Trails....

So... over the last day or so, I've been working on the 42 Declarations - I gathered the listings from 6 different places - some were obviously from Budge, and others seemed to be 'rough' imitations, and organized them (I'm a big organizer) to see which Declarations all versions had, and which didn't. I love Excel, by the by. I've finished, and I've actually ended up with 50 Declarations. Some of them could be included with others, but to be most precise - 50.
I want to study and meditate and really think over them - try to feel out what the spirit is, and then write my own interpetation of them.
Oddly enough, I'm still comfortable with what I'm doing - I don't feel like I'm straying too very far from the spirit of what the Path of Ma'at should be. At the same time - well, I feel like - I'm consciously rejecting two huge sinks of knowledge simply because they DO make me uncomfortable - both for different reasons.

Firstly, there's Auser Auset, which is a very Afrocentric Kemetic organization. I tried, really I did, to just read through the forums and read up on what they were all about - but - it feels more artifical to me than me jsut making my own thing up would be. It feels - angry, almost, and as I was reading the forums I figured out why. They cannot seem to say one good thing about the African tradition/culture/heritage without comparing it to 4 bad things from the European culture. Now - being the cheerful American that I am, I can acknowledge that there are some rather screwed up things that are a part of our culture, and I can acknowledge the fact that American culture IS largely a product of Europe - but I have a really hard time dealing with a group of people who so fiercely hold onto this Grudge. And yes, the capitalization was purposeful. I also have a very hard time dealing with ANY group that still considers homosexuality to be a perversion. It's sad though - something that I haven't fully been able to come to grips with - is the fact that sometimes I feel like a traitor - or at the very least a fence sitter. I can't deal with the Diana pantheon because it's just TOO European, and I have a hard time with the Afrocentrics because they are just TOO African.

*laughs* And just writing that out helped so much. That makes perfect sense for someone like me - I'm not really African, and I'm not really European, and I don't have a problem with that. It also helps me understand more why the Path of Ma'at (Ma'atism?) feels right to me - Egypt as well was a - mixed nation. *laughs* It was always a meeting place/mixing pot of various cultures and colors.

Secondly, there's the House of Netjer. I know exactly what my issue is with them - I have a very hard time dealing with the concept of a human authority that claims to be divine. Whether their Nisut is or is not divine, is not what I am doubting - okay, yeah, I'm doubting that too. What I have a hard problem with in general is the concept that I need a buffer between me and my interactions with the Divine. Humans - divine or not - are far too corruptable for me to be comfy joining an organization that believes one womans word is Divine. I mean, really - I think that's a large part of the root of the problems with MOST religions - there is too much dogma and not enough guidelines.
And that is the wonderful thing about Ma'at, as I read and dig up more gems (I love universities that put books online!) - it's a series of guidelines - markers on the right path. It doesn't demand that you worship the Netjer - it simply demands that you honor the Gods. It doesn't demand that you wear a certain type of clothing, or eat a certain type of food - it simply demands that you honor YOURSELF. It's - something that can certainly stand the test of time, and it can apply to anyone - whether they believe in gods or not.
I don't do well with Dogma, at all. I need more flexibility in my life.