spasms

I mentioned to a friend this morning that lately, I seem to skip the righteous indignation bit of things, and go directly to pissed off and/or depressed about things that would usually get me in a high dander.

I don't know if it's the simple fact that no-one can be pissed off all the time - well, no, someone could be pissed off all the time, but that someone wouldn't be me, or if it's just the overwhelming amount of things that go on that piss me off - I can't handle the overload, anymore.

So, I withdraw. I read, and don't note. I bite my tongue. I wear my iPod at work, and consiously ignore the conversations. I don't read the paper, and I don't watch the news, and I keep my circle of friends very, very, very, small, because I don't WANT to deal with the random insanity of - everything.

It's rather - I don't know. I've always acknowledged the fact that I am a hermit, but I'm starting to take it further than just social interactions.....I'm letting go of things that really don't matter - esp. opinions and beliefs.

As I've been telling people lately - three or four people, including DH - I really don't CARE what you do - I'm not invested in it, as I would have been a few weeks/months ago, because you know what? My righteous indignation isn't going to change your mind - and you'll still live your life, as you want, with or without my input. So why bother?

It's - it's not cynical, really. It's realistic. I'm still changing my mindset around control, and management, and battles worth fighting. I'm learning that I don't have to work to get people to understand me, if THEY don't want to. I'm backing away from brickwalls, and learning the wisdom of a nod.

It's much less frustrating. It's much - easier, on me, emotionally. I'm still learning (still! and here I thought I had it down!) to not take things personally.

But then, I wonder if I'm taking the lazy path out. Is a desire to not have to fight - hell, the craving to not WANT to fight, not NEED to fight, lazy? Is my abandoning of the path of the crusader and changemaker a sign of an inner weakness, or one of inner strength?

Or, maybe, it's just a shift in attitude. I'm willing to teach, but not to fight. I'm willing to share, but not to convince. I'm willing to explore, but not to trailblaze.

I don't know. It might be fear. It might be a warning that I need to conserve that engry - that - vim & vigor for a bigger fight. It might be pure laziness.

I finally got the Dr. Phil book (Self Matters) for 2nd Realm yesterday, and I want to work a chapter or so a night, until I'm caught up (I think we are up to Chapter 5, now).

I really don't like Dr. Phil - he's smarmy, thinks he has the answer for everyone, and has a really irritating voice, but, I've heard very good things about the self-exploration this book lends to, and so, I'm willing to try. Heck, the biography trick has been an interesting trip so far - and useful.

It's interesting - I feel - clearer, somehow. I feel like - heh, I feel more authentic, and it's been stirring before I even opened the pages of the book - I just didn't have a very good name for it.
Hrm. I think I'm done.

Twisting...

I've been writing in my hair journal like a mad woman - I didn't realize I had so much stored up, viz-a-viz hair.
Anyhow, I wanted to write about my ears, and I think I might get a little - messy - and intense, so I'm going to write it here, and if it works, tweak it to transfer to there.

I'm odd that way - where I write an entry has a subtle effect on the tone of the entry itself - even between here and OD.

Anyhow, my ears.

I'm struggling to get them to size. The right side is being - ahh, difficult. And even the left side is being more resistive than usual - I suspect it's because I've moved a little too fast....but, I'm staying where I am, for a while.

I forced the back holes - which were silicone 6g'd for the last few weeks to accept a mother of pearl 6g plug - now, I have stable plugs in both my back holes of the right size, and I'm going to leave them there for a while. It was a struggle getting it into my left ear, but I managed it. The right ear, I had to overstretch with the 4g taper, and then push the 6g plug through - ah, the pain.
But it was warm - pleasent, useful, somehow. Even the soreness in my ears is - comfortable.

In Realm class this week, T talked about hugging the cactus. How, we, over the years, hold such pain to ourselves so closely, that the tiny pricks of pain become numb, and you don't consiously feel them anymore. But! As soon as you start to let go of the cactus, all of those spots of old pain hurt afresh - as if they were new. Hugging the cactus, you see?

I'm wondering, more and more, what pain I'm comfortable with. I think about that gap in my biography (which I still haven't picked back up) and I cringe. I think there is a big cactus there - and I'm not sure if I'm ready to let go of it, just yet.

I was reading WWWf, and there was a thread about EFT and Releasing Memories......and it struck a chord in me - it was rather along the lines of what I was doing as I laid in bed and redreamed my own history.

I've - I want to sit down and read the EFT booklet that I printed out while I meditate in the morning, but I haven't been having much success in getting up early enough to work out and meditate - and I opted to make the harder habit my higher priority.

Anyhow.

