not sure....

I've found that doing what I want - even more so - just being me - makes me happy.
That not worrying - not even caring about what someone else thinks about me or what I'm doing - besides me - makes me glow - literally.
And - I like that.
I've been - mulling, I suppose is the best word - over whether I should have gotten married. Don't get me wrong - I do still love C, and I don't think I'd like to live the rest of my life without him - but at the same time - I don't like the feeling of being possesed.
I want a man to treat me like I'm not his.
I want to be able to treat a man like he's not mine - it makes it more precious - more valuable - more - transient, I suppose.
I want to move out of the States so damn badly that it hurts. I'm happy, I suppose, to be 'home' but - *sigh* there are so many little things that drive me crazy about here - not even the politcal climate just the social climate - and make me miss Geneva so badly that I almost want to beg to be sent back - crappy weather and all.
I might still have a chance to move to Italy in the next 4-6 months. Maybe. I can't get anyone to give me a straightforward yes or no, which of course keeps my hopes up. I'm willing to sweat, suffer, cry, stress, hate, and work 13 hour days to get the chance to go - and I'm willing to do that despite the fact that I know it might not make a difference.
C just opened a restaurant about a month ago. It's going really well. So well, in fact that he's talking about staying for at least a year.
If I move out of the country, and I have a way to make it, I might never come back.
And I don't know if I really want him to come with me.