Sparkly Magpie

I’m depressed.  *sighs*  Today, the company bonus came out – a percentage based on your yearly salary.  Mine came out to be just around 3,500 bucks.  Not too shabby, right?  In a matter of *thinks* 10 minutes it was all gone.  Gone, I tell you, GONE!   And on what? 1,700 to pay off a class of mine. 1,100.00 for insurance for the next six months and registration for the year. 700 to two  credit cards….and that’s all I spent.

And then, just to torment myself, I went wandering amongst the websites of those high end jewelry stores (we have accepted the fact that we are obsessed with sparkly stuff) – you know, the kind of store with an armed guard at the door? I’m not talking Tiffany either – I’m talking the kind of place where sterling silver dares not show its face.  And that got me to thinking – will I ever come to a point in my life where I don’t have to ask the price?  Where I can just stroll into a store, look around, spot something that I like, say I want it, and NOT cringe when it gets rung up? And I’m not talking about the dollar store either…I don’t see myself ever reaching a point where I work solely for MYSELF. And that if I choose to take two weeks off for – whatever – I can… and not have to worry about  a bill.  Okay…I might reach that point…but *sighs* the no-look buying thing?? THAT I don’t see happening.

And I think the other thing that kinda brought me down was the fact that I didn’t get that usual “ah” huge weight off of me feeling as I paid off the class.  It was more like a slow drain – tttsssssssstttt!  And volia! It’s gone.  *sighs* But…. I look at it this way. I’m better off now then I was before. One LESS bill to pay.  Now all I have to do is switch my automatic Planned Parenthood donation from that card to another (I know, I KNOW!!! but it’s so much more convenient that way, and the credit card people tend not to bother me as much about not using the stupid card) and I’m done with it. I can change the address back to my mom’s, and she will have a brand new credit card to play with. *sigh*

Hmm.. what else?  No ring yet, but I talked to the jeweler and he said by the latest, the 12th. Perfect!  So…now to figure out how to surprise Corey. Oh yes – he thinks it is MY ring getting sized. :) Silly boy.  He asked me when we were going to go and pick it up. So now all I have to do is stall until my ring gets here…which I’m verrah good at.  Hmm… I might have them send the ring to me at work. That way I KNOW that he won’t see mine and realize what is up.  *evil grin*  Yes yes yes…..

I don’t want to go in tonight… *crosses fingers* If it is as dead today as it was on Monday, hopefully I won’t have to. But if the girl who wanted me to work for her yesterday  called out tonight, then I will HAVE to go in.  Ah well… more money.

*yawns*  I’m pre-PMS’ing, as I have been amazingly tired for the past few days.

Jasmyn

Love

Oh! See… here I go again.

I’m getting married.  No…see you don’t understand. I’m getting MARRIED.  I look at Corey sometimes, and I catch him looking at me and I just stare at him…cuz…I’m going to MARRY him.  And the awareness that I have found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with is wonderful…and I see the future and it’s full and lovely and sometimes tough and sometimes simple but always with him in it.  And I just get so damn happy.   And sometimes I forget that fact.  Not the fact that I love him, cuz I could never forget that, or even the fact that he loves me…but sometimes I forget that we want to spend ever after together.  And I don’t mind forgetting that sometimes, cuz then I get a chance to remember it again. And when I do, it’s a warm joyful loving amazing, beautiful peaceful feeling and I know like I have known so few things in my life that this is right and for the best.  Cuz I’m going to marry the man that I love and trust…with full knowledge of his flaws and an acceptance of his imperfections…and even better… he is going to marry ME…knowing all about my flaws and imperfections and issues…and he loves me, not despite them, but with them…he loves me AND my flaws. 

And I just wanted to try to write down what I feel and how I feel when I remember that… so that when I’m scared of how we will make it, and whether everything will be alright… I can remember that I love and accept this man, and he loves and accepts me, and together we can work through anything that troubles us…with honesty and hard work and communication and love love love.

we love in unconvential ways
don't care don't mind what people may say
don't go for no traditional games
no games
no way
- Jazzyfatnastees

 

Jasmyn

Quarter Century

*deep breath*

 Happy...birthday...to me. 
 Happpppyyyyy....birthday...toooo me.
 Happpppppppppppyyyyyyyyyy Birthday, to me.
 HAAAAPppppPPYYYYY Birthday, tooooooo meeeeeeeee!!!

 I'm 25. :) I'm alive, healthy, childless, loved and loving, still my mother's child, still blessed with my grandmothers presence. Nutured by women to love them, intrigued by men, to love them. I'm ME...in every way imaginable. I'm who I am from the tops of my almost blond locs to the ends of my cracked and dry toes. From the Id that overwhelms me, to the sub ego that I refuse me see. And I've lived for a quarter of one hundred years. Twenty five that is. 25.

Happy Birthday, GirlChild.

The Date is Enough....

Happy New Year...had to get in just to say that, and to get an entry with the whole 1/1/02 thing on it in my diary.

Didn't do anything major to b'ring' in the new year. Indulged in several decadent activities, and watched wrestling. *sighs*

Today we are going to see Lord Of The Rings, and then we will eat out somewhere....

But hey.... this will be the only FULL year of me being engaged... so that is interesting.

*yawns*


Napping time.