I'm trying to figure out how to stretch my ears out enough so that they will accept a 2g plug. Do I need a 0g taper? That would be a pain. I guess I could just continue to wear the dangles - the stainless steel ones at night, and the glass during the day - glass so that I'm not pulling my earlobes down - I've noticed my lobes 'hanging' a bit more than I would like them to in the latest series of pictures that I've taken of my hair - the larger the gauge, the heavier the earring, obviously - I think that I'm going to have to go to solely glass/wood stuff now. Maybe I'll try bone again - it was just too light in the smaller gauges, but now, that very lightness might be an advantage.

I have glass and mother of pearl - some lovely mother of pearl, too - plugs in 2g - damn. *sigh* I'll look and see how much a 0g taper will be.....so that I can at least wear them.

lifelines

I have to write a biography for 2nd realm, and it's been - interesting, and mildy depressing and suprisingly enlightening. We have to write it in 3rd person (to distance ourselves from the subject matter) and - it's slightly less heartbreaking.
It's not that I had a BAD childhood - it was just - sad. At least the bits that I can remember - there isn't much joy there. But isn't that how memories go so often? The minor wounds stay with you forever, but the minor joys that go along with them are lost in the mists.
It's one thing that I like about journaling - the fact that most often here, I'm sharing - and saving - the tiny joys in my life - the things that happen on a daily basis that make me smile, and that make me think. I don't need any help remembering the upsets - those, my brain will hold onto of itself.
So far, I'm only up to 15/16, and I totally skipped the years between 13 and 15 - ever had a book that you LOVED, but had a horrible, sad, miserable episode in the middle that while it ADDED to the book, you only needed to read it once, and the next time you read the book, you skip over that section because you know what happened? Yeah, that's about how I feel about 13, 14, 15.
I fell asleep last night trying to remember as much as I could about those years - the actual details, and not the details masked by the miasma of depression, puberty, and abuse the way they have hidden in the back of my head. It was interesting, the things I remembered that I had forgotten - esp. how many of my 'dream' homes (as in the homes I dream about) are actually bits and pieces of places I've lived in before that I've forgotten.
I still haven't worked up the gumption to write about it - I think a large glass(es) of wine might be required to numb me enough to really write about it. I also haven't continued past highschool - I KNOW I can't until I fill in that gap. *sigh* I might have to write it as fiction, that might be easier.
I'm also - oddly enough - considering sending it to my mother when I'm done. I realized that I really don't know much about my personal history - we don't talk about the past much - and I assume in her mind as well, the joys from those years have faded into the background, and the bitter regrets might be all thats left.
Last night also, as I was falling asleep, Sade's 'Someone Already Broke My Heart' came on.....which is one of her songs that I've been humming and singing for a while - TheBoy and I were making jokes about how all of Sade's songs are DEPRESSING, and that particular song was my example.
I realized though, last night, as I was thinking about my dark years, that it could be a song of hope - someones already broken my heart, and I know that pain, and I lived through it that time, so I'll be able to live through it again.
Then, I wandered into the thought that everytime a heart gets broken, it gets bigger. You can't mend something, without adding a little something extra, even if it's just glue. And that something extra makes your heart bigger, stronger, upgraded, ready to handle the next thing.
I don't want to focus on the fact that my hearts been broken - that's in the past. I want to focus on the fact that I've healed. Even if it's not fully healed, I've started healing. I've taken things I valued, and I've mended my heart. No, it's not the pretty, simple, smooth heart of a child anymore, but then, ain't no other part of me still childlike, why should my heart be any different?
And in the fact that I've healed - I've proven I can heal. I've proven that no matter how horrible the heartbreak, I might want to die, but it won't kill me. I know that if my heart is broken, I'll mend, and I'll move on, and I'll grow.
In turn, that means I don't have to fear heartbreak. It'll hurt, yeah, but I'll be okay, really. And without fear, I can go further - I can push down at least one of the bricks in the walls that segment me, knowing that I don't NEED it. My hearts not some fragile, unproven thing. She's (we've) been through some pretty rough spots, and we are all the more for it. And the next rough spot - though I might want to die in the midst of it - it'll make me more, just as the joyful spots that seem to fade away have made me more, as well.

I want to include two poems in my biography as well.....I think they fit the - interesting - times I've lived in. I kinda wanna rework both of them - the first one is almost 9 years old, and the second one is 8? 7? something like that - and while I still like them, they don't catch me the way I want/need them to.

And yeah, dragon stories are still bubbling away on my back brain burner. 9000 words? I can bang that out in a day, but a GOOD 9000 words? *sigh*
I think I'll start writing, again.

I've decided to keep track of the little nudges of serendipity that I stumble across, roughly as they happen. It'll be fun to see what sort of joy falls into my lap (new label!)

Sunday (12/30), I'm headed to the recycling center, and I figured I'd swing by Lori's and drop off the forsale sign, since she didn't come to Yule. I'm there, and slightly twitchy as I was ready to get going, but I stayed and chitchatted for a while. I offered to take some stuff to the recycling center for her, and as we are carrying it out to the car, a friend of hers shows up to help fix her computer.
Come to find out, he's a publisher, and has a current submission call open for dragon stories - Lori had already mentioned to him that I was the First Realmer who could write.

So. The deadline isn't until August - I think I should be able to churn out several iterations of a 9000 word story by then, eh?

Last year was the year of the Unseen Transformation - the changes that happen in all the nooks and crannies of your brain that actually allow transformations to happen.

This year, I have decided and decreed, will be the year of the Visible Transformation.

Transformations don't have to be fast - they can be slow and steady, like that turtletype dude who won the race. TheBoy mentioned last night how we've been working towards so much for so long (years, seriously, in ways that are only manifesting themselves now), and I commented that it's not really the speed, it's the movement that counts.

As I walked on the treadmill this morning (one day down, 312 to go!), that thought hit me again - it's not really the speed, it's the movement, the counts. Both in my successes in exercise, and my reduction of weight. As long as I keep moving, I WILL get faster, I WILL get fitter. There's really no other option - as long as I keep moving.

As I start to mull over which of the two lunches I brought for myself that I will eat today - fully aware that both have major 'exceptions' that I am cleaning out of my diet - it's not the speed, it's the movement, that counts.

So often, I forget that, and I feel like I have to fly, fly, fly in order to have claimed achievement. Is my achievement any less great because it took two months rather than two weeks? Two years, instead of one? Not at all - it doesn't change the impact of my success, it merely shifts the timeline. Now, if there is a set deadline (I don't think the IRS would be down with my movement not speed concept) - that's a different story.

But honestly, how many things in life REALLY have a fixed deadline that achievement is DETERMINED by? Heck, even the IRS offers extentions! I think so many of the deadlines that we impose on ourself are artificial, and just a source of more added stress. If we could focus on the journey - honoring every step (esp. the slow and hard ones!) and KNOWING that the steps we are taking will lead us to where we need/want to be - I think so many things would be - not easier, but more peaceful. More calm.

At least that's how I think it would work with me. It's a release of impossible control. I can't determine how long it takes me to lose weight - all I can do is do the things I need to be doing in order to lose weight. I can't determine how long it will take me to get pregnant - all I can do is so the things I need to be doing in order to have optimal fertility. I can't determine how long I'll be working - all I can do is do the things I need to do in order to make my job less soulsucking and to get us to a point where I don't HAVE to work.

Being the controlfreak that I am, the choice (and it's a choice I've reminded myself of at least four times, today alone *lol*) to really examine what I'm trying to control/wrassle/make fixed and honestly decide whether I can truly control the output, is.......interesting, to say the least. It's a little less scary than I thought it would be, as I'm now even more focused on controlling the INPUT (which ya know, I actually CAN mostly control) and letting the output come as it may.

So. That's what this year has taught me so far.

What've you learned?

Move that ass....

http://www.fishgodeep.com/
http://www.rogersanchez.com/portal/
http://www.enmixed.com/
http://mundozhoya.blogspot.com/
http://albumsandsets.blogspot.com/
http://revista-chill-lounge-house.blogspot.com/

So, I've been bugging folx for links to good, body moving, hardcore house music that I can work out to - this is the list that I have so far, and I think - maybe - that I might start subscribing to podcasts. *sigh*

That however, would require me to keep my PC hooked up to the net, wouldn't it? Or would it just gather the podcasts when I tell it to? Hrm, I'll have to check that out.

Anyhow, I wanted to save this list.... someplace easily accessible - and share it, as well.

Time rolls ever on
crashing and cascading
over the cliffs of destiny.

I stand here
in the swirls
glacier mountain beach
created, born, dying
and recreated again
in the span of a breath

I rejoice in the
dance of creation
giving birth to
destruction

And step forward
in time.

Ah, it's almost the end of the year. I usually do a year in recap, around here, but meh. I'm not quite feeling it.

This last year, really, was largely about internal journeys. I think that outwardly, I haven't changed much - if any - but inwardly, my mind is at an entirely different place than it was at the start of the year.

Generally, I'm more peaceful. I'm less stressed. I'm more loving. I'm more honest. I'm more open. I'm more generous. I'm more selfish. I've knocked down some walls and strengthened some boundaries. It's been - transformative. That's the right word.

Going forward into the new year? Ah, I expect that the transformation will ramp up - and I'm really looking forward to seeing how 2nd Realm plays into that. But, that transformation is going on the simmer setting (which is essential, for any good stock) and I'm turning my focus to my health.

I'm going to go sugar and grain free for a while, to see how it makes me feel. I'm going to start exercising (finally - I actually set the timer last night!) because I know it'll make me feel better. I had my last clove today (and I got a nicotine buzz from it too, which I haven't gotten in a WHILE) because I KNOW I'll be healthier.

It's funny, how I've delayed myself. Maybe I needed that time - that year - to prove to myself that yes, things MUST change. I've always KNOWN that I would have to change my diet, my exercise habits, and my weight to get pregnant. I wasn't really fooling anyone but myself, and as the months went by, and my belly stayed - well, we'll have to say unoccupied, as it's already nicely round - the - dread - almost, began to sink in on me. It's not an option, anymore Kiya dear, and in all honesty, it never was.

Health. That's the theme of next year. Emotional, Physical, Mental, Financial, Spiritual - I want to be a glowing ball of HEALTH. The real health, the health that makes your soul sing and your face smile, not the dry, dull, popping four pills for four ills health.

I suspect I'll journal here, a bit more, as I always do at the the start of a year, just to iron things out, and to keep a personal track of what's going on.

Note, do, that I'm not calling this a resolution, of anysort. And, it's mostly accidental that it's close to the new year. I'm on the brink, and I'm ready.

Emotional: Open up more to DH. Make more friends.
Physical: Eat as my body needs. Exercise.
Mental: Reduce TV/Computer time. Read more. (what a shocker that I HAVE to include that!)
Financial: Return to a 0 CC balance. Tithe 15% by June.
Spiritual: Daily Medition. Maintain my altar.

Sounds so simple, written out here, doesn't it? Hah. I'm certain it won't be as simple as it sounds.

Ah, the joys of Friday.

It's been a looonnggg week - between work inploding/exploding and me trying to hold all the pieces together, TTC (why is the TWW so stressful? Is it just the limbo-like uncertainty??), and the weather - it gets cold, then warm, then cold again...... so I'm really happy it's about over.

C got his last paycheck of the year last night, so I'm going to sit down, and try to work out our taxes. I'm almost POSITIVE he didn't change his withdrawing correctly, as it didn't look like they were taking out nearly enough in taxes - but, murph - neither here nor there, as I suspect that I've given the feds enough loot to cover us both. *sigh*

I wanted to check-in on my oracle - so far, this has been (as above noted) an interesting week. There was a meteor shower last night, but it was overcast, so I totally missed it - and it was cold. I don't do wintertime stargazing very well. I won't be testing on the 22nd, as apparently, I didn't really ovulate (go figure). I'm still going to get a lottery ticket - but I need to go back and read what this second week of the month was supposed to be all about.

Dec 13, 07 12:00PM

Crescent: We will receive information, we will research a bit more, perhaps get feedback on stuff that we planted on new. Perhaps get some information that will help down the road on a seed we planted a while ago. We can collect some data now. Even if you think you are not getting information, stop, and re-look at everything. Who called you? Even the silliest things, when they come up during Crescent are note worthy. A parking ticket? An argument with a spouse? A refund check from the phone company? All of it needs to be considered a message from the universe. How can this information help you?

Focus on:

Information from groups of like minded people who may cross cultures.
Information about things that are electric.
Information from cyber space.
Information which is Sympathetic without sentimentality.
A time for cooler heads.

Hrm. Haven't gotten much information, lately. Ah - got pointed to freebirth yesterday, stumbled across a new cool sort of hair tie, and.... that's about it. But then, it's the start of the cresent.

Hrumph. Woowoo.

There is this new forum I'm on - Wise Ways of Women - it's all about spiritual growth and awakening and spirit.... very woowoo.

On that site, there is a link to an article about the New Moon entering Sagittarius.

I was most intrigued with the article, and wanted to keep track - my own oracle for the end of my 30th year.

I read it, and some I was puzzled by, and some I dismissed as window dressing, and some resonated deep and low, and some scared the shit right out of me.

Let me locate myself in the present.

It's a few minutes into the morning of Dec 8th. I'm on CD18, and suspect - if my temps (once I go to bed) are over 97, I'll have confirmed O on the 5th. Assuming that goes through, I should be testing on the 22nd, but I mentioned to a friend earlier that I wanted to wait until the 23rd - since it's the full moon.

I've finally finished reading cbirth - all 43K~ messages, and I feel - energized. I want a UC. I think I want a UP - but not sure. I know that I want to be with woman. I can't call what I want 'midwifery' - it both limits my vision and - and it increases my responsibility. I want to be a resource. I don't want to be responsible. I don't know if these shoulders are wide enough to shoulder that - esp. knowing deep in my heart that I would feel like it's a drawing down of her power to shoulder that load.

I don't know. I want to do - be - something. Something quietly powerful around birth. .... I think I want to start thinking about AAMI again. Perhaps all of those emails Carla has been sending me will finally sink in.

Anyhow. That's where my head is at - and I haven't even touched on my feelings about 2nd Realm, and the LoA interest I have, or the ETF brochure I have in my laptop bag.

Anyhow. Growth. Change. Life.

Here's the article, with my thoughts slid between.

There she blows!!! SAG NEW MOON is HERE!
Sagittarius New Moon

By Tracy Cook

Many years ago I studied lunar phases with Robert Buz Myers. It is my hope that he would be proud of my work today. Blessings to you, Buz!

Sagittarius New Moon

Dec 9, 2007
3:40pm EST
2:40pm CST
1:40pm MST
12:40pm PST


17Sag16
Sabian Symbol: An Easter Sunrise Service

http://www.amazon.com/Sabian-Symbols-Astrology-Symbol-Explained/dp/094335840X


What is a New Moon?

A new moon is when the moon is between the sun and the earth and the illuminated part of the moon is very small. Technically, when you look up in the sky you only see a small, skinny section of moon.

And the not so technical point of view?

Well, similar to farmers and indigenous people, who have used the different phases of the moon for eons, Astrologers also utilize the different phases of the moon. Certainly on the New we know it is time to plant seeds. But the other seven phases are equally important.


Where should my focus be during this next 28-day cycle?
When we draft a chart for the new moon we can get a sense of the energy that will be up for processing for the next 28 days.

Okay what is this cycle?

Measured thinking, measured responses, measured moments will be the best way through this most dramatic and combustible twenty eight days. Can you do it?

Gentleman, start your engines!
Imagine you are at the Indianapolis speedway. You’ve made your way to pit to check out the action when suddenly someone throws a flame proof suit on you, pushes you into drivers’ seat, fastens the straps and yells, “Floor it”. And despite all fears that come over your body, you put your foot on the gas and are driving mach 1, pedal to the metal. Welcome to this Sagittarius cycle. It will be a long or short twenty eight—day depending on how you like the drive.

Now most of you know a little bit about Sagittarius even if you don’t know astrology. You know it because you feel it. Where any other time of the year you are guaranteed a relaxing weekend at least one or two times in a lunar cycle, in Sag there is no rest. Every weekend is crammed with someone who wants to see you. Even if it is a holiday cup of coffee. Or it is cocktail party, or it is a family dinner, or it is work affair, or a charity event. Your life and schedule are not yours’ during this month. And that, baby is all Sag.

Interestingly enough (esp. considering my hermity ways), I'm
going out tomorrow to hang out with Kelly. Next weekend, I'm going to SG's Yule
Party. I THINK the weekend after that is my company Christmas party (I SO need
some shoes). So, I definitely will be out and about more than I usually would be
- and who knows what might pop up as the month meanders along.

I think I need to promise myself at least half a day a weekend
though - at least one chance to sleep in late.

It is just awful, right? But yet you say yes to the requests. And the reason why you say yes is because of the very nature of Sag. It is a generous sign. It is an abundant sign and as much as your brain says, “I cannot possibly drive over to Such&Such” --you do it. Because you somehow feel, “I gotta do it.”

Any other time of the year you would say no. But during Sag you just feel too guilty to let your motives be all about you. And yeah, the world is NOT all about you. It is about beliefs and philosophies and religions and spirituality and education. For heaven sake we all know the universe is expanding! And the one sign who really gets it, is Sag. And that is the energy that we all feel during this time of the year.

Now take that energy, throw gasoline on it and light a match. Because this lunar cycle and its aspects takes Sag to the nth degree.

Bill Gates Meet Britney Spears

Astrologers have been talking about Jupiter’s upcoming conjunction with Pluto for quite some time. And there is really no way to soften the information. But it is huge. We are already starting to feel the two huge planets as they get closer and closer together. Now the thing about them is that they are huge but for different reasons. Jupiter is big by its size. If you want to get an idea how big, look at Jupiter in comparison to Earth.

http://www.windows.ucar.edu/tour/link=/jupiter/J_comparison.html

Daunting isn’t it? Now Pluto is big but not by its size but by its orbit. Take a look.

http://members.aol.com/bobalien99/Plutobnd.htm

Again huge.

These two are going to be on top of each other in Sag, the already bigger than life sign! Pluto has been transiting through Sag for nearly fourteen years and next month it will finally get out of Dodge and get into Capricorn. But before it gets there, it is taking a moment and doing the deed with transiting Jupiter.

Basically Bill Gates will jump Britney Spears or if you prefer Britney will jump Bill Gates. Are we ready for that?

Power meets circus, daring meets focused, control freak meets town drunk, Ebay meets PTL, Wall Street meets Hollywood, I think you get the drift. The times are a changing and this is a seminal astrological aspect for those changes. Expect a lot of activity in the news that is too wild for words. Expect to hear things in your own personal life that leave you going, “huh?”. Expect the media to one hundred percent do something rank. Expect someone to really screw up something big. Or expect someone to do something in the name of Spirit that is just too dreadful for words. And of course above all, Propaganda and Rhetoric are at Tsunami level! This my friends is a big deal time.

On a personal level you will be feeling it when you shop for Christmas. Frivolous gifts won’t feel right. You’ll want to give gifts that truly help. Or are exactly what the other person wants. You don’t want to get it wrong. Of course many will feel down, “is this all there is?” kind of vibe. It is okay to feel that and by the way, the “is” is changing anyway. Then there will be some who will feel righteous and dig in on something and it will totally alienate you from others. Or you will feel so focused and driven that your husband your family your friends will drive off in the distance leaving your focused ass home.

Funnily enough, right before I came to this page, I was checking
out MDC's Holiday Helpers page, and I'm almost certain I know who one of the TN
mamas is - and I want to help her. I've also been coming to terms with the idea
that it's high time for me to get rid of some clothing (maybe that will open up
the room I need to make some more!) and I planned (tomorrow, most likely - after
I did my holiday cards) to go through my clothes and see what I had, and to see
how it matched up with the needs of one of those mamas.

Of course if you want to get through this period a bit wiser then take EVERYTHING in moderation, if you can--or let’s say as best as you can. Or at the very least get quiet and find a way out.

Through this conjunction will come some heroes and some leaders. Someone will shine through. That is a given. But be on notice that between the time of the conjunction on December 11 and the time Pluto goes into Capricorn on January 25---all bets are off.

And even if there is nothing noteworthy that occurs during this period for you personally (which I doubt) you will still realize later down the road that the seeds planted NOW impacted you in ’08 and beyond. This is the new period of your life and of the planet’s. It has begun.

For additional reading and great history on the last time these two got together PLEASE go to MOUNTAIN ASTROLOGER MAGAZINE, (Dec/Jan2008) and read Shelley Ackerman’s article “Great Balls of Fire The Big Bang Jupiter-Pluto Conjunction of 2007”.
Order it here:
http://www.mountainastrologer.com/

It is an excellent read!


Uranus the Jackhammer

Now God in its infinite wisdom was not going to let Jupiter conjunct Pluto which will send us new ways to look at things, new ways to grow, new ways to expand our world---without a little help. Unfortunately that “help” is coming from Uranus, planet of rebels and revolutions, chaos and brilliance.. that Uranus, is going to be coming in adding a little chaos to our lives. The car is towed. The neighbor is locked out and now is joining you for Christmas dinner. The visa card melts in your hand and you end up buying all your Christmas gifts at the 99 cent store. Whatever it is, it will be Uranus doing its thing. And as much as it hurts, pisses you off and just bugs you, every time the weirdness happens, just perhaps you can do yourself a favor and see it as an opportunity. The neighbor is locked out so that you might make a new friend. Or the car gets towed and you end up walking home and run into an old acquaintance. There is a method to the madness but you gotta be smart about it. DO NOT personalize it, do not think “Why is this happening to me?” Instead be calm and remember you are being asked to expand and some stuff has to be dug up and jettison in order to expand.

Visualize a skyscraper up way, way high. Naturally, it didn’t just appear one day, it had to start with one guy and a jackhammer digging up concrete. Well, during this cycle, Uranus has the jackhammer.

This is the bit that scared me. It's - also interesting, as I've
been thinking (for quite a few days, actually) that I need to leave my coat in
the car (since I don't usually wear it) jsut in case something happens that
has me out on foot for - whatever reason.

The angel on your shoulder

So, are you still breathing? Pluto, Jupiter, Uranus, are these the three most ‘effed up wise men you have ever seen? Yeah, sure. But good news, Neptune has put down the booze and is helping us out this month. Despite all crazy making (and it will be Krazy) Neptune is going to keep the electricity flowing to our intuition. Our guts will always be plugged in. We will not be disconnected ever. Sure, we will want to scream, cry, laugh hysterically, shout, do whatever we can to let out the tension but under it all, our guts will be receiving information. Just like a little angel in our Inbox. We will have very wise prompts. We just need to figure out a way to find them for all the spam. Don’t let the noise get in the way of the angel’s touch.

Love what you do, do what you love
Another perk to the cycle is coming from Mars, the warrior in Cancer and Venus the lover, in Scorpio. The two of them are making a beautiful aspect with one another. So despite all the angst and turmoil that we feel as we sail through this month (if sail is the right word for it!) In our little lifeboat is Mars who is protecting his girlfriend Venus. You better believe he is going to make sure we get to land. He will find the way, he is after all a romantic warrior when he has Venus on his side. So, our actions will be inspired by love. Even when we want to run and seek shelter and take care of ourselves, we know we must take action to take care of all that we love. Additionally, Mars and Venus are also making a great aspect with North Node in Pisces so god bless us, we will also include humanity in the things that we love.


Mental Building Blocks

As all the boulders are thrown out of the volcano this cycle and we are all feeling so many things we will be additionally challenged because we will have a hard time getting our thoughts across. Saturn the stern disciplinarian father planet is squaring Mercury which just brings out our most insecure side. Remember when you were a kid and you were starting to write your alphabet for the first time and someone was watching over your shoulder making you nervous. Well that is this aspect. It is like we all have performance jitters about everything that comes out of our mouth. Our insecurities around our thoughts and are ability to communicate will be up high. If it is all possible to table some of the important conversations until the next lunar cycle when we might be feeling more secure, perhaps that will help. But still we can’t always be so confident and cocky about our thoughts, it is good to feel a bit humble and circumspect at times especially as we are figuring out what is next. New thinking can help find new solutions to both old and new problems.

In summary, it is a big time, it is a fiery time, it is a volcanic time, it is huge. But you gotta remember it is how we take the information and use it in our lives that will have the greatest meaning.

I must uphold my ideals, for perhaps the time will come when I shall be able to carry them out. – Anne Frank





DEC 9, 2007
3:40pm EST


New moon: Plant seeds, make calls, activate, start projects. Activate something that will ideally lead you to more. This is the phase where INTENT is critical. Even if the results are not immediate, the intent is there. You may not have all the answers or road map but you should put out your Intent.


Focus on: Begin actions about things about that we believe, things that inspire us, goals, big visions, things that educate us. Our philosophies, things that ask us to ponder the bigger picture. Get out of the way of self and act towards those dreams you want realized.


Dec 13, 07
12:00PM


Crescent: We will receive information, we will research a bit more, perhaps get feedback on stuff that we planted on new. Perhaps get some information that will help down the road on a seed we planted a while ago. We can collect some data now. Even if you think you are not getting information, stop, and re-look at everything. Who called you? Even the silliest things, when they come up during Crescent are note worthy. A parking ticket? An argument with a spouse? A refund check from the phone company? All of it needs to be considered a message from the universe. How can this information help you?


Focus on: Information from groups of like minded people who may cross cultures. Information about things that are electric. Information from cyber space. Information which is Sympathetic without sentimentality. A time for cooler heads.




Dec 17, 07
5:16am
First Quarter


First quarter: We do more actions based on the information that we just received. Or we feel our instincts guide us on something. We pursue again. We make another call or we see someone. We mail something. We stir the pot again. This can be a time when we realize that the goals we planted on New need more action from us, perhaps actions that involve breaking away. Are there people who say they have our best interest in heart but fear us growing away from them? Maybe we need to get help from others not the usual suspects. Some independence may need to be exerted.


Focus on: We act upon Humanity, dreams, visions and mysticism. What is the stuff that really moves us that is not defined by man? Sometimes we need to act on something that might not make sense but it comes from a greater knowing.



December 18
3:11pm
Jupiter moves into Capricorn

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/learn-astrology/jupiter-in-capricorn.php

EEEEE!!! How cool is that? My planet and my sign dancing together!

December 19 ‘07
9:10am
Saturn retrograde until May 2, 2008
8 Virgo 34


Sabian Symbol: A man making a futurist drawing.

Saturn will be turning around in Virgo for the next five months. This is its first retrograde since it moved into Virgo this summer. Typical of these early degree retrogrades we will be feeling our way around in the sign’s energy. Virgo is about order and cleanliness, ditching, purging, recycling, counting the pennies while the dollars count themselves. We will be thinking about organics. We will be thinking about our daily routines. Where is our exercise? What the hell is clogging up our calendars? And is it worth it? These are some of the questions that we’ll ponder during this retrograde. And of course whenever Saturn retrograde those people who are in position of power and who take a ‘father’ like role will be seriously questioned. Get your diet together. Get your foundations together. And how are your responsibilities? And who on god’s green earth is a flake in your life? If they are flakes, then they are flakes and just don’t count on them for anything. It is just the practical approach and if there is anything about Saturn in a retrograde motion it is a time for us to see who can handle commitments and who can’t. Of course the question is..which are you?

Hrrm - working on the diet (already) working on the exercise
(already), so I'm going to try to take this month and really get the both
downpat. And, I'm going to make a focused effort to NOT flake on myself.

Dec 20, 07
2:45pm
Gibbous


Gibbous: We refine our information. We pick and choose, we discriminate, we organize, we tend to be ‘virgo’ like. We sort through details. Have we missed something? How are we sifting through the information? Go back and make sure something hasn’t been neglected. Refine our actions.

Focus on: We are sorting through Earthy things. Practical things. Focus on real estate. We clarify what is stuff worth? What do you value? What do people value in you? Is it time to lay out the cold hard cash to get something figured out? The right investment now will pay off big later.

This puzzled me. I don't like seeing financial things looming
up ahead of me - funny, maybe I could use some help in a
belief of prosperity. I don't like being scared, and that's what I'm feeling
- fear, of some sort of suprise that would - shift - things. Dammit, I LIKE
my stability.

Dec 22,07
1:07am
Sun enters Capricorn
Happy Birthday you old goat.
You want to give your Cap friend the most perfect gift? Ask them. They hate surprises and they need to tell you what really works for them. Don’t waste your time being clever. Ask for a list.

FF's Test Day!

Dec 23, 07
8:16pm
01 Cancer 50
Sabian Symbol: A man suspended over a vast level place.

Full Moon: We make the needed adjustments on the things we planted. Usually emotions are up and running and for those people who perhaps did not utilize the new moon and the rest of the waxing moon, this is when emotions can get the better of us. There can often be a big emotional break, for no other reason than to get back on track. Some partnership will offer up some balance. The moon is bright and full and there is no room for shadows, what is reflecting on you?

Focus on: Balancing out Food and home. Family and children. Play. Things that nourish. Things that comfort. Honoring our emotions such that they will motivate us later. But don’t confuse our emotions with our feelings. Feelings are sensitive for sure but they don’t motivate like our emotions. Watch your tone. What the tone of others. Is it for real or a mask?

Just, yes. Please?

Dec 27, ‘07
6:14am

Disseminating: Share information, find a teacher or someone who has more knowledge. Perhaps there was a big ol’ blow out on the full and one feels in need of support and help, this is the phase to reach out to one who knows more. This is when we find a rabbi or a minister or therapist who gives us more insight. And of course, you too may be ready to teach and share your own information.

Focus on: Sharing our pride. Where is our Ego. Who can lead us to Bravery. Leadership. Glamour. Sharing the information of what motivates us so that it inspires others.

This is what started me thinking on 2nd Realm and doula'ing all
at once. Monitrice, maybe? Hrm.

December 30
Venus enters Sag
Put on your party hat!

http://www.astrologyzine.com/flirting-with-venus-in-sagittarius.shtml




December 31
11:01am
Mars enters Gemini
Continues retrograde

http://love.astrology.com/features/astrology/mars/gemini.html



December 31, ‘07

Third Quarter

Third Quarter moon: Now we do the final adjustments to the seeds we planted on new. The final call, the final letters to send, we follow all the trails that came up that still make sense. And we let the other parts lay fallow. It is a time of action but wise action. It is a time for living “The serenity prayer”

God, grant me the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change
Courage to change the
things I can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference.


Focus on: Acting on Loans and debts, sharing resources. Legal maneuvers, taxes and death. Considering how to get more resources from other places that will help your cause. Feeling the need to push again.

Push, push, push - where? I've been okay coasting - why the
push? Oh, and Happy New Year!

January 4 2008
1:06am


Balsamic: We release. We let go. We prune, we discard, we ditch stuff. We house clean. The things that no longer work, we let them out of our life. We release so we can clear our unconscious and dream. We prepare our unconscious to be ready for the next New Moon.

Focus on: Releasing money stuff, debt stuff, fears around loans. Fears around surgery. Fears around power. Fears around people who act like vampires. They can no longer suck you dry, release them.

What, what, whaaaaa??

January 7, 2008
6:48pm
Mercury enters Aquarius

http://www.nickcampion.com/nc/planets/planetsandsigns/mercuryaquarius.html


Capricorn New Moon
January 8, 2008
1:36am
17 Cap 33

And then, it's almost birthday time. The 13th -
maybe the cresent? Or still too early? *sigh*

Links to Think

http://www.shesdreamingindigital.com/holidayhelper/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhetoric

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

http://organic.org/

http://www.how-to-meditate.org/

http://www.somcla.org/

So yeah. Thus my copying, thus the simple tag of oracle.

Let me see - and be aware, and ENJOY all that comes my way - carry me downstream to my birthday - I guess if I'm just along for the ride, I'm still coasting, eh?

ETA: I posted this, and then went to look at it (and I'm glad I did, as the font was doing something wonky) and this was the quote on the front page.

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness
for it shows me the stars. ~ Og Mandino

Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Gotcha.