continuation.

I've been married for 6 months, 2 weeks.
No, he has no clue - and it's not really a crisis. It's more confusion.
I try to bring back those feelings that I had right before we got married (ignoring the huge fight we had the night before, and the night of) and - it's just blank. It's empty - like there was never anything really there.
I tend not to trust myself - especially my feelings - because they change so damn much. And when it comes to my feelings about others - the feelings that I have that impact others lives - I'm even more - dainty with expressesing them - because once they come out, it's utterly impossible to take them back.
I feel broken sometimes - like i will never - can never - have a solid, intense relationship. That I back away - mentally or emotionally - when it just becomes all too much - when it starts asking more of me than I am comfortable giving.
I've been seriously reconsidering my desire to have kids because of this - a husband, I can leave (not easily - but I can leave) if I truly can't handle it anymore. Children - no matter how old - are for life - and it would kill me to leave them because otherwise it was killing me.
What the hell is going on in my head?