backto CIncy okay - sans luggage, but okay. SO far I have heard nothing but sunshie and light about him, and they are all underfirm instructions to be truthful. :) He was his usually charming self - and really I don't think it could have gone any better. :)

Well...I'm in Brooklyn right now, and it's my turn to play...so I will write more when I get back to PA.

jasmyn