Jasmyn

11/28/01

catering (including food, service, and rentals of tables/chairs/linens/serving pieces)
underwear
cake
tips
liquor
band/DJ (still waffling on which)
tent
possibly a generator (for tent lights, etc.)
photographer
rabbi
invitations (including mailing costs)
possibly programs
flowers
decorations
ketubah (this is the Jewish wedding contract, it's kind of an art piece as well)
dress (including alterations and cleaning, + maybe a headpiece?)
shoes for bride and groom (he already has the suit)
rings
license (this is cheap, right?)
rehearsal dinner and other pre-wedding activities
hotel room for us
fee for the ceremony/reception site.
Valium!
eventually, a honeymoon.

*cartwheels*

 Finally... I have a date. August 2004.  And that is okay with me.

 Stay Jazzed

Success!!

and on more than one front!!

I met the family and things went sooo well. :) I'm not anyone's new best friend, but still...they like me! They really like me!!

 And the other front? I FINALLLY talked to my love about the ring, and he is sooooo cool with it. :) Happy Jazzy. Happy happy jazzy!! *nods*

 Umm... I have slacked off on the book though... mainly because I have been busy/brain dead all weekend, and because I know I can work on it during my dull times (which are so many times lately) during work.

 Ummm... what else? That's about all that is new in my life.... how about yours?

 Stay Jazzed.

Nervousa

 Getting nervous, getting nervous. I'm going to go and meet Corey's family tommorow after chruch, and for some reason I'm scarrrred. :(
MAybe it's cuz I jsut want to make the absolute best impression without seeming snobby? *shrugs* I don't know.

 Wish me luck.

 Stay Jazzed.

The Bratty Blues

if making me feel good
makes you feel bad
and the whole damn situation is making me sad
then what am I gonna do
what am I gonna do
what am I gonna do about it
baby

if something I need
makes ya feel like ya gonna bleed
and it’s a call I gotta heed
then what am I gonna do
what am I gonna do
gotta do something
baby

but it’s just a damn want
and my dreams it haunts
and it’s really
kinda scary
what should I do
what can I do
that will make it easy
baby

I can’t tell a lie
I’d hate to see a grown man cry
and the whole thing is kinda
out of line
but what am I gonna do
what am I gonna do
how can I do this
baby

rejection it ain’t
just a dream that can’t wait
in hopes we can make it together
what will you do
what can I do
what should we do
baby

comprise is the thing
the heart of this song I sing
damn this freaking ring
what am I gonna do
what can I do
what can I do that won’t hurt my
baby

Weekend Recap....

*Grins*

Well.. that is one way to get around it. I wrote about her drunk to start off with, and I wrote about her in third person (though that was by accident). So…. I was able to flow about her for a while, and then I switched over to the boy toy.  It’s odd writing this, because I honestly don’t know what is going to happen, and I get the urge to ‘read’ ahead to see what is going on…but I can’t cuz I’m writing it.  How wild is that??  I guess that is a sign that it is pretty darn interesting.

This weekend was really nice.  I didn’t do a damn thing but write and sleep and veg out in general. Actually, I take that back. I did clean up the living room and do the kitty’s box, and  reorganize my file box (as I have to do every 6 months or so).  I wanted to go driving, but as I had left my wallet with my ID in it at work (nicely covered by a bunch of papers) I didn’t really want to go gallivanting about with expired temp. plates AND no license AND no registration AND no proof of insurance. Somehow, I think that would have been temping the fates just a BIT much.  :)  

I got up to 7114 words, which means that I am right on track. I have today’s requirement to fulfill, but I don’t think that will be too hard. :) I might have found something that will eliminate most of my boredom at work.  *evil grin* And just imagine… if I write truly for a living… I will have two jobs at once. MWAHAHAHAHAHA……

I’m so so broke. It’s really sad. Oh! and the boy got fired. :(   How much does that suck?? I went all paranoid and anal (inside my head) for a little while… and as he knows me so damn well I know that he KNOWS that I went all anal and paranoid in my head…but I just had to calm down.  *shrugs* He is good at getting jobs. *raised eyebrow* Not quite as good with keeping them…but… I don’t go to work with him every day, so I don’t know. He says that it is all about hateration…but *shrugs* I’m a relative innocent as far as  employment politics go.  So… I’m sitting here printing out some resumes for him.  *deep breath* I will not freak out. I will not freak out. :) Urgh.

Anything else going on?? *thinks* Nope… that’s about it.  I am 2 pounds short of my “Can I have another ring goal??” so that’s exciting.  Have I mentioned that I have totally changed my mind about what I want? No…. hmm… I will have to post the pictures of the new one.  I still want a princess cut, but I decided that I don’t really like the setting of the one that I shown before. *shrugs* It’s too high set. So……I want this setting:  with a princess cut stone in it. :) It’s going to be a little over 1 carat, and I’m hoping that’s not too big. *sighs* I want my version of perfection….is that brattishly greedy of me?? I’m more than willing to pay for more than half of it. *sighs*  But anyhow… this setting is a lot lower. And it has the pretty crisscross thing going on. :)  *sighs*
Next week…. well actually I will wait till he gets a job to ask him. :) I’d hate to make him feel really bad.
*grins*

 

Ummm….I broke 1800 in the car!! Whoohooo!! I need to look at the users manual to see what kind of checkups and jazz that I need.  I think I might have already passed the first milestone (1200) but I’m not sure.

Um. I’m done for now.

Stay Jazzed.