J said - Inertia

Lately I have been fascinated by homeless people. You know, the ones who walk around the streets of any big city, drunk & dirty, talking to themselves or anyone else who will listen. I wonder about them, what brought them tot hat point? What would it take to bring them back to where most of the world considers to be a normal life? Are they ashamed of being homeless? Do they dislike the state that they are in? Or are they even aware of the state that they are in?

Once...if I get enough free time, and the sun starts staying up longer, I want to photograph these people.. whose folks who stand at the bus station and we turn our heads from.. the ones we lie to and say ‘no...I don’t have any change’ the ones we look down on and ask.. why can’t they get a job. I want to know their stories…are they really drunkards? Are thy really drug addicts?? Or did that come later, after they had been on the streets? After they had been spit on, and cussed out, and laughed at? Did the simple misery of no longer being a ‘real’ person drive them to this point…or did they start from a low state and sink even lower?

I wonder if they would mind speaking to me…if I brought them some food, or offered them some money…I wonder if they would mind me photographing them in their states of misery…I wonder what it would take to put me where they are…and I’m afraid to find out that it wouldn’t take much at all….



I like the OD…I like the fact that my writing is always neat and understandable. I don’t even really mind that I and one or two other people seem to be the only ones reading this. Why? Because it is my catharsis...my self expression.. I can sit here and talk about things that I have never said before… perhaps because I couldn’t.. perhaps because I wasn’t ready to…

I find myself on the bus thinking about things that I can write about in here...things that I can share with myself. It’s incredible how the things that are a part of me, things that I KNOW without a doubt...aren’t really fully explored until I write them down.


My “I get so Lonely’ entry is so true...because I’m so alone. It’s scary, because I realize that I don’t really have any hanging partners.. folx that I can call and kick it with. I suppose you could say that I don’t have a life. *laughs* I go to work, I go home, I eat, I sleep…I wake up and do it all over again. Yet, there is so much more that I want to do…but I have no one to do it with.. and yeah...there are some things that I like to do by myself.. like go to the movies.. go to a bookstore.. go to a museum...go to a performance...but then there are things that sometimes you just WANT to share with someone. Not always a S.O., but just some human being. I miss my friends...they used to be here.. and most of the folx at work are too old. They are interested in totally different things than I am. So where do I turn? Why.. to my net friends of course…I talk to them...tell them about all that sort of stuff…yet still don’t do it.

I need some initiative pills…something that will make me get offa my ass and DO something…but I’m usually so tired, or so broke, or so drained, that I just don’t have the ENERGY to do anything…I tell my self...if I had a car.. I would do more…true & not true…if I had a car I might have a wider range of movement, but having a car would bankrupt me I’m sure. *grins* and of course before I get a car I need to learn how to drive…and Of course that means getting my learners permit...and of course that means dealing with those ass holes at the DMV.

I think that I have so much potential…but I always need an outside push to get e going…

I need to learn how to push myself…I need goals. *laughs*