J said - The battle begins....

I know...five entries in one day.. but HEY! I'm in pain and I have alot to say


Funny...it's funny how I can ignore stuff for so long and then just POP out and accept the fact.

In my last entry I said that I was overweight. I think that is the first time that I have said that with perfect acceptance. It isn't a fact that makes me a worse person. It isn't something that indicaes my weaknesses of character..it is something about me that is me at this point..and it doesn't have to define me forever..because it is something that can be changed.


And I think that I've ALMOST accepted the fact that it won't happen overnight.. and it WON'T happen without alot of effort..and that I am the only one who can do it.

The last time I was skinny was when I was 5... and somehow between then and 8 I balloned...and have stayed that way ever since. Yeah.. I would drop a few pounds here and there...but gain that back right away.

I think the fact that I am getting weaker.. or that more often I am demanding more of my body than it is willing to take is blowing my mind. I'm not doing that much more.. so clearly I'm getting weaker.

and for once..I actully have the DESIRE to do it.. i want to work out.. I want to get on those weights and do squats and sit ups and bench presses and triceps curls until I'm shivering and even weaker. I look forward to that achy muscle pain that says yessss I HAVE been worked out... I'm eager and ready to get stronger..and gain more endurance.. and discover layers of scuplting on me that I never knew I had...


Everyone says that at some point. you reach your breaking point.. where you take a stand and say NO MORE.. I'm not going to look like this.. I'm not going to be like this anymore...I think that I have finally gotten there....I hope I can stay here ....


J